Today, during an 8 hour shift at a very busy bowling alley, I found out I can't trust a fart anymore. I'm only 25. Now I have to finish my shift commando, and also get rid of the evidence without anyone noticing. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I've gotten to that point in life where I can no longer seem to trust a fart. FML
Today, and for the first time in my life, I was unable to trust a fart. FML
Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML
Today, I felt some serious gas building up while at the supermarket. I tried to quietly fart it out, only to end up sharting myself. I had to frantically waddle out of the store as discreetly as possible as several people in the vicinity freaked out and tried to locate the source of the smell. FML
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I was on the toilet at work. After a very loud and very smelly session, I waited until the other stall had been vacated to keep my anonymity. As I leant forward for some toilet roll, my ID fell out of my pocket and into the next stall. When I came out, it was face up near the sink. FML
Today, I was alone at the office. Having held it in all day, I let out the longest, worst-smelling fart of my life. The owner of the company, investigating the odd noise, opened my office door. When the stench hit him, he walked backwards all the way to his office, staring at me, in silence. FML
Today, I fucked up by trusting the wrong fart and shat myself in the middle of the restaurant I was eating lunch at. I was so mortified, I couldn't even finish the meal I paid for. FML
Today, at work, I thought I’d sneak a wee fart out, but ended up shitting myself. I just left work without telling anyone, went home, showered, then went back to work. No one missed me being away for 2 hours. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
And you didn't even bring a spare. Strike one.
Tripartita 45
That's /barely/ a breach of trust, OP. The fart I hired to handle my personal finances is being investigated for tax fraud. It's so hard to find trustworthy farts nowadays.
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Comments (52)
donutcallmethat 16
Welcome to real adulthood. I remember when I was young and used to my body functioning properly the vast majority of the time. Anytime something would hurt, or go a little weird I would freak out thinking I had some life-threatening illness. Now that I've put a few miles on myself, I'm much more chill. Just wait until you get your first hemorrhoid.
Pinkponyfister 5
I was told never trust someone who hasn't pooped there pants as an adult, sooo really you just became trustworthy... that's awesome
rgetting 24
Been there, done that.
sidslothmann 6
Truth be told. It's easier than you think. I'm 25. I'm a cop. I made that mistake once. Once.
Eivana 37
It's not a huge deal going commando. Some people do it all the time. Sorry about the shart though, it can sneak up on anybody at any age.
samlovesham1234 9
It happens to everyone at some point, even myself.
WillMM76 12
You never trust a fart, kid. Remember that.
EnderNutt 16
Congrats, fellow North Dakotan! Your FML got on the front page!
freddygasman 18
here I sit all broken hearted tried to shit but only farted so the next day I took the chance and............well op must be on day two
blair_kitty 15
Sorry this happened to you, if it makes you feel better the same thing happened to me too. I was at my desk and let out what i thought was a small fart, it turned out to be liquid diarrhea. I was able to run to the washroom without anyone noticing, cleaned my undies and butt and went commando in skinny jeans for the rest of the day while my undies dried on my waste basket held with a clip. Going through my purse the next day i found the pair of panties i was looking for the day of the incident.