By FML Approved - United States - New York Halloween Costume Fail It's always spookier in your mind... 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jada - United States Today, I called my boyfriend over and over again and he never answered. His mom just called me and asked how I was holding up. I asked her what she meant and she had to tell me he checked himself into rehab because he was addicted to heroin. FML I agree, your life sucks 37243 You deserved it 3629 160 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Alissa - United States Today, my boyfriend of 7 months broke up with me, and then asked if I'd give him head one last time before he left. FML I agree, your life sucks 47638 You deserved it 6890 179 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Loveless - United States Today, after my partner of two years broke up with me, I decided to have a heart to heart with my mother about it. Her advice was to clean the house. I asked how that would make me feel better. She said that she wasn't sure, but at least the house would be clean. FML I agree, your life sucks 31298 You deserved it 4571 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By yashika - United States - Denver Today, I discovered that it doesn’t matter where I move, I will always wake up at 5 a.m. to the sound of construction directly above my ceiling. FML I agree, your life sucks 1485 You deserved it 120 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ChePow - Canada Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML I agree, your life sucks 31389 You deserved it 6475 343 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, my mom told me she spent $760 on "quantum pendants" that "produce scalar energy that helps to enhance the body’s biofield." When I told her she got scammed, she denied it and yelled at me. Best part? She frequently lectures me about how I waste my money and spend irresponsibly. FML I agree, your life sucks 67186 You deserved it 5126 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sigh - United States Today, my boyfriend showed his mother photos of me. He told her that he thinks I'm pretty. She said that I look like a celebrity from her country (Korea). Flattered, I online searched this celebrity, and turns out she is a local porn star who's undergone multiple cosmetic surgeries. FML I agree, your life sucks 26576 You deserved it 2487 43 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hatemylifelol - United States - Roseville Today, I noticed I parked behind a boy I like. Trying to impress him with my driving skills, I ended up forgetting to put the car in reverse and rear-ended him. FML I agree, your life sucks 12193 You deserved it 20724 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By grounded4life - United States Today, I tried to make my mom feel better about me leaving for camp for 2 weeks by saying I wish she would come too. She took me seriously and called the camp and is now a camp counselor there. The only problem is I lied about going to the camp, and I'm really going to my boyfriend's lake house. FML I agree, your life sucks 19320 You deserved it 83190 156 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By AGeeksWife - United States - Saukville Today, I learned that I'm expecting twins. A boy and a girl. My husband, upon finding out about this, immediately suggested that we give them Star Wars names. But not Luke and Leia. Oh no. He wants to name them Darth and Vayda. And he is absolutely serious about this. FML I agree, your life sucks 29225 You deserved it 4177 254 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By yosmurf Today, my son proudly announced to me that he has been learning to cut out shapes at school, and that he'd cut out some ovals and wanted to show me. He showed me the pictures of Washington, Lincoln, Jefferson and Jackson and their corresponding bills. FML I agree, your life sucks 1776 You deserved it 242 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By diorlove - France Today, I broke my wrist because a Nutella glass fell on it after I opened the cupboard. FML I agree, your life sucks 27458 You deserved it 4905 153 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CJ - Canada - Lethbridge Today, I was looking for a moustache comb, couldn't find it anywhere. Then I noticed it in a basket by the toilet with scissors. My wife's been using it to trim her pubes. FML I agree, your life sucks 15095 You deserved it 2284 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By rikitsumiatsu - 10/4/2020 02:00 This is the rhythm of the night Today, my wife showed me a video she took of me last night. I was shit-faced, dancing half naked to '90s club music in the middle of the street at midnight. She won't stop laughing at me and replaying the video. FML I agree, your life sucks 638 You deserved it 2010 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Isle of Man - Douglas Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML I agree, your life sucks 56232 You deserved it 3861 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Frustrated - United States Today, I tried to work on my attitude at work. People say I'm mean, so I tried to be nice all day. Apparently I'm now condescending. FML I agree, your life sucks 27243 You deserved it 3937 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By csor027 - United States Today, I was having a good talk with a coworker and I was excited that I've made my first friend at work. After sharing some stories and some laughs he asked if I had a boyfriend. I said I do. He asked if I was always faithful, I said I was. He then walked away. FML I agree, your life sucks 34443 You deserved it 4607 123 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Denmark - K?ge Today, I came home from a business trip and was greeted by a foul smell. I soon found out my husband accidentally let the milk go bad by leaving it out all day, then tried to solve the problem by "balancing the temperatures" by putting it in the freezer. Oh honey, no. Just no. FML I agree, your life sucks 23576 You deserved it 1933 46 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By coius - 6/5/2020 08:00 Rock, hard place Today, after years of high blood pressure and 3 meds for it, a doctor informed me my blood pressure is going too low, and I'm passing out. I've been told to stop the meds. This followed an increase in my meds because it's killing my kidneys. So my choices are kidney failure, or passing out. FML I agree, your life sucks 2138 You deserved it 151 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Redhead Today, I decided to get in the cowgirl position since it's my fiancé's favorite. I got a little carried away during the "ride" and suddenly heard his dick crack. I fractured his penis. He's never going to have sex with me again. FML I agree, your life sucks 4356 You deserved it 869 29 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By organizse - United States - San