Today, during an 8 hour shift at a very busy bowling alley, I found out I can't trust a fart anymore. I'm only 25. Now I have to finish my shift commando, and also get rid of the evidence without anyone noticing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I've gotten to that point in life where I can no longer seem to trust a fart. FML
Today, and for the first time in my life, I was unable to trust a fart. FML
Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML
Today, I felt some serious gas building up while at the supermarket. I tried to quietly fart it out, only to end up sharting myself. I had to frantically waddle out of the store as discreetly as possible as several people in the vicinity freaked out and tried to locate the source of the smell. FML
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I was on the toilet at work. After a very loud and very smelly session, I waited until the other stall had been vacated to keep my anonymity. As I leant forward for some toilet roll, my ID fell out of my pocket and into the next stall. When I came out, it was face up near the sink. FML
Today, I was alone at the office. Having held it in all day, I let out the longest, worst-smelling fart of my life. The owner of the company, investigating the odd noise, opened my office door. When the stench hit him, he walked backwards all the way to his office, staring at me, in silence. FML
Today, I fucked up by trusting the wrong fart and shat myself in the middle of the restaurant I was eating lunch at. I was so mortified, I couldn't even finish the meal I paid for. FML
Today, at work, I thought I’d sneak a wee fart out, but ended up shitting myself. I just left work without telling anyone, went home, showered, then went back to work. No one missed me being away for 2 hours. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
And you didn't even bring a spare. Strike one.
Tripartita 45
That's /barely/ a breach of trust, OP. The fart I hired to handle my personal finances is being investigated for tax fraud. It's so hard to find trustworthy farts nowadays.
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Comments (52)
kitsuneluvuh 12
I feel ya, dude.
EsotericAura 25
Well, I don't know about sharts, but you could try sphincter strengthening exercises to prevent you from randomly ******** yourself in the future. For extra measure you could also try kegels (and yes, both men and women can do kegels) to prevent your bladder from becoming a problem.
soulreaper12296 28
OP didn't just randomly shit their pants. They tried farting and instead ended up sharting.
EsotericAura 25
Yes, I understand the concept. But the way OP worded it "I'm only 25" makes it sound like they're worried that the lack of control of bodily functions that many older people experience is already becoming a problem for him/her. I was just suggesting a way to prevent this. It's easier to prevent the problem than it is to deal with the aftermath.
buckdharma 38
First, freeze a hot dog. You will need this later. Next, find a bowling ball with very large finger holes...
Catdragon 40
If you were a long time member of this site, you would know by now to never trust a fart. FYL, but you totally deserve it unless it was an unintentional fart
babs22291 15
Shit happens...
freddygasman 18
Kinda like these over used jokes.
jimeple 12
Happened to me at a girlfriends house. We were sitting on her leather couch that I now own.
Le_ponderer 14
A suggestion to get rid of the evidence; you should wrap it in one of those small disposable polythene baggies (to lock in the smell); use wet towels to wipe down your ass, toss it all into an empty wax-sealed bag for fries and shove it into a garbage can. Do not be known as the next Makela. Sanitize your hands thereafter!
theflash2005 7
I have this problem due to a hereditary trait in my family. My tip to you is to wear compression shorts as underwear, and if it happens again, they won't stain and are can be washed out in a sink or something. Just a suggestion tho
RosaMaravillosa 10
it's probably something you ate. maybe a slight change in diet can help. f.i. I can't eat more than 1 egg a week or I let the most noxious smelling farts ever. haven't ever met my match. good luck, and don't forget. , shit happens!
manuwish 9
lesson for life OP, better sitting broken-hearted having tried to shit but only farted, than hold it in when nature calls, than sneak a fart and wind up with a shart :D haha