Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my boyfriend came over. My mom told him the story about the time she caught me having sex with my ex-boyfriend. My ex is his best friend. FML
Today, I found out that, for over three years, my boyfriend has solely been dating me to get closer to my mom. Apparently, "she's a total MILF." FML
Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents. We've been dating for almost 5 months and are extremely in love. His mom basically said to me, "I want what’s best for my son and you aren’t it." FML
Today, I now have been dumped by 4 serious girlfriends in the last 5 years, each of them for the same reason: Being with me would have meant dealing with my mother who, without fail, asked each of them when we planned on marrying and having kids, every single week. FML
Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that my mom paid him to date me. FML
Today, I was playing Charades with my boyfriend's family. When it was his turn, he pointed at me. His mother said "Bitch?" The answer was "relationship". FML
Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's phone titled "People's I've had sex with". There are also dates next to the notes which represented the day he had sex with them. Not only that it was NOT me who is the last person on the list, but I also realized that the last person on the list was my best friend. And he's a guy. FML
Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML
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Top comments
loveandzombies 0
Don't ask a question if you can't handle the answer....
poopooface 0
Why would you ask that in the first place? ... as if you wanted to know who the other 4 people where.
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Comments (191)
strangersdk 0
hahaha That dude has some balls to say that. Hey, don't ask it if you can't handle the truth.
Jasper_fml 0
MHLF.
Zic_fml 7
Keep your mouth shut. Wou would have whined even if he chose you nr1. because "there were also 4 of them on the list, not just me". I am really fed up with attention ****** and female trap questions: Good thing is that I'll learn young how to avoid them.
your_face 15
He was probably just joking about it. I'm sure he figured the only way to stay out of trouble was to not take the question seriously. Especially since he threw in your mom - that's too overdone for him to mean it. And hey, even if he was serious - now you have names. Use them to indulge his fantasies and he'll really love you.
Misanthropist 0
My list: #1 Littlemuffet (So she will shut up.) #2 her mom (So she will shut up.) #3 the Op (So she will shut up.) #4 Oprah (So she will shut up.) #5 Myself (Because I'm so hot.)
bluewatchmendong 0
A) You ask a male a question and you apparently weren't willingly to hear the answer. Don't always expect to find yourself at the top of the list just because you're dating. B) You asked him who he wanted to have sex with and all males (even females) would compile a list of crushes, celebrities, and possibly even "hot" strangers. C) littlemuffet is a whiny bitch.
sLap_fml 0
HAHA i think that is hilarious.
treasa 0
This isn't an FML. Is your guy honestly on your top 5 list? YDI.
l33tm0nk3y 0
You not being #1 shouldn't be a surprise, nor should it bother you. I don't think I know a single girl who doesn't very openly proclaim on a regular basis how this celebrity or that celebrity is ZOMG SOO HAWT, regardless of whom they're currently dating. I doubt your boyfriend is honestly #1 on your list, so for you to be upset that you aren't #1 on his is just dumb. But I will say, your mom being higher than you is a little strange.
huzz69 0
ROFLMAO, I guess he considers ur mom a M.I.L.F.! You gotta give him credit for being brutally honest!