Money, Kids and Miscellaneous: Today, I accidentally washed an entire box of macaroni and cheese... - FML

By Adulting - 31/10/2017 21:24

Today, I accidentally washed an entire box of macaroni and cheese with a load of laundry. I'm 25 and do not have kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 003

You deserved it 2 606

Money Kids Miscellaneous

Empathy lives

When nature calls

You're my mommy now

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 03:07 - United States

Today, my younger brother called me saying he's getting married. Now, I have to attend my ex's wedding. I'm the best man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 887

You deserved it 3 182

By Anonymous - 19/11/2015 14:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my 30th birthday. My husband came home with a big case of beer for himself, then told me he didn't have time to get me a present because of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 553

You deserved it 2 008

By Broke - 04/12/2013 08:27 - United States - The Colony

Today, I went to an ATM to see how much money I had in my account. I put the card in. It never gave it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 908

You deserved it 4 108

By Anonymous - 08/10/2012 17:27 - United States - Placentia

Today, I cleaned out my house and placed multiple boxes of clothes and books in my two-seated truck to take to the Goodwill. While turning onto the highway, everything tumbled on top of me, sending me crashing into a guardrail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 540

You deserved it 8 416

By Mervin22 - 29/01/2011 04:10 - Australia

Today, I broke my arm. When I got home from the doctors with my cast, I fell asleep on the couch from the medicine. When I woke up, there were swastikas, "I love the KKK", and multiple penises written all over my cast. My dad thought it would be funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 258

You deserved it 4 418

By Anonymous - 27/10/2011 15:24 - United Kingdom

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. The only way I could have gotten pregnant is from having gotten drunk and sleeping with my ex. We broke up because I didn't want children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 805

You deserved it 54 703

By Broke as a joke - 04/05/2019 04:00

Today, I received the bill for my trip to the ER months ago. Almost $1000 for a quick 2.5 hour stay, only to find out that I had bad gas from drinking far too much of the seltzer I had bought on sale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 492

You deserved it 933

By Peter Steele love - 18/10/2015 00:49 - United Kingdom - Clevedon

Spicy

Today, I was sexting my boss. I realised that I wasn't texting my boyfriend after I'd sent 2 nudes, and received many sexually provocative responses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 035

You deserved it 18 870

By Anonymous - 12/06/2012 16:38 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, I started my new job as a repossession agent. While attempting to repo a boat, we came across a young couple. The woman was very annoying, and even hit another agent, so I threatened to throw her in the water if she touched him again. I ended up in the water instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 407

You deserved it 14 494

By Anonymous - 15/04/2013 16:02 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He wants us to stay friends, though, so he can continue to use my coffee maker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 120

You deserved it 4 706

By pissedandpoor - 15/04/2016 17:50 - United States - Meadville

Today, my wallet got stolen. I had a bunch of cash, my SS card and my license in it. Now I have to replace everything, only to have to renew my license again when I turn 21 in June. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 942

You deserved it 2 938

By forever single, I guess - 15/03/2013 22:43 - United States

Today, at college, I finally talked myself into confessing my feelings to a girl I really like. Her response was to threaten to sue me. For what, exactly? I have no goddamned idea. I just don't understand people anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 676

You deserved it 3 410

By saddude - 04/03/2009 07:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 302

You deserved it 113 278

By Jay - 10/04/2009 14:41 - Germany

Today, my mate came over wanting me to listen to a new music cd he got. It was by some unknown band, and at the end he asked me what I thought, and I said it was ok, but the lead singer couldn't sing even if his life depended on it. Turns out my mate's the lead singer, and it was his own band. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 173

You deserved it 42 940

By Worky Workerton - 22/09/2016 17:14 - United States - Oakland

Today, I was fired without warning from my job because I was not consulting my boss about things like washing dishes and throwing away garbage. Basically, I was fired for being too good at my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 720

You deserved it 845

By fuck - 18/04/2015 14:38 - United States - Saint Thomas

Today, I went on a date with a girl I like. Afterwards, I drove her home, and we just sat there awkwardly. I thought she wanted to kiss me but was nervous, so I jokingly said "What're you waiting for? Christmas?" I guess she took that as a "Get the hell out", because she broke into tears and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 437

You deserved it 34 520

Directions

By jay-frey96 - 02/11/2014 15:36 - United States - San Diego

Spicy

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 520

You deserved it 13 914

Oh no.

