Today, I asked the iguana to paint his cousin, the chameleon.... - FML

By EricabrahamEA - 21/10/2016 11:55 - India

Today, I asked the iguana to paint his cousin, the chameleon. He nailed it. Smartass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 51

Late term

Age difference

You tried

By Anonymous - 12/01/2016 15:44 - United States - Craig

Today, I am so unused to physical activity that I got exhausted and fell asleep on my yoga mat not even halfway through the DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 769

You deserved it 5 311

By highlandgirl10 - 21/07/2010 20:31 - Canada

Today, I brought my boyfriend of a year and a half to meet my parents. Turns out he dated my mom. This should be a fun dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 011

You deserved it 6 206

By nrelavender - 26/05/2011 02:48 - United States

Today, is the anniversary of my cat's death, so I went to visit her grave in the pet cemetery. Someone had spray-painted "Your cat sucks" on her grave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 987

You deserved it 11 435

By myself - 09/02/2015 13:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, it's been about a week since my boyfriend started his new medication, which has essentially killed any sex drive he had. It has also been about two weeks since I stopped mine, making me hornier than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 347

You deserved it 4 521

By Willow - 17/06/2011 23:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me why he stood me up last night instead of coming over to visit. Apparently me telling him I couldn't wait for him to do naughty things to me turned him off, and made him feel like a piece of meat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 994

You deserved it 11 733

Fortunately, she is gone

By IGotFinessed - 14/11/2019 14:00 - United States - New Fairfield

Today, I just realized that my ex-girlfriend has been using my credit card to buy condoms, beer, and dildos just to piss me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 798

You deserved it 545

By Ewwwwww - 04/02/2010 18:53 - United States

Today, I discovered that the rancid stench in my bathroom was a decaying carcass of a mouse in my toilet tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 677

You deserved it 3 330

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 14:45 - Brunei Darussalam

Today, my crush walked me home. As my mom opens the door, she tells me in Russian how ugly he is, and that I have extremely bad taste. Out of all the languages in the world, he happens to be fluent in Russian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 757

You deserved it 3 955

Some dream…

By Anonymous - 21/04/2021 17:00

Today, I'm a full-time Investment Portfolio Analyst at one of the largest groups. It has been my dream job and I worked my ass off. I'm one of the best analysts there and people like me. Also, I haven't slept properly for 3 months, without a single day off. I'm about to get mentally sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 444

By bastardddd - 11/04/2009 01:47 - United States

Today, I was in class finishing up an assignment when the guy next to me, my crush, said "I really love your hair." I started to blush then I turned towards him and said thanks, at the same time as the girl he was actually talking to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 370

You deserved it 6 363

By Anonymous - 05/07/2009 23:20 - Canada

Today, I had to be go to the ER after I fell on a rake. After having stiches put in, my Mom wanted me to go to the store with her. My friend saw me at the store and thought it would be funny to rip off the band aid because she thought I was hiding a zit. She ripped out my stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 521

You deserved it 3 019

No plus ones

By Partypoooped - 23/09/2021 01:59

Today, I invited my best friend of 15 years to my birthday party. He wants to bring his girlfriend of a year along, because she feels "threatened" by our friendship, and thinks "He’ll cheat." I'd already put the deposit for the venue and it costs $50 per additional guest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 282

By Brianna Weltmire - 08/04/2012 05:13 - United States - Denver

Today, my mom tagged me in a picture on Facebook. It's a very zoomed in picture of a zit that had just recently erupted on my face. The caption is "My baby's biggest zit yet!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 787

You deserved it 2 722

By orcatheseapanda - 09/01/2016 05:14 - Thailand

Today, I was stretching on the balcony, when I heard my neighbor's daughter scream. She was playing in their kiddie pool and thought I was peeping on her. And now her parents think so too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 104

You deserved it 1 399

Boo!

