Today, my boss called me, furious about how I "never answer my... - FML

By O - 24/2/2015 10:19 - Sweden

Today, my boss called me, furious about how I "never answer my phone", especially when important clients are trying to reach me, and how unprofessional I am. I make very sure to never miss any calls, my boss just keeps giving out the wrong number to people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33245

You deserved it

1994

Tweet

Share

Work name

White line fever

Vultures

By MegaZeo - 1/1/2015 00:29 - United States - Livermore

Today, I could not decide what was sadder: the fact that I have to work on New Year's Eve, or that fact that working on New Year's Eve is still the most exciting thing I've ever done for New Year's Eve. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30582

You deserved it

3249

Tweet

Share

By a816090 - 27/5/2019 18:09

Today, I got written up because I took a dump at work that lasted longer than 5 minutes, and I didn't punch out for it as a "paid break." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1945

You deserved it

126

Tweet

Share

By Deadpool - 16/7/2019 21:11 - United States - Weaverville

Today, it appears that the cousin who burglarized my house and threatened to kill my wife, daughter and I during a meth binge is more welcome at a family reunion than we are. We were assured last year by family that this wouldn't happen, because we are "good people who have wronged no one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2054

You deserved it

117

Tweet

Share

By kiken.bara - 6/1/2013 08:17 - United States

Today, I found out that I was pregnant and sent a picture of the positive test to my boyfriend. Before I got a text back from him, I got his newly updated Facebook status that read "This has got to be the most depressing day of my life." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27836

You deserved it

7445

Tweet

Share

By I’m bushiest - 27/12/2018 22:00 - Australia - Bankstown

Today after flying 9+ hours to meet my future month in-law I had to take a pee in the rubbish bucket from her car infront of her, I said in my very bad Japanese “so I guess we are good friends now” she responded with a confident “yes” FML

I agree, your life sucks

2034

You deserved it

357

Tweet

Share

By Alex - 1/3/2019 16:00

Today, marks three weeks since I started my new dream job. It also marks the second time this week alone that I've clogged the toilet in the restroom. I'm almost 100% sure all my coworkers know it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1880

You deserved it

589

Tweet

Share

By Pissy - 27/11/2016 20:15

Today, I was traveling home with my four-year-old son. While we were standing in line at the security checkpoint, I hear the sound of water dripping and turned to find my son urinating on the floor. He'd read a sign that said we weren't allowed to take any liquids with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10256

You deserved it

1009

Tweet

Share

By BathroomDweller - 20/3/2017 20:00 - United States - Omaha

Today, I'm recovering from a urinary tract infection. The infection made me have to pee constantly. Now the antibiotics I'm taking for it are giving me the shits instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4788

You deserved it

355

Tweet

Share

By Shane - 8/2/2011 07:58

Today, I was dry-walling a house when my butt started to itch. I bent over to scratch it on a piece of plywood, at which point the client's wife walked in and asked what the fuck I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10080

You deserved it

32050

Tweet

Share

By Ilostsomuch - 4/1/2012 18:30 - United States

Today, I came home to find that my mother had sold all my valuable collector coins for cheap at a local shady pawn shop to buy herself a TV. The coins in question were worth enough to start a business. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47347

You deserved it

3028

Tweet

Share

By cheated - 23/11/2011 17:03 - United States

Today, I came home from a weekend trip with some friends, and walked straight in on my girlfriend cheating on me. She burst into tears and began apologizing. Her exact words were "I'm so sorry! I thought you were coming back tomorrow." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49181

You deserved it

3011

Tweet

Share

By trainhump - 20/2/2010 10:54 - Australia

Today, I took the train to work. There was an older man standing behind me. Everytime I tried to edge away from him, he edged closer. Everytime the train rocked even slightly, his crotch made contact with my behind. It was an extremely bumpy train ride. I could also tell when he became hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28038

You deserved it

2987

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/12/2010 04:18 - United States

Today, while working as a hotel guard I found a homeless man lying in the grass. I asked him to move and he ignored me, continuing to lie there with his head resting on his arms and a big smile on his face. I got annoyed and started to yell at him. After a few minutes I realized he was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40009

You deserved it

10814

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/10/2014 00:51 - United States - Bloomington