Antonio Today, I went to a job interview, and my father in law's house. As soon as I got home I went to the bathroom and noticed my bloody pantyliner had fallen out at one of these places. I don't know which one is worse. FML I agree, your life sucks 26556 You deserved it 2799 86 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jobless - United States - Groton Today, I found out that I am allergic to grass, and not supposed to mow lawns. My job is mowing lawns. FML I agree, your life sucks 27959 You deserved it 2386 110 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Rowland Heights Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML I agree, your life sucks 50474 You deserved it 5650 119 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nocanhaz - United States Today, I went to a job interview. The person giving me my interview was late, and while waiting for them I fell asleep. When they arrived, they didn't even bother interviewing me because they thought I was irresponsible since I fell asleep because they were late. FML I agree, your life sucks 17573 You deserved it 49652 105 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - Canada Today, my boyfriend went and bought Skyrim, Modern Warfare 3 and renewed his WoW subscription. Looks like I won't be getting laid for a month or two. FML I agree, your life sucks 49012 You deserved it 12586 653 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my five year old daughter came up to me and asked, "Mom, why are we so poor?" I replied, in a sweet motherly tone "Honey, we're not poor." She then asked, "Then why do you dress like we are poor?" FML I agree, your life sucks 49861 You deserved it 8181 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kylie b Today, my mom yelled at me for taking too long at a job interview, and that it was a waste of her time to drive me to it; I just quit my job, moved away from my boyfriend and the coast to help take care of her in Idaho. FML I agree, your life sucks 35979 You deserved it 4373 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hateparents - Australia Today, my parents met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. They not only brought along embarrassing childhood photos of myself, they'd 'accidentally' placed an intimate photo of me and my ex-girlfriend with them. That was their subtle way of telling everyone they prefer my ex. FML I agree, your life sucks 40774 You deserved it 3247 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anon. - United States Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, "Penis!" until he gets his way. FML I agree, your life sucks 31048 You deserved it 8751 148 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By asshalf15 - United States - Hacienda Heights Today, I got expelled from school. I was walking down a flight of stairs when I tripped and bumped into a kid ahead of me by mistake. He fell forward and took half a dozen people down with him. The staff think I did it on purpose, and there's talk of charges being pressed. FML I agree, your life sucks 51381 You deserved it 4395 49 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - France Today, I discovered that Paolo has a big penis, that he's good in bed and that the hotel sheets still remember it all. Mum, the walls won't get any thicker just 'cause you're on the telephone. FML I agree, your life sucks 28068 You deserved it 2125 44 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By notsomuchinlove - United States Today, I had a seizure at my boyfriend's. The second I began to seize, he cursed and picked me up, dropping me on the floor complaining "Now I have to clean the damn couch." I had urinated because I had no control over my body. The couch is still stained. He dumped me for ruining his furniture. FML I agree, your life sucks 93946 You deserved it 7577 334 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SonofDonald - United States Today, I went on a date with a co-worker I've been interested in for some time. The topic of discussion she chose over lunch: how she's living a double-life as an escort in Flint and that she thinks she's picked up an STD from unprotected sex. FML I agree, your life sucks 36313 You deserved it 4002 134 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Wow - United States Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML I agree, your life sucks 43178 You deserved it 19268 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fail - United States Today, an attractive guy told me he wanted to get to know me and see me again. When I told my boyfriend, in hopes of stirring up some jealousy, he said "he'll regret it when he finds out what you're like in bed, trust me." FML I agree, your life sucks 23990 You deserved it 43041 146 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anon - United States Today, after changing his mind 3 times, my long distance fiancé told me he wasn't coming to see me for Thanksgiving. Out of anger, I threw his clothes, car magazines, and whatever else I could find in a huge, messy pile. During this, he walked into the room. He was going to surprise me. FML I agree, your life sucks 14678 You deserved it 48093 206 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By carson28 - United States Today, I saw a homeless man on the corner, I thought I would be generous and give him some cash. I rolled down my window and waved my hand for him to come over. As he was walking over, he was struck by another car. FML I agree, your life sucks 50101 You deserved it 6316 180 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NoMoreHeadphones - United States Today, I was listening to my iPod while changing the diaper on my baby. One earbud fell out of my ear and onto the changing table so I quickly picked it up without looking and put it back in my ear, only to realize the headphone had fallen onto more than a table. I now have brown earphones. FML I agree, your life sucks 15796 You deserved it 47172 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By chinousmc - United States - Clearwater Today, I got punched in the face after a stranger asked for a light, didn't realize it was a butane lighter and burnt the tip of his nose lighting his cigarette. Now my nose looks worse than his. FML I agree, your life sucks 21765 You deserved it 3353 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CrazedGunMan - 2/9/2020 19:01 - Panama - Panama Go anyway, see the sights Today, I could finally get a plane ticket to go see the girl I have been talking to for the past 5 months. Just as I told her the exciting news, she told me that she was no longer interested in me. Guess that's 800 dollars down the toilet. FML I agree, your life sucks 1333 You deserved it 549 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much... I agree, your life sucks 645 You deserved it 144 7 Comments
Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML I agree, your life sucks 1106 You deserved it 57 6 Comments