Today, I was preparing dinner for my in-laws for the first time.... - FML

By Laviolette - 23/2/2012 22:01 - France

Today, I was preparing dinner for my in-laws for the first time. Nervous, I accidentally spilled the pasta into the sink. With nothing else to prepare, I quickly scooped it all back out. No-one would have been any the wiser, if the kitchen sponge hadn't shown up in the middle of the meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12161

You deserved it

39686

Tweet

Share

Whatthefuckaburger

Weird kid

Headache

By Gabriela - 23/11/2011 01:00

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he farted. He blamed it on a "nearby frog." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35641

You deserved it

5850

Tweet

Share

By crazytown - 10/4/2014 15:50 - United States - Denver

Today, my psycho ex boyfriend, who I broke up with over a month ago showed up at my work yelling and crying because I didn't get him anything for his birthday. My boss now thinks I'm an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46238

You deserved it

4657

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/8/2015 11:28 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go out and that I'd be back later. He asked where I was going. "To see my other boyfriend," I chuckled, smiling. He took it seriously and wouldn't believe it was just a joke. I'm pretty sure I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22353

You deserved it

10020

Tweet

Share

By UGH - 8/4/2009 20:34 - United States

Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I realized that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18099

You deserved it

80436

Tweet

Share

By Grubendol - 15/12/2011 17:30 - United States

Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27515

You deserved it

5975

Tweet

Share

By EOJ - 10/2/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, I was walking my son to school. After yelling at him for not looking where he's walking, I grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to me. Not paying attention, I walked him right into a light pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8892

You deserved it

55085

Tweet

Share

By Quortney - 22/7/2015 04:20 - United States

Today, I was working at the local grocery store and a customer of mine, who had only bought two granola bars and was holding up my line, tried to convert me to Christianity. Out of all the people to target, she chose the shy atheist who just wanted to do her minimum wage job in peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27475

You deserved it

3040

Tweet

Share

By inapickle - 16/5/2012 08:20 - United States - Topsham

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me as I was browsing a baby name website. I explained to him that I was naming characters for a novel I was planning to write, but he is completely convinced that I'm pregnant, and has even told his parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29697

You deserved it

3897

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/7/2009 00:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a month had to leave early. I asked him why and he replied that his brother was getting off the bus and he needed to feed him. I had never met his brother, and I said "He can't feed himself? What is he, retarded?" He is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11434

You deserved it

93513

Tweet

Share

By Cameron - 29/10/2017 06:00

Today, I went for dinner and bowling with a woman I met online. The Mexican food was great but my bowels started feeling it during our first game. I slipped on the bowling lane and the impact of my ass hitting the ground made me shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5146

You deserved it

475

Tweet

Share

By Junior - 26/1/2010 07:35 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of my dad constantly hitting on her. Not because she was disgusted, but because she wants to date him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56542

You deserved it

2937

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/9/2009 09:39 - New Zealand

Today, my boss rang me for the 5th time on my day off. Frustrated I pushed 'ignore' and yelled a string of obscenities at my phone. Turns out I pushed 'talk'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13506

You deserved it

50752

Tweet

Share

By Chicagoillinois - 3/1/2015 21:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my step-dad explained to me why he doesn't need to wash his body. He condescendingly said, "Well when you shampoo your hair, the soap runs down your body and cleans everything." He's 37 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33638

You deserved it

2875

Tweet

Share

By scatter00x - 8/2/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35964

You deserved it

7025

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/11/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, me, a coworker, and my manager were looking at random advertisements. One ad was a picture of three fishes. My coworker named the three fishes what I thought were completely random names. I said "those are stupid names." Turns out those are my manager's kid's names. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9555

You deserved it

32192

Tweet

Share

By Tallow101 - 23/7/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, I asked my parents to sign for me to enlist in the military. They asked me how much money the government gives them if I die. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56681

You deserved it

6621

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/7/2010 08:31 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I thought it'd be hot to have it off on the golf course once it was dark. Who would've thought that sprinklers start up once it's pitch dark. I got a lot wetter than I thought I would. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16071

You deserved it

41898

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/5/2010 16:19 - United States

Today, I realized that going back on birth control has made my acne go away and my boobs bigger. However, to my boyfriend's dismay, I've completely lost my sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37961

You deserved it

5203

Tweet

Share

By DFR - 9/6/2010 13:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a really really romantic way. After we called our parents to tell them the news, he turned to me and said, "Hey, I hope you know this doesn't mean you can start getting lazy with your blowjobs." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41480

You deserved it

23631

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/3/2011 05:18 - United States

Today, we had to discuss our heritage at school. When I told the class that I am German, Japanese, and of the Jewish faith, the teacher loudly laughs at the "irony." Something like this happens whenever I tell people my background. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38834

You deserved it

5391

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/4/2012 05:15 - United States

