Today, I decided it was time to start looking for my own place... - FML

By anonymous - 5/5/2015 06:42 - United States - Lakeland

Today, I decided it was time to start looking for my own place and finally gain my full independence. My mom agreed happily without hesitation, which was surprising, but not anywhere near as surprising as finding out I have one day to get my shit together and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29328

You deserved it

3208

Tweet

Share

Dangling modifier

Goodbye Bill

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By Anonymous - 23/4/2020 20:00

Freudian slip

Today, I accidentally sent a very sexually explicit message to my online class because I thought I was typing in a different window. You can't delete messages. FML

I agree, your life sucks

809

You deserved it

2166

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/3/2011 15:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on Facebook, looking at pictures from a party I went to. In most of them, I was sitting on the sofa, my shorts bunched to the side, with half my vajayjay on show. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21739

You deserved it

67128

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/4/2012 17:47 - United States

Today, while my mom was driving me to work, we drove past a lake with an old wooden dock. She stopped the car, pointed and said, "Some guy fucked me right there. I got a splinter in my butt, though, so we finished in his car." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42089

You deserved it

3274

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/11/2019 05:45

Alone

Today, I was feeling really down and decided to text a friend to vent to someone about it. Then I realized, I don’t have any friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1931

You deserved it

277

Tweet

Share

By shitty situation - 28/1/2013 23:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25882

You deserved it

2957

Tweet

Share

By bad friend - 22/10/2019 05:00 - United States - Monterey Park

Hissy fit incoming!

Today, my boyfriend’s female "best friend" hates me for absolutely no other reason other than she, "just doesn’t get along with girls." Boyfriend doesn’t see a problem with this, and insists I should just accept it since, "that’s just how she is." Time to throw the whole man away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1764

You deserved it

300

Tweet

Share

By KalaKa - 20/12/2014 20:45 - United States

Today, I sent my girlfriend a long-overdue message telling her I feel like she doesn't really care about me any more, that it seems like she only ever calls me when she needs money, and that I'm even starting to suspect she may be cheating on me. 14 hours later, she replied: "TL;DR". FML

I agree, your life sucks

31830

You deserved it

3763

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/6/2019 00:01

Today, my 16-year-old cousin told me she was "late." When I asked if she could be pregnant, she said no, because, "you can't get pregnant the first time you have sex." I ended up having to give her the sex talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2361

You deserved it

185

Tweet

Share

By asshole - 19/4/2020 20:00

Doing his part

Today, I found out that while I was at my job as an "essential" employee, my laid-off boyfriend was at home banging the landlord's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2427

You deserved it

150

Tweet

Share

By amiezingme - 26/7/2013 13:09 - United States - Swansboro

Today, my boyfriend's dream came true; he had always wanted to break a bed during sex. The bed he broke was a heirloom in my family for 150 years. The best part: he was by himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63975

You deserved it

5513

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/6/2009 11:11 - United States

Today, I was reading through a local wedding mag's advice page. A mother-in-law to be was writing about how to handle wanting her son to break off his engagement. I thought, "Wow. That must suck. I'm glad I like my mother-in-law to be." And then I saw her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74627

You deserved it

3450

Tweet

Share

By LadyJ - 21/3/2012 00:23 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I had to tell a parent about her son kicking a boy in his class. She blamed me for not watching him. I wasn't watching him because I was turned around to care for another boy he had hit right before that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30530

You deserved it

2111

Tweet

Share

By ipopnlok - 29/6/2009 06:31 - Australia

Today, I planned a romantic dinner with rose petals, the whole lot, for my ex-girlfriend to win her back. When I took her to my house I told her to guess what I had planned, to which she replied "I hope it's not a stupid romantic dinner with rose petals and shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56578

You deserved it

14726

Tweet

Share

By gl0b3suck0r - 8/5/2012 16:41 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my pet mouse demonstrated that he has bigger balls than my boyfriend, by running across the dinner table and eating off his plate, all while he jumped out of his chair, screaming like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24302

