Today, I caught my girlfriend Googling how to uninstall Siri. I asked why she wanted to do that, and she said, "I don't like it. I don't like how the slut talks to you." I get the feeling I'll need a gun when I break up with this crazy fucker. FML
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Top comments
By
LunaaBluee
| 27
If you've begun to call her a 'crazy fucker' then maybe you should break up with her now.
By
MrSassypants
| 32
Maybe you shouldn't have told Siri to call you by the name "Sex Machine".
COMMENTS
By
3molliver3
| 16
One word: Run.
Reply
chillandfun
| 12
And don't look back.
Reply
Erebus_Terror
| 12
Into your arms?
Reply
blazingshot147
| 19
Many years of anime have taught me that running never works, they usually find you. There is no escape!
By
MrSassypants
| 32
Maybe you shouldn't have told Siri to call you by the name "Sex Machine".
Reply
Tthug
| 34
My roommate's iPhone calls him Saigon whore.
Reply
jake_braves
| 25
My brother's calls him Bilbo Baggins..except he's not short.
Reply
barfcannon
| 24
Watch out with that because i applied to a million jobs and got no response because my email said it was from Lord Scappin
Reply
mstoock
| 12
#39 Ohh my god, crap really? I got mine to call me 'Boss Ass Bitch' ....
By
emmalouise89
| 16
wow sorry op she's crazy
By
Cupcake040
| 17
Well whenever do you break up with her put on of those dog trackers on you at all times so your friends and family know what basement shes holding you in.
By
Jasim
| 17
And the award for the Overly Attached Girlfriend of the year goes to...
Reply
vreid
| 20
Siri
By
HarleyBlues
| 24
Well, her voice does sound pretty erotic.
By
LunaaBluee
| 27
If you've begun to call her a 'crazy fucker' then maybe you should break up with her now.
Reply
Som3Rand0mGam3r
| 9
he needs a gun first '-'
Reply
jake_braves
| 25
7, that's what I was thinking too.
Reply
Brandi_Faith
| 33
I agree 7, why bother putting it off and holding a crazy person around?
Reply
photographer49
| 22
#7 But be honest, after hearing that, would you be in a rush to break up with her?
Reply
Iceberg86300
| 14
Thought the same exact thing. HOPEFULLY the “when I break up with her” means he intends to do swiftly after making his escape plan, which I really hope doesn't include a gun. That's a recipe for spending the rest of your life in jail.
Probably 99.9% joking, but hey, this is FML. So some advice for the not so bright bulbs out there: NEVER buy a gun in preparation for a volatile situation when you can avoid physically putting yourself in said situation altogether. However, using this FML as example, if she's a gun nut then by all means go arm yourself, but still stay the hell away from her and use any means except a face to face for the breakup.
Probably 99.9% joking, but hey, this is FML. So some advice for the not so bright bulbs out there: NEVER buy a gun in preparation for a volatile situation when you can avoid physically putting yourself in said situation altogether. However, using this FML as example, if she's a gun nut then by all means go arm yourself, but still stay the hell away from her and use any means except a face to face for the breakup.
By
Devindelon
| 17
Siri is quite the temptress.
Reply
thespiantess
| 18
OP's girlfriend might have taken the movie "Her" a bit too seriously.
By
CaliCassanova
| 14
You know Siri wants it she's all locked up in that phone, just waiting for you to let her out so she can stretch her legs hahaha
Reply
AnthraxPrincess
| 18
And spread them, apparently.
Reply
cccook1547
| 14
On a serious note, I told Siri "**** you" and she said "yes please"
Reply
laden_swallow09
| 34
"I'm sorry, but I'm not that kind of assistant."
"There's no need for that."
"Now, now."
What iOS version do you have? Either you're a liar, or my game with electronics is shot to hell.
"There's no need for that."
"Now, now."
What iOS version do you have? Either you're a liar, or my game with electronics is shot to hell.
By
DA_JUDGE123
| 21
You need to pull out now man. She sounds like a crazy bitch