One word: Run.

And don't look back.

Into your arms?

Many years of anime have taught me that running never works, they usually find you. There is no escape!

Maybe you shouldn't have told Siri to call you by the name "Sex Machine".

My roommate's iPhone calls him Saigon whore.

My brother's calls him Bilbo Baggins..except he's not short.

Watch out with that because i applied to a million jobs and got no response because my email said it was from Lord Scappin

#39 Ohh my god, crap really? I got mine to call me 'Boss Ass Bitch' ....

wow sorry op she's crazy

Well whenever do you break up with her put on of those dog trackers on you at all times so your friends and family know what basement shes holding you in.

And the award for the Overly Attached Girlfriend of the year goes to...

Siri

Well, her voice does sound pretty erotic.

If you've begun to call her a 'crazy fucker' then maybe you should break up with her now.

he needs a gun first '-'

7, that's what I was thinking too.

I agree 7, why bother putting it off and holding a crazy person around?

#7 But be honest, after hearing that, would you be in a rush to break up with her?

Thought the same exact thing. HOPEFULLY the “when I break up with her” means he intends to do swiftly after making his escape plan, which I really hope doesn't include a gun. That's a recipe for spending the rest of your life in jail.

Probably 99.9% joking, but hey, this is FML. So some advice for the not so bright bulbs out there: NEVER buy a gun in preparation for a volatile situation when you can avoid physically putting yourself in said situation altogether. However, using this FML as example, if she's a gun nut then by all means go arm yourself, but still stay the hell away from her and use any means except a face to face for the breakup.

Siri is quite the temptress.

OP's girlfriend might have taken the movie "Her" a bit too seriously.

You know Siri wants it she's all locked up in that phone, just waiting for you to let her out so she can stretch her legs hahaha

And spread them, apparently.

On a serious note, I told Siri "**** you" and she said "yes please"

"I'm sorry, but I'm not that kind of assistant."

"There's no need for that."

"Now, now."

What iOS version do you have? Either you're a liar, or my game with electronics is shot to hell.

You need to pull out now man. She sounds like a crazy bitch