Work: Today, I got threatened with a gun at the drive-thru, all because... - FML

By Anonymous - 02/07/2016 19:29 - United States - Greeley

Today, I got threatened with a gun at the drive-thru, all because my coworker forgot to include extra fries in the guy's order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 069

You deserved it 1 594

Another great day to be alive

Keep some things to yourself

Family Ties

By Dumbblonde - 03/05/2009 15:15 - United States

Today, I was babysitting this little girl. She told me she wanted to go to the park so we did. When we were walking back, I was caring her on my back. When were almost at the door, she told me she had to go pee. I told her to hold it. As we were walking in the door I felt a warm spot on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 506

You deserved it 16 877

By gtrs750 - 09/08/2009 13:48 - Canada

Today, I gathered both mine and my girlfriend's families secretly to a restaurant. I paid the restaurant to play romantic music, and paid for the best table available. As soon as we finished our meal, our families gathered around and I proposed. She laughed and said no way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105 122

You deserved it 8 760

By -___- - 14/09/2013 00:37 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, while out jogging with my mom, we saw my boyfriend walking in our direction. When we reached him, he took one look at my makeup-less face, then made a huge show of screaming in disgust before calmly walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 553

You deserved it 5 615

By zyordz - 27/06/2009 04:12 - Peru

Today, I was working at a soup kitchen with people from my church. Seeing a rather disheveled couple, I told them the line started "over there". Only then did I realize that they were from my church, and were there to help serve soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 802

You deserved it 41 101

By confused_girl - 01/08/2013 05:10 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Spicy

Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 249

You deserved it 5 017

By OhGeez - 08/06/2009 19:41 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 823

You deserved it 22 656

By Dead_Fox - 21/11/2012 05:48 - United States - Jonesboro

Spicy

Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 733

You deserved it 3 848

Demonic attack!

By zombie mommy - 27/06/2020 17:02

Today, my 10-month-old kept me up all night after a gruelling day. I finally fell asleep with her at about 2 a.m., and I woke up half an hour later to her hands on my throat, and her biting my nose. Startled, I took a big breath through my nose and snorted an ungodly amount of slobber. I’m awake now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 385

You deserved it 209

By Anonymous - 07/05/2011 21:42 - United States

Today, I was walking through my kitchen when I discovered a weak spot in the floor. Tomorrow, I'm going to have to fix the giant hole caused when I put my foot through it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 398

You deserved it 4 793

By crybaby - 01/02/2012 08:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 566

You deserved it 4 122

By waaah - 25/06/2012 07:00 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. He decided he would be a gentleman and do this to me at work, over text, during a rush of unsympathetic customers, the day before our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 345

You deserved it 2 728

By jennahh - 10/07/2019 22:00

Spicy

Today, I had a sexual dream about my ex, and I woke up after saying his name. My boyfriend was awake, and heard all the dirty talk and me moaning my ex-boyfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 084

You deserved it 964

By Anonymous - 04/04/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, my biology teacher told me that every Friday we should wear a hideous shirt to count down the last days of freshman year. So when Friday came around we decided to have a contest for most hideous shirt. I won. I forgot to wear a hideous shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 104

You deserved it 10 449

By HeartToFart - 08/07/2014 23:37 - United States - North Port

Spicy

Today, I had to grip the headboard of my bed for the first time in months. I wasn't having incredible sex unfortunately, just really bad gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 662

You deserved it 6 707

A bug, not a feature

By Anonymous - 22/04/2021 14:01

Today, I forget to remove my mask before I spitting. What a good day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 1 259

By balloonface - 18/02/2016 07:48 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I finally treated myself and bought my first moisturizer. The woman at Sephora promised it would "retexturize my face." If by "retexturize" she meant, "make it feel like a rubber balloon," then she was right on the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 744

You deserved it 2 297

By WTF - 03/12/2014 21:21 - United States - Conroe

Today, my boss at my new call center job said he'd gotten complaints about me. Apparently I sound "too black" and it's "upsetting" some of our customers. I don't know what that even means, but my boss said I need to "tone it down or we're gonna have some problems". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 074

