Today, I canceled my dental check-up because I'm getting busy... - FML

By Anonymous - 17/11/2009 16:56 - Canada

Today, I canceled my dental check-up because I'm getting busy at work. Then, as I was flossing, my finger slipped, I heard a "crunch" from one of my fillings, and I now have a killer toothache. It's costing me double to go to the dentist because it's now an emergency call. FML

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Family values

Boozehound

Hello everyone!

By FML - 5/10/2014 23:30 - United States - Houston

Today, I got robbed. I just moved so I didn't have much in my new house. They did decide that my cat was valuable enough to steal. FML

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By theuglyone - 14/11/2016 19:40 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for a girl he met through me. I shouldn't feel bad. Apparently, she's exactly like me, only much prettier. FML

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By Rowansgonnarow - 5/7/2014 20:19

Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML

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By aricababyy - 29/12/2016 05:09 - United States - Winchester

Today, I had my very first interview and pretty much got hired right away. Then I found out I have to drive 2 hours away for training. I don't have a car, license, or money. FML

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By aphre - 18/3/2009 12:35 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of over a year and I were discussing how neither of us is the other's usual 'type'. I explained that I usually go for insular asshole types and then asked him what made me different from his usual choices. He said 'Oh, well, I usually go for the attractive ones.' FML

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By Totallyscrewed - 10/2/2013 05:17 - United States - Stroudsburg

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy this past summer after our son was born and only took one of the two tests. I haven't cheated. He refuses to believe me or get his spunk checked again. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2009 08:02 - United States

Today, I found out that the love of my life, who I've been going out with for two weeks only, asked me out because he lost a bet. Apparently I'm the punishment for not being able to eat 10 hot dogs. FML

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By pot, meet kettle - 5/4/2013 23:21 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I was chatting online with a guy I really like, when he used the word "irregardless." I couldn't help but mention how little sense it makes, since it's a combination of two words meaning roughly the same thing. He replied, "lol what? your stupid." Jesus Christ. FML

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By Username - 21/4/2011 13:55

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he was growing a mustache, as he had whiskers. He looked at me and said "No, but apparently you are." FML

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By smh - 13/5/2012 22:30 - United States - Sacramento

Today, if you live in California, you might have seen a crazy drunk guy naked in front of a McDonald's, waving at everyone. Yeah, that was probably me. FML

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By kronic1990 - 14/1/2015 15:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I tripped over a "wet floor" sign at work and hit the floor hard. The floor wasn't even wet. FML

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By awk1 - 18/6/2013 00:55 - United States - Glennville

Today, I was packing up my stuff about to go home. I shut off my MacBook but was still pretending to work for the last few minutes, typing on the keyboard. A good way through, I realized my co-worker sitting across from me could see that the Apple logo was off. FML

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By Michelle - 17/10/2013 11:51 - Australia - Richmond

Today, my boyfriend told me that I have the bad habit of not doing the dishes before he has his daily piss in the sink. FML

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By thisistypical - 14/9/2009 19:28 - United States

Today, I found out that the money my husband said he loaned to his "mother" actually went to the purchase of new lingerie for the woman he's cheating on me with. I just got the bill from the department store. FML

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By jkass - 7/10/2011 15:07 - Australia

Today, I was pulled over by the police. The cop was my ex-boyfriend. He had no legitimate reason to pull me over, so he thoroughly checked my car. He gave me a defect notice and a fine. What for? A broken door lock, on my rear passenger door. FML

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By Radgirl - 28/4/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, while on a run off campus with my german shepherd, I tried to impress a couple of hot fraternity guys playing football outside of their house. I broke out into a full sprint. I then got tangled in my dog's leash and fell straight in to a parked jeep knocking myself unconscious. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, I was walking through the store when I saw a little boy point to me and say something to his mom. I was out of earshot at the time, but I got close enough just in time to hear the mom reply, "God says we have to love everyone, even if they're ugly." FML

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By danesy - 10/3/2009 02:04 - United States

Today, I was taking the subway to school. It was around 6:30am and I was listening to music and catching up on homework. When I took my headphones off to readjust them, I heard some grunting. I looked over at the man across from me to see he was masturbating. FML

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By KiDCuSHi - 20/8/2011 04:58 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend sexted me for the first time in months. Half way through reading it I was getting kind of hot. Then I found a spelling mistake and all I could think to do was correct her. She won't talk to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2011 21:49 - United States

Today, my mother woke me up and asked to borrow money. Still groggy, I mumbled where my money stash was. She took all $300 and refuses to pay me back because I'm her son and I "owe" her. FML

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By lbelle - 7/10/2012 23:39 - Canada - Montreal

Today, my right ear drum ruptured. My family doesn't understand that I only lost hearing in one ear and continues to talk about me behind my back, thinking I can't hear them. FML

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By cuntsmom - 24/9/2013 04:47 - United States

Today, my niece, who is fifteen, convinced my six-year-old daughter that her name is spelled C-U-N-T, and just pronounced as Catherine. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2010 00:01 - United States

Today, I met my new college room-mate. He then introduced me to his imaginary friend. FML

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By Clare - 21/2/2011 23:15 - Canada

Today, I desperately tried to explain to my boyfriend why he shouldn't talk about the bible during sex. He honestly doesn't understand. FML

