Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, after which he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. My dad noticed my depression and got me to tell him what was wrong. I told him everything, and trusting him to have an intelligent suggestion, I asked him what I should do. He shrugged and said, "Fuck, sue him, I dunno." FML
Today, I came home crying after my boyfriend dumped me for another girl. My dad told me to come tell him what was wrong. I sat down and let it all out, after which he looked up from his book, into my eyes, and gave me his loving advice: "Just cry about it and move on to another bastard." FML
Today, I came home in tears after my boyfriend admitted to cheating on me. My dad told me to sit down and tell him everything. He's pretty eccentric, so I wasn't fazed when he put on a pair of sunglasses. When I stopped talking, I noticed his mouth was slightly agape and he was snoring. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, my dad walked into my school and joked around saying that he's going to shoot my boyfriend. We all laughed. Except my boyfriend. He was sobbing in a corner. FML
Today, my dad joked he’d have to fight my boyfriend to find out if he’s worthy. My boyfriend grew up abused by his dad and older brothers, and has a powerful instinct to fight back. My dad is now out cold on the floor and my boyfriend is in the corner rocking back and forth and crying. FML
Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML
Today, I introduced my dad to my boyfriend. I gave my dad the middle finger and he thumped me on the head, as we've been playfully doing for years. My boyfriend got all mad and tried to fight my dad. FML
Today, I was confiding in my dad over the phone, after I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. After I hung up and went online, I noticed he'd been live-blogging the whole call on Facebook and commenting that he was considering suicide to escape the boredom. FML
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Top comments
thefmlinator 10
I'd do what he says
tabletoplady 11
Your dad is my hero.
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Comments (180)
8KAGE8 8
Hey, at least he cares!
JamieLT 22
Score 1 for dad
rita91 5
Just throw bologna all over ur ex boyfriend's car, eats the crap out of his paint!
enty6003 18
Maybe you should work on learning how to keep a man.
M3DIC4T3 29
He's your dad. I'm going to go out on a limb here an assume he loves you. Obviously he doesn't like seeing hurt and maybe he was trying to get you to laugh or feel better with his ridiculous plan. FYL, OP.
ragini95 16
Hey at least you have a father that loves you!
xgetxbentx 13
Well, fyl for getting cheated on, but that sounds very much like a dad answer. Dads usually aren't good with showing sympathy over break ups, they just want to beat the little ***** that made their baby cry. It sounds to me like he was trying to bring a bit of humor into the situation and also make sure you know that he is willing to go to great lengths to protect you. I don't know you're dad personally, but my dad has said similar things, and I know that he's mostly just trying to cheer me up.
REFF_fml 9
Idk a three way sound pree fun
onorexveritas 24
your dad sounds like a beast xD
FlyingPie 17
At least your dad didn't threaten to kill him to death?