Today, my boss called me, furious about how I "never answer my... - FML

By O - 24/2/2015 10:19 - Sweden

Today, my boss called me, furious about how I "never answer my phone", especially when important clients are trying to reach me, and how unprofessional I am. I make very sure to never miss any calls, my boss just keeps giving out the wrong number to people. FML

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Rock, hard place

Mr Sensitivity

Fashion Police

By slondons - 18/1/2011 20:53 - United Kingdom

Today, my friends were acting strange around me. This afternoon, I got a text asking me to meet them out for a couple of drinks. Because of all the strange acting, I decided to tell them I'd go and then not go. I just found out they had been planning me a surprise party. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2014 21:14 - United States - Margate City

Today, as I was leaving home for my mall kiosk job, my dad asked me where I was off to. When I said I was going to work, he tossed an empty beer bottle to the floor, belched, and said "Bah! Get a REAL job!" He's unemployed and living in my apartment. FML

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By OL2R - 17/4/2012 08:29 - United States - Somerville

Today, my best friend texted me saying she is determined to find out what skank her brother is sneaking around with. I've been secretly dating her brother for months; apparently I'm the skank. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2012 23:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I drove home from work, only to find both my next-door neighbours loudly arguing in the middle of my driveway. I got out and asked them what the hell was going on, only to find out one of their inbred kids had put a brick through my back window, and each is claiming the other did it. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2015 14:14 - United States - Berwyn

Today, I kept getting out of bed because I was sure my daughter had pooped in her diaper. Every time, I found nothing. I finally figured out the foul smell was my husband's breath, when he leaned into kiss me goodnight. FML

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By Plume - 23/12/2008 07:43 - France

Today, it's my birthday. My ex just sent me a text. I read it, happy he had remembered. He wanted me to know he has a new girlfriend. FML

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By MirandaJones - 20/3/2015 14:41 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was helping out during the school play's interval. My head of year jokingly asked me to follow him around with these mini cocktail sausages for the rest of the school year. I thought it would be witty to reply, "Does that make me your official sausage holder?" FML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2014 15:30 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook from a girl I've had a crush on for a while. As I was about to accept it, it vanished. She explained later that she clicked on my name by accident, and didn't actually want to be friends at all. FML

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By Al - 5/8/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I was leaving the mall. I Instinctively hit the unlock button on my car keys from across the parking lot. Little did I know I was making it a whole lot easier for the guy breaking into my car. FML

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By Kerrilyn - 17/5/2009 14:39 - United States

Today, I was waiting in the car while my mom went into a store to get beer. A few minutes later, some guy was knocking on my window telling me to open the door. I started cursing him out, thinking I was getting attacked. Turns out he worked there and was putting the beer in the car. FML

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By claubea11 - 1/1/2014 05:17 - Puerto Rico - Ponce

Today, I decided to light a lantern and watch it fly with my girlfriend after midnight. The neighbor's tree caught fire. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/7/2009 06:07 - United States

Today, my boyfriend returned from a 2 month internship in New York. As I saw him exit the plane, I imagined him running to me and kissing/spinning me around passionately like in movies. He got closer and closer, and as I opened my arms to embrace him, he runs past me saying, "BRB, I GOTTA TAKE A SHIT." FML

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By fUcKOAHdSAjl - 16/8/2013 18:41 - United States - Manchester

Today, my dog was riding my car's passenger seat. He clambered over onto my lap, causing me to lose control of the wheel for a few seconds. As I tried to knock him off me, I lost track of my speed, and ended up being pulled over for reckless driving. FML

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By Drunken Sailor - 27/6/2011 19:20 - United States

Today, I found out my new Commanding Officer is my ex-wife's new boyfriend. We're going on a two year tour at sea in two weeks. The reason we got a divorce is that she couldn't handle being tied down with someone in the Navy. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2019 02:00

Bite me

Today, after two root canal procedures done on the same tooth in last two years, the tooth had been acting up for a few days, so I went in to get it checked. Turns out, it got infected AGAIN and I gotta get a THIRD root canal done on the same tooth. FML

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By SporadiCOOL - 27/8/2019 00:01

Today, my parents told me that I wasn’t invited to a family wedding because it was too expensive to invite everyone. This would be fine, if they didn’t invite all my other cousins, and my baby sibling as well. To be honest, it’s probably just because I’m gay. FML

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By lonewolf2701 - 22/11/2009 09:15 - United States

Today, my manager sent me a text message with a picture of Santa masturbating, with a message that said he wished me a white Christmas. FML

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By meltdowninrels - 15/8/2014 22:09 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML

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By BC94 - 16/7/2012 04:21 - United States - Mcminnville

Today, I went to a movie with this guy. He was late so the only seats available were the ones in the very front which he refused to sit in. As we were looking for two seats, he spotted one near the back and sat down, leaving me to sit by myself in the front. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, I found out I'm being evicted from my apartment on my birthday. FML

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By Sydney - 15/1/2013 23:16 - United States - Houston

Today, I told my mom we get Monday off due to Martin Luther King Jr. day. She then insisted that I had to go to school because that is "only for black people." FML

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By fired - 4/11/2011 04:04 - Australia

Today, I was fired for the second time in as many days. I received a letter notifying me that I would no longer be working for the company, effective immediately. When I did not attend work the next day, I received a phone call firing me for not turning up. FML