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By shotdown - 2/12/2015 20:45 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after being sick all day with the flu, I asked my husband to wash the dishes after I went to bed. He said he couldn't because he had a large, important project for work that needed to get done. I woke up a couple of hours later to find him smoking weed on the couch and watching cartoons. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2012 03:24 - United States - Spring Grove

Today, an extremely hot police officer reprimanded me. It was pretty awkward considering she stopped me because of public urination. FML

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By Loveless - 6/5/2019 00:00

Today, I discovered my girlfriend's secret blog, where all she does is vent about how much she cheats on me and hates me, but will never leave me because she can’t afford to. Her followers love and support these actions. FML

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By RockedSystem - 22/4/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I had to give a massage to an obese person with rank smelling fungus growing in between their skin folds. They tipped me two dollars. My hands still smell. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2019 20:00

On yer bike

Today, I replaced the fog lights on my car and completely filled my gas tank. $50+ later, the transmission decided it wanted to go out. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2011 02:51 - United States

Today, while cuddling, my boyfriend excused himself to get a napkin. When he came back, he nervously admitted he'd got a booger in my hair. He then couldn't get it completely out. FML

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By stupid_world - 24/12/2009 06:02 - Canada

Today, I learned that while anybody can call me a bitch, my husband got mad at his aunt for calling our dog a mutt. FML

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By Smokey - 31/7/2017 00:30

Today, I found out that my neighbours are mad at me because I smoke. I don't smoke on the balcony, I walk away from the apartment complex so that they won't be affected by my bad habit. They're still mad at me because they can still see me. Didn't know that you could smell with your eyes. FML

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By jada - 4/1/2012 23:29 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend over and over again and he never answered. His mom just called me and asked how I was holding up. I asked her what she meant and she had to tell me he checked himself into rehab because he was addicted to heroin. FML

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By laury - 9/5/2012 02:05 - Canada - Port Elgin

Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm. FML

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By shat - 12/12/2015 07:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML

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By decenthumanbeing - 14/7/2016 13:13

Today, I entered a restaurant just to use the WiFi. In order not to look cheap, I ordered a meal and a beverage. The WiFi didn't work and now I don't have enough money to buy dinner. FML

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By mackmoons - 10/8/2019 14:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I found out someone doing the exact same job as me at work is making $900 more than me on their paycheck. The only reason is because when he messes up, he blames it on me. FML

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By footscratching - 28/1/2012 06:27 - United States

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate for the first time in several months. Then we heard our son yelling from the other room needing my help. He needed me to scratch his foot because the cat was on his lap and he couldn't reach it. FML

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By Crystal - 10/1/2009 08:21 - France

Today, I was so bored that I filmed my goldfish while it was eating. FML

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By StillTooYoung - 20/1/2013 13:13 - United States - Louisville

Today, I was discussing with my husband how it was time I stopped taking birth control so we could have a baby. He looked at me and said sincerely, "We're a little young to be having kids, don't you think?". He's 35 and I'm 32. FML

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Top comments

By Pikachu206 | 2

#676278 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 20:16

Fail, Oh well shit happens I feel your pain.

By lrb081 | 0

#676340 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 20:53

So get some ora-gel and a temporary filling repair kit and make a regular appt.

Comments

By iwannafuckyaman | 0

#676267 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 20:12

haha
fyl!

Reply

Ajjas013 | 6

#676454 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 21:53

He's "getting busy" at work.

Reply

jazz2dasmith | 0

#676865 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 2:21

Haha i noticed that, too LOL

Reply

whatthefuckcunt | 0

#678980 - Thursday 19 November 2009 6:55

#28 - it isn't offensive. just a pain in the ass. go be pedantic somewhere else.

Reply

Alicia_Raven7 | 0

#963748 - Friday 19 March 2010 4:34

owch...
thats gotta hurt...

Reply

poochpod | 0

#2737626 - Wednesday 22 June 2011 18:47

yup the dentist is fun :D

By Pikachu206 | 2

#676278 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 20:16

Fail, Oh well shit happens I feel your pain.

By Kickmehard | 0

#676320 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 20:40

Lol FYL for sure. Your dentist is brutal though. xD

By badbunny | 0

#676326 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 20:44

ydi for having teeth.

Reply

ProtoBuster_1 | 5

#676374 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 21:09

@ #4 - Are you a moron or just really stupid?

Reply

RequiemCube | 0

#676406 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 21:25

@9:

FYL for not being able to detect from context when someone is speaking facetiously.

By repyourcliche | 0

#676339 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 20:52

You should've turned round and said "Do you know who I am? I'm Chuck Bass".

Problem solved.

By lrb081 | 0

#676340 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 20:53

So get some ora-gel and a temporary filling repair kit and make a regular appt.

By Ellowise_fml | 0

#676356 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 21:02

I feel like this one has been here before ;) But I'm sorry :D

By zaq857 | 0

#676370 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 21:08

haha that's what u get

By birds_fml | 7

#676396 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 21:19

I actually just got back from the dentist like 5 minutes ago. I feel your pain.

By XxSKELETOxX | 0

#676415 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 21:32

In what context are you using "getting busy"?

Reply

allmidnighteyes | 10

#676498 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 22:27

He's busy talking to corporate, approving memos, leading workshops, remembering birthdays, and doing many other things, including (but not limited to) sucking his own dick.

Reply

ThereWolf | 0

#676518 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 22:50

And he's handling it all LIKE A BOSS.