Health: Today, I am expected to write an 8 page essay, due tonight. The... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 92

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 52

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 27

27/02/2010 21:28

Today, I am expected to write an 8 page essay, due tonight. The reason why I don't even have one page yet? My mom decided to take away the only computer I have the essay saved on because I have an 'F' in English. The essay is for English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 883

You deserved it 7 619

Batman

There's no helping some people

Commando

18/01/2013 05:53

Today, when I asked my boss why my bonus was cut in half, he replied, "I have no idea what you really do." I'm the IT Manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 714

You deserved it 2 855

01/04/2012 04:32

Today, because I was the only manager scheduled, I went into work despite feeling sick to my stomach. While sitting down with a customer, I got the urge to throw up and tried to hold it back. Instead I vomited in my mouth, instinctively swallowed and started choking in front of the customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 704

You deserved it 3 369

21/01/2010 00:55

Today, I went to buy some spray paint for a project. I've never used a spray can before, so I decided to try it on paper provided. Unfortunately I didn't hold the can the right way and ended up with black, permanent, paint all over my face in the middle of a store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 909

You deserved it 36 983

08/01/2012 00:33

Today, my sister attacked me and stuffed a Tic Tac up my nose. I'm currently in the hospital waiting to have it removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 433

You deserved it 3 194

29/03/2012 02:53

Today, I realized that something's wrong when you have to go to a mental hospital for a family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 432

You deserved it 2 147

10/11/2009 15:59

Today, I found out my neighbor ordered parking tickets for everyone on the block. My car was 4 inches into his driveway, but not obstructing his exit in any way. That didn't stop him from calling in, on a Sunday, at 8 AM, an 88 dollar ticket. He also left a note "Your parking sucks, love, Greg." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 553

You deserved it 10 402

07/03/2009 04:17

Today, I finally told my best friend whom I've secretly been in love with for two years that I was in love with her but at the last second chickened out and said I was joking. She replied with "Don't scare me like that. I thought I was going to have to find a new best friend for a second" FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 289

You deserved it 7 291

Handful

By Abeille - 17/03/2011 00:50

Today, I thought I'd take my little sister to the park. After getting bored of playing on the climbers, she thought it would be funny to throw some mud at me; too bad mud wasn’t the only chunky brown stuff on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 880

You deserved it 3 925

03/12/2009 22:29

Today, I hired a professional makeup artist to apply my makeup for a wedding. After paying her $500 for the excellent job she does, and getting dressed, I grabbed the invitation to check out the address, and it said the wedding was on December 2. Today is December 3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 766

You deserved it 60 505

06/03/2015 01:34

Today, my wife complained that the coffee grounds I swept into the sink grossed her out. Yesterday, I removed several panty-liners from her soiled underwear before doing the laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 062

You deserved it 2 986

New movie

By msamberjade - 30/01/2020 20:00

Today, my boyfriend came home with three of his best friends and broke up with me in front of them. Then, when I asked if we could talk privately, he filmed it for "documentation". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 446

You deserved it 233

21/09/2016 07:17

Today, my fiancé, my two-year-old, and my dog are all sleeping peacefully next to me in our new king-sized memory foam bed. It's 2:15 in the morning. Why am I not sleeping? Because they all snore, one right after the other. It's like an endless song of snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 143

You deserved it 1 198

02/01/2016 03:46

Today, I sneezed incredibly hard while eating a granola bar. 5 hours later, it's still hellishly painful to swallow. Please kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 090

You deserved it 1 820

18/11/2014 17:26

Today, in the middle of a boring class, my friend offered me some Smarties. We're not allowed to eat in class, but I had a couple anyway. As I put them in my mouth, my "friend" stood up and yelled that I was doing ecstasy. I might actually get expelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 195

You deserved it 4 422

26/11/2014 21:01

Today, I went to get myself a latte to make myself feel better after having a bad day. As soon as I sat down to enjoy it, I spilled it all over myself, another customer, and the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 490

You deserved it 3 298

11/06/2016 07:56

Today, at 19 years of age, I finally saw a nude girl in real life. Specifically, my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 702

You deserved it 2 049

I've seen things…

By chantelle - 12/03/2021 21:01

Spicy

Today, I woke up early and went into the kitchen to get a Monster, and my dad was getting head from his girlfriend with no pants on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 219

You deserved it 181

20/07/2012 21:38

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 890

You deserved it 45 399

24/01/2011 05:40

Today, I woke up, patted my dog and kissed his nose. He was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 558

You deserved it 4 315

25/06/2012 03:03

Today, I was talking with my wife of five years, and I gave her a few hints about wanting kids. After our talk, she looked at me completely serious and said "Yeah, yeah, kids are great and all, but can't we just get you a dog?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 424

You deserved it 6 159

30/11/2017 22:00

Spicy

Today, my 14-year-old sister came into the bathroom while I was in it. When she saw me, she said sorry and left. Little did I know, she took my electric toothbrush to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 665

You deserved it 525

11/02/2015 20:40

Today, apparently when you tell a hairdresser, "A little off the sides," they hear, "A bowl cut, please, and make it look extra stupid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 998

You deserved it 3 596

16/12/2009 01:39

Today, we had company over, and after dinner, I saw a package of gumballs sitting on the table. Figuring my brother had brought them, I took one and bit it. I got a bunch of weird looks. Turns out wasn't a gumball - it was a mini paintball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 763

You deserved it 30 221

27/06/2011 05:55

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that if I had a penis, our relationship would be better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 001

You deserved it 6 966

19/07/2019 06:01

Today, my car horn got some sort of short and started beeping every 20 seconds or so. On the way to get it fixed, I got stuck in bumper to bumper traffic. Behind a cop car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 946

