Today, I began to choke on a large pill while my mom was in the room. Hoping that she would help me, I began to make a lot of noise. After she completely ignored me, I threw my body over a chair, saving my life. At this point my mother asks me to shut up because she can't hear her friend. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I had one of the worst panic attacks in years. I was worried nobody cared about me and that I had completely messed up my life. I was hyperventilating and crying hysterically. My mom walked by my room, looked at me, and said, "If you're going to make those noises, at least shut the door." FML
Today, while sitting next to my mom at a restaurant, she told me to stop moving and making so much noise because, "It's distracting." The noise I was making was me breathing. I'm not even allowed to breathe. Guess I'll die. FML
Today, I crawled into my mom's room to tell her my stomach was in massive pain. She ended up throwing me out of the room while spraying me with Lysol. My appendix was about to burst and I needed surgery. FML
Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML
Today, I went to Walmart with my mom. At the checkout line I was eating a bag of chips as my mom bought her stuff. I inhaled while eating and I started to choke. The cashier asked me if I was OK. My mom just waved her hand, and said, "Sometimes she does that for attention, ignore her." FML
Today, I was singing while lying upside down chewing gum. My dad was trying to focus on the current football game and hushed me. I yelled, "No!" resulting in my gum becoming lodged in my windpipe. I shut up after all. FML
Today, I was drinking from a water bottle while in a lecture. The water caught in my throat and it felt like I was choking to death. Instead of asking me if I was okay or trying to help, the guy sitting next to me told me to shut up. FML
Today, my daughter wanted to show me the tooth she had just lost. As I was in a rush to leave for work, I quickly picked up and swallowed my pill that was on the kitchen table. It was only until I looked back down at the table did I see not only my pill, but one extremely angry daughter glaring at me. FML
Today, I choked on oatmeal, watered-down soupy oatmeal. It seemed to get stuck halfway down. I chucked up several spoonfuls. My wife was oblivious to all the noise I was making because she had her over-the-ear headphones on, listening to some stupid YouTube video. FML
Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML
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Top comments
Phalankx 0
Shoulda played dead for a while
plaidrabbit 0
I'm going to assume that by "making a lot of noise," you meant banging on stuff and maybe throwing something, because if you were vocalizing, you weren't really choking. But still, I know how scary that feeling is, and it sucks your mom was a bitch about it.
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Comments (189)
Ampathy 0
if you were throwing stuff you should've hit her in her idiotic head with something and knock the phone out of her hand that would get her attention then do what #115 suggested
Libberlover 0
If you were REALLY choking, you couldn't make any noise. Yeah, your life was in real danger drama queen.
Chocolate_Chunk 2
******* hell, this site is really filled with morons. to the brim.
R2K 0
Jesus O_o. Go buy a new mum or something.
firefighter289 0
As a paramedic i am here to say that you weren't in any danger b/c you were able to make 'lots of noise' to try and get some attention. If you can make that much noise, your airway is not occluded meaning that you could breath.
dmmd8686 0
You're a ridiculous drama queen and it even influences the way you write. Give me a break. You should have drunk a glass of water and not flopped over a chair like a moron. I'm sure you would have been fine.
b0rnxfam0us 0
#128, the OP made noise by like kicking stuff and stomping her feet? use common sense #129, "flopping" over a chair is the equivalent of giving yourself the Heimlich.
ShadowlessSilenc 1
No, no it's not.
Chocolate_Chunk 2
according to wikipedia, yes, yes it is.
ShadowlessSilenc 1
According to basic anatomy no it isn't. But I guess expecting any basic knowledge from someone who thinks 'wikipedia says no' is a valid argument is a bit much.
Chocolate_Chunk 2
according to basic anatomy, yes, yes it is. the heimlich maneuver consists of upward directed abdominal thrusts. you get the same by using a chair's back or any other suitable object to inflict the same sort of pressure on yourself. But I guess expecting basic intelligence from one of the "wikipedia is full of lies! Lies, I tell you!!1!" crowd is a bit much.
ShadowlessSilenc 1
You can get the same from using the chairs back but not from throwing yourself on it as it was unlikely to give you the correct upwards angle. Though I guess it was possible that she was just being melodramatic and vague in her phrasing. Sorry for the bitchy response, I should have looked it up first (and the method it suggests would indeed have a chance of working) and clearly pointed out why I disagreed. Wikipedia isn't full of lies as such but shouldn't be trusted, in my opinion. It's a brilliant starting point for anything as long as you do the research but isn't an authority on anything, which is why I disagree with people using it as a source. 'Wikipedia says it's true' can mean anything from 'someone linked to important journal X' to 'some kid with a computer heard it from a friend'. Also, very sorry for the snarkiness, it was uncalled for.
Chocolate_Chunk 2
A study once found out that Wikipedia has just about the same amount of errors in it than Enciclopedia Britannica, but that's now a few years back (I would have linked to it, but FML kept eating my reply with the link in it). Still, the Wikipedia articles that should be handled carefully are the ones about companies (some hire people to cleverly fake entries), the ones about people (fans are sometimes idiots) and the political ones (obviously). While obvious errors get cleared out fast, some can stay undetected. The rest is rather clean and more often than not valid. The less people interested in something, the bigger chance of it being right on Wikipedia because noone cares to troll it ;) I once wrote an article about an old tv show that I have really big knowledge of. Within a week, something that was a basic article got improved to be a really great one without even one wrong statement. Sure, you should always check out the sources (you never know who sponsered a study..), but I think with something making as much sense as this, that's not really neccessary. Oh, by the way, congratulations to you. I am so used to the internet being filled with morons (FML is usually no exception) that I would never have expected a reply like yours. Really, I'm impressed. And I'm not even sarcastic this time :)
crazycurt1998 0
kill ur mom she didnt help u
thefunkybubble 0
how ironic...that's exactly what my mom would do...
hypergeezer 0
Your mother is a bitch.
snipaa 0
Watta dick.