By Today - 29/09/2019 16:08

Today, in my school's rugby grand final, I had to take a penalty kick to win the game. Possibly the easiest kick I've taken all year. I stuff it up, and it completely missed. A crowd of 2000 people laughed, and later booed me off the field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 510

You deserved it 331

By Eh... - 19/07/2009 07:25 - Ukraine

Today, my boss asked me if I know anything about those tattoos that girl put on their lower backs. "You mean Tramp Stamps?" I responded. He looked at me with hatred in his eyes and said that his 18 year old daughter just got one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 323

You deserved it 8 022

Big lad

By Anonymous - 07/11/2020 20:01

Today, I admit I’m a bit of a big lad, but I never knew how big until I was desperate for a shit so I sat on, and broke, a toilet, flooding the bathroom, at my girlfriend's parents house, the very first time I met them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 212

By Aldoch - 30/05/2012 22:41

Today, my daughter was still acting out her teenage issues. This morning, when I told her to, "Have a nice day" she screamed at me, "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 953

You deserved it 4 820

By Anonymous - 15/08/2014 03:35 - United States - Brandon

Spicy

Today, I went to my new gynecologist. He has an eye twitch, and every time he asks about my genitals, he winks at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 879

You deserved it 4 308

By mattttbob - 04/02/2012 10:16 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I realised my girlfriend only has sex with me to make me exercise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 467

You deserved it 35 891

By What am I doing with my life? - 22/05/2014 16:47 - United States - Aurora

Today, I collected my students' final essays. One of them submitted a printout of a screenshot he took with his phone. Too bad a browser address bar was still in the shot, along with a "click to read more" link at the bottom. My students are too dumb and lazy to even plagiarize properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 539

You deserved it 4 844

Waze?

By lol - 28/10/2020 09:57

Today, while working as an Uber driver, I asked my passenger for directions and she didn’t know. She was going to her own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 569

By cereal stepper - 23/10/2016 09:42

Today, I got out of my bed and immediately stepped into a half-eaten bowl of cereal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 662

You deserved it 5 452

The Gush

By Anonymous - 10/10/2019 22:01

Today, I had planned to do a twenty-minute colon cleanse enema for weight loss. Instead, I woke up in the middle of the night with uncontrollable diarrhea that’s still going strong. Eight hours and counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 1 937

Hiya!

By Anonymous - 25/08/2009 11:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I spotted my neighbour's cat sitting on their front garden. I bent over and began walking towards it with my hand out saying, "Hello pussycat!" I was only a few feet away when I realised I was talking to a white bag of sand. I turned to see my family in hysterics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 809

You deserved it 40 579

By Cooky - 14/03/2010 09:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I learnt that the people I work with dislike me so much that they have a competition to see who can accidentally hurt me the most. How did I find out? A chef poured boiling water over my hands, and another shouted "50 POINTS!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 265

You deserved it 6 713

By Stop being healthy - 22/04/2017 22:00

Today, and every other day this week, I brought carrots and celery into work to eat as a snack instead of chocolate. I got back from lunch to find a note on my desk saying, "Do you really think it's OK to eat carrots and celery that loudly every day?" Guess I won't try to be healthy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 371

You deserved it 791

By qhu - 23/10/2010 02:15 - United States

Today, I was disciplining one of my students for behavior, and he started to roll his eyes every time I was trying to teach the lesson. So I threatened to write him up. After looking closely at the student, I realized he has a lazy roaming eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 992

You deserved it 37 150

By RIPmyhair - 20/12/2018 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when he asked if it was okay to finish on my back. Not only did he do that but he also got it on my neck, the side of my face, and my hair which I'd just gotten done at the salon for almost $200 and can't wash for 2 days. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2 097

You deserved it 2 082

By anonymous - 15/01/2012 05:58 - United States

Today, my crush grabbed my butt while I was walking up the stairs. In surprise I farted. He won't even look me in the eyes now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 451

You deserved it 7 641

By Anonymous - 02/06/2013 04:36 - United States

Today, I won a local arm-wrestling tournament. Too bad I have to use the prize money to repair the tendon I tore in the competition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 897