Today, I got mugged at Disney World, the happiest place on Earth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39039

You deserved it

3550

Tweet

Share

By Jasmine_smilee - 2/9/2013 06:47 - United States - Canby

Today, I had to finally accept that I have an eating disorder when I caught myself checking for the nutrition facts and calories on my shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45028

You deserved it

8878

Tweet

Share

By wrongcar - 3/11/2009 18:00 - United States

Today, I was pulled over and was given a $300 ticket for going 90mph on a 70mph highway. The cop swore he saw my silver car darting in and out of traffic. A couple of minutes earlier that exact car had passed me while I was following the speed limit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38156

You deserved it

2496

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 07:08 - Canada

Today, while taking a shower, I noticed that I had forgotten to shave my pits. I went to a party last night, and there are now several Facebook pictures of me dancing, with my arms up and my hairy pits showing for the world to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14637

You deserved it

39185

Tweet

Share

By CasaDeLoser - 11/3/2015 05:32 - United States - Kent

Today, my kid made a new friend at school. When I asked her to describe her new friend, she said, "She looks kinda like you, only pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30952

You deserved it

3282

Tweet

Share

By Marika - 20/7/2015 17:48 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my religious friend and I ended up having wild sex in the back of his mom's minivan. We got interrupted by a priest knocking at our window. Well played God, well played. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33110

You deserved it

9121

Tweet

Share

By oreosaretoocool - 5/12/2016 19:10 - United Kingdom - Cardenden

Today, I finally gave my mum an expensive designer dress I spent months saving to buy for her as she had been very depressed. However she has gained so much weight from stress eating she ripped it when trying to put it on, and now won't talk to me because, "I wanted to make her feel fat". FML

I agree, your life sucks

11453

You deserved it

1021

Tweet

Share

By Lilly_28 - 11/8/2009 14:01 - United States

Today, I was home alone. I didn't expect anyone to be anywhere near home, so when I got out of the shower, I walked to the living room, naked, to get the tv remote for my room. Only to find the UPS guy standing at our glass front door. I screamed... so did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43849

You deserved it

18357

Tweet

Share

By always amazed - 7/3/2016 14:03 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my dad came over and ordered me, a 43 year-old woman, to purchase a kitchen table. He and my sisters are embarassed that we are still using a plastic folding table. It doesn't matter to them that we have just spent over $30,000 on renovations. His cousins are coming from Italy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19079

You deserved it

2991

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/5/2015 15:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got into a heated argument with my girlfriend. Not because of anything I did, but because she actually believes that pasteurization is when a pastor blesses a dairy product. "You know, like kosher." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29666

You deserved it

2897

Tweet

Share

By LadyChristina25 - 5/6/2009 01:07 - United States

Today, I witnessed a horrible car accident and was interviewed by the local news. During the interview I said, "It was terrible. It was like watching a silent movie... but there was sound!" The interview has been aired 6 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34488

You deserved it

81566

Tweet

Share

By aasatt22 - 8/6/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, I bought my girlfriend an iPhone. I preloaded it with a bunch of cool apps and stuff and spent a lot and money. She used it to send a text to me 3 hours later saying that she thought we should break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64720

You deserved it

8647

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/8/2014 11:33 - Australia - Rooty Hill

Today, I succeeded in getting a seat on a crowded bus. I regretted this when, after a couple of stops, a big guy boarded the bus and stood next to me with his penis pressed against my shoulder. Longest. Bus ride. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42526

You deserved it

3987

Tweet

Share

By Mary - 19/10/2009 01:11 - France

Today, I was walking my dogs when I noticed one of them had found something, and was eating it. After my command to "drop it" went unheeded, I took it upon myself to scoop it out of her mouth with my finger. After getting it all over my hand, I realized it was a piece of another dog's poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28680

You deserved it

6875

Tweet

Share

By keiler - 6/8/2018 01:30

She'll be single for a looong time...

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I play video games. No, not that I play too many video games or have an addiction to video games. Just that I play them, period. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3560

You deserved it

334

Tweet

Share

By BenFiggy - 21/4/2016 13:28 - United States - Brick

Today, while waiting in line with my 4-year-old son, I had to awkwardly apologize to an African-American gentleman and explain to my son that the man was not made out of chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21616

You deserved it

2576

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/1/2015 14:58 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was rushed to the hospital with anal tearing. We've never tried anal before, but it turns out she and my "best friend" sure have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46955

You deserved it

3047

Tweet

Share

By Depressed - 14/7/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that we should take a break from our relationship, because it'd be best for the both of us. Later, I found out that she really meant it'd be best for her and her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41941

You deserved it

3565

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/12/2010 03:42 - Canada

Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30374

You deserved it

4651

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/2/2014 23:14 - Australia - Fitzroy

Today, I proudly informed my grandma that I now have a girlfriend. My grandpa overheard and said how surprising that was, given how expensive blowup dolls are. He and my grandma then both laughed out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49101

You deserved it

6204

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By bella_coza | 0

#4079784 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:16

Can I just say how unsanitary that really is? Ew.

