Today, my mom gave me my Christmas gift. It was a letter containing...

By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 08:27 - United States

Today, my mom gave me my Christmas gift. It was a letter containing $200 and a note saying, "Here's the down payment for your apartment, please just move out already." I turned 18 last week. Thanks mom. FML

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Money

Billy no-mates

Trust

The end of the road

By smokin - 26/7/2011 21:22 - United States

Today, someone had the unique opportunity to be able to say to me, "Excuse me, your pants are on fire." FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2019 22:00

Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML

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By mrtoolate - 19/6/2016 08:58 - India - Pune

Today, after a lifetime of being single, my parents finally found me a nice, intelligent, pretty girl. I was really excited, until she backed out on me when she found out our star signs don't match. FML

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By rejected - 13/4/2012 05:09 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my girlfriend saw the name "Melissa" on my phone's contact list. After refusing to tell her who it was, she accused me of being a cheater, broke up with me and stormed out of my house. Melissa is the name of a woman from Craigslist who was going to sell me an antique engagement ring. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/8/2016 15:31 - United States - Middleboro

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by handing me a ring and saying "Let's get this dumb shit over and done with." FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2013 22:00 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, a man wearing a Santa hat stumbled out of a bar, staggered over to my car, and vomited through the open window into my lap. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/2/2017 22:00 - United States - Greensburg

Today, I was on my way to college when I got in a car wreck with none other than my professor. My car was totaled and couldn't drive, but his could so I missed class, but he still made it. The end result? He marked me as an "unexcused absence" and gave me a zero. The accident was his fault. FML

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By watch_corn_dance - 8/4/2014 02:13 - United States - Pontiac

Today, I was being shown how to use a nail gun while applying for a job at a construction company. The instructor shot me in the arm with it. I didn't even get the job. FML

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By tracie - 22/9/2010 00:00 - United States

Today, I took my dogs to an empty park. While they were running around, I laid down in the grass to read a book. Someone thought I was a dead body and called the cops. The police and paramedics showed up. This is the second time it's happened. FML

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By Anon - 12/1/2012 19:24 - United States

Today, I tried to give my friend a fist bump. He thought I was trying to punch him so he punched me in the face. FML

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By verycre8tive - 21/5/2009 07:31 - Romania

Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML

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By WhenRumoursAreBetterThanReality - 26/6/2014 11:35 - Australia - Belconnen

Today, I got a call from a friend asking why I didn't tell him I was engaged. I'm not, but I wish I was. Rumours about my life seem to be better than the reality. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/1/2011 21:23 - United States

Today, I rode home alone on a train. I accidentally missed my stop, but wasn't worried about it. My mom did not share my optimism and actually called the train company, saying that I was "lost" and "special". They thought she meant I was retarded. They wouldn't believe me when I said I wasn't. FML

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By dramateach11 - 3/4/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, I was trying to get drama students to attempt to make themselves cry. I was not having any luck, until suddenly a girl burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. I jumped up to applaud, saying what a wonderful thing it is to have such expressive kids. Turns out her grandma just died. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were exchanging some naughty pictures. I accidentally sent one to everybody on my contacts, including my ex, my boss, and even Pizza Hut. FML

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By UkuleleTime - 23/6/2015 08:07 - United States - Garner

Today, after walking in on my roommate, I found out that pleasuring yourself with a shoe is a thing. It wouldn't have been so bad if the shoe hadn't been mine. FML

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By crosscountryfatigue - 19/9/2018 12:00

Today, with one week left until I fly to my new apartment, movers loaded my belongings and happily drove off. They even loaded my unpacked, inflated air mattress. Looks like I'm sleeping on the floor for a week. FML

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By AstonBrown - 15/6/2016 17:53 - United States - Cleveland

Today, a strong storm knocked the power out at our office. I was dismissed five hours early, had my desk locked up and was walking toward the doors to leave when the power came back on. FML

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By brokenrainbow. - 31/12/2010 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally discovered the reason my front room smelt funny. My dog, thinking the Christmas tree was real, has been peeing on it for the past two weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2019 06:01

Cool kid

Today, I found out why everyone stares at my car when I turn a corner. My power steering squeals, and it sounds like a screaming child. I don't have enough money to fix it right now. FML

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By cameltoeyourface - 26/7/2010 00:42 - United States

Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2017 20:00

Today, my dad described our security cameras recording a stranger stealing money from his car, and then called me unhealthy and paranoid for locking my car all the time. My car is usually parked right next to his. FML

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By plasticfantastic - 25/4/2009 12:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I met this guy I really liked at a party. We got chatting and then hit the dance floor. We had a "moment" and I went in to kiss him. He shot forward with his tongue already out. His eyes were open. FML

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By BURGERT0WN USA - 10/1/2016 19:46 - United States - Redmond

Today, I texted the girl I'm going to homecoming with in a couple days to say hi. The conversation started OK, but then morphed into her saying that she doesn't feel anything between us, and wants to stop being friends after the dance. I have to buy her dinner and a ticket, out of my own wallet. FML

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By RingRing - 11/12/2010 07:12 - United States

Today, I was about to get on stage for a choir concert, and realized I had no where to put my phone. Running out of time, I tucked it in the front of my dress and got on stage. I should have put it on silent first. FML

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By ~~~~ - 27/5/2016 18:45 - Belgium - Hemiksem

Today, my boyfriend added me to his friends' private Whatsapp group, after weeks of asking him to include me in more of his life. It turns out almost all they do is post pictures of their shits and rate them. There is nearly a year's worth of pictures. FML

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By DatAss - 15/1/2016 10:56

Today, I was out grocery shopping when some pervert decided to slap my ass as they walked by. As I turned around to confront them, I saw that the culprit was a 7 or 8-year-old boy. I was so shocked, speechless and angry that I couldn't even decide how to handle the situation. FML

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By preggo - 1/8/2011 01:16 - United States

Today, someone asked when my baby was due. I'm not pregnant, but I was so embarrassed to be mistaken for a pregnant lady that I rubbed my tummy and said "December." FML

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By pinkjade - 25/10/2011 07:17 - Canada

Today, I was napping. I woke up to my pillow making some sounds. Thinking it was my head shifting my pillow, I went back to sleep. Later on I woke up to the sounds again, and a mouse staring at my face. FML

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By don't get paid enough for this - 11/7/2015 02:20 - United States - Youngstown

Today, while at my shitty, minimum wage job at McDonalds, a guy walked out of the bathroom. He said "Good luck in there." worriedly, then left. I don't know if it was his handiwork, but it looked like a shit grenade had detonated. It was even on the walls. FML

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By Marjorie - 13/7/2012 17:08 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my eight-year-old son. He broke his arm after jumping out through the second story window. He was too impatient to walk to the ice cream van pulling up outside. FML

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By Baldy - 3/4/2011 09:16 - New Zealand

Today, my wife told me that she was leaving me for someone with more hair. FML

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By - 25/2/2020 22:00

Her revenge

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She then proceeded to ask for all the gifts she gave me for Christmas back. FML

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By Murphy - 26/8/2018 03:30

Today, I bought ingredients for one of my favorite meals and went home to take a nap. When I woke up, my sister had cooked them for everyone else in the house, who ate it all without me. I was told that I shouldn't be angry, but instead proud of my adult sister because, "She cooked!" FML

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By Pain - 28/6/2010 23:37 - United States

Today, I accidentally dropped my cigarette down my shirt. There are now two unsightly, painful burns right in the center of my chest. FML

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By BoringFucker - 6/2/2012 21:52 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend openly mocked me, calling me an idiot for thinking seahorses are real. She insists that they're like unicorns, and only exist in fiction. FML

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By Mina - 8/5/2019 14:00

Today, my son came home from school with a catastrophic report card. When I asked him for explanations, he replied, "I'm hesitating between family environment and heredity." FML

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By wench - 23/12/2010 20:39 - United States

Today, while driving, I idly started picking my nose. I looked over at the car next to me and saw a smoking hot guy from my school staring at me in disgust. He kept staring until I took a turn-off. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2017 21:00 - Canada - Jansen

Today, I was talking to a girl online and she stopped talking to me abruptly after seeing my picture. FML

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By LilShawty2000 - 24/2/2009 05:30 - United States

Today, I went to chill with my best guy friend and his girlfriend, whom I recently met after I moved to the area. After a few beers, my buddy leaned over and tried to make out with me. I quickly backed up and shockingly looked over at his girlfriend to expect the same reaction. She winked. FML

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Top comments

By Laurendorcus | 0

#1890535 - Saturday 25 December 2010 17:10

Wow, where can you get an apartment that only has a $200 down payment? (where I live at least) Down payments are usually $800-$1400 even for a one bedroom. FYL because your mom wants to kick you out of her home and into the ghetto. lol

By AnonymousTrue | 0

#1890489 - Saturday 25 December 2010 17:02

That's horrible! You're still 18! I don't understand why some parents are so eager to have their children gone.

