Animals: Today, while studying for an exam, the neighbor's chihuahua started...

By woof? - United States - San Francisco

Today, while studying for an exam, the neighbor's chihuahua started barking outside. After a few seconds, my mom yelled out for me to stop laughing. She honestly thought the barking was my laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32489

You deserved it

3429

Favorite

Animals

This Charming Man

Dangling modifier

Great parenting

By copshop - United States

Today, I was working the graveyard shift as a security guard. I fell asleep in my car doing paperwork around 2 am. When my supervisor came to check on me, he pounded on my window, wearing a "Scream" mask. I panicked and pepper sprayed him. Too bad my window was closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17257

You deserved it

35916

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting in my room while my mom was talking to my uncle. I had my door open. She said "Yeah my son doesn't know I have his phone password. Girls nowadays are real sluts." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32518

You deserved it

8819

Favorite

By Eggs - United States - Port Richey

Today, I fell down in the street when a speeding car chucked a hard-boiled egg at my butt. While I waited for the feeling in my legs to return, they came back and threw more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42010

You deserved it

3130

Favorite

By svenska75 - France - Paris

Today, I told my physiotherapist a funny story. She got so entertained that she started giggling and twisted my broken arm. The pain was worse than when it broke in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36782

You deserved it

3803

Favorite

By bubbashrek - United States

Today, I realized my soon to be ex wife is stalking me online. Everytime I block her she creates a new profile. She left me 9 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34561

You deserved it

2974

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/3/2021 17:01 - Luxembourg

Useless

Today, I was forced to write a job application letter that boils down to, "I can't do this job, please don't hire me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

633

You deserved it

197

Favorite

By jriese444 - United States

Today, my sister is visiting. She used more toilet paper today than I have in two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27420

You deserved it

3302

Favorite

By loser - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, my mum asked when she's getting grandkids. I had to tell her that, at 21 years-old, I hadn't even managed to get a boyfriend yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19501

You deserved it

1623

Favorite

By Anonymous

Drunk dick

Today, my now ex-boyfriend called the cops on me and told them I wasn’t letting him in the house. His keys were in the door, he was just too drunk to unlock it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1741

You deserved it

161

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend where he went to lunch. He said he went to Wendy's. I teased him and asked if he got tired of eating burgers and Frosty's all the time. His response? "What? No, I mean at Wendy's. You know, the hot girl from work?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

41160

You deserved it

6554

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Cottonwood

Today, I started my first day of work at our local humane society. I asked where the break room was, so my coworker directed me to a small room in the back of the building. The only place I get to take my lunch break is the same room where they euthanize, freeze and cremate the animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28852

You deserved it

7889

Favorite

By hopeless-.- - United States

Today, my boyfriend came in to kiss me. Being sweaty and nasty, I said "Not now, I'm hot and sweaty." He looked at me blankly and said "So am I, just smell my ball sweat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31080

You deserved it

7451

Favorite

By taxed - United States

Today, I found out that I owe the IRS money due to my previous job not taking enough taxes out. I am broke, unemployed, and was counting on a big refund so I could pay for my divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32928

You deserved it

4920

Favorite

By Rafiki - United States

Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9253

You deserved it

31548

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my friend called me freaking out because of an online pregnancy test. She was scared because she had no idea that she was pregnant, let alone having a fifteen pound baby. The website is a joke. She goes to an Ivy League school, and I couldn't even get into community college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38706

You deserved it

4137

Favorite

By Johannes_712

Today, my brother is getting married to my crush of 7 years. To make that even worse, they're moving in with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1567

You deserved it

540

Favorite

By WhatTheFuck - United States - Bridgeview

Today, I had to listen to my grandma talk about how she's "allergic" to toilet paper, and how she lets nature "take care of it". FML

I agree, your life sucks

26037

You deserved it

1751

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24762

You deserved it

3005

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. Soon, I noticed he was being very quiet. When I looked up, he was in a deep sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32043

You deserved it

8433

Favorite

By geeshock1987 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I just remembered that I changed my Gmail display name to "Rice Ball" out of privacy-paranoia a while back. I've been using this same email to apply to several professional jobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17901

You deserved it

39573

Favorite

By Stalkerella

Today, I asked my neighbor to kindly move his truck because it blocks my driveway and the side entrance to my yard. He responded by throwing a decapitated bird onto my front lawn and filing an injunction against me for stalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4576

You deserved it

252

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Hampton Hill

Today, I got turned down by my dream job because their rival company happens to be called my exact name. I'm now known as "The Spy". FML

I agree, your life sucks

23984

You deserved it

1499

Favorite

By Vanessa8221 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I gave a sexual harassment seminar, explaining how important it is to not do anything that makes co-workers uncomfortable. Someone joked, "Like telling you your fly is open?" I tried to zip up, but it got caught on my underwear. There were 20 minutes left in the program. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3859

You deserved it

616

Favorite

By graduate - United States

Today, I got a computer. When I opened it, I found out that my dad had made himself the administrator. He made it so everything shut off after 11 o'clock, and made it so I couldn't download anything without his password. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66853

You deserved it

7576

Favorite

By Anonymous - Germany

Today, I worked in a clinic as a intern. A nurse was called to dry a woman's hair. I followed her, trying to be a good intern. After the nurse was done, the 72 year old woman took off her bathrobe. While looking at me she sat down, her legs wide open. And, yes, she knew she was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40330

