Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend came over. My mom told him the story about the time she caught me having sex with my ex-boyfriend. My ex is his best friend. FML
Today, I found out that, for over three years, my boyfriend has solely been dating me to get closer to my mom. Apparently, "she's a total MILF." FML
Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents. We've been dating for almost 5 months and are extremely in love. His mom basically said to me, "I want what’s best for my son and you aren’t it." FML
Today, I now have been dumped by 4 serious girlfriends in the last 5 years, each of them for the same reason: Being with me would have meant dealing with my mother who, without fail, asked each of them when we planned on marrying and having kids, every single week. FML
Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that my mom paid him to date me. FML
Today, I was playing Charades with my boyfriend's family. When it was his turn, he pointed at me. His mother said "Bitch?" The answer was "relationship". FML
Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's phone titled "People's I've had sex with". There are also dates next to the notes which represented the day he had sex with them. Not only that it was NOT me who is the last person on the list, but I also realized that the last person on the list was my best friend. And he's a guy. FML
Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML
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Top comments
loveandzombies 0
Don't ask a question if you can't handle the answer....
poopooface 0
Why would you ask that in the first place? ... as if you wanted to know who the other 4 people where.
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Comments (191)
starbux 0
consider yourself lucky to be in the top 5. my top 5 are all celebrities...and your mom.
Superman8_fml 0
threesome
HahahaThatsFunny 0
It is your fault .. But he's kind of a jerk for not having you as first ..
oh_yummy 0
story of my life
0 3
Ask him again in 20 years.
tincan 0
What do you expect from asking such a stupid question?
cyxx 0
91, 109 - thank you. Good to know there are still some people out there who genuinely view sex as something meaningful. To basically everyone else, really? Why would you want to have sex with someone other than your significant other?
fuckthatnoise 0
GROSS. DUMP HIM.
Truce25 0
I'd wanna ask that question too but i would never wanna kn ow the answer. I can't believe he said ur mom was before you! what an ass
IMz0r 0
I hate it when people ask you questions that force you to lie. I had a friend once that would ask me to rate his top five friends. He was not the list when I had finished. Then I had to do the top ten. "Only seven?" By the time he was done bitching I'd moved him up to three, but as far as I was concerned he was off for good ;)