By kelissa_fml | 16

#4079782 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:16

Dip it in sauce and call it a meatball?

Comments

By kelissa_fml | 16

#4079782 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:16

Dip it in sauce and call it a meatball?

Reply

102Percent | 5

#4079827 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:21

How do you not notice that you put a sponge im there?

Reply

diceplaya | 12

#4079869 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:26

Hmm, cooking for the in-laws and the pasta "accidently" slipped.
Not suspicious at all.

Reply

taco_bender | 12

#4080003 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:46

Cant wait to see what op post next time. Accidently put rat poison in the turkey stuffing

Reply

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#4080087 - Friday 24 February 2012 2:06

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

shanemaximo | 7

#4080231 - Friday 24 February 2012 2:47

Well it was either find the sponge or everyone wondering how they all got sick with the same horrible illnesses and parasites.

Reply

gojira666 | 7

#4080261 - Friday 24 February 2012 2:55

Elaine Benis would have appreciated it!

Reply

Moneylover103 | 1

#4080300 - Friday 24 February 2012 3:05

41 that was really funny good one

Reply

GovernorGeneral | 8

#4080499 - Friday 24 February 2012 4:07

45- i believe Spongebob Squarepants lives in a pinapple under the sea....

Reply

RrLSf19 | 0

#4080595 - Friday 24 February 2012 4:36

Wow OP, your life should be a sitcom

Reply

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#4080651 - Friday 24 February 2012 5:15

Aw shit homies, the sponge is here to collect his dues, take cover! It looks like he brought half of the French mafia with him this time! And the meal was just getting good. :(

Reply

tellithowitis | 13

#4080716 - Friday 24 February 2012 5:58

90- I believe Spongebob lives

Reply

tellithowitis | 13

#4080717 - Friday 24 February 2012 6:00

In a *pineapple under the sea... ^_^

Reply

mauguster | 15

#4080852 - Friday 24 February 2012 7:54

Anyone notice none of these comments above have anything to do with the post they're replying to? No? Just me then..

Reply

nightowl713 | 25

#4080854 - Friday 24 February 2012 7:55

O this has nothing to do with anything on this post but, how does the moderation process work, yes to send through and no to keep it from posting, or yes to keep it from posting and no to let it through?

Reply

GovernorGeneral | 8

#4084217 - Saturday 25 February 2012 4:02

I apologize 120 that was a typo. Thank you for correcting me.

Reply

illabye | 0

#4084259 - Saturday 25 February 2012 4:09

OP theres something called Carry Out

By bella_coza | 0

#4079784 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:16

Can I just say how unsanitary that really is? Ew.

Reply

Llamacod | 11

#4079898 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:29

Yes, tell us how unsanitary it is.

Reply

crazychick1269 | 7

#4080057 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:58

Sponges are used to clean things therefor the pasta is now clean

Reply

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#4080152 - Friday 24 February 2012 2:22

^I like this guy's logic. From now on, I'll be adding sponge as my extra ingredient to clean my food.

Reply

Nikkisha16 | 0

#4080418 - Friday 24 February 2012 3:36

I'd like his comment too, if it was actually factual and not just a joke. xD

Reply

ClassyCommando | 13

#4080522 - Friday 24 February 2012 4:11

So you don't like jokes, 81, just facts? I bet you're the life of the party.

Reply

vturbz91 | 0

#4080689 - Friday 24 February 2012 5:38

Who put that in there?

Reply

sweettpie129 | 11

#4080817 - Friday 24 February 2012 7:16

That's also why spongebob is always clean...

Reply

Jakesterk96 | 8

#4081556 - Friday 24 February 2012 14:13

Seems legit.

Reply

Icejza_DaChilla | 7

#4083343 - Friday 24 February 2012 23:22

Nice bangs btw #2! Rawr

Reply

alvarny | 17

#4084756 - Saturday 25 February 2012 6:28

She should have just admitted to her mistake instead of putting everybody's lives in danger.

By malfoyfreak | 3

#4079789 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:17

Yum.....but that is sorta your fault..sorry op, but you should have checked whether anything came with it

Reply

IAdminIFlow | 0

#4080754 - Friday 24 February 2012 6:27

yeah, but hey looks like sponge cake isnt the only spongy food anymore ;)

Reply

wilsontws | 18

#4082689 - Friday 24 February 2012 19:31

Well OP, did you... Come "clean" about it in the end?

Reply

xcarxcrashx | 9

#4084451 - Saturday 25 February 2012 5:12

Or at least rinse it! Then you would've seen the sponge! Ick!!

