By Confused and Disgusted - United States - Sparta Today, while at work, a customer came up to me, stuck his finger in my armpit, then licked his finger. FML I agree, your life sucks 31173 You deserved it 2409 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fatgirl4 - United States Today, I was at the gym running with intensity on the treadmill. As I was working out, I noticed a few guys behind me staring at me. I figured they were checking me out because I was losing some weight and looking better. Turns out they were betting on how much longer "Fat Ass" could last. FML I agree, your life sucks 53957 You deserved it 6605 195 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By "Anti_Sora" Today, I turned in my final worth 20% of the grade. Today was also the day my internet decided to die. FML I agree, your life sucks 2119 You deserved it 275 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By therewasnocurtain - United States - Lewiston Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML I agree, your life sucks 35940 You deserved it 2523 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By volleyballgirl - United States Today, at my volleyball tournament I was extremely pumped to start playing so I went to take my sweats off and everybody began to stare at me then I looked down to come to realize I had no spandex on, just a thong. FML I agree, your life sucks 11909 You deserved it 32553 195 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Milton Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML I agree, your life sucks 58328 You deserved it 7962 298 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By GrandTheftArson - Canada - Waterloo Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML I agree, your life sucks 21071 You deserved it 1564 54 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my landlord told me he is raising my rent next month. I thought he was kidding until he asked if I still wanted to live here. My landlord is also my live-in boyfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 33045 You deserved it 3931 115 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ihatemyex - 23/5/2020 14:00 Who are you? Today, a woman I’d never met came to my door asking if my kids were ready to go. Obviously I refused to send my kids with a stranger. Apparently she’s my ex's new girlfriend and "has his permission" to come get my kids. Now he’s threatening to take me to court for violating the visitation order. FML I agree, your life sucks 1872 You deserved it 134 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Oklahoma City Today, I started having chest pains and shortness of breath. I thought I was having a heart attack and I asked my husband to take me to the hospital. He told me to wait because he'd just ordered a pizza. FML I agree, your life sucks 34354 You deserved it 3219 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sdfsdf - United States Today, I went to contest a parking ticket in court. I came out 3 hours later, all charges clear, to a new parking ticket on my windshield, for the same amount I just got cleared. FML I agree, your life sucks 11382 You deserved it 30797 44 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By spaceavery - United States - Gresham Today, I was having amazing sex with my husband. When he blew his load, he also blew something else - a giant glob of snot, directly at my face. FML I agree, your life sucks 16077 You deserved it 1551 33 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By 800z - United Kingdom Today, I biked 15 km to my girlfriend's house in really heavy rain to surprise her. Turns out she's on holiday in Spain, and hadn't bothered to tell me. FML I agree, your life sucks 37399 You deserved it 4597 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By onthemarket - United States Today, after being with my boyfriend for seven years, he finally proposed. To another woman. FML I agree, your life sucks 48485 You deserved it 4147 166 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 30/6/2020 14:01 Stalker vibes Today, a woman who has a history of being horrible came into my work. I had to help her, so I was determined to be so nice that she couldn't possibly complain about me, like she has about several co-workers before. Apparently, I was too nice. Now she loves me and wants me to help her every time she comes in. FML I agree, your life sucks 1385 You deserved it 329 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By I think its dead - Canada - Brandon Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML I agree, your life sucks 22894 You deserved it 41318 182 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dgilbs - United States - Cheboygan Today, I finished my shopping at Costco, and realized I had forgotten where I had parked. After scouring the parking lot for 20 minutes, I called the police and filed a report for a stolen vehicle. I then remembered I had bought a new car yesterday and parked it right next to the entrance. FML I agree, your life sucks 8991 You deserved it 37751 158 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By worst day of my life Today, my friends kidnapped me as a surprise birthday prank, and threw me into my own car's trunk. As they drove the car to PF Chang's, I'm freaking out, blindfolded and hogtied. My car was low on gas, and they ran out on the highway. They left me in the car on I-275 for 9 hours. FML I agree, your life sucks 2697 You deserved it 178 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Drew - United States - Harrodsburg Today, it's my birthday. My grandma posted about it on her Facebook wall, but people got confused and thought it was her birthday instead. She got twice as many birthday wishes as I did, and that's including the ones I got outside of Facebook. FML I agree, your life sucks 32616 You deserved it 2986 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SteamLass765 Today, a woman drove her car onto my closed worksite. Since it is hazardous for the general public, I told her to leave. Later, the police arrived and gave me hell. Apparently, I was reported for being "snippy". FML I agree, your life sucks 26686 You deserved it 1755 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my friend told me that he was having a scrabble tournament at his house with a bunch of our friends. I told my dad about the tournament and he gave me a special scrabble dictionary to bring. Hesitantly, I brought the dictionary and as I walked in everyone was playing beer pong. FML