Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I beat my old college friend at CoD and mocked him vigorously, to which he replied, “Don’t feel bad for me, I have a hot wife, a baby on the way, and a house I paid off by selling my business. How are you?” I… won a video game. FML
Today, my brother got upset at his video game and flung his DS at the wall, just as I was walking by. I got knocked out to the sound of someone crossing the finish line in MarioKart. FML
Today, my little brother was playing with my cat, getting it to chase a laser pointer. He thought it would be funny to shine the laser pointer over my nuts. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the ER with a broken finger, all because I beat my little brother in a Wii game. He ran over and twisted my finger, saying, "Now how are you going to beat me, cunt?" FML
Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML
Today, my 16-year-old brother once again scored well at a local archery competition. He got home and, once again, unleashed his "spectacular aim" at the toilet - or rather the toilet seat and surrounding floor. He refuses to clean the bathroom we share every single time he does this. FML
Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML
Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" in a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML
Today, I walked in on my son teabagging his sister over a video game. FML
Today, my friend beat me at a video game. He got smug, so I made an "I fucked your mom" style joke. Yeah, kina forgot for a minute that his mom died last year. FML
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Top comments
DrDilllonReese 12
Cats are slowly replacing dogs as the new killstreak
davymac718 4
Payback is a bitch... Well in this case a pussy!
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Comments (268)
UNICORNmonster 0
Your brother is awesome.
allstar5464 0
Ha sux big
amberskyz 4
Throw a big bucket of ice water over the shower curtain when he's having a shower, and then the cat when he's screaming in shock.
BellaBelle_fml 23
Leave the poor cat alone. It's already had enough trauma.
Anglwrfish 17
Well, he certainly knows how to handle defeat, huh. FYL
thethatoneguy_21 4
Hahahahahahaha, best counter strike ever! Your bro may be a tool, but props for the creative attack
lakers2thetop 3
this fml is the best I've ever seen if cats are grenades then dogs are bombs from the carpet bomber killstreak btw haha
zombiekitten87 12
Your brother is a sore loser and an asshole.
eff5 0
Is anyone else wondering why the door wasn't locked?
Rach227 8
Lots of people don't have locks on their bathroom, especially when there's kids, you don't one of them going in a huff and locking the door and not coming outdo you? :P
BellaBelle_fml 23
Why would you feel the need to lock your bathroom door every time you use it? You must be pretty paranoid to do that. Plus, what if you were to fall and hit your head or something? Then what? How would people be able to get in fast enough to help you?
murphy22 6
Most bathroom doors that I've seen that actually do have locks have those little push button locks that are easy to stick a nail file in and pop the lock in case of emergency.
bloomspetals 0
Not being a real life troll, your brother was ecstatic.
Shippo454 10
And so the war has started...now choose your furry grenade: Racoon, tarantula, or a bucket of rats?