Laura
Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Same thing different taste
catbum
Regina, Canada
Today, I accidentally shoved my finger up my cat's butt while trying to push him off my nightstand in the dark. FML
Anonymous
Oldest trick in the book
Today, I have to admit I sometimes snoop in my daughter's room, but she must have realised this because she has started laying booby traps for me. I'm currently in the ER getting fishing hooks removed from my hand after she taped them to a mousetrap and left the mousetrap inside her desk drawer. I deserve it but, FML
upliftmofo
Belgium
Today, I discovered my cat frequently licks my toothbrush. FML
BeatenUpPup
Canada
Today, my daughter and I were at a school carnival. At the face painting station, she sat down and asked for a kitty on her face. Next, she shoved me on a chair and whispered something into the lady's ear. I ended up with a 'black eye' by request of my own daughter. She's 4. FML
...
San Francisco, United States
Home improvement
Today, I found my 6 year-old daughter upstairs, lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving, "the carpet a haircut." FML
gbabyy
United States
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Ihatestraycats
Apex predator
Today, after we finished making my 6 year-old daughter a net to catch an injured baby bird, when she went out to catch it she witnessed a stray cat catch and eat it. FML
maruskasommers
Czech Republic
Today, I came home with a friend to find my mom scratching my dad's butt with a fork. FML
Anonymous
Primitive art
Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML
Anonymous
Oshawa, Canada
Today, I caught my sister eating crayons. She's 19. FML
Top comments
dillies 3
maybe she thought it was a pencil sharpener?
FerrariCake 2
You didnt say how old your daughter is. That matters. If she is 6 years old, this behavior indicates the child should see a therapist. If she is 19 years old, this behavior indicates she should contact a **** talent agency.
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Comments (149)
frozzenhart 0
#2 no!!! kids like to stick things up ******* !!! LOL
unlucky90 4
rofl...I can understand why she wanted to do that. haha, kids....
ursopinky 0
lolzz hahaha sounds liek fun
0opsie 6
"Today, my owner's kid tried to stick pencils up my ass. FML."
xStiina 0
she's sharpening the pencil.
Cyosaric 0
Did you clean it's butthole?
KinkyKittyStyle 0
WTF??? o.o
elysium20 0
I think you need to have a talk with your daughter, because in most social circles that is frowned upon, and explain to me how the hell she got the cat to stay still to allow this horrific procedure to take place?!
ChibiChibi_fml 28
Well the OP did say her daughter was "attempting" to stick pencils up the cats but so maybe the only reason it was an attempt and not a success was because the cat wasn't staying still. Just a thought, I could be wrong.
iSpasticFantasti 14
#62 Tehe emphasis on 'most', I don't know why she'd be showcasing such a interest/fetish though... By the way, what you wrote reminded me of one of Johnny Depps lines in the movie "Willy Wonka". Forgive me if I quote this wrong. "Everything in this room is edible, heck, even I'M edible! But that would be cannabilism, children, and it is frowned upon in most societies".
jckbco 0
my dog doesn't see the problem
hotair10 9
LMAO
JumpinJacks_fml 0
I said, what what?