COMMENTS

By cole86 | 0

#1890481 - Saturday 25 December 2010 17:01

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

PurpleSleep | 0

#1890728 - Saturday 25 December 2010 18:09

She's trying to make you more of a man, having your own place is awesome.

Rehn | 0

#1890838 - Saturday 25 December 2010 18:58

that's not bad. moving away is the best thing u can do :)

IndianForLife | 0

#1891162 - Saturday 25 December 2010 20:40

YDI. That is why we live with our parents in India.

brianjman14 | 22

#1891192 - Saturday 25 December 2010 21:00

OP, if it'll make you feel any better, I got an iPhone 4 for Christmas. :)

chewbacca69 | 0

#1891352 - Saturday 25 December 2010 22:08

49 can you shut the fuck up nobody gives a shit about India.

LOLSMILEYFACE331 | 0

#1891605 - Sunday 26 December 2011 1:01

if it will make YOU feel better, I got it the day it came out;)

brianjman14 | 22

#1892037 - Sunday 26 December 2011 4:28

No, that did NOT make me feel better. :(

silvermoonstar3 | 2

#1894133 - Monday 27 December 2011 0:33

$200.00? It's around $1,500 here!

farhad55 | 1

#2556731 - Tuesday 24 May 2011 6:38

I woulda been long gone if I had the money

NattyB123 | 8

#3945460 - Thursday 26 January 2012 14:03

27. Where did it say op was a man???

By Stephhxbabyy | 0

#1890485 - Saturday 25 December 2010 17:01

lol damn that sucks .

Slayerfan408 | 6

#1890929 - Saturday 25 December 2010 19:28

lol most parents just kick you out not give u 200 dollar downpayment

By AnonymousTrue | 0

#1890489 - Saturday 25 December 2010 17:02

That's horrible! You're still 18! I don't understand why some parents are so eager to have their children gone.

nexttimeblue | 0

#1890581 - Saturday 25 December 2010 17:22

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

ayleyyasuko | 0

#1891259 - Saturday 25 December 2010 21:35

I do and I still don't understand.

Bobissmall | 13

#1891477 - Saturday 25 December 2010 23:46

It's worse in England, some kids are kicked out age 16.

brianjman14 | 22

#1892042 - Sunday 26 December 2011 4:30

Shut up, Lee. :)

By boomsl4ng | 11

#1890490 - Saturday 25 December 2010 17:02

thats really bad!! do you even have a job?? or had plans to move out? fyl and merry xmas!

By FreeRunn3r | 12

#1890497 - Saturday 25 December 2010 17:04

really? I'm sry want a tissue?

p3mguin | 7

#3720496 - Monday 12 December 2011 14:09

I need a tissue for your spelling. Like come on, sorry?

By sammy432 | 0

#1890509 - Saturday 25 December 2010 17:05

That sucks! Sorry OP! Hope you can get into a college and move out of that place after HS!

lovecartman | 0

#1890885 - Saturday 25 December 2010 19:14

we have the same birthday:)

sammy432 | 0

#1892023 - Sunday 26 December 2011 4:16

awesome(:

By SabyTheDevil | 0

#1890517 - Saturday 25 December 2010 17:06

wow u must be a I'm the ass! :P

LuxAeterna_fml | 0

#1890783 - Saturday 25 December 2010 18:33

Right..?

OhShuttup | 0

#1895450 - Monday 27 December 2011 10:44

you're an ass?

By Laurendorcus | 0

#1890535 - Saturday 25 December 2010 17:10

JeWbOy101 | 11

#5423725 - Wednesday 27 March 2013 23:13

Lmfao I was thinking the same thing. I wish 200 was a down payment here

By harry_potter_luv | 0

#1890539 - Saturday 25 December 2010 17:11

aww that really sucks! merry christmas though :)

By Babushka_Homyak | 10

#1890541 - Saturday 25 December 2010 17:11

OP, just take the money and GTFO while you still can.