Animals: Today, I asked my boyfriend to come hang out with me. He said... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 92

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 52

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 27

06/06/2015 05:52

Today, I asked my boyfriend to come hang out with me. He said he was busy and had to do homework. Since he never studies, I got suspicious and went to check up on him. I found him playing dress-up with his cat. He's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 181

You deserved it 5 047

BO Central

Go vegan

Chuds

17/09/2013 04:36

Today, I called work crying, telling them that I wouldn't be able to go to work tomorrow due to my grandmother's sudden and tragic death. After hanging up, I walked into the midnight release of Grand Theft Auto 5. I had no idea my boss was also an avid gamer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 064

You deserved it 98 879

TMI

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 13:00

Spicy

Today, I sent a photo of my flat to my mother to show her how tidy I’d made it. What I didn’t realise was that my lube and sex toys were also included in the photo of the bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 2 374

24/06/2009 02:37

Today, in the shower, a dime fell on my foot. The only place it could have come from? One of my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 770

You deserved it 82 398

06/09/2015 05:38

Today, the girl I've gone on two dates with showed up at my house with several boxes of her stuff, expecting to move in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 671

You deserved it 2 587

Are friends electric?

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 12:01

Today, my neighbor's dog came to visit and I tried to bring him back home like I usually do. Only this time, when I grabbed the dog's collar, they zapped him! And it zapped me! My teeth still hurt! FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 84

Overbearing much?

By Anonymous - 06/10/2020 14:02

Today, my mom caught me playing Mortal Kombat and had a fit about the violence, saying she read violent video games turn young people like me into mass murderers. I’m 29 years-old with my own flat and she still tries to treat me like a dumb impressionable teenager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 376

You deserved it 132

10/07/2019 20:02

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me. All because I’m thinking of moving to the UK next year to study, and apparently, a girl he’s been thinking about for a week is a better option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 660

You deserved it 236

18/04/2009 14:24

Today, I had a surgery to remove a cyst from my butt. Afterwards that doctor told me that the cyst was bigger than he initially thought, it would still secrete fluids for two weeks, and the best remedy for this was to wear a maxi-pad. I'm a guy, and am currently wearing a maxi-pad on my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 390

You deserved it 6 427

09/01/2010 10:12

Today, I got hit in the face with a piece of bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 302

You deserved it 34 697

30/09/2014 18:48

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to bend my iPhone 6 like there's no tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 567

You deserved it 14 282

30/06/2011 17:44

Today, I actually resorted to checking the newspaper obituaries to see where the deceased were employed, just so I can find a job opening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 315

You deserved it 5 390

22/08/2012 16:33

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 609

You deserved it 4 379

Not now

By Anonymous - 25/02/2013 23:00

Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 415

You deserved it 3 954

26/02/2018 17:00

Today, after ordering a custom $200 Valentine's Day gift box for my husband, he gave it away to a female coworker upon delivery because Valentine's Day isn't for guys. I hope she like the new Xbox one controller and all the gift cards as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 327

You deserved it 362

Hold frame

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 22:01

Today, my stepfather-to-be yelled at me, insisting I take my nose piercing out, because it will "ruin the wedding photos" since I'm a bridesmaid. It's a tiny diamante stud, no bigger than a small pinhead. He then went on a rant about how I need to respect his authority in the family. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 016

You deserved it 116

04/10/2010 06:37

Today, on my way to school I dropped my money. As I turned to pick it up, I saw an old lady snatch it up. We began to argue when a police officer came over. Not only was I accused of being a disorderly thief, but that old lady just walked away with my lunch money for the entire week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 585

You deserved it 3 052

26/05/2011 14:24

Today, I found out my mom intentionally puts extra butter and oil in the food she cooks for me because she wants me to be fatter than her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 329

You deserved it 3 781

Never engage with psychos

By Foxy17 - 16/08/2020 20:01

Today, in a convenience store, I asked a girl who wasn't wearing her mask and not keeping her distance to step away. After telling me to fuck off, she put her mask on, went to the teenage manager and said I was harassing her. Even after hearing my side of the story, I was asked to leave. Turns out it was his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 732

You deserved it 307

19/12/2009 05:13

Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 780

You deserved it 11 679

Time marches on

By Anonymous - 05/01/2021 00:58

Today, after looking back at our high school photos, I told my fiancée I’ve been scared lately that I’m getting uglier with age, and that I was much prettier back then. He got really quiet, and then agreed with me.. I’m only 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 234

Heaven knows I'm miserable now…

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 02:04

Today, my friend is acting like a martyr over not wanting to get a job and guilt tripping me for having one. I mean, I hate my job but I also like my ability to pay bills, unlike some apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 58

15/11/2012 07:23

Spicy

Today, while in my room on the computer, I had a sudden urge to pee. I got up to use the loo and started hearing some disturbing noises from inside. Apparently I was so quiet my parents thought I was gone and decided to have sex in the shower. It's been an hour and my bladder is about to burst. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 327

You deserved it 3 219

16/06/2011 16:03

Today, my professor spent the entire class showing us how to make paper airplanes. I pay over 40 grand a year for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 405

You deserved it 6 158

Call 'em now

By Anonymous - 01/08/2021 02:01

Today, I had to tell my adult daughter that living in a pigsty house, breastfeeding when she can be bothered, changing a nappy only once a day, and leaving the baby at any relative's house while she shops is not adequate parenting, and unless she improves, I’m getting social services involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 195

You deserved it 108

I am the law

By Anonymous - 27/09/2019 06:03

Today I got a ticket for driving on the wrong side of the road. It was a one-way street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 342

31/07/2016 14:19

Today, I got punched in the face after I beat my stepbrother at Mario Kart. I didn't really get hurt, but he managed to break a finger. My stepmom blamed the whole thing on me, accusing me of being violent and a bad influence on her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 895

You deserved it 869

31/05/2010 00:27

Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 928

You deserved it 8 054

How smelly is your piss?

