Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I read a book by a former client who did time for fraud. She swears she's innocent, and blames everyone for her "ordeal": the police, court, judge, and me, her own attorney. She conveniently forgot to mention her two full confessions, one of which was given before the judge. FML
Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML
Today, as a public defender, my client was actually innocent for once. I intended to utterly destroy the prosecution's case and demonstrate his good character. That plan went straight to hell when he showed up heavily intoxicated. FML
Today, during jury duty, the shitbag who's accused of capital murder in our trial took the stand. The prosecution made him look like a total idiot. He got more and more flustered and eventually screamed at us that he'll have us killed if we find him guilty. I believe him. FML
Today, I was subpoenaed on behalf of my mother-in-law. My husband said if I didn't defend her and consequently lie under oath, our marriage is over. She said, "I can get rid of two problems in one day!" FML
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML
Today, my true crime addiction is so bad, when I read an FML about someone's dissociative personality disorder, I immediately thought they were lying and just preparing a good 'not guilty' defense because they planned to murder someone. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who is divorced from my mother, has set up a lawsuit against her and that I am required to go to court and testify against her as a witness. I've tried to keep neutral for six years, and I'll go to jail if I don't show up. FML
Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML
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Top comments
Glitterhinoceros 14
You're defending her, do all the talking and tape her mouth shut or something. That doesn't look suspicious at all.
asdaasdaasda 1
Well, at least your being professional- oh no wait...
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Comments (164)
Vash_41288 10
Conflict of interest?
HerrBawl 4
Recuse yo-seff
AgentSmith79 9
Shouldn't your conscience be telling you not to have a personal stake in the case? Whatever happened to keeping your relationship with your clients strictly business?
Pinkfl0yd 9
You deserve it for having such a conflict o interest. Recuse yourself and move on.
maniaccrab 0
Be like Jim carry in that movie where he was a lawyer, and he couldn't lie. Find something of utter truth, find a hole in it, push through that hole, twist it through to a technicality, either push that truth until either she isn't technically legible for charges, or it "proves" she's not guilty. Sometimes, a lawyer must lie, that's part of their job. Although, a good lawyer isn't someone who lies completely, or someone who speaks only truth, it's someone who lies to find that hole, but lies with a baseline of truth.
OfficeNinja 5
Your budding relationship is off to a good start. You know she likes to lie, and she knows she will need a lawyer on retainer.
katiedoll6 7
Okaaaay just do your best
kalbrek009 20
Definately a "conflict of interest"...usually the law requires you to dismiss yourself as her attorney. Not sure how the law works in Norway, but chances are....if she's on trial for perjury then she's also lying to you...dump her as a girlfriend & client
charmanderCHAR 5
Wait, so. You have a client, that you're trying to defend, who is trying to make herself look GUILTY? I'm not getting this.
tivadar44 1
Wow. This sounds just like the plot to my new book, "The World's Worst Lawyer".