Today, I asked the iguana to paint his cousin, the chameleon....

By EricabrahamEA - 21/10/2016 11:55 - India

Today, I asked the iguana to paint his cousin, the chameleon. He nailed it. Smartass. FML

agreeclassic 929

vote type 1 70

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. More…

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Hangry

By Geckosrock99 - 20/07/2016 05:58

Today, my iguana tried to eat my hand. Taking that as a sign of being hungry, I gave him a bowl of fruits and veggies. After he finished the bowl, he tried to eat my hand again. My iguana's an asshole. FML

agreeclassic 13 287

vote type 1 1 860

Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - 19/03/2023 22:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML

agreeclassic 850

vote type 1 179

Own it

By Anonymous - 17/02/2023 06:00

Today, I was entertaining my niece at the family lunch by painting my lip with calamari ink. My father told me I looked like Ursula, from The Little Mermaid. FML

agreeclassic 490

vote type 1 375

It's the thought that counts

By Mommy - 23/01/2025 12:00 - United States - Winchester

Today, my toddler proudly presented me a "beautiful drawing" he'd made... on my freshly painted living room wall. When I started to scold him, he said, "But I made it for YOU, Mommy!" Now I feel guilty for being mad at Picasso Jr, and having to paint over it. FML

agreeclassic 386

vote type 1 173

By is cum a fruit or a vegetable? - 17/07/2015 17:50 - United States - Germantown

Today, my grandpa saw one of the paintings in the guest room at my house. "What the fuck?" he snorted, then said whoever painted it should "stick to their damn day job". I painted it. FML

agreeclassic 25 845

vote type 1 2 645

By Anonymous - 15/05/2012 03:52 - United States

Today, I walked in on my dad introducing his stuffed gorilla to his cat. FML

agreeclassic 23 952

vote type 1 2 926

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 17:35 - Canada

Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML

agreeclassic 26 410

vote type 1 12 882

By Thanks - 27/11/2009 23:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML

agreeclassic 11 327

vote type 1 49 633

By Anonymous - 08/12/2013 16:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my girlfriend what she loves the most about me. She said it's the fact that I look like her cousin. FML

agreeclassic 49 751

vote type 1 4 126

Thanks, I hate it

By I'm Trading Up For A Dog - 14/12/2014 20:28 - Finland - Pori

Today, I finished a painting I'd spent 3 weeks working on for an exhibition. When I came back from lunch, my cat was perched above it on my desk. He looked at me, then down at the painting, then jumped down onto it. He slipped and smeared the wet paint everywhere, ruining the whole thing. FML

agreeclassic 35 685

vote type 1 6 250

engel2882 3

Friday 21 October 2016 14:06

This is a bearded dragon.

flamingarrow59 21

Friday 21 October 2016 14:09

That's not an iguana...

Comments

Aurora25 29

Sunday 26 January 2020 1:44

shame thats a bearded dragon

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Today, I found my brother sobbing uncontrollably. When I asked why, he told me Melanie was dead. Thinking he was talking about his girlfriend, I offered to take him to a grief counselor. It was there that he told us that Melanie is the name of his horse in Red Dead Redemption II. FML

agreeclassic 3 078

vote type 1 393

Today, it's been 10 months of a sexless marriage. Also my 10-month wedding anniversary. We waited until marriage, and she hasn't wanted me since. FML

agreeclassic 1 645

vote type 1 324

Today, I was at the beach with my friend on vacation. We were playing Marco Polo in the ocean and I was Marco. I thought I heard my friend, so I lunged forward and grabbed her. Too bad it wasn't my friend, it was an old guy in a pink speedo, and I grabbed his butt. FML

agreeclassic 28 005

vote type 1 9 437

Today, an old man started telling me about the high price of meat. I told him I wouldn't know, since I'm a vegetarian. His reply was, "Oh, most vegetarians are slimmer." FML

agreeclassic 28 942

vote type 1 9 015

Today, it was my last day at school before I graduate next week. Ten minutes into lunch break, I was brutally nailed in the neck by a football. Now, not only do I look like I was given a hickey by the Jolly Green Giant himself, I have to wear a neck brace at my graduation ceremony. FML

agreeclassic 28 675

vote type 1 2 077

Today, my husband and I were in bed when the alarm on his phone went off. He then told me that he had to 'sound the horn' and went over to his laptop. Wondering what that meant, I peered over at his laptop. It turns out hunting for mice on Facebook is more important than procreating. FML

agreeclassic 37 847

vote type 1 4 172