Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend came over. My mom told him the story about the time she caught me having sex with my ex-boyfriend. My ex is his best friend. FML
Today, I found out that, for over three years, my boyfriend has solely been dating me to get closer to my mom. Apparently, "she's a total MILF." FML
Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents. We've been dating for almost 5 months and are extremely in love. His mom basically said to me, "I want what’s best for my son and you aren’t it." FML
Today, I now have been dumped by 4 serious girlfriends in the last 5 years, each of them for the same reason: Being with me would have meant dealing with my mother who, without fail, asked each of them when we planned on marrying and having kids, every single week. FML
Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that my mom paid him to date me. FML
Today, I was playing Charades with my boyfriend's family. When it was his turn, he pointed at me. His mother said "Bitch?" The answer was "relationship". FML
Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's phone titled "People's I've had sex with". There are also dates next to the notes which represented the day he had sex with them. Not only that it was NOT me who is the last person on the list, but I also realized that the last person on the list was my best friend. And he's a guy. FML
Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML
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Top comments
loveandzombies 0
Don't ask a question if you can't handle the answer....
poopooface 0
Why would you ask that in the first place? ... as if you wanted to know who the other 4 people where.
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Comments (191)
lightmylamb 0
Ah, #30 is using science! All other arguments are moot!
metalyoshi9 0
littlemuffet, you're the one who said that it's sad to think of yourself "lucky to have a significant other who actually wants to **** us." I'm not making up anything here. You're the one classifying yourself that way. I'm with the people that think the OP wasn't thinking straight. What kind of questions are you asking? Even if you think you'll be number one, why the hell do you want to know the other four? >_>
littlemuffet 0
1) I said "we" 2) IT WAS A JOKE.
emikonaito 0
Honestly, i think you're right. I probably don't understand much of a situation, but what is with all these comments on the site being debates? Some people are joking, some are just jerks, everyone has to learn to get over it! Its not like commenting against someone will teach them some life lesson that you guys believe in.
metalyoshi9 0
And 31/34. I've got a hint for you. It tends to be difficult to detect sarcasm through a monitor reading the words of a person you've never met.
Wonka_fml 0
#27 - Don't worry. I understand your joke, but that song is just horrible.
AntiChrist7 0
1. stupid question 2. you choose your boyfriend, if he is an ass: your on fault. YDI
littlemuffet 0
If you're being sarcastic, why are you so insistent that I realize that I'm a raging sex-addict?
metalyoshi9 0
I'm not. It's your own words that brought that upon yourself. And I'm speaking clearly, but apparently you are just joking. So alright, not calling you a sex freak. Just that your comment made it seem that way. End of conversation?
littlemuffet 0
Sounds good. And to let you know, I AM seeking counseling for my nymphomania. Thank you for your concern.
lebreex 0
There's nothing wrong with your nymphomania, littlemuffet! You just have a healthy appetite. I wish I got as much as you. :DD