Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, after which he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. My dad noticed my depression and got me to tell him what was wrong. I told him everything, and trusting him to have an intelligent suggestion, I asked him what I should do. He shrugged and said, "Fuck, sue him, I dunno." FML
Today, I came home crying after my boyfriend dumped me for another girl. My dad told me to come tell him what was wrong. I sat down and let it all out, after which he looked up from his book, into my eyes, and gave me his loving advice: "Just cry about it and move on to another bastard." FML
Today, I came home in tears after my boyfriend admitted to cheating on me. My dad told me to sit down and tell him everything. He's pretty eccentric, so I wasn't fazed when he put on a pair of sunglasses. When I stopped talking, I noticed his mouth was slightly agape and he was snoring. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, my dad walked into my school and joked around saying that he's going to shoot my boyfriend. We all laughed. Except my boyfriend. He was sobbing in a corner. FML
Today, my dad joked he’d have to fight my boyfriend to find out if he’s worthy. My boyfriend grew up abused by his dad and older brothers, and has a powerful instinct to fight back. My dad is now out cold on the floor and my boyfriend is in the corner rocking back and forth and crying. FML
Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML
Today, I introduced my dad to my boyfriend. I gave my dad the middle finger and he thumped me on the head, as we've been playfully doing for years. My boyfriend got all mad and tried to fight my dad. FML
Today, I was confiding in my dad over the phone, after I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. After I hung up and went online, I noticed he'd been live-blogging the whole call on Facebook and commenting that he was considering suicide to escape the boredom. FML
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Top comments
thefmlinator 10
I'd do what he says
tabletoplady 11
Your dad is my hero.
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Comments (180)
TheNewGuy03 29
More like a three-way KILLING SPREE. OP, make the phone call now -- this opportunity for fatherly revenge won't last long!
hellonyancat 6
Aww, it sounds like he's trying. Got to give him credit for that. A lot of dads wouldn't bother. I think this is a FYL because you we're cheated on but not because of your dad. He's just being a dad.
Fmlsea 28
hey at least he was trying to cheer you up , some dads would just tell you to get over it. so I think you should cut your dad some slack , after all everyone deals in different ways . that being said im sorry to hear you bf is a dick and cheated on you
YinYangDragon 10
Your dad was trying to help you in his own way. Of course he didn't actually mean he would kill them. He was trying to cheer you up by saying something like that. smh
CMC_LOVES_MGM 19
Your dad just loves you and cares enough about you to do drastic things. Bottom line: he doesn't like to see your feelings get hurt.
JessStyles 12
That's a brilliant idea
israelnotjacob 20
Don't you get it? Your dad didn't mean any of that literally, it was just his way of saying you don't deserve that and the other two deserve something bad for hurting his daughter. He was just being supportive. I'll agree the whole three-way thing is a weird way to put it, but if it was my child I'd definitely say something to the effect of "they better hope I never run into them."
chanellgymnast 17
I'd listen to your dad.
mantiquillas 2
Your dad is a ******* bad ass! Just saying
mullisupreme 16
actually, that would comfort me somehow ;-)