Today, I argued with my girlfriend over her constantly wasting our money on acupuncture. She said if I could prove it was baloney, she would stop. After I showed her copious amounts of scientific proof debunking it as pseudo-science, she told me we're "taking a break" from our relationship. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife paid a man with a fake crystal and an even faker accent to investigate the creakiness of our apartment complex floors. $300 later, she told me he'd found a "sinkhole of chi energy" and that the building may collapse if we don't pay him to disperse it. I want a divorce. FML
Today, my wife threw a piece of tofu cake at my head for suggesting that the money she'd spent on magic "healing" crystals and homeopathic "remedies" would've just as well been spent on a chocolate teapot. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for being superficial. She said I was superficial because I paid $100 for acne medication, because she always complained about how much acne I had. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I had an argument. She admitted she didn't know why she was pissed at me, but still is, and now she won't talk to me. FML
Today, I burned dinner because my girlfriend was yelling for me to help with a trivial problem. To salvage things, I ordered pizza. She spent the rest of the evening moaning that I ruined dinner, that we don't eat healthy, and that I "make us" waste money on food. FML
Today, my girlfriend showed me a print of a Banksy that she'd just bought, telling me it was an original. When I tried to argue that it wasn't, she broke up with me for "implying she was a moron." FML
Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for the night so she could calm down. All I did was suggest her headache might improve with paracetamol and a nap, as opposed to the burning sage stinking up our bedroom and the crystal wand she had pressed against her eyes. FML
Today, my girlfriend complained that she always feels like shit, and that she's tried "everything" to feel better. Everything except eating regular healthy meals, exercising, sleeping regularly, drinking water, showering, and changing clothes daily, that is. I pointed this out, and she kicked me out in a rage. FML
Today, after I spent two hours trying to teach my girlfriend to play sudoku, she broke up with me, tearfully claiming that I'd made up a fake, imaginary game to make her feel stupid. FML
Today, I found out why my wife has been cold and distant lately. She went to a psycho fraudster - sorry, I mean "psychic medium" - who said I'm lusting after other women and am thinking about leaving her. She actually believed him. Now I'm considering leaving her for real. Well played, I guess. FML
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Top comments
th4m4ster 6
you can do better
im_not_creative 5
Looks like she didn't get the point.
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Comments (73)
silentbutfunny 0
I know somebody that always has to be right, no matter how much sense you try to talk into him, he says "you dont know what the **** your talking about" and walks off like hes right. I hate those sort of people. Dating someone like that would suck. Fyl.
xcheshirecat 11
your comment would apply if he would actually be the one who's right. He isn't So you and him are the ones you're talking about
silentbutfunny 0
I havent researched into it. Give me research and ill gladly side with you. Until then HE gave HER scientific research and it sounds like she just blew him off
silentbutfunny 0
But i vividly remember this time me and guy im talking about got into an argument about K-2, you know, the synthetic marijuana? He tried telling me it was a "strain" of the marijuana plant. I tried to be polite about it and said its a fake chemical compound. That it never comes in contact with the plant at all. He said "your ******* stupid, you don't know what your talking about-- just shut up" essentially he was in denial, pretty much what op's girlfriend sounds like shes going through. Even if op is right or wrong, she should (politly) come up with an argument on why she thinks hes wrong, not storm off and say they need a break. Thats immature.
mster_fml 0
Dood if she wants to take a break then let her. Just stay single cause it's her loss
Right_Click 12
Whatever you do, don't go back.
DrMime 10
Well at least now you're not paying for the bogus procedure! Either way OP, don't you know that women are ALWAYS right?!
silentbutfunny 0
I wish women were always right, i'd ask them what the lottery #'s were, who to vote for, what car to buy, who my significant other would be, what kind of furniture to buy, where would i put picture frames, what time dinner really WILL be ready, what to have for dinner, what kind of cool socks to buy, what kinda tie to wear. Just the usual questions of the day as days go on.
21jason 9
Well now she will be wasting just her money. Not yours
NippsSlipps 10
Good riddance, though that sucks for you OP. hope she pays back the money.
GoW_Chick 15
Just ask Ross from Friends, "taking a break" never goes well.
lovelyleah 10
Bologna.
Lilmissred44 0
Baloney? Is spelled bologna :)
McMan 23
That's the deli meat. Baloney means foolish or deceptive.
mistersir123 3
I know it is. I typed the whole Oscar Meyer commercial to prove it lol
adamx88 0
Hey cutie!
daydreamer244 13
She sounds like she has baloney in her head instead of a brain