Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I read a book by a former client who did time for fraud. She swears she's innocent, and blames everyone for her "ordeal": the police, court, judge, and me, her own attorney. She conveniently forgot to mention her two full confessions, one of which was given before the judge. FML
Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML
Today, as a public defender, my client was actually innocent for once. I intended to utterly destroy the prosecution's case and demonstrate his good character. That plan went straight to hell when he showed up heavily intoxicated. FML
Today, during jury duty, the shitbag who's accused of capital murder in our trial took the stand. The prosecution made him look like a total idiot. He got more and more flustered and eventually screamed at us that he'll have us killed if we find him guilty. I believe him. FML
Today, I was subpoenaed on behalf of my mother-in-law. My husband said if I didn't defend her and consequently lie under oath, our marriage is over. She said, "I can get rid of two problems in one day!" FML
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML
Today, my true crime addiction is so bad, when I read an FML about someone's dissociative personality disorder, I immediately thought they were lying and just preparing a good 'not guilty' defense because they planned to murder someone. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who is divorced from my mother, has set up a lawsuit against her and that I am required to go to court and testify against her as a witness. I've tried to keep neutral for six years, and I'll go to jail if I don't show up. FML
Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML
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Top comments
Glitterhinoceros 14
You're defending her, do all the talking and tape her mouth shut or something. That doesn't look suspicious at all.
asdaasdaasda 1
Well, at least your being professional- oh no wait...
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Comments (164)
Ugi 27
You are supposed to be a professional - so FFS act like one and provide her with a professional service! Once this is all over then you can think about what other services you would like to offer her but right now you have to do your job.
DocBastard 40
If she told you she loves you, she probably lied. Hell, she lied under oath. I would dump her as a client and let her face the music.
Inediblepeaches 15
I have no idea what any of this means...
skokob 7
Ever guy likes a bad girl!!!
wegetrz 14
Forget about all that conscience mumbo jumbo and let the bitch fry.
redtigerlily 5
Conflict of interest. Don't you know what your job entails?
aira_1202 0
You should stop defending her
citybone 0
Talk about conflict of interest. Tough one
berclaw 7
wow how is she not arrested and how are you not fired i mean your obviously not doing your job right so you dont get to complain
berclaw 7
why do you feel the need to complain when your the one who is supposed to defend her
THE_A_TEEN 28
Read the FML. It shows the conflict in him about his love for the client and his job. And this is fmylife.com, the place to complain. Not the place for you to spread your shit about people complaining. Lastly, it's "YOU'RE".