By Anonymous - 07/01/2018 01:30

Today, while cleaning out my daughter's closet, I found my missing dildo. It's a mold of my husband's penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 208

You deserved it 1 597

By diskdude13 - 15/10/2009 01:48 - United States

Today, I just let out all my feeling for a woman that I have loved for 22 years. When I finished she said "You're so funny" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 573

You deserved it 6 399

By Anonymous - 10/11/2010 01:31 - United States

Today, there was an animal rummaging around in my trashcan, so I kicked the trashcan to see what it was. The fox then chased me for three blocks to find out what I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 964

You deserved it 30 510

By tumblrinas_at_work - 02/05/2015 08:04 - United States - Woodland Hills

Today, I had to go to a boring, never-ending "sensitivity training" session, all because my douchebag coworker filed a complaint against me last week after I apologized for being tardy. Apparently I was insulting people with mental disorders. Or as she put it, "differently-abled" people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 709

You deserved it 2 951

By Dentedbumper - 07/03/2019 14:00

Today, I tried to back my car into my parking space while some of my neighbors were out by their cars. I accidentally rammed into the retaining wall behind my spot. I was hoping the neighbors didn't notice the huge crunching sound, but they did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 1 598

Don't dead open inside

By that’s not how this works! - 09/08/2021 23:01 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my mom went on a rant about how insulin and other diabetic medications are evil western poisons, and that she can control her condition naturally on her own. That would be great, if she actually ate right and exercised instead of just using meditation to “think” herself healthy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 65

By John - 10/07/2013 02:48 - United States

Today, while leaving McDonald's, I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watched in the rear-view mirror as it landed in the opposite lane and about 60 winged rats descended upon the street, causing a truck to veer off the road and crash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 046

You deserved it 50 481

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 03:37 - United States - Vienna

Today, I realized I didn't want to come home from a business trip because I like my job more than my husband. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 181

You deserved it 4 536

By Cinderella - 09/07/2017 14:55

Today, my house was so dusty that when I started to clean it, the smoke detector went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 866

You deserved it 2 316

By Anonymous - 06/10/2009 00:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend in his room, wearing his boxers. He told me this story about how one time he had diarrhea when he was stuck in traffic and had not choice but to poop himself. I asked him what prompted this story. He said I was wearing the boxers he pooped in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 329

You deserved it 5 354

By smalltownkid - 01/03/2015 23:22 - United States - Houston

Today, I moved to a big city, alone, from a small town. After convincing myself it wasn't that scary, I hailed my first cab. The driver spent the 30 minute ride from the airport telling me about how "sometimes, you just gotta shoot a guy" because if they steal your shoes, they deserve it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 389

You deserved it 2 958

Drunken antics

By Anonymous - 21/12/2020 14:01

Today, I found out that last night, when I drank a bit too much and blacked out, I freaked out about "losing my tampon in my vagina" and made my boyfriend fish through to look for it. I had already taken it out before then, and was too drunk to realize. He told me he almost called 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 991

By look at the fucking universe, lady - 18/05/2013 18:44 - United States - Montgomery

Today, I spent hours debating with a lady who claimed she'd spent years "studying the big bang theory". Not only did she not know the scientific meaning of the word "theory", her killer argument was "If the big bang happened, where are the fossils?" I'm not sure whether or not I just got trolled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 685