You deserved it 15 798

By arose - 08/09/2010 04:05 - United States

Today, I did a quick load of laundry so I would have work clothes for the week. I don't have my own dryer so I dried them in the one in my building. After running out to my car, I came back to find that my neighborhood kids had added 6 sharpies to my clothes. Every uniform I own has stripes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 086

You deserved it 3 288

By BathroomDweller - 20/03/2017 20:00 - United States - Omaha

Today, I'm recovering from a urinary tract infection. The infection made me have to pee constantly. Now the antibiotics I'm taking for it are giving me the shits instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 844

You deserved it 364

By dogggg - 14/07/2014 02:10 - India - Pune

Today, I caught my dog drinking from the toilet. After yelling at him, his apology was licking my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 663

You deserved it 9 591

By Hopslammer - 17/06/2011 01:39 - United States

Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 209

You deserved it 48 965

By good big sister? - 02/07/2013 17:39 - Canada - Sault Sainte Marie

Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 011

You deserved it 4 699

By Snurkles McGee - 22/05/2013 21:48 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I confronted my boss to find out why I was denied a promotion that she promised to me. Her response? "You should know by now I'm a liar. Not my fault if you believe the things I say." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 439

You deserved it 3 654

By poo4brains - 28/04/2012 04:42 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Spicy

Today, my wife woke me up by giving my erect penis a Chinese burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 999

You deserved it 3 603

Not cool

By ash203 - 12/12/2009 21:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, my friend and I got really drunk at the holiday staff party. When I went to work afterwards, everyone gave me the death stare. Apparently, I got so drunk that I flashed my boss's 13-year-old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 278

You deserved it 50 089

He needs them more than you

By cjj325 - 20/03/2009 23:35 - United States

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my best friend. We were on the beach and it was fairly crowded but we got in the water at this really secluded area. While we were swimming I looked up to see a homeless man wearing my clothes, walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 956

You deserved it 32 460

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Friday 21 October 2016 14:06

This is a bearded dragon.

flamingarrow59 21

Send a private message

Friday 21 October 2016 14:09

That's not an iguana...

Comments

Send a private message

Friday 21 October 2016 14:06

This is a bearded dragon.

flamingarrow59 21

Send a private message

Friday 21 October 2016 14:09

That's not an iguana...

cuz803 43

Send a private message

Friday 21 October 2016 14:13

That's a dragon I think

Send a private message

Friday 21 October 2016 14:25

Where can I see the blogs on iOS? I've only seen one!

Send a private message

Friday 21 October 2016 17:11

That's a bearded dragon, not an iguana.

Geckosrock99 33

Send a private message

Friday 21 October 2016 17:14

That's a bearded dragon, a female one at that.

Send a private message

Saturday 22 October 2016 18:36

How could you know it's a female by this picture?

Send a private message

Saturday 22 October 2016 22:22

Yes this is a bearded dragon..but there's no way you can tell it's a female from this picture. You can only tell by looking at the base of their tail.

Geckosrock99 33

Send a private message

Thursday 3 November 2016 5:51

#26 In my experience, females have smaller heads then males do. That's how I could tell. Not as accurate as what #27 said, though.

Send a private message

Friday 21 October 2016 18:16

Thats a Bearded Dragon and Chameleons don't actually blend into their surroundings.

Send a private message

Friday 21 October 2016 18:44

Every time I see one of these pictures, I can't help thinking that some manager/boss/founder/"other big person" at FML came up with this "amazing" idea, and that's why even when clearly no one finds them remotely funny.. FML has to keep featuring them to not upset the person that came up with it.. At least that's how it would be in the start-up I work :P

Send a private message

Friday 21 October 2016 19:25

That's not an iguana that's a bearded dragon

LyricaSilvan 29

Send a private message

Friday 21 October 2016 19:37

I wish I could favorite this.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 8

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 137

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721

You deserved it 89