Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I beat my old college friend at CoD and mocked him vigorously, to which he replied, “Don’t feel bad for me, I have a hot wife, a baby on the way, and a house I paid off by selling my business. How are you?” I… won a video game. FML
Today, my brother got upset at his video game and flung his DS at the wall, just as I was walking by. I got knocked out to the sound of someone crossing the finish line in MarioKart. FML
Today, my little brother was playing with my cat, getting it to chase a laser pointer. He thought it would be funny to shine the laser pointer over my nuts. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the ER with a broken finger, all because I beat my little brother in a Wii game. He ran over and twisted my finger, saying, "Now how are you going to beat me, cunt?" FML
Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML
Today, my 16-year-old brother once again scored well at a local archery competition. He got home and, once again, unleashed his "spectacular aim" at the toilet - or rather the toilet seat and surrounding floor. He refuses to clean the bathroom we share every single time he does this. FML
Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML
Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" in a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML
Today, I walked in on my son teabagging his sister over a video game. FML
Today, my friend beat me at a video game. He got smug, so I made an "I fucked your mom" style joke. Yeah, kina forgot for a minute that his mom died last year. FML
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Top comments
DrDilllonReese 12
Cats are slowly replacing dogs as the new killstreak
davymac718 4
Payback is a bitch... Well in this case a pussy!
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Comments (268)
Bunnehs 0
One of the few FMLs I've actually laughed out loud at. Genius. Sorry for your pain though.xD
DjeePee 25
However this FML is incredibly funny, your brother is a jack-ass for doing that to you, and even more for doing that to the cat.
edieexx 0
Animal cruelty! :(
j_cat187 20
With both you would need a skin graft.
sierralovesyou 0
Revenge plan: I'll throw our livid cat over the curtain into water with that cheater. That'll show him!! Scratch the crap outta him!!!!!!!!!!!
thatmirandachick 7
Don't be such a pussy.
itsalanis 25
i'd rather wanted a gernade instead of a cat. them cats be scary.
itsalanis 25
darn, i always confuse that word, grenade *facepalm*
Jennyboo5797 4
DAMN NATURE! YOU SCARY!!!!
jaredofmo 22
Plot with your cat on how to get revenge.
EmmyBabe_fml 0
Leave the poor cat out of this!!!!!
jaredofmo 22
Cats are excellent strategists.
WCARlover 35
Oh wow your brother needs to man up! That mustve hurt so bad
raphanne_fml 33
Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur... Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr...
smartash20 0
Oh how I love the big bang theory reference :D
raphanne_fml 33
#70 Oh how I love what your pets say on your profile picture :D
KiddNYC1O 22
God I'm hard.
mbrooks5110 0
Locking doors would stop so many of these...
mrahhhhh 21
True, but God help the OP if the brother looks up lockpicking online. It is incredibly easy to defeat the lock in an interior door (note that I said interior door, that is, the crappy plywood like doors inside your house. The thick doors that let you go outside are a more moderate difficulty).
raphanne_fml 33
At first I read "licking doors would stop so many of these"....
Sketchisan 27
Not every bathroom door has locks on it. We moved into my grandmother's house after she passed and she didn't have locks on the bathroom door in case something happened to her or her elderly husband in the bath and people needed to get to them quickly. We only just recently got around to putting a lock on the door because my younger brother had a way of locking himself into bathrooms and not being about to get back out. Maybe OP didn't have a lock on their door either. Just saying.