Today, my mother locked me out of the house. Why? The dog and her needed some time to talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35943

You deserved it

2900

Tweet

Share

By Oops - 14/1/2010 15:55 - United States

Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14726

You deserved it

32944

Tweet

Share

By Lucy - 21/7/2012 07:40 - United States - La Mesa

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been in love with for the past two years. Five minutes in, he passed out on top of me from a pain pill overdose and had a mini seizure. He finally woke up and groans, "Those bastards! They confiscated my clothes!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31385

You deserved it

5376

Tweet

Share

By hulio88 - 7/12/2010 00:37

Today, after years of hard work, I had an interview at the highest ranking university in the world 800 miles from where I live. It snowed heavily for the last 2 days closing every road, railway, and airport causing me to miss the interview. There is no rescheduling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35455

You deserved it

2681

Tweet

Share

By scarred - 27/7/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57786

You deserved it

3902

Tweet

Share

By Jeff - 2/3/2010 15:53 - United States

Today, a wasp flew into my room. While I, a 6'2" hockey player, cowered in the corner, my 4'11" girlfriend killed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11912

You deserved it

41595

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/5/2012 15:12 - United States - Monson

Today, I realized that all the times I checked behind the shower curtain before peeing didn't prepare me for what to do if someone was actually there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35768

You deserved it

4033

Tweet

Share

By BriarFace - 29/3/2016 01:56 - United States - Springfield

Today, I put up a sign asking motorcyclists to slow down near horses, as the noise can spook them. While I was riding near the sign, a biker slowed to read it, looked at me, then revved his engine loudly and raced off. My horse bucked me off into some brambles and bolted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20827

You deserved it

2138

Tweet

Share

By teach - 5/2/2009 00:40 - Canada

Today, at the elementary school where I teach, the kids all voted for their favorite teacher. I was the only one to receive zero votes. When I asked a small group of students why no one voted for me, one boy replied "because you're the ugliest". FML

I agree, your life sucks

52656

You deserved it

4088

Tweet

Share

By foreveralone - 24/9/2012 23:12 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I was trying to convince my flatmate to agree to let me get us a kitten. After gushing about how cute they are, and showing her loads of pictures, she just stared at me and said, "You really need a penis inside you now and again." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19676

You deserved it

23289

Tweet

Share

By ouch - 9/12/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10011

You deserved it

76023

Tweet

Share

By ilikeirishducks - 19/6/2009 13:51 - Italy

Today, I had a bath in the bathroom we are currently renovating. There's a big hole in the middle of the floor. When I got out of the bath, I swung one leg across the gap to get a towel from the rack. I drew back my leg and looked down to see my brother's hot friend staring up at me in horror. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51681

You deserved it

21037

Tweet

Share

By DontGetSlapped - 18/2/2013 00:24 - United States - Conway

Today, my mom called me a "heartless bitch" for eating the last Hot Pocket. This is coming from a woman who, just last week, faked having cancer to get out of a speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39367

You deserved it

2466

Tweet

Share

By Abendigo77 - 14/1/2013 04:49 - United States - Healdsburg

Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39370

You deserved it

6804

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/10/2012 22:43 - United States - Lahaina

Today, I learned that despite having told them two years ago, my parents still aren't accepting of me being gay. I found this out when my mom called and asked if I was "cured" yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31198

You deserved it

5453

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/9/2010 02:20 - United States

Today, I had to do something that many young technologically-savvy people fear. I had to get on my dad's Facebook for him to delete a rather scandalous photo of his genitals he accidentally uploaded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41636

You deserved it

3311

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/3/2013 18:40 - Canada - London

Today, I told my mom about the rough time I'm having over my recent break-up, and how I can't help thinking about my ex every single day. Her attempt to console me involved saying, "Pft. I bet he doesn't think about you every day" and walking away. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33315

You deserved it

6223

Tweet

Share

By firestar772 - 11/2/2013 15:48 - United States - Santa Barbara

It's probably considered art

Today, my dog ate a whole case of my son's paintballs, because apparently they are made of a fish byproduct. Not only does the whole house smell like fish, there are countless bright yellow dog turds all over the house and our yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36911