You deserved it

4585

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/8/2012 18:33 - United States - Auburn

Today, I had to explain to my teacher that Czechoslovakia is no longer a country. She kicked me out of class when she found out I was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32078

You deserved it

2114

Tweet

Share

By ch - 4/3/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, my grandmother patched up my $300, vintage, limited edition, designer jeans because she thought I'd accidentally ripped them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41209

You deserved it

90076

Tweet

Share

By shenmas - 8/7/2018 19:00

Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4204

You deserved it

245

Tweet

Share

By bgierczak2 - 31/8/2015 04:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my wallet was stolen from my purse at work. When I asked my boss to pull the security tape so we could identify the thief, he said, "I don't think I want to know who it is." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27676

You deserved it

1685

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/12/2014 22:42 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, my 7-year-old daughter loudly asked in the middle of the supermarket, "Mummy, what's a cunt?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

34037

You deserved it

3875

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/7/2015 03:29 - United States - Panora

Today, I took an online IQ test, even though I knew they give everyone unrealistically high scores. My score was 73. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23545

You deserved it

5462

Tweet

Share

By callmeclarence - 23/6/2014 05:41 - United States - Valencia

Today, I took my clothes off for a shower at an RV campsite. I started running the water when I noticed there was a pack of hornets in the bathroom. I stood there, stark naked, waiting for a chance to get out, for four hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42956

You deserved it

5576

Tweet

Share

By nilssonfan - 17/11/2010 08:08 - United States

Today, I bought one of my favorite albums from when I was growing up. When I looked at the liner notes, I learned that my favorite song on the album wasn't about taking a bath, but about going to a brothel. My second-favorite isn't about moving, but about suicide. My childhood just shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27677

You deserved it

5857

Tweet

Share

By replaced - 22/2/2016 03:03 - United States - Marietta

Today, my boss fired me because his girlfriend wanted the job I had. She has no experience whatsoever in my line of work, it was just his "anniversary present" for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28043

You deserved it

1639

Tweet

Share

By explanations - 14/6/2013 06:48 - United States - Des Plaines

Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80436

You deserved it

7851

Tweet

Share

By metalmusic - 5/7/2010 05:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend went to the beach. His parents relentlessly tried to hook him with other girls, all the while knowing that we're dating. Their reasoning is that I'm not a 'real girlfriend.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

39799

You deserved it

4385

Tweet

Share

By Quirk - 29/10/2009 05:17 - United States

Today, in class, everyone read my Creative Writing submission. It was a touching story about the unconditional love that exists between dog and his owner. Everybody unanimously agreed that it was probably about bestiality. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33140

You deserved it

6955

Tweet

Share

By Anon - 10/3/2011 15:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend did the Austin Powers dance/strip-tease while dancing to 'I Touch Myself'. It was cute until he ripped off his shirt and revealed that he'd shaved his chest hair in the shape of a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51644

You deserved it

9470

Tweet

Share

By lgt5628 - 26/9/2014 23:58 - United States - Miami

Today, a man approached my delivery van and asked for change for a $5 bill. I guess I should've expected him to grab the change and run off with the extra money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32608

You deserved it

6598

Tweet

Share

By busted - 22/9/2012 21:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my parents that I have a boyfriend. I was answering their questions about him, when my dad cut me off mid-sentence. He accused me of lying through my teeth, and said I'd based him off a character from a Harrison Ford movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25324

You deserved it

3242

Tweet

Share

By Annon - 26/11/2011 11:38 - Australia

Today, the recycling bin caught fire. My little brother was "experimenting" with his magnifying glass, set an egg carton on fire and didn't realise you had to put it out before throwing it in the bin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25716

You deserved it

2460

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/4/2009 10:42 - United States

Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally, I'll lick spilled drinks off my arms and being slightly intoxicated, I did. Then I realized it was chunky. The girl dancing next to us had puked everywhere and I licked her vomit off my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32912

You deserved it

114781

Tweet

Share

By hylianprincess - 25/9/2014 11:19 - United States

Today, my mother is so overdramatic that her response to finding out I lost a friend's book was that I should fake my own death rather than fess up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34601

