Today, I came to the realization I make a living trimming the hair off dogs' privates. I've touched more dog penises than I have human ones, and sometimes the dogs get "excited" while I'm working. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I tried to trim my dog's nails. After about a half hour of barking, biting, and general freaking out, I gave up and decided to pay someone else to do it. I'm a vet, and do this for a living. FML
Today, I was at work when someone came in asking me to brush their pet Shih Tzu. After an hour of vigorously grooming through the multiple knots, I called the owner to collect their dog. When she got here she said, "Oh, did I say brush? I meant shave." FML
Today, I went to the gynecologist. As she was checking me out, she said, "Wow. So you must get wet a lot." It took me several minutes to realize she was talking about my job bathing dogs. FML
Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend decided to give my Cocker Spaniel a haircut. I now have the equivalent of an over-sized naked mole rat running around my house. FML
Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML
Today, I realized that my pubes are longer than my penis itself. FML
Today, I was at my friend's house, when she commented that her dog's fur kept getting tangled because of its length. I reached over to tickle his tummy, felt a big tangled knot and agreed that he needed a good grooming. Then I realized what I'd grabbed wasn't fur. FML
Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. He seemed to be enjoying it, his penis "came out". My boyfriend was walking by and said "at least you turn someone on." FML
Today, I took my dog to the groomer's and asked them to trim just a little fur and floof around his eyes. When I collected him, he looked completely different. Apparently, “just a little” means something different to everyone. I'm not even sure it's the same dog, he looks like a baffled rat. FML
Today, I found out that the electric nose hair clippers that I've been using for the past two years are in fact my father's pubic hair trimmers. FML
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Top comments
Ninjafriends 1
I noticed that you refrained from saying that you're a dog groomer, and that you "make a living trimming the hair off dogs' privates". This implies that you specialize in the penis of dogs. Do you occasionally get requests to groom a dog and have to reply, "sorry, I only do the penis and sometimes the scrotum, you'll have to look elsewhere"? Also, don't lie. You love it.
Alzied 0
Do you get excited too?
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Comments (116)
mapleleafs34 0
lmao!!!! ninjafriends---you made my day:)
Ninjafriends 1
Glad I could help!
lordmir 1
lol I agree plus just wanna say your cute
Ninjafriends 1
Umm, is that directed towards me, or the cute girl above me. You bastard!
brad89101112 0
damn girl ur sooo hot
serenader 2
Don't take this the wrong way, but you could -- if you wanted to -- make your living trimming the hair off of human privates. There's probably more money in that than the canine equivalent. And -- here's the bonus -- you'd no longer have to complain about having touched more dog penises than human ones. Just an idea.
valri3 0
Well start trimming bitches then.
Daederoth 10
If it makes you feel any better you can shave my balls and trim my bushes any time you like.
moneymanjones 0
lucky for you im always shaven, but you can come play with it anytime you like.
DaveEPIC 0
I hope you get excited too :)
green_eyes124 0
Haha, your picture got chopped off. that's what happens when you steal freeze's picture : )
yeppers6502 0
someone has to do it. and it was your choice.
shutyerpiehole 0
OP, I just love your name.
FerrariCake 2
So do you charge extra for a "happy ending?" Or is included in the regular service?
FerrariCake 2
It is a little disturbing that this FML was posted in the "intimacy" category instead of the "work" category.
klynhunter 0
I put it in work, I swear! it also got edited some.