Today, I brought my girlfriend over to her first dinner with my family. My gramps spent the entire dinner telling my girlfriend how the Illuminati are plotting to take over the world and use microchips to control everyone. So much for being taken seriously now. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Dinner was going well until her dad secretly fed the asparagus to the dog under the table, and then "discovered" what a childish thing I had done. My girlfriend believed him. FML
Today, I went to visit my senile grandma, since she's ill and nobody else in the family visits her. I ended up having to sit through a long rant about the Illuminati, black people, and how we'd have a cure for the common cold already if it weren't for "those god damned foreigners". FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner. Things went great, until my grandma arrived. She thought it would be okay to continue our friendly prank war by congratulating me on my "wife's" pregnancy. My girlfriend actually believed it, and now thinks she's the "other woman". FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents over lunch. Unfortunately, I showed my dad her Facebook profile beforehand and he wouldn't stop making cracks about her duckfacing. It started with, "Don't let her eat the bread, it'll puff up in her stomach and kill her", and ended in tears. FML
Today, while having dinner with my girlfriend's very religious parents, her mother called me a heathen and said she'd convert me one day. She wasn't kidding. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend of six months over to meet my family. When my grandpa saw her, he said, "What a waste of good breeding stock." FML
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML
Today, my girlfriend was excited because her uncle was coming for a visit. She started telling me stories about him, and the more she talked, the worse it got. I’m fairly certain uncle is a cult leader, and that my girlfriend was born into and brainwashed by a cult that got shut down by the police. FML
Today, I invited my girlfriend over to a family lunch, planning to propose to her at just the right moment. My family was in on it, including my apparently disapproving mom, who kept causing a scene to grab my girlfriend's attention every time I went to pull out the ring. FML
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Top comments
deviable 9
If the Illuminati are gonna take over, at least your grandpa will be the most prepared.
ohmandapants 17
Listen to grandpa he is old and wise. You'll be sorry when that shit happens and you didn't take him seriously. And in any case, this shouldn't affect her opinion of YOU personally...
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Comments (139)
heathz 9
haha nice. at least he didn't get to the part on how everyone in power is a mason and the whole world is going to explode haha
birdfreak 24
Only in TX :) lol TX FTW!!!!
FYLDeep 26
Start talking about the Freemasons and you can have yourselves a dunce-off.
parabelum 1
Freemasons are illuminati dumbass
jdude2913 0
I like ur witty coments
FYLDeep 26
The Freemasons ARE the Illuminati? Why this is the biggest breakthrough since when they found out that George Washington's false teeth were used to communicate with aliens. Thanks, Parabelum for your solid effort in exposing the truth. You have won the dunce-off. Please accept your hat.
pie29302930 0
Well, if she really liked you, she'd understand about your grandmas craziness.
yummylicious 5
I love old people.
heathz 9
Jordon Maxwell would be proud.
zombiecommie 0
And that's why I hide out in the bushes in front of my house with a steak knife
Reddeaded 5
Did your grandad smoke too much weed?
1991j 4
your dad is awesome... killlilluminati
OrgasmicBunnies 9
That's when you say, "If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me?"
FYLDeep 26
"'Cause I'm as free as a mason."