Intimacy: Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 488

You deserved it 11 066

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

My little buddy

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 05:37 - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 102

You deserved it 6 493

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 20:16 - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 176

You deserved it 4 500

By anne - 17/12/2011 03:46 - United States

Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 853

You deserved it 5 996

By CALIdime_15 - 05/05/2012 05:42 - United States

Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 347

You deserved it 4 912

By lovingthis - 09/01/2013 16:48 - United States - Largo

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 189

You deserved it 5 239

Classic Dave

By Sarahir - 29/04/2020 05:00

Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating into the kitchen sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 188

You deserved it 390

Great chat!

By eric - 16/03/2011 07:31 - United States

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 229

You deserved it 96 427

Communication tool

By Anonymous - 10/10/2012 21:48 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 321

You deserved it 6 181

Revealing

By kitkat545 - 15/06/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 059

You deserved it 50 971

Close

By Anonymous - 15/04/2021 01:59

Today, my husband decided it's completely fine to walk around the house with his penis out in front of his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 291

You deserved it 145

sjisje 0

Tuesday 24 August 2010 12:36

did the penis talk back?

allenrotstein 0

Tuesday 24 August 2010 12:28

c'mon, this is kinda funny..

Comments

epicness151 0

Sunday 12 September 2010 4:21

tell him to talk to ur pussy instead

iheartfob 0

Monday 4 October 2010 9:25

probably means your not doing your job right, clearly he was slagging you off...

MarsDeeKiwiBird 0

Tuesday 26 October 2010 10:28

Talking to plants makes them grow, so why not do it to your dick? :D

sinneblade 0

Thursday 4 November 2010 1:38

THAT IS A KEEPER

Mandy0811 0

Friday 4 February 2011 11:18

that is hilarious!!!

lalagurl11 6

Monday 25 July 2011 5:16

YDI you married the idiot

lolylol_fml 5

Saturday 10 September 2011 19:26

men, *sigh* that's pretty funny

Mourningstar 4

Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:38

I'm a star, a big, bright shining star! (Boogie Nights anyone?)

crackerjack13 0

Sunday 30 October 2011 23:39

Time for a new husband.

Attaru 8

Thursday 16 February 2012 20:48

It's important to develop a bond between man and penis, otherwise then won't work well in the bedroom together.

Keywords

Growing old Health Periods Embarrassing Work Job interview Awkward Education Instagram Social Media Love Stalker Phobias Spiders Ironic Animals Bikes Transportation Ecology Kids Weird Parents Confused AITA Drunk Poopoo peepee Facebook Geek Mysterious Vacation

The Top

Today, I stuffed my buttcrack with toilet paper right before my job interview because I tend to sweat there a lot and I was wearing a white skirt. I went to the bathroom afterward to take it out but it wasn't there anymore. It could have only gone up two places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 762

You deserved it 15 564

Today, I’m coming to accept that my wife’s relationship with her phone and her social media is deeper and more intimate than it will ever be with me. I can’t afford to leave her, her sister's a lawyer, she’ll take everything I still love in the divorce. I hate my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 112

The Top

Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 604

You deserved it 1 160

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 940

You deserved it 4 322

Today, after a month of planning, I started to tease my boyfriend of 3 years about the wonderful anniversary plans I had made for us. It was a secret, so I let him try and guess. He said, "As long as it's not a spa day. That would suck, I'd never go." It's a spa day. That I've already paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 590

You deserved it 26 572

Today, I found out that my intense acne is actually an allergic reaction to the "deep clean" product I've been using to reduce it. I've been using this product for the past ten years. Ten years of suffering through "acne" could have been easily avoided. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 807

You deserved it 1 169

Today, I got into a screaming fight with my little sister. Why? Because I'm getting "too chummy" with our new stepmom, who by the way is a very sweet woman, and has made our dad so happy since they met. But my sister has made up her mind that all stepmothers are evil. She's seventeen and still thinks like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 79

Today, I went to the arcade with my dad, and we decided to try out the hurricane simulator, which blasts 60mph air around in an enclosed space. My dad farted halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 685

You deserved it 5 131