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By Xandar - 9/11/2018 17:30

Today, I was told by my wife that we were going to be parents. We are both females. FML

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By momoftheyearedition - 9/7/2015 03:13 - United States - Landenberg

Today, my 5-year-old won't stop princess-waving at people. This would be fine, but she looks exactly like she is giving the Nazi salute. I got dirty looks from nearly everyone at the supermarket. FML

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By Beegee - 21/8/2013 04:40 - United States - Denver

Today, I got a speeding ticket. I couldn't find my insurance card, and the cop was very nice. He said not to worry about it, that I "looked like someone who had insurance." I'm not sure how to take that. FML

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By badidea - 23/12/2011 06:42 - United States

Today, someone nearly hit me with their car, so I flipped them the finger. They turned back around and tried to run me over. FML

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By myeyesburn - 28/10/2019 14:00 - Canada

Dangleberries

Today, I got up from bed after a good night's sleep, and walked outside. The first thing I saw was my 60-ish year-old neighbor bent over, picking up a newspaper. He was wearing nothing but a way too short bathrobe and a pair of rubber boots. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/10/2018 17:30

Today, my mother-in-law flushed my pain medicine because she believes I’ve been using it too long and I’m addicted. I had surgery four days ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2017 08:00 - Korea, Republic of - Pyongtaek

Today, I broke it off with my mistress so that I could work on my marriage. Shortly after, my wife received an anonymous message saying that I was unfaithful. FML

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By anonymous - 11/3/2010 19:55 - United States

Today, I found out that my art project, the one I've been working on for the last two weeks and the first piece I felt really comfortable about turning in, was stolen out of the art cupboard. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2012 20:54 - Czech Republic - Ceska

Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML

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By wtf - 30/1/2015 09:00 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML

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By burn in hell - 25/9/2012 21:28 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, my estranged mother texted me saying, "Gran died, LOL." My grandmother and I were fairly close, so I was shocked and disgusted. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and asked if she knew what "LOL" meant. She did. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2016 04:01 - Argentina - Lanus

Today, I was showing my step-dad old photos of the family. We got to a picture of me and I mentioned how much weight I've lost. He muttered, "Heh, fat AND blind". FML

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By MBC - 22/2/2011 01:21 - United States

Today, after my two credit cards were stolen, thousands were charged before I could cancel. The thief dropped nearly $1,000 at Juicy Couture, so she/he is somewhere laughing at me in a magenta, rhinestoned "leisure suit." FML

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By Anthony - 16/8/2010 01:40 - United States

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend due to the fact that she's been cheating on me with my best friend for the past year. She said I was overreacting, and to grow a pair. FML

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By Champs - 25/1/2009 17:52 - Australia

Today, I downloaded the 'Dark was the Night' compilation made for charity. I have no soul. FML

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By Not Homeless - 6/3/2015 01:38 - United States - Montclair

Today, as I was riding my bike home from school, I saw a homeless man sitting on a bench. I was about to walk up to him and give him money, but before I could do anything my mother walked up and kissed him. My mom is dating this guy. FML

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By MMM - 21/1/2014 23:26 - United States - Saco

Unwanted guest

Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML

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By Salvation711 - 15/4/2012 15:29 - United States

Today, a woman was staring at me. This went on for about five minutes until I couldn't take it anymore. I screamed at her to cut it out. It turns out she had a lazy eye. FML

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Top comments

By firefox9778 | 20

#6212600 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:47

Oof. Don't you hate it how people blame you for their own mistakes? Sorry OP! Hopefully it gets fixed :)

By A07 | 48

#6212604 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:49

Sorry OP, but you need to sit him down and explain it to him slowly and then hope he gets it.

COMMENTS

By firefox9778 | 20

#6212600 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:47

Oof. Don't you hate it how people blame you for their own mistakes? Sorry OP! Hopefully it gets fixed :)

Reply

slick5880 | 22

#6212654 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 18:38

Get some business cards made for him to hand out. Then there won't be any reason for him to mess up.

Reply

ana_lee_bonde | 17

#6212761 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 19:41

Yeah it's like the one-two punch of management.
Little guy always takes the blame and if you aren't the type that blames others in middle management upper level will see you as incompetent.

By tyropiu | 13

#6212601 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:48

Well your boss needs to realize that he's giving the wrong number

By Adeptus_Astartes | 22

#6212602 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:48

You need to smack your boss, in the name of the Emperor!

By Cass_x | 22

#6212603 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:48

Then tell him? And if he keeps saying the same thing; keep telling him the same thing.

By A07 | 48

#6212604 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:49

Sorry OP, but you need to sit him down and explain it to him slowly and then hope he gets it.

By AHotCupOfCoffee | 28

#6212605 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:49

What if he called the wrong number and meant to call someone else (for his rant)?

By makkarari | 18

#6212606 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:50

Write your number down in big black bold numbers and tell him to give people the proper number and you will answer!

By ohdgod | 2

#6212607 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:50

kys

By matt721 | 8

#6212608 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:51

Confront him about the problem OP!

By nikkipettyfer | 24

#6212609 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:51

Confront him about it, I'm sure he'll understand

Reply

IWishIWasObama | 12

#6212619 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 18:03

You really haven't worked a lot if you think the boss would understand that he's the reason the clients are frustrated.