Animals: Today, while studying for an exam, the neighbor's chihuahua started...

By woof? - United States - San Francisco

Today, while studying for an exam, the neighbor's chihuahua started barking outside. After a few seconds, my mom yelled out for me to stop laughing. She honestly thought the barking was my laughter. FML

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Animals

British Broadcasting Corporation

Banished

Modernity

By Noname - Canada

Today, my house got egged and since it is the winter the eggs froze. They used two dozen eggs. FML

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By tallesttree54

Today my boyfriend proposed to me and I gladly accepted. The first words out of his mouth after getting off his knees were, "I own you now!" FML

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By Peachtree

Today, I learned that the super cute guy I've been dating for the last 4 weeks is a total gross slob. His house was like a garbage skip, literally ankle deep in garbage, pizza boxes, old crud, and filth. It stank of cat urine and there was poop residue in his toilet bowl. FML

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By Arden

Today, my dog peed on my bed because my parents were presumably having sex and I was too scared to go downstairs and take her out because of it. FML

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By MsAnonymous17 - United States

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

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By jessybear777 - United States - Branson

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I'm extremely uncomfortable with eye contact, but he kept staring into my eyes the entire time. I had to sing the F.U.N. song from Spongebob in my head to stop myself having an anxiety attack. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I finished a big painting for art class. It's also the day my little brother decided it didn't have enough puke on it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Buffalo

Today, my boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Werribee

Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML

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By hockusa3 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I was driving to the DMV to take a test, after getting some points removed from my license. On the way there, I got a speeding ticket and got my license suspended completely. FML

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By failure - Canada

Today, my parents are freaking at me because I just got my report and I failed my first year of college. They told me they have never been more disappointed in me. I have to tell them that I'm also pregnant. FML

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By Pandy1031 - United States - Crofton

Today, as I was shampooing my hair in the shower, the power went out. Since my house has well water, no power means no water. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2020 08:08

Keep schtum

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. Last week my coworker, who I sit next to 5 days a week, returned to work after bereavement maternity leave. FML

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By cassiebee - United States - Morgan

Today, at work I was trying to be nice and give a customer a discount because she was having trouble finding money to pay for her food. Everybody behind her then demanded a discount as well. FML

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By anxiety - United States

Today, I had an anxiety attack because I thought I'd lost my anxiety medication. It ended up being on the shelf right where I left it. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went into my fridge and someone had drank all the beer. Only my 8-year-old son lives with me. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Boondall

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

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By RoxMySox - United States

Today, I got into a car accident. I got into it because I noticed a flashy new sign on the highway that read "Being an attentive driver prevents car crashes". Thanks for the notice. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Liverpool

Today, early in the morning, I got a knock on the door from the police. It seems my son and his friend had been caught throwing toilet paper at a neighbour's house. He's 23. FML

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By bl3ur0z3

Today, I learned that my new apartment complex does not allow "altercations in community areas". This includes pulling my child out of the pool and reprimanding him for holding his cousin under water. I can't parent outside my apartment. FML

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By cantcloselegs - United States

Today, I was using my new curling iron to curl my hair. I was sitting down. Suddenly I dropped the iron and, as a reflex, I caught it between my bare thighs. FML

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By unengaged - United States

Today, my boyfriend of six years broke up with me for a girl he's known for less than 72 hours. Why? He wanted someone pure. I lost my virginity to him five years ago. FML

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By Joseflloyd - United States - Carbondale

Today, I finally got up the nerve to ask a girl at my school for her number. As I was typing it into my phone, she pointed out the giant booger firmly attached to my sleeve. FML

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By sammarli530 - United States - New Lenox

Today, after calling the insurance plan for my new iPhone a "huge waste of money", I promptly dropped it in the store while trying to put it into my pocket, cracking the screen. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to a support group for my porn addiction. I was hoping I wouldn't recognize anyone there. The first person I recognized was my dad, and the second was one of my professors. FML

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By kaley

Real dream

Today, I woke up to find that I had given myself a haircut in my sleep. I have a presentation today and a job interview tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2020 09:00

Honor amongst maids

Today, a good friend from childhood, who was my maid of honor four years ago, got married. Without me knowing about it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three months told me that he had cheated on me two months ago with my best friend. I decided to give him a second chance. About twenty minutes later, he then broke up with me for not wanting to watch football. Apparently I don't care about his feelings. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I took my girlfriend out for dinner to a fancy Italian restaurant for our one year anniversary. After giving her some roses, freshly baked cookies, and a thoughtful poem I wrote for her, she started laughing and asked for her real gift. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Hornsby

The appearance

Today, I find why my long term boyfriend has not been interested in sex for the last 3 months. It’s because I’m fat. While I could probably lose a few, I am not obese and I am the one that has lead healthy eating and exercise in our house. FML

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Catfished!