You deserved it 5 196

By NoConfusion - 14/09/2014 12:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend told me that the necklace I gave her wasn't a "unique enough gift." I spent two weeks making that necklace, link by link. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 665

You deserved it 3 333

By Anonymous - 29/01/2015 23:32 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, for the nth time, my father reminded me that I should study things related to the "real" world, as if I was studying theology, astrology or something. I'm studying for a master's degree in physics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 444

You deserved it 2 583

By Anonymous - 08/11/2010 10:47 - United States

Today, my friend bought a smartphone and updated his facebook status with it. Two weeks ago he signed an apartment lease with another friend. Four months ago he bought a new handgun. Seven months ago he bought a new TV. He's owed me $300 for a year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 341

You deserved it 8 679

By stargate25 - 24/07/2015 02:33 - United States - Denver

Spicy

Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 898

You deserved it 11 577

Oh lawd, he comin'

By logkitty - 10/04/2012 04:35 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was sitting in my car outside my apartment complex when a man came around the corner holding something shiny, and I thought was a gun. Thinking I was about to get robbed at gunpoint, I bugged out and threw up. It was a silver watering can. He asked if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 532

You deserved it 12 780

By Thanks - 27/11/2009 23:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 302

You deserved it 49 409

Help

By whyme - 08/12/2010 06:26

Today, feeling so depressed to the point of having suicidal thoughts, I texted a girl I had a crush on. Her response? "Can you please delete my number, you're getting annoying." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 442

You deserved it 19 731

By Anonymous - 01/01/2013 10:30 - United States - Wichita

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Some guy grabbed her ass, and I tried to fight him. I ended up with a concussion and a messed up jaw. Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 845

You deserved it 15 111

Help!

By Anonymous - 27/12/2011 17:13 - United States

Today, I walked into my elderly grandmother's trailer, used the bathroom and went to wash my hands. She had a soft spot in the floor that she covered with a bathmat. I fell through. Right leg up to my hip in the floor, boobs stuck on the counter. My husband and grandmother stood there laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 913

You deserved it 3 129

By Wheel chair bound - 16/12/2016 21:14 - United States - Marion

Today, I received the good news that my spine looks normal. Either the degenerative disc that was diagnosed 5 years prior magically healed, or my current doctor is an idiot. Considering that it's felt like someone is chiseling into my spine for some days, I'm leaning toward the latter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 388

You deserved it 572

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Tuesday 31 October 2017 21:32

How??

exileonmainst 16

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Tuesday 31 October 2017 21:54

Dose 50 ml of mac and cheese to every 5 kg of clothes. After the wash cycle is finished, season with salt and pepper and enjoy!

Comments

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Tuesday 31 October 2017 21:32

How??

exileonmainst 16

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Tuesday 31 October 2017 21:54

Dose 50 ml of mac and cheese to every 5 kg of clothes. After the wash cycle is finished, season with salt and pepper and enjoy!

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Wednesday 1 November 2017 0:05

I'm curious to find out how that got into your laundry...

Donut_Wizard 23

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Wednesday 1 November 2017 0:12

"There's gold in them there jeans."

brendejafulable 41

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Wednesday 1 November 2017 0:25

That’s why you always double check your pockets haha

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Wednesday 1 November 2017 0:37

Pockets? She said it was an entire box.

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Wednesday 1 November 2017 1:05

I've accidentally washed a few of my stuffed animals in the washing machine due to having far too many on my bed--but a box of macaroni and cheese is new.

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Wednesday 1 November 2017 1:06

Did everything come out bright orange and smelling of cheese?

DragonMaiden7 15

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Wednesday 1 November 2017 1:23

We all make mistakes. I once put dish soap in the dishwasher. But I was 15... I’m 22 now so I mean, live and learn?

RockPrincess26 16

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Wednesday 1 November 2017 2:00

The kid is yourself.

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Wednesday 1 November 2017 2:07

That'll teach you not to hide mac&cheese in your dirty underwear!

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 36

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 668

You deserved it 200