Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I read a book by a former client who did time for fraud. She swears she's innocent, and blames everyone for her "ordeal": the police, court, judge, and me, her own attorney. She conveniently forgot to mention her two full confessions, one of which was given before the judge. FML
Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML
Today, as a public defender, my client was actually innocent for once. I intended to utterly destroy the prosecution's case and demonstrate his good character. That plan went straight to hell when he showed up heavily intoxicated. FML
Today, during jury duty, the shitbag who's accused of capital murder in our trial took the stand. The prosecution made him look like a total idiot. He got more and more flustered and eventually screamed at us that he'll have us killed if we find him guilty. I believe him. FML
Today, I was subpoenaed on behalf of my mother-in-law. My husband said if I didn't defend her and consequently lie under oath, our marriage is over. She said, "I can get rid of two problems in one day!" FML
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML
Today, my true crime addiction is so bad, when I read an FML about someone's dissociative personality disorder, I immediately thought they were lying and just preparing a good 'not guilty' defense because they planned to murder someone. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who is divorced from my mother, has set up a lawsuit against her and that I am required to go to court and testify against her as a witness. I've tried to keep neutral for six years, and I'll go to jail if I don't show up. FML
Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML
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Top comments
Glitterhinoceros 14
You're defending her, do all the talking and tape her mouth shut or something. That doesn't look suspicious at all.
asdaasdaasda 1
Well, at least your being professional- oh no wait...
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Comments (164)
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Op's Client: I'm not say that I killed her, but she wouldn't stop screaming when I stabbed her, so-- Op: *whispering* Shut up, I'm trying to help you! And I love you. Client: I knife you too! Op: wait, what. Client: I love killing.
twerp21 3
Unprofessional!
UnicornInSpace 6
What did I miss?..
THE_A_TEEN 28
Apparently, you missed Ponies being launched into space. They're coming for you.
KiddNYC1O 22
Rbg's antics.
gracehi 33
Sometimes you just can't help falling in love, so FYL, OP. Just set your feelings aside for now and do your job, keeping her off the stand as much as possible. If you want to pursue a relationship after the trial, make sure it's in a way that's legal & doesn't jeopardize your reputation.
LoganBurrito 6
Ever watch Capcom's Ace Attorney? Just do what Phoenix Wright does: Stand and hold a document, tap it twice with the back of your hand, then dramatically slam your hands on the desk, point at the plaintiff with an outstretched arm and yell "OBJECTION! Take that!" You'll be guaranteed to win!
owo_fml 9
OBJECTION! When Phoenix does that, he finds that people actually are lying at the stand, but that is exactly what he does not want to prove...
Deltajoel 0
Too bad you can't withdraw since trial has commenced. No judge will let you out since out would be adverse to the client..fml indeed.
MissMae93 23
Conflict of interest? Isn't it illegal to be involved with a client, whether it be mutual or one-sided? That's what I thought, I may be wrong though.
gracehi 33
He never said he was "involved" with her, just that he loves her. I get the impression that she doesn't even know how he feels about her. The guy can't necessarily help the way he feels, though. Sucks. :(
MissMae93 23
Involvement when it comes to the law includes any type of attraction: sexual, physical, or emotional. This includes "crushes", being sexually active with the client, or being "in love". Again, just what my impression is from my law classes. Anyone hop in and correct me if I'm wrong!
gracehi 33
Well I'm no lawyer, so you may be right. But I get the impression from other comments that it may be too late for him to drop the case since they're already before a jury. Also, it might be worse for him to drop the case (if he even can) than to just continue with it & try to set his feelings aside.
gracehi 33
No matter what, though, this is certainly a difficult situation with no clear solution. Poor OP. :(
phatdaddy62 23
Just because an attorney is attracted to a client doesn't mean he has to withdraw from her case. He may not,however, act upon that attraction. However, if the attraction clouds his judgment – and it seems as though it may be the case in this matter – the attorney should withdraw.
downtime 13
59, Really, lawyers with any form of attraction to their clients are breaking the law? Maybe thats why everyone looks like shit when they go to trial, so that they can actually find someone to represent them...Super models must have to shit their pants for any hope of finding a lawyer.
MissMae93 23
106 - Thanks for the clear up :) 127 - It's like I've been saying this ENTIRE time, I wasn't 100% sure what the rules were. No need to get so defensive, yeesh.
trucker67 10
Falling in love with a client not good , falling in love with a client who won't listen to you worse , what's gonna happen if you keep going down this path with a client - really ******* bad !!
tayrex77 3
you have a conflict of interest. you shouldn't even be defending her at all. first rule of practicing law!
anon_e_m00se 8
Are you her attorney or are you her suitor? You can't be both. Pick one, and be that, perfectly. The situation sounds like it has already progressed to the point where you don't have a choice (can't recuse yourself) -- so you're her attorney. So, you have to do what's best for her as an ATTORNEY, without regard for your romantic feelings for her. You must be her perfect attorney -- nothing less, and nothing more. If that means telling her to shut the hell up, you have to do it. If that means telling her to say X instead of Y (as long as X isn't a lie), then you have to do it. Even if either of those things makes her hate you. As her attorney, you owe her nothing less than that. Once the dust settles, once the case is over ... THEN you can talk to her about the other things.