Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I read a book by a former client who did time for fraud. She swears she's innocent, and blames everyone for her "ordeal": the police, court, judge, and me, her own attorney. She conveniently forgot to mention her two full confessions, one of which was given before the judge. FML
Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML
Today, as a public defender, my client was actually innocent for once. I intended to utterly destroy the prosecution's case and demonstrate his good character. That plan went straight to hell when he showed up heavily intoxicated. FML
Today, during jury duty, the shitbag who's accused of capital murder in our trial took the stand. The prosecution made him look like a total idiot. He got more and more flustered and eventually screamed at us that he'll have us killed if we find him guilty. I believe him. FML
Today, I was subpoenaed on behalf of my mother-in-law. My husband said if I didn't defend her and consequently lie under oath, our marriage is over. She said, "I can get rid of two problems in one day!" FML
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML
Today, my true crime addiction is so bad, when I read an FML about someone's dissociative personality disorder, I immediately thought they were lying and just preparing a good 'not guilty' defense because they planned to murder someone. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who is divorced from my mother, has set up a lawsuit against her and that I am required to go to court and testify against her as a witness. I've tried to keep neutral for six years, and I'll go to jail if I don't show up. FML
Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML
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Top comments
Glitterhinoceros 14
You're defending her, do all the talking and tape her mouth shut or something. That doesn't look suspicious at all.
asdaasdaasda 1
Well, at least your being professional- oh no wait...
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Comments (164)
rubberduckie94 13
Well you know what they say. "the guilty dog barks". Recommend another lawyer to her because if you continue to represent her when she for to jail you won't have a shot in hell with her. She is going to be pissed.
juicypu55y 0
So you're sitting here on FML hoping it will resolve the issue? Good luck bro
KiddNYC1O 22
Good luck to you too...
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Your name... Did you mistake FML with a dating site, or are you just trolling?
SqueakyChipmunk 22
That's for 33, not you, Kidd.
KiddNYC1O 22
Yeah, I know you're talking to juicy pussy.
XtraEzeee 8
Actually he's a 49 year old man who spends half his time yanking it to the intimacy FMLs and his other half commenting hoping to find love from another lonely soul. The name is to show us just how horny he is.
ss_20_xx 14
Hey you never know what might just give you the solution to a serious problem. No harm trying out all the possible ways.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
You know what's strange? 'Kidd' is my last name. *le gasp*
delissaj 0
So your just sitting on here judging people because your life is boring?
SqueakyChipmunk 22
....pretty much, yeah. ._.
syki 22
I guess her hips must not lie, though.
florido_fml 10
Don't date a criminal, it's not going to end well
SqueakyChipmunk 22
You've been hit by a smooth criminal.
stevenmx86 8
ydi I believe this is why you don't get involved with clients...
vbmg152 19
You love a perjurer? Sounds like a recipe for success to me! Are you nuts? Do your job & be done with her. YDI for being an idiot!!
rubberduckie94 13
Perhaps a new hit sitcom?
gracehi 33
Being a perjurer doesn't necessarily make her a bad person. Given the right circumstances, I think just about anyone could be perjurer. We all have somebody we'd lie for. However, I agree that OP should be very careful with this situation. It has the potential to ruin his career.
Senseless_487 29
Yeah, but would you want to be with someone who you already know is a liar? I wouldn't.
downtime 13
Yes I think being with someone who will risk harm to themselves to protect someone they care about would be a pretty good idea...
Senseless_487 29
Yeah, someone that will risk harm, not prison time. Maybe someone that will pull you out of the way of a car, or something like that.
downtime 13
Oh so protecting people you care about is only a good thing if it meets your criteria of what is or isn't acceptable. Fair enough, I apply that same logic to who is or isn't a cockjockey. Oh hey its your lucky day, you made the cut, cockjockey.
Nevereverland 8
I think she has it the wrong way..guilty until proven inoccent?
emeraldisle 30
I would just let her do her thing but you're her lawyer. Tough break.
Eiregal2 10
Well,you are in deep here my friend.conflict of interest much? For your own sanity and any hope she has of getting anything,drop this case,cause you are ****** whatever the outcome.
LSS_fml 18
She probably just seems guilty to you because you love her and wouldn't want to see anything bad happen. Come on be optimistic! (:
esines 9
That made no sense. He loves her and doesn't want anything to happen to her so he thinks she's guilty? Then something bad will happen
LSS_fml 18
It's like when a girl says her boyfriend looks like an idiot and to stop embarrassing her, but he doesn't look silly to anyone else... That's what I meant (: Well it made sense in my head anyway!
daydreamer244 13
Again making no sense....
LSS_fml 18
Sorry guys I tried! It made sense in my head