You deserved it

4434

Tweet

Share

By Bill - 6/12/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28828

You deserved it

18031

Tweet

Share

By FortuneFaded - 6/5/2009 15:47 - South Africa

Today, is my mothers birthday. I decided to take her out to lunch. On the way there, we had a car accident. It was my fault. For my mothers birthday I gave her: 3 broken ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52298

You deserved it

18970

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/7/2015 04:20 - United States - Tempe

Today, after vacuuming, I struggled to pull the nozzle attachment out. I yanked it too hard and it flew out, hitting me in the face and causing my head to jerk back into the wall behind me. My girlfriend had to drive me to the hospital for my concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23184

You deserved it

3252

Tweet

Share

By Joshua Sheldon - 19/9/2015 01:56 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, while working alone, I decided to just try some random impressions, and so I ended up doing a French accent when a customer walked in. To avoid embarrassment, I had to continue faking the accent as he struck up a long conversation with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23127

You deserved it

8456

Tweet

Share

By uglywoman - 14/12/2010 08:21 - Australia

Today, my six year old told me I have a big nose. When I told her that she hurt my feelings, she laughed and said "Don't be silly mummy, ugly people don't have feelings." FML

I agree, your life sucks

128749

You deserved it

17423

Tweet

Share

By MissArizona - 8/8/2011 14:12 - United States

Today, my dad shaved his head. This wouldn't be so bad if he didn't expect me to address him as "Captain Picard" 24/7 now. He won't answer me otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27351

You deserved it

3998

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/11/2010 22:26 - United States

Today, I told my husband that I wanted to take advantage of the alone time we would have while our kids are visiting my parents. My idea? A nice dinner out and kinky sex all night long. His idea? Chinese buffet and subsequent dutch ovens in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29267

You deserved it

3948

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/9/2009 23:09 - United States

Today, my friends and I went to the beach and we were tanning when I suddenly saw 10 roses floating in the ocean. I went around to pick up all the roses and threw the petals at my friends. Then I notice a big boat of people in black and white were looking at me with disgust. It was a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18331

You deserved it

53550

Tweet

Share

By justdancebbyx3 - 6/6/2010 05:23 - United States

Today, I logged onto Facebook and found out that my own mother unfriended me because she didn't want her new boyfriend to know that she had a daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42820

You deserved it

2989

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By firefox9778 | 20

#6212600 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:47

Oof. Don't you hate it how people blame you for their own mistakes? Sorry OP! Hopefully it gets fixed :)

By A07 | 48

#6212604 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:49

Sorry OP, but you need to sit him down and explain it to him slowly and then hope he gets it.

Comments

By firefox9778 | 20

#6212600 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:47

Oof. Don't you hate it how people blame you for their own mistakes? Sorry OP! Hopefully it gets fixed :)

Reply

slick5880 | 22

#6212654 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 18:38

Get some business cards made for him to hand out. Then there won't be any reason for him to mess up.

Reply

ana_lee_bonde | 17

#6212761 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 19:41

Yeah it's like the one-two punch of management.
Little guy always takes the blame and if you aren't the type that blames others in middle management upper level will see you as incompetent.

By tyropiu | 13

#6212601 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:48

Well your boss needs to realize that he's giving the wrong number

By Adeptus_Astartes | 22

#6212602 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:48

You need to smack your boss, in the name of the Emperor!

By Cass_x | 22

#6212603 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:48

Then tell him? And if he keeps saying the same thing; keep telling him the same thing.

By A07 | 48

#6212604 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:49

Sorry OP, but you need to sit him down and explain it to him slowly and then hope he gets it.

By AHotCupOfCoffee | 28

#6212605 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:49

What if he called the wrong number and meant to call someone else (for his rant)?

By makkarari | 18

#6212606 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:50

Write your number down in big black bold numbers and tell him to give people the proper number and you will answer!

By ohdgod | 2

#6212607 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:50

kys

By matt721 | 8

#6212608 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:51

Confront him about the problem OP!

By nikkipettyfer | 24

#6212609 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:51

Confront him about it, I'm sure he'll understand

Reply

IWishIWasObama | 12

#6212619 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 18:03

You really haven't worked a lot if you think the boss would understand that he's the reason the clients are frustrated.