By GenaALazer | 22

#4079794 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:18

ydi

Reply

Justin23L | 2

#4079823 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:20

There's a button for that.

Reply

Redneck_Mouse | 1

#4079860 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:25

^ haha win

Reply

Llamacod | 11

#4079909 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:31

There is a button for stupidity?

Reply

cosmosis | 12

#4080193 - Friday 24 February 2012 2:33

No. There is no button for stupidity. Sadly there doesnt appear to be a cure for stupidity. Its a rapid spreading disease!

Reply

sammyscrazza | 6

#4080567 - Friday 24 February 2012 4:23

What does ydi mean

Reply

goodfella925 | 0

#4080591 - Friday 24 February 2012 4:32

"You. Deserve. It "

Reply

DrDilllonReese | 12

#4080621 - Friday 24 February 2012 4:52

56- you mean rapidly.

Reply

Justforlolz | 13

#4080666 - Friday 24 February 2012 5:21

Yodeling dirty immigrants

Reply

IAdminIFlow | 0

#4080761 - Friday 24 February 2012 6:31

grammar nazi get a life correcting people on grammar that other people still understand isnt funny. it proves that you have a 1 inch dick.

Reply

Internut | 6

#4083317 - Friday 24 February 2012 23:07

94 - Yoda's Disney Island

By Crlnprz | 11

#4079810 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:19

hahaha ... "what is this?..." "oh its a uh.. piece of uh..uh..."

Reply

AnagenisisZagus | 13

#4080049 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:55

Get back to us when you find out what it is.

Reply

KeyboardWarrior | 10

#4080382 - Friday 24 February 2012 3:23

"It's a rare species of vegetable! It's really healthy for you! Oh yeah mom, it's supposed to have that spongy texture. That means it's working! Go on, have another piece!"

By Redneck_Mouse | 1

#4079818 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:20

At least you get the flavoring of everything you have cleaned with that sponge...

Reply

Mama_Umbridge | 8

#4080022 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:49

Nothing like grimy grease to impress the in-laws

Reply

wolfshadow | 4

#4082024 - Friday 24 February 2012 16:45

I often spit in my sink when I have no other choice. I'm sure that would be delicious :)

Reply

akg98 | 13

#4637003 - Sunday 1 July 2012 5:24

*Gasp!* STARKID FAN!!!!

By AJRand | 14

#4079820 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:20

That's one way to cleanse your innards.

By Pelreskovich | 11

#4079825 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:21

Smooth.. How did you not notice an entire sponge!?

Reply

Elizabeth198 | 1

#4079983 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:43

Maybe it was a really small one.....? :)

Reply

MwahFMLS | 6

#4080331 - Friday 24 February 2012 3:14

Or a lot of pasta and the sponge was buried in there?

Reply

GovernorGeneral | 8

#4080519 - Friday 24 February 2012 4:11

Its all a part of her evil genius plan to take down the reign of the in-laws.

Reply

nofearjenshere | 12

#4080661 - Friday 24 February 2012 5:19

10- Every time you comment, I stare at your picture trying to figure out how you made that face. Haha.

Reply

iloveqts | 8

#4080680 - Friday 24 February 2012 5:31

You are a beautiful man! Sorry for the weirdness, just had to share my thoughts :)

Reply

downtime | 12

#4080759 - Friday 24 February 2012 6:30

111, He contracted his facial muscles, and rotated his head slightly. For more answers to complex questions like this, you should consult with anyone over the age of 10.

Reply

Awsumuzzie | 12

#4080793 - Friday 24 February 2012 7:01

Wait just one darn second! When I compliment, my comments some how disappear.... I'm starting to wonder if it's just me.... and if it is, I'm not surprised.

Reply

Pelreskovich | 11

#4080797 - Friday 24 February 2012 7:04

I noticed that too.. I went to reply and was like.. Whaaa.. Huh?? For some reason everyone seems to comment on my face in a negative light. This weekend I'm changing my picture to my ass, thoughts?

Reply

Pelreskovich | 11

#4080806 - Friday 24 February 2012 7:07

Comments keep disappearing! OH THE HUMANITY!

Reply

Jakesterk96 | 8

#4081577 - Friday 24 February 2012 14:21

Yea, because a sponge will do just that.

By spacetravel | 1

#4079828 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:21

Why couldn't you just tell them what happened and apologized then ordered take out? That's just nasty.

Reply

Moneylover103 | 1

#4080293 - Friday 24 February 2012 3:02

I was thinkin the same thing

By notsorandomguy | 18

#4079832 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:22

It MUST be a new type of pasta!!! Look, it's yellow and it was in the middle of it all, and it grows softer when soaked in water. Don't worry about it, it's probably a new type of marketing technique.

Reply

crstl | 4

#4080617 - Friday 24 February 2012 4:49

Keep your day job, unless you're a salesman.