Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. Then I found another note on a can that said, "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML
Today, I went into my fridge and someone had drank all the beer. Only my 8-year-old son lives with me. FML
Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML
Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML
Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we'd ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 year-old to run to the store. She didn't want to, but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she'd made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML
Today, my dad taped a picture of me to the fridge with "Do not feed the she-beast" written on it. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Today, someone drank a sip of my single serve pasteurized orange juice and put it back in the fridge, ignoring the whole jug of non-pasteurized juice, that I cant drink because im pregnant. I cried. FML
Today, my parents finally realized that I've been sneaking vodka when they weren't home. Note to self: don't let them freeze vodka that's actually 75% water. FML
Today, my 11-year-old cousin walked up to me as I was enjoying a glass of wine with friends at my mother's birthday party. Thinking she wouldn't like it anyway, I let her try. The little fucker drank the entire glass in one go, adding, "Usually, daddy gives me vodka." Good to know what my family is up to. FML
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Top comments
WowLifeDoesSuck 0
Wow, kids are getting smarter.
mastercrammer 0
You should feel lucky to have a smart daughter who really cares about you.
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Comments (862)
jayde_dox 0
i hope that killed you inside... ur kid is worried about ur health and u basically say **** off. you totally deserved that
klr31590 0
omg that is so sad. why would you share that? that's not a fml it's more like a wake up call
Scoochie 0
Be happy ! You've got a very smart daughter ! :D
Scoochie 0
I bet you're not that smart as her ...
shannon92 0
ur daughter is a smart girl, u should listen to her instead of destroying both of ur lives.
PIQ 0
Wow your kid sure is smart
jaca6614 0
Smart kid. God, I feel sorry for your daughter. She tries to do something to help you out of a serious problem, you basically say "**** you," then she basically says "No, **** YOU." That's hilarious, incredibly smart, and you're a prick if you don't listen. Take the advice and straighten up, if not for your life, then for hers.
JN226 0
i agree 100% with number #311. Seriously, you have a problem.
leighandnaomi 0
ROFL! WOW A SEVEN YEAR OLD IS WAAAYY SMARTER THAN YOU!! GET OVER IT, YOU DESERVED THAT ONE. seriously!!! stop being a burden on your OWN FAMILY!
dylann_fml 0
Wow. I like how all of your idiots think he's an alcoholic. "If a seven year old thinks you have problems, you MUST have problems!!!!" ...Have you ever met a kid ever? The guy is probably not an alcoholic. A seven year old can't even grasp the concept of alcoholism (this is a fact - I study child psychology). If a seven year old tells you "my daddy's an alcoholic!!" it probably means that she's seen her father drink a few times. You're an idiot if you take it seriously.