By a non e mouse - United States - Valparaiso Today, I tried to unlock my house's front door by hitting the unlock button on my car keys. It took me some time to realize my mistake. FML I agree, your life sucks 19878 You deserved it 8120 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Spongebob Garypants - United Kingdom - Manchester Today, I went into my kitchen after placing a line of salt across the floor in front of the back door the night before to ward off slugs that keep getting in, only to find 12 idiotic slugs dead and shrivelled up, leaving a horrible gooey mess. I don't know why I expected any intelligence from them. FML I agree, your life sucks 11166 You deserved it 2049 54 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By thenanny - United States - East Syracuse Today, I got a very nice compliment on my bra. But it was from a five-year-old after her 6-month-old brother threw up on my shirt. FML I agree, your life sucks 12977 You deserved it 950 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By grammarnazi-forareason - Sweden - Stockholm Today, I had the questionable honor of explaining the difference between "your" and "you're" to my boss, and very diplomatically make her see why her poor grasp of language could affect our credibility as a communication agency. I'm Swedish, and English is my third language. She's American. FML I agree, your life sucks 57484 You deserved it 3737 221 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Scorned Today, as things were getting hot with my girlfriend, it came up that I'm a virgin. She broke up with me. FML I agree, your life sucks 3716 You deserved it 317 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By minnie - Australia How would that work? Today, my fiancée suggested a 'Back To The Future' - themed wedding. FML I agree, your life sucks 1212 You deserved it 368 30 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 2/10/2020 02:03 - United States - Cleveland Inspirational tale Today, my parents got a call from my principal. I'd been lying that I couldn’t see the work I had to do in my online class, because I was behind and I needed to catch up. Tomorrow my parents are getting a call, telling them the dates I've been logged into the online learning. I haven’t logged in in weeks. FML I agree, your life sucks 194 You deserved it 2234 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Holyoke Today, I was told that when I was in middle school and thought I was considered class clown for either making jokes or acting stupid, people thought I actually was stupid and/or mentally challenged. FML I agree, your life sucks 5842 You deserved it 2542 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By notsomuchinlove - United States Today, I had a seizure at my boyfriend's. The second I began to seize, he cursed and picked me up, dropping me on the floor complaining "Now I have to clean the damn couch." I had urinated because I had no control over my body. The couch is still stained. He dumped me for ruining his furniture. FML I agree, your life sucks 93956 You deserved it 7577 334 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dani - United States - Dayton Today, I was at Walmart and had to use the bathroom. I sat down and farted real loud. I didn't realize someone was in there with me until I heard a voice say, "Dude, that was a good one." It was a man's voice. I then realized I was in the men's restroom. FML I agree, your life sucks 51930 You deserved it 13559 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night. I ran into my dad carrying wine into another house. I didn't assume he was cheating until he saw me and said "I won't tell if you don't tell, please don't tell your mother". FML I agree, your life sucks 86549 You deserved it 5484 280 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Gabriela Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he farted. He blamed it on a "nearby frog." FML I agree, your life sucks 35675 You deserved it 5859 153 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Shelbs - United States Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML I agree, your life sucks 28305 You deserved it 3784 180 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, my boyfriend informed me via text message that he had moved to Bristol, and the reason he had ignored me the past fortnight was because he didn't know how to tell me. He knew he was moving even before we even got together. FML I agree, your life sucks 29478 You deserved it 2922 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ill - Canada Today, I called my dad to ask why my university tuition had not been paid. He said that "my school was too expensive and he couldn't afford it." He then asked me if I would take in his mail while he was away. He was taking his new wife to Hawaii, apparently it's beautiful this time of year. FML I agree, your life sucks 43129 You deserved it 3519 135 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Sackville Today, my crazy drug-addict mother kicked me out of the house after siding with my crazy, drug-addict aunt, who'd just threatened to slit my throat. FML I agree, your life sucks 29902 You deserved it 1993 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mighthavepaidfortwodates Today, after an amazing date with a girl I like at a restaurant, I realized I foolishly forgot my wallet. When I returned, I spotted my date at another table on a date with a different guy. I also wasn’t able to find my wallet. FML I agree, your life sucks 2045 You deserved it 319 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Duped - United States Today, I received the sweetest love letter from my boyfriend after having a bad day. After gushing about it and reading it to my friends, they said it reminded them of a letter that they'd seen online. He got it from a fill-in-the-blank love letter generator. FML I agree, your life sucks 35406 You deserved it 5471 128 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By unwanted daughter - Canada - Oliver Today, I overheard my mother talking to her friend, and using me as an example of how it's sometimes best to swallow. FML I agree, your life sucks 55060 You deserved it 5823 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By safetyfirst - Taiwan Gift for you Today, I decided to buy my Chinese Studies professor a gift from Taiwan. So I bought her a mini-Taiwanese passport that said "Republic of China" on it. As it turns out, it was actually a two-pack of travel condoms. FML I agree, your life sucks 31379 You deserved it 21337 182 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 3/10/2020 03:02 - Mexico - Mexico Backwards world Today, my life is so messed up that when I got pulled over, the officer asked about my life and not only did I not receive a ticket, he made me write down his personal number, patrol number and to call if I ever needed a favor or to talk, telling me that I had a friend in him. FML I agree, your life sucks 1313 You deserved it 245 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By getajob - United States - Carmel Today, while working security at a welfare office, I had to listen as a claimant gushed about her upcoming Caribbean cruise. I work two jobs and haven't had a vacation since 2006. FML I agree, your life sucks 28397 You deserved it 2044 157 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my bratty sister shoved me overboard during a boat ride. Not ten seconds after being pulled back on board, I got an earful of abuse from my parents. My sister is the family favorite and they refuse to believe that I didn't "provoke" her. FML I agree, your life sucks 15567 You deserved it 881 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto Today, I thought I would treat myself to a shave and a haircut at a proper barber, instead of just a haircut at Supercuts. After many "Oops", "Sorry", even an "Oh dear", I left with no hair cut, and blood streaming from multiple slices in my face from the shave. I think one might need stitches. FML I agree, your life sucks 36813 You deserved it 3237 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By storyofmylife - United States Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML I agree, your life sucks 66467 You deserved it 10738 80 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney Today, I was sitting in my room when my dad walked in to talk. He said I'm not the son he'd hoped for, and that he'd been let down as a father. He said I should change the way I am so that he could love me more. It was the longest conversation I've had with my dad in years. FML I agree, your life sucks 1999 You deserved it 132 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By thenewgirl29 - Canada - Sherwood Park Today, the guy I've been seeing for a few months told me he couldn't stay overnight because his mom would yell at him for not coming home. We're both 30 and I didn't know he still lived at home. FML I agree, your life sucks 35454 You deserved it 4198 90 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Saint Albert Today, after I explained to my waitress that I have an allergy to butter, she nonetheless put some on my baked potato. When I had her get me another, without butter, she came back with one and then asked if I would like butter with it. FML I agree, your life sucks 49754 You deserved it 3529 138 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By welcome to the neighborhood - United States - Silver Spring Today, I met my new neighbors. The first thing they did was build a fence. FML I agree, your life sucks 11544 You deserved it 1803 79 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Shame - Canada - Toronto Today, my girlfriend had a bitch fit at me because I laughed at her idea of getting the Cullen family tree tattooed on her back. FML I agree, your life sucks 35007 You deserved it 3588 144 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By luceeloo Today, I spent my working day teaching my new Supervisor the basics of Excel. Until two weeks ago, he was the Office Junior. He and I applied for the same job, but he got it based on the strengths of his "far superior" Excel skills. I'm now teaching him how to do the job that I didn't get. FML I agree, your life sucks 11140 You deserved it 817 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By baugy - United States - Orlando Today, while outside, a bug flew up my nose. After I told my family and friends about a faint vibrating in my upper nostril, they all convinced me I was paranoid. That was until that night when I blew my nose and there was the bug in my tissue. Its leg was still twitching. FML I agree, your life sucks 31050 You deserved it 2497 119 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MedStudent90 - United States - Saint Paul Today, my son got in trouble at school. The kids had to solve a problem by determining whether it was better for "Edna" to repair or replace her AC unit. He said Edna is an "old person's name" and she was "probably going to die soon anyway", so she shouldn't do either. FML I agree, your life sucks 31984 You deserved it 3917 81 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Idktbh - United States Today, when I finished helping a customer, she said, “Thanks cutie!” When I thanked her she giggled and said, “I just like making people smile, plus I bet you don’t get called that often!” FML I agree, your life sucks 4109 You deserved it 303 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - New Cumberland Today, I put on a shirt that said "skilled in every position." My boyfriend took one look and said, "since when?" FML I agree, your life sucks 12089 You deserved it 30348 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DietKelp - United States Today, at work, I was fired from my job for being too "forward" to my boss. All I did was get him coffee and a biscuit from McDonald's to celebrate his 15-year anniversary working there. FML I agree, your life sucks 27455 You deserved it 2004 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my mother asked me if my boyfriend and I were getting serious. I quickly lied and said no. She then informed me that if things ever heated up that she would take me to get birthcontrol. Wanting birthcontrol, I confessed. In turn she grounded me. I am not allowed to see my boyfriend anymore. FML I agree, your life sucks 66553 You deserved it 28815 176 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By patient_mom - Australia - Surrey Hills Today, I had to wait for my daughter's pet python to finish taking a bath before I could take a shower and go to work. FML I agree, your life sucks 26958 You deserved it 3940 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - New York Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML I agree, your life sucks 8632 You deserved it 51306 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By upset mom Today, during a meeting, the president of the honor society apologized for being out for a couple of days due to the flu, and wanted to get everything back on track. I mumbled that she hadn't shown good leadership by being out. I guess she heard me, because she said, “Neither does being a teen mom.” FML I agree, your life sucks 586 You deserved it 6006 39 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Tickdick - United States - Pittsburgh Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML I agree, your life sucks 4234 You deserved it 532 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kimeatszombies | 22 #6458681 - Wednesday 11 November 2015 9:12 That's when you know you need a nap. Send a private message 82 3 Reply
By singlwforlife | 22 #6458676 - Wednesday 11 November 2015 9:12 Don't worry OP, I've done the exact same thing! It's okay to be a little scatterbrained once in a while! :) Send a private message 66 6 Reply
By singlwforlife | 22 #6458676 - Wednesday 11 November 2015 9:12 Don't worry OP, I've done the exact same thing! It's okay to be a little scatterbrained once in a while! :) Send a private message 66 6 Reply
Reply coming back in the future | 30 #6458707 - Wednesday 11 November 2015 9:34 Yeah. But this would work if OP lived in his car. Send a private message 15 2 Reply
Reply whysobeachy | 37 #6458741 - Wednesday 11 November 2015 11:05 OP would never have had to face this problem, if they were a tortoise instead of a human. I like the idea of having your house built into your body. Send a private message 13 1 Reply
Reply 8313girl | 28 #6458989 - Wednesday 11 November 2015 19:17 Yeah I think many people have done that. My dad used to do that all the time. I just told him he was ahead of his time. Send a private message 4 3 Reply
By zharks1010 | 18 #6458677 - Wednesday 11 November 2015 9:12 It took me a while to figure out what this FML meant lol Send a private message 3 26 Reply
By ashleighmay18 | 21 #6458678 - Wednesday 11 November 2015 9:12 Give it a few years and you'll be able to do that! Get some rest, you probably had a hard day! Send a private message 11 8 Reply
By Benmantha | 31 #6458680 - Wednesday 11 November 2015 9:12 Didn't the sound confuse you? Send a private message 2 16 Reply
Reply chinaski7628 | 32 #6458722 - Wednesday 11 November 2015 10:17 Not everyone parks in front of their house. If I was standing in front of my apartment door pressing the car fob, I wouldn't hear anything because I have underground parking. Send a private message 8 2 Reply
By kimeatszombies | 22 #6458681 - Wednesday 11 November 2015 9:12 That's when you know you need a nap. Send a private message 82 3 Reply
By jackipdoc | 31 #6458684 - Wednesday 11 November 2015 9:13 I do this ALL the time. Especially when I'm groggy in the morning. Send a private message 14 4 Reply
By Cads1 | 24 #6458689 - Wednesday 11 November 2015 9:15 Who has a button to unlock their front door? Send a private message 3 18 Reply
Reply TomeDr | 21 #6458823 - Wednesday 11 November 2015 13:51 No one. That's the point. OP was trying to unlock the house the same way as the car. Send a private message 7 0 Reply
By Warmonger_Smurf | 29 #6458690 - Wednesday 11 November 2015 9:16 And that rude person honking their horn at you, as you tried to unlock your door. Must have made it even worse. Send a private message 18 3 Reply
By moniculkin | 19 #6458692 - Wednesday 11 November 2015 9:17 You need some sleep. Send a private message 7 3 Reply
Today, I got home from work a few hours early to find my mum cheating, right in the middle of the act. So much for a nice afternoon off. FML I agree, your life sucks 463 You deserved it 31 3 Comments
Today, barely able to pay rent while working 3 jobs, I decided to give in to the idea of making online sex work photos and videos. Everyone else seems... I agree, your life sucks 845 You deserved it 294 5 Comments