Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I beat my old college friend at CoD and mocked him vigorously, to which he replied, “Don’t feel bad for me, I have a hot wife, a baby on the way, and a house I paid off by selling my business. How are you?” I… won a video game. FML
Today, my brother got upset at his video game and flung his DS at the wall, just as I was walking by. I got knocked out to the sound of someone crossing the finish line in MarioKart. FML
Today, my little brother was playing with my cat, getting it to chase a laser pointer. He thought it would be funny to shine the laser pointer over my nuts. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the ER with a broken finger, all because I beat my little brother in a Wii game. He ran over and twisted my finger, saying, "Now how are you going to beat me, cunt?" FML
Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML
Today, my 16-year-old brother once again scored well at a local archery competition. He got home and, once again, unleashed his "spectacular aim" at the toilet - or rather the toilet seat and surrounding floor. He refuses to clean the bathroom we share every single time he does this. FML
Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML
Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" in a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML
Today, I walked in on my son teabagging his sister over a video game. FML
Today, my friend beat me at a video game. He got smug, so I made an "I fucked your mom" style joke. Yeah, kina forgot for a minute that his mom died last year. FML
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Top comments
DrDilllonReese 12
Cats are slowly replacing dogs as the new killstreak
davymac718 4
Payback is a bitch... Well in this case a pussy!
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Comments (268)
Caitlyn36 8
LOLOL first fml to make me laugh out loud! xD
MrSassypants 34
You mean laugh out loud out loud. :D
jdmarine83 0
Sounds catastrophic, throw a bucket of fire ants on him while he's sleeping.
angeluscado 15
That's so mean, but at the same time it's something i'd laugh at if I saw it in a movie.
garfield224 0
Should've used dogs.
djjaxon2001 4
Throw a ball at his head and say head shot b**ch
crw817 3
******* dumbass
Lunantic 6
Don't ruin a gamer's ego, they take it badly. At least he didn't teabag you or something. Fyl, op. :)
xXkingmikeXx 5
Lock him in a closet with a wet cat and snake
megan_lovee 0
well I guess he's an over reactor
HU4L188 0
I fuckong love cats