You deserved it 115

21/10/2016 05:16

Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his muscles as my anniversary gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 581

You deserved it 1 977

Too late

By Anonymous - 01/03/2015 13:31

Today, while on the train heading to my new job, my coat caught between two seats. I didn't notice until my stop. I whacked myself in the face in front of everyone trying to get it free, and ended up missing my stop. When I finally got to work, I was told not to bother coming in again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 307

You deserved it 2 776

01/02/2009 08:55

Today, my cat, who is very 'don't-ever-touch-me', jumped up next to me as if she wanted to be stroked. In reality, she wanted to share a hellish fart. I need a new cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 760

You deserved it 4 914

Proud boy

By Anonymous - 07/12/2020 08:02

Today, I went on a Tinder date. He seemed pretty normal. Very handsome, and a complete gentleman. Turned out he's a white supremacist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 171

25/12/2016 17:50

Today, it's been 2 months since I broke up with my boyfriend. He's been texting me every time he found a bobby pin at his house that belonged to me, saying we should both see it as a sign of us belonging together. If he keeps this up every time he finds one, the texts will probably never stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 011

You deserved it 843

29/09/2015 02:32

Today, I went to clean my cat's litter box, not realizing she was in it. As I lifted the top half of the litter box up, she sprayed me with piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 021

You deserved it 7 085

22/05/2015 02:22

Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 241

You deserved it 2 151

25/01/2010 10:18

Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 488

You deserved it 3 418

22/10/2009 12:26

Today, it was my grandfather's burial. As the family was about to leave, a great aunt came up to my skinny, tall and pretty cousin and told her, "Stay beautiful and kind." Then, she walked to me and said, "And you, Stay kind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 633

You deserved it 3 484

14/04/2012 22:19

Today, despite the fact that I'm really sick, my mom insisted that I come home and help babysit my cousins this weekend. When I got there, everyone else took off to do "errands," leaving me with three hyperactive, howler monkey-like children to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 107

You deserved it 2 842

14/10/2011 23:03

Spicy

Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed, "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 622

You deserved it 6 640

Back-seat parenting

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 14:00

Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 600

You deserved it 114

24/11/2010 17:29

Today, my toilet broke. Yesterday, the shower filled up with sludge. I have ten people coming over for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 733

You deserved it 2 546

12/01/2015 12:53

Today, both my female flatmate and my gay male flatmate have got their boyfriends round. They've both stuck 'Do Not Disturb' signs on their bedroom doors and are both playing music which doesn't quite muffle the sounds of what they're up to. I haven't had a date in over six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 634

You deserved it 4 194

14/12/2013 05:52

Today, I had to take an oral examination. I made it to the last part of the exam, then violently threw up in the middle of my answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 128

You deserved it 3 249

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Sunday 28 February 2010 1:04

Your own fault for having an F in the first place.

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Sunday 28 February 2010 1:09

Get off of FML and get writing!

Comments

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Sunday 28 February 2010 1:03

^^ fail

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Sunday 28 February 2010 1:50

Wooooooow.. that's sucks.

texas_justice 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 5:29

...I used to say my dog ate my assignment. try that excuse.

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Sunday 28 February 2010 6:05

every teacher knows that one now. you have to be really creative to get away now.

rt58killer10 19

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Sunday 27 July 2014 17:39

But what do you do when your dog really did eat it? It happened to me once.

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Sunday 28 February 2010 1:04

Too bad you didn't communicate with your mom sooner. YDI.

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Sunday 28 February 2010 4:51

you're an idiot. you can't say it's the OP's fault because they didn't prevent it from happening. it's like saying a bystander is guilty of a bank robbery for not preventig it.

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Sunday 28 February 2010 5:09

I can say it's the OPs fault because he should not already have a F

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Sunday 28 February 2010 5:10

no its really not like that at all

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Sunday 28 February 2010 5:15

that was for 126

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Sunday 28 February 2010 8:43

Still though if he had already done all the research for the paper... it wouldn't be that hard to rewrite it. Even if it is supposed to be typed if you gave the teacher a hand written copy bc of "computer issues" you should at least get some credit.

nomnommonster 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 1:04

well, explaining will probably do you loads of help.

facingforeverr 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 1:08

agreed. i mean, common sense people

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Sunday 28 February 2010 1:21

haha xD win.

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Sunday 28 February 2010 1:28

that's just dumb

Zills 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 1:40

My mom and dad would just unplug my Internet d-link and put it in the safe. ;p.

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Sunday 28 February 2010 2:02

yea wow tht sucks.. haha

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Sunday 28 February 2010 2:11

haha

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Sunday 28 February 2010 1:04

Maybe if you tell your teacher, he/she'll call CPS! Yay poorly thought out revenge!

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Sunday 28 February 2010 1:04

Your own fault for having an F in the first place.

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Sunday 28 February 2010 1:08

Nobody cares if ur first you fucktard.

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Sunday 28 February 2010 1:09

damn I wanted firs5

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Sunday 28 February 2010 1:09

what a cunt. 0_o

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Sunday 28 February 2010 1:09

Get off of FML and get writing!

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Sunday 28 February 2010 5:21

proof op is a slacker

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Sunday 28 February 2010 6:42

I agree with that completely. If OP would of worked with that report when it was assigned and not have slacked off, he/she would not have to complain in the first place. And I'm pretty sure OP's mom would let them use the computer to turn in the assignment.

Misguided_Ghost 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 1:09

your mom is stupid. = sorry.

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Sunday 28 February 2010 11:10

It's called a flash drive..... look into it!