You deserved it

3395

Favorite

By DevastatedWoman - Belgium - Kalmthout

Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36428

You deserved it

2012

Favorite

By tinfoilnirvana - United States

Today, I went for lunch at a Chinese restaurant near my home that I have never eaten at before. It was so good I went back tonight for more, and the restaurant has been boarded up. It is closed due to food contamination. Inspections happened today. I ate contaminated food for lunch today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53845

You deserved it

4309

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, at my first day of work at a new job, I got stuck in the elevator going to the parking garage. I have claustrophobia about both elevators and parking garages. They said this never happens. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4060

You deserved it

380

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, as a camp counselor, I was discussing how stupid the idea of santa is to a co-worker, and how every parent should tell the truth to their kids. The intercom microphone was on. I single handily told a group of 100 six year olds that santa was not real. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16727

You deserved it

72483

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents booked my 18th birthday party at Chuck E Cheese's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70198

You deserved it

8318

Favorite

By susiedoggles - United States - Milford

Today, getting home after a long day of work, my boyfriend came running out of the house. Being silly, I thought he was excited to see me. Nope - he was excited to show me the squirrel he shot. In the house. Apparently, we have house squirrels and a boatload of holes in the floor and couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2928

You deserved it

289

Favorite

By Seamstressed - Italy

It's called fashion, OK? Look it up.

Today, I was sewing a top. Due to a mistake, I had to unstitch the zipper and resew it. When I was almost done, I noticed that the zipper was upside down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6167

You deserved it

1229

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/1/2021 08:01

Self-own

Today, out of nowhere, I started violently choking on my own saliva and shat myself in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

942

You deserved it

Favorite

By Ilovelife07 - United States

Today, I went out to lunch on my break. When I got back to work, I noticed I had something in my teeth. After trying to get it out with my tongue, I finally went to my car for some floss. I ended up pulling a 4 inch pube out of my back teeth. It certainly wasn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42633

You deserved it

9554

Favorite

By hate enough to kill... - Netherlands - Stevensweert

Today, I witnessed my mother-in-law reach into my wife's purse and practically empty it out into her pocket. When I confronted her and called my wife into the room, both of them accused me of lying through my teeth, because I've always hated her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29431

You deserved it

1988

Favorite

By grace - United States - New York

Today, I had to ride in the back seat of a car, next to a large, hyperactive dog who experiences nervous bowel movements. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23432

You deserved it

1643

Favorite

By Alex - United States

Today, I had to run a mile in gym class for fitness training. If it takes longer than 10 minutes to run the stretch, you have to re-take it. My time was 10:02. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40936

You deserved it

20373

Favorite

By LuvShawn - United States

Today, I walked home from a guy's dorm early in the morning, still wearing my dress and heels from the night before. I walked by a mother and her little daughter, who said "Mommy, why is she so dressed up so early in the morning?" and the mom replied "Because honey, she makes bad decisions." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25322

You deserved it

67306

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, being too poor to buy makeup, I walked into Macy's and "tested" some products out, just so I could look nice for my job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41234

You deserved it

4870

Favorite

By Bad Mother - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I found out my son told his teachers that I make his brother Tom sleep on the floor, make him stay out of the house for long periods of time, and don't let him use the toilet. Tom is actually our cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26894

You deserved it

1885

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By xluciferx666 | 21

#6267460 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:08

Well maybe you should start barking and see if she tells the neighbors dog to shut up

By sorryheadphones | 26

#6267458 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:08

She must be barking mad to think that

COMMENTS

By sorryheadphones | 26

#6267458 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:08

She must be barking mad to think that

friedpwnadge | 25

#6267579 - Monday 20 April 2015 1:39

I guess your day has gone to the dogs.

gm1beanzz | 14

#6267654 - Monday 20 April 2015 3:30

These were some bad puns.

Teyros | 24

#6267715 - Monday 20 April 2015 4:48

Seeing as we're making bad puns we can say her laughter was born in the dog house

Jason89 | 14

#6267802 - Monday 20 April 2015 6:19

afterwards she is gonna HOWL from this

By xluciferx666 | 21

#6267460 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:08

Well maybe you should start barking and see if she tells the neighbors dog to shut up

Stephencharis | 14

#6440607 - Wednesday 21 October 2015 8:02

that will make a good experiment....

By sterling1113 | 15

#6267461 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:08

Sounds like she made you.. barking-mad.

Sorry I'll see myself out now

cakefete2 | 30

#6267509 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:23

Number one beat you to it. That's ruff.

sterling1113 | 15

#6267831 - Monday 20 April 2015 7:02

Noticed it too late. :( and I'm out of puns, dog-gonnit.

By Tarlachia | 33

#6267462 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:08

"I'm not a barking rat, mom!"

By 201chasew | 22

#6267463 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:08

Do you have a hyena laugh?

By DanCastellaneta | 17

#6267465 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:09

I can't even...

MelTheGreat | 23

#6267774 - Monday 20 April 2015 5:48

Try

Mauskau | 35

#6267986 - Monday 20 April 2015 12:37

So you can only odd?

By NickEd | 11

#6267466 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:09

They say laughter is the best medicine. Unless your laughter sounds like a chihuahua barking.

By xxNIGHTxx_fml | 17

#6267470 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:10

I'm sorry, OP!

davidpropert | 32

#6267566 - Monday 20 April 2015 1:22

Cool

By abNormal62 | 23

#6267487 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:15

Did you leave the room with your tail between your legs?

By skye147 | 20

#6267508 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:22

That sucks.aybe you should start laughing all creepy-like, then she defiantly won't mistake you for a tiny dog