Today, I found out my husband has been "cheating" on me with some girl from Russia that he has to pay for regularly. This explains why he never has any money, he's actually dumb enough to be scammed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I though it would be funny to go on my boyfriend's facebook to change his status. While in the process, his account received a message. Turns out he's planning on hooking up with his ex girlfriend/one of my friends and is definitely over me. How's that for snooping around? FML

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By nohablaespanol - United States - Sanger

Today, I had an interview for a job I really wanted. On my resume, I wrote that I speak conversational Spanish, although I don't. When I arrived for the interview, my interviewer decided to conduct it in Spanish. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the dentist. I had to get a tooth removed. In the middle of the procedure, the power went out. I had to sit there for an hour to wait for it to come back on. The anesthetic wore off before he started working on me again. FML

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By hellangelrose - France

Today, I was staying in my family friend's house in France. The church bells ring every hour, which I thought was cute. Until 8 this morning where they rang 24 times. FML

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By ekoblick - United States

Today, I got food poisoning from my wedding food. FML

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By comics over coatis

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me for starting to give him oral sex because I wasn't paying attention to the Marvel movie he was showing me. FML

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By cam96

Today, I woke up early and rushed to work to get to our first weekly safety meeting. I was the only one that remembered. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML

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By germophobe - Canada - Calgary

Today, my roommate came back from camping. My toothbrush magically reappeared as well. FML

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Top comments

By xluciferx666 | 21

#6267460 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:08

Well maybe you should start barking and see if she tells the neighbors dog to shut up

By sorryheadphones | 26

#6267458 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:08

She must be barking mad to think that

COMMENTS

By sorryheadphones | 26

#6267458 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:08

She must be barking mad to think that

friedpwnadge | 25

#6267579 - Monday 20 April 2015 1:39

I guess your day has gone to the dogs.

gm1beanzz | 14

#6267654 - Monday 20 April 2015 3:30

These were some bad puns.

Teyros | 24

#6267715 - Monday 20 April 2015 4:48

Seeing as we're making bad puns we can say her laughter was born in the dog house

Jason89 | 14

#6267802 - Monday 20 April 2015 6:19

afterwards she is gonna HOWL from this

By xluciferx666 | 21

#6267460 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:08

Well maybe you should start barking and see if she tells the neighbors dog to shut up

Stephencharis | 14

#6440607 - Wednesday 21 October 2015 8:02

that will make a good experiment....

By sterling1113 | 15

#6267461 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:08

Sounds like she made you.. barking-mad.

Sorry I'll see myself out now

cakefete2 | 30

#6267509 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:23

Number one beat you to it. That's ruff.

sterling1113 | 15

#6267831 - Monday 20 April 2015 7:02

Noticed it too late. :( and I'm out of puns, dog-gonnit.

By Tarlachia | 33

#6267462 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:08

"I'm not a barking rat, mom!"

By 201chasew | 22

#6267463 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:08

Do you have a hyena laugh?

By DanCastellaneta | 17

#6267465 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:09

I can't even...

MelTheGreat | 23

#6267774 - Monday 20 April 2015 5:48

Try

Mauskau | 35

#6267986 - Monday 20 April 2015 12:37

So you can only odd?

By NickEd | 11

#6267466 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:09

They say laughter is the best medicine. Unless your laughter sounds like a chihuahua barking.

By xxNIGHTxx_fml | 17

#6267470 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:10

I'm sorry, OP!

davidpropert | 32

#6267566 - Monday 20 April 2015 1:22

Cool

By abNormal62 | 23

#6267487 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:15

Did you leave the room with your tail between your legs?

By skye147 | 20

#6267508 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:22

That sucks.aybe you should start laughing all creepy-like, then she defiantly won't mistake you for a tiny dog