By Anonymous - 08/04/2021 21:00

Today, I peed myself in the dressing room after work when I sneezed. Someone else just walked in as I was trying to dry off my jeans with paper, and probably smelled that I had peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 121

06/11/2009 06:52

Today, my mom texted me in the middle of my end of term math exam, saying it was extremely urgent and needed me to come home ASAP. While skipping my exam, I finally got home to find out my mom forgot what the emergency was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 678

You deserved it 6 134

28/03/2017 00:00

Today, 15 minutes before the end of the day, my boss asked me who I was training to replace me. He then said never mind, that it was his job to choose someone. I hadn't indicated that I was planning on leaving the company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 907

You deserved it 236

22/01/2018 15:00

Today, I told my roommate that I was an atheist and she laughed. I left and returned to find her and her prayer group praying for my soul. She told me to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. I said no. Then she told me to find somewhere else to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 746

You deserved it 1 010

23/01/2009 08:24

Today, I'm sick. I got the flu shot for the first time ever this year and for the first time in my life, I have the flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 804

You deserved it 5 156

27/11/2012 21:04

Spicy

Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 421

You deserved it 4 142

24/12/2010 21:14

Spicy

Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 318

You deserved it 3 670

12/07/2011 04:20

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I had only been dating him for about a month. Thinking he wouldn't take it very hard, I invited him over so I could tell him in person. Little did I know he was going to start crying on my couch and not leave for 5 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 053

You deserved it 10 705

Tasty

By Anonymous - 17/08/2021 06:01

Today, we all know the expression “Salt in your wounds” and it sounds rather unpleasant, right? Well, I just managed to breathe in while biting into an egg, so trust me, salt in your lungs isn’t great, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 151

02/05/2014 18:20

Today, it's my 21st birthday. I got a call from my deadbeat dad, who I thought had finally mellowed and had something nice to say. Nope; he just told me I'm 21 years a disappointment, then hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 930

You deserved it 3 493

Scammer

By hail science - 10/09/2019 00:01

Today, I found out that my mother, who's been against me seeking treatment for my cancer, has been going to different churches and charities to get donations for her "poor ailing daughter." I've not seen a dime of this money, and my mom just tells me to pray my cancer away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 512

You deserved it 126

12/12/2016 09:33

Today, after being trapped in an elevator for 4 hours, I really had to pee. Just when I decided to pee in the elevator shaft, the lift doors opened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 937

You deserved it 1 125

26/12/2011 01:28

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years asked my dad if he could marry me, and my dad agreed. He then tells me that he's not going to propose for maybe another year at least, he "just wanted to get that out of the way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 004

You deserved it 3 607

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Top comments

Idiotskillme 20

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Sunday 7 June 2015 0:16

Hey, it's better than catching him cheating

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Sunday 7 June 2015 0:16

Yeah my precious free time on weekends are always dedicated to playing dress ups with my cat. I mean, like, yours aren't?

Comments

stephenseiber1 22

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Sunday 7 June 2015 0:13

Wait that's not normal. I have been doing it wrong the whole time

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Sunday 7 June 2015 4:38

The importance of grammar is something you must be taught

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Sunday 7 June 2015 7:35

#44 uses passive voice. Consider revising.

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Sunday 7 June 2015 0:15

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Sunday 7 June 2015 5:44

It's tabbulous.

Idiotskillme 20

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Sunday 7 June 2015 0:16

Hey, it's better than catching him cheating

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Sunday 7 June 2015 1:00

He saw her park. Mistress went go hide in another room's closest. Put clothes on cat as distraction. Classic technique.

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Sunday 7 June 2015 4:52

I actually think his secret animal obsession is more of a reason to love him ;)

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Sunday 7 June 2015 5:59

As long as he doesn't choose the cat over her, it's all good

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Sunday 7 June 2015 7:25

Yeah, unfortunately though he was still playing with p*ssy.

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Sunday 7 June 2015 11:35

But would there be the smell of sweat or any other smell?

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Sunday 7 June 2015 21:16

This is a grown up site. You can say pussy, fuck, shit, cunt. We all know what it says anyway, no point in using the *

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Sunday 7 June 2015 0:16

Yeah my precious free time on weekends are always dedicated to playing dress ups with my cat. I mean, like, yours aren't?

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Wednesday 10 June 2015 5:34

This whole thing is disturbing. I was playing with all the pussy I could when I was 17. But unlike OP it was human. Yeah it's nice to love your pets but damn this is freaky

King_paradox 22

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Sunday 7 June 2015 0:16

That's purrfect

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Sunday 7 June 2015 0:35

The cat is wearing purrple.

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Sunday 7 June 2015 0:17

That must have been catastrophic to your image of him

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Sunday 7 June 2015 8:12

Nah, just a big catastrophe

Vintage_Cola 29

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Monday 8 June 2015 1:38

You both need to work on your punning skills. -_-

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Sunday 7 June 2015 0:18

seems like he has alot of creativity

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Sunday 7 June 2015 0:18

Yeah like #3 said, I thought as I'm sure everyone else did/will that he would end up cheating on you so at least it's not that. Idk about the cat thing though might want to talk to him about that.

mustangbravo 27

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Sunday 7 June 2015 0:19

He wanted the wrong kind of kitty.

xluciferx666 21

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Sunday 7 June 2015 0:27

I spend my free time playing GI JOes with my best friebs