You deserved it 3 770

By samsterling - 13/03/2016 22:30 - United States - Blacksburg

Today, I paid $500 for a gym membership after moving into a brand new house, since 12 years of software development has taken its toll. When I told my instructor about my goal to lose 35lbs in two months, he simply said, "Yeah... That's not going to happen. Try another gym," and left promptly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 299

You deserved it 4 162

By SoVeryMonday - 30/11/2009 18:01 - Canada

Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 083

You deserved it 9 508

Same as "work", "boss" is also a four-letter word

By Scoopie - 15/03/2017 14:00

Today, my job offer from 2 weeks ago was rescinded. My "new boss" didn't like my last performance review. I'd spent 30 hours preparing a case study for the second interview. He wants me to be a "standup guy" and withdraw my application voluntarily, so HR doesn't have to get involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 198

You deserved it 329

By fmal - 07/05/2009 03:47 - United States

Today, I realized my wedding ring was missing. Turns out, my son had taken it to give to a girl he likes in the 2nd grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 198

You deserved it 8 864

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 05:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 547

You deserved it 6 406

By hobbit - 22/05/2013 17:40 - United States - Winthrop

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure ahead of my cousin's wedding. The woman doing my nails asked if I wanted my toe hairs trimmed. I was so taken aback and embarrassed that I said yes. They charged me extra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 481

You deserved it 13 957

Be careful what you wish for…

By Sady_Ct - 15/05/2019 12:12

Today, I caught my husband trying on the sexy bra I bought to wear just for him. For shits and giggles, I made him try on my dress too. He looked better in it than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 447

You deserved it 516

Squirt

By Anonymous - 11/10/2009 04:48 - United States

Today, I had a UTI and the doctor said the medicine can sometimes make you leak a little. "Leak a little" apparently translates into peeing all over myself, my boyfriend, and his bed while we were sleeping. The doctor also said this medicine can stain your urine a beautiful, bright orange color. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 353

You deserved it 2 968

By Anonymous - 06/10/2011 15:23 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 820

You deserved it 11 274

By Anonymous - 21/10/2010 10:57 - Australia

Today, I was shaving my left armpit when I cut myself badly. I wondered whether or not it would be safe to shave my right armpit, then reasoned that it couldn’t possibly happen twice. It did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 166

You deserved it 27 892

By anonymous - 21/04/2009 05:42 - United States

Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 303

You deserved it 101 064

By sad drummer - 17/01/2013 20:50 - United States - La Jolla

Today, the lead singer of the band I recently joined blatantly admitted to a fan that the only reason he let me in was because I'm "so fuckin' ugly" that I make the rest of them look "ten times better" in comparison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 227

You deserved it 3 006

By dickwebs - 22/11/2010 03:42 - Germany

Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 891

You deserved it 5 206

Look at that

By Gremlin - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Staines

Today, I noticed that my son only really looks like me when he's straining to take a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 318

You deserved it 4 090

Make your mind up

By ActionBastard - 23/04/2021 04:59

Today, I was chewed out by my boss for reporting someone not wearing a mask in our store, because, "no one likes a snitch." I'm the security guard. It's my job to report that to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 130

By lonely - 11/01/2016 21:04 - United States - Twin Falls

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Whilst browsing the web, I clicked on an ad that said "How to Get Your Ex Back in a Day". Now I am single and have a computer virus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 239

You deserved it 22 496

By fuckcops - 13/06/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, I got my paycheck. I was really excited since I've been broke for the last two weeks. On my way home, I got pulled over and got a ticket for expired tags. The $90 for new tags plus $135 for the citation will leave me with enough to buy a burger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 764

You deserved it 29 618

By iannie - 31/07/2011 21:45 - United States

Today, I went to the beach. While I was swimming, I noticed a few really hot guys passing. Trying to be sexy, I slowly got out of the water, showing off my body. I showed a bit more than I expected when I realized my bikini bottom had fallen off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 344