You deserved it

3246

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/2/2013 07:01 - United States

Today, I actually considered my boyfriend romantic and deserving of an award when he didn't fart after sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38783

You deserved it

6676

Tweet

Share

By bodhimae - 3/5/2009 07:15 - France

Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter decided that daddy needed an ear cleaning. With all the grace of toddler-hood, she stabbed me in the eardrum with a Q-tip. Now I can't hear her coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22954

You deserved it

2342

Tweet

Share

By say my name - 1/7/2012 01:35

Today, I was having sex with the guy I've been in love with for years. I moaned, "say my name." He didn't know it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38188

You deserved it

11341

Tweet

Share

By sting - 3/6/2017 04:00

Winds of change

Today, I stepped on a glue trap for scorpions. Bare foot. There was a scorpion already caught on it. It wasn't dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4939

You deserved it

697

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 27/2/2012 23:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I had my girlfriend over at my parents for dinner. When we were done, my dad went around to collect all the dirty plates and stacked them on his arm. When he got to my girlfriend, the weight became too much and he and the plates fell on top of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31627

You deserved it

2946

Tweet

Share

By Fv-day - 14/2/2010 16:32 - United States

Today, I received a notice that my boyfriend had given me a rose via Happy Aquarium on Facebook. It came with a date cancellation so that he and his friends could play BioShock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25529

You deserved it

4624

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/5/2015 16:46 - United Kingdom - Loughton

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I sneezed so hard that my head shot forward and smashed against his, sending his head backwards against the wall. He ended up with a concussion, and I still feel like someone hit me over the head with a chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28679

You deserved it

3781

Tweet

Share

By monster in law. - 17/12/2014 07:35 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36149

You deserved it

3402

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By _parth | 20

#6282307 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 16:36

Well, then get your shit together.

By willyjac | 17

#6282309 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 16:37

I wonder if she was planning on kicking you out, that's a bit ironic..

COMMENTS

By _parth | 20

#6282307 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 16:36

Well, then get your shit together.

Reply

TheBelt | 19

#6282653 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 23:56

Time to start taking my "shit" for the sewer now.

By willyjac | 17

#6282309 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 16:37

I wonder if she was planning on kicking you out, that's a bit ironic..

Reply

EarlFug | 19

#6282857 - Wednesday 6 May 2015 4:02

Sorry, what's ironic about that?

By LittleMissShadow | 16

#6282311 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 16:38

Because that doesn't add to the already stressful process at all...

By jennaclaire13 | 22

#6282312 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 16:38

might wanna hurry and find an apartment

By DecisiveBull | 9

#6282314 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 16:39

Move out into the world is a big step, hopefully you can convince her to give you enough time.
Don't screw it up.

By Welshite | 39

#6282315 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 16:39

Start collecting the toilet contents then. You might have better luck dipping straight into the sewer lines.

By Nakomai | 17

#6282321 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 16:43

Maybe she's just hurt and lashing out.

Reply

pizzas_awesome | 18

#6282325 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 16:48

That's still no reason to basically kick op out.

Reply

elusiveshame | 22

#6282331 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 16:54

Not everyone is rational and react different to each situation. It may have been an instant reaction that was reversed once she had time to think about it.

Remember, you're seeing a brief description of the actual issue, and only one side.

Reply

kirasant | 19

#6282346 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 17:33

I agree, OPs mom is probably reacting out of hurt, but that's not an excuse. When you have kids, you have to control those impulses and behave maturely when you don't want to. To basically tell your kid GTFO just because they're growing up is ridiculous and not okay.

By venomousflower | 24

#6282326 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 16:50

It's time to buckle down and get to work

By elusiveshame | 22

#6282328 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 16:53

That's a bit extreme to cut contact with the OPs mother. I feel bad for anyone that has a misunderstanding with you, especially when you jump to the utmost ridiculous conclusion.

By RickySleeves | 20

#6282332 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 16:55

Don't take it personally. She's probably just extremely excited for you.