You deserved it 39 406

By Anonymous - 22/09/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him by handing me a ring and telling me, "Okay we're engaged now." I should have seen it coming when we started dating, I went to his house one night and as I was leaving he said, "Okay you're my girlfriend now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 237

You deserved it 17 109

By Cali girl - 03/04/2014 16:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up again to a warm trickling sensation on my neck. It would seem my rabbit has a thing for doing his business on me to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 126

You deserved it 7 555

By Anonymous - 25/04/2012 14:33 - United States - Oakland

Today, I finally found the jewelry my two-year-old son had lost when it got lodged in my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 462

You deserved it 2 709

By loserface23 - 28/05/2009 19:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years asked me to marry him so that we can consolidate our student loans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 642

You deserved it 3 951

By blah blah daddy - 02/10/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 353

You deserved it 10 356

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Sunday 3 July 2016 7:02

Minutes before the action went down: "Look, are you sure this is the pickup location? A drive-thru just seems weird." "Sure I'm sure. Just ask for 'extra fries'; they'll know what it means. Relax, I can't see any reason things would go wrong."

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Sunday 3 July 2016 7:33

This is what happens when people get a drive-by confused with a drive-thru. Just wait until they hear about a drive-in.

Comments

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Sunday 3 July 2016 6:53

Did you give them to him?

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Sunday 3 July 2016 6:53

Well, hopefully you don't get fry-erd.

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Sunday 3 July 2016 7:47

Why would they get fired? If they got fired for being threatened at gun point, I'd be really surprised.

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Sunday 3 July 2016 16:39

#12. A pun -- a bad one, but just a pun. It's supposed to be punny

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Sunday 3 July 2016 17:19

Yeah...it's a bad pun, that's why I didn't mention it lol.

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Sunday 3 July 2016 6:55

I would have quit after... Scary i hope u called the police

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Sunday 3 July 2016 6:57

I mean, what is a burger without fries? You obviously had it coming, OP. Don't you know you have to watch every single move your coworkers make?

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Monday 4 July 2016 4:27

I'm guessing they won't be messing up on any order for a loong time.

NJ37 3

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Wednesday 6 July 2016 5:28

Sarcasm done right.

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Sunday 3 July 2016 7:02

"This is a stick up. Just put the fries in the bag, and we all walk away!"

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Sunday 3 July 2016 7:02

Minutes before the action went down: "Look, are you sure this is the pickup location? A drive-thru just seems weird." "Sure I'm sure. Just ask for 'extra fries'; they'll know what it means. Relax, I can't see any reason things would go wrong."

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Sunday 3 July 2016 7:14

This explains so much. Last time I asked for extra special sauce, I got a half pound of cocaine between the buns. It was the greatest burger ever, but the bill was outrageous.

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Sunday 3 July 2016 10:58

You two together are the perfect commenters. I am never disappointed.

SubparAtBest 23

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Sunday 3 July 2016 10:59

There was like a mcdonalds worker in Oregon who did that but they had to ask for a kids meal toy and she'd basically sell heroine through the drive thru

cheyluvsturtles 30

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Sunday 3 July 2016 7:17

The customer was pretty hangry it sounds like. But honestly, what was this guy on that made him think that doing that was totally OK. fyl indeed.

interesting33 36

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Sunday 3 July 2016 13:03

Are you trying to say angry or hungry? :)

yerawizardlizzy 27

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Sunday 3 July 2016 14:26

Both, dear. Look up hangry.

moodyreallyrocks 27

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Sunday 3 July 2016 7:19

Now that's a very extreme case of drive through experience!

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Sunday 3 July 2016 7:33

This is what happens when people get a drive-by confused with a drive-thru. Just wait until they hear about a drive-in.

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Sunday 3 July 2016 7:35

I thought you were gonna say you forgot his nuggets, I then would've been on his side.

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 35

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 57

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628

You deserved it 701