I agree, your life sucks 40335 You deserved it 12955 202 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By williebees - United States - Huntsville Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML I agree, your life sucks 28428 You deserved it 2409 122 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NoorFML - United States Today, I woke up and saw that my alarm clock had fallen on the floor. It read 9:05 am. I panicked because I was late for work. As I frantically got ready, I went to pick my alarm clock up to place it back on my nightstand when I realized it was upside down. The actual time was 5:06. FML I agree, your life sucks 43834 You deserved it 7469 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SleepyMommy - United States - Pomona Today, my husband was going to let me sleep in for Mother's Day. That would have been great, if my brother didn't call me at 5:30 in the morning to say Happy Mother's Day. Now I'm up like any other day. FML I agree, your life sucks 11322 You deserved it 1042 28 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ohdear. - United Kingdom - London Today, while searching a woman for contraband as part of my job, she kept making sexual noises throughout. After I finished, she hugged me and went on her way. I really need a new job. FML I agree, your life sucks 41874 You deserved it 4725 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Northbrook Today, after trying to convince my girlfriend to have sex for almost 16 months, she finally said yes. I couldn't get it up the second she said it. FML I agree, your life sucks 27068 You deserved it 39509 228 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By After vacation Today, I got back from vacation and walked in on my boyfriend and my brother in my bed. FML I agree, your life sucks 3273 You deserved it 252 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Z - United Kingdom Today, my dad decided to have a little father and daughter bonding time. Unfortunately, his idea of bonding involves him sitting around at home, getting piss drunk, and falling asleep. FML I agree, your life sucks 31355 You deserved it 3017 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my 10-year-old brother got the bright idea to urinate in my oven to cool it off. My whole house smells like burnt piss. FML I agree, your life sucks 36400 You deserved it 3212 155 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sam_Licker81 - United States Today, I was baking cookies and opened the oven door to check on them. Apparently, wearing a gold necklace means the wave of heat will burn your very fair skin. I now have a bright red ring of stars around my neck. FML I agree, your life sucks 25684 You deserved it 6645 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ElixirRose - United States Today, I killed a centipede. Now every little itch I feel, I think it's the centipede's spirit coming back to haunt me. FML I agree, your life sucks 18377 You deserved it 46545 219 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pupitre - Canada Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant with my boyfriend and his family. After the meal, we all decided to open our fortune cookies and read them out loud. On mine, it said "You will change your mind many times before settling down." I didn't realize what it meant until after I'd read it to them. FML I agree, your life sucks 28372 You deserved it 4922 121 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, in the middle of the store, my daughter pointed at my belly and loudly announced that she was going to have a brother. I'm a man, and apparently I need to lose weight. FML I agree, your life sucks 25679 You deserved it 5911 93 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By So I can go now then? Today, I got fired from a job I had already resigned from after agreeing to stay on and help them out for an extra month, despite having no contract. They fired me because a colleague refused to work with me anymore because I wouldn't date him. FML I agree, your life sucks 2587 You deserved it 233 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Elkhart Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML I agree, your life sucks 30732 You deserved it 2116 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 18:58 - United States - Maryville Masterchef 2020 Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML I agree, your life sucks 833 You deserved it 44 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Chance115 Today, my knee was dislocated. At a haunted house. By a midget. FML I agree, your life sucks 2571 You deserved it 282 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By burn - United States Today, my kids decided putting laxatives in my coffee would loosen me up and calm my nerves. I have a 3 hour long meeting soon. FML I agree, your life sucks 34876 You deserved it 3474 105 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Fredericksburg Today, I had to pick my 22-year-old son up from the hospital, after he got blind drunk, got his hand stuck in a Pringles can, and got the bright idea of staggering to the local ER to get it cut off. FML I agree, your life sucks 27510 You deserved it 2978 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Volunteer - United States - Elwood Today, I got fired from my volunteer job. FML I agree, your life sucks 43889 You deserved it 10965 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TabbiNicole - United States Today, I had a woman accuse me of trying to steal her husband over the phone, just because I called and asked for him. I'm an interviewer. FML I agree, your life sucks 31717 You deserved it 2785 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MDoremis | 38 #6212177 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 9:18 That is so disgusting. Send a private message 117 3 Reply
By crissalove | 22 #6212172 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 9:13 Um... what? O.o Send a private message 70 11 Reply
By crissalove | 22 #6212172 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 9:13 Um... what? O.o Send a private message 70 11 Reply
Reply abattior | 18 #6212212 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 9:58 A customer came up to OP and he stick up his finger to OP's armpit and he then licked it. Send a private message 69 6 Reply
Reply JMichael | 25 #6212278 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 11:45 I think she was just caught off guard sir. Send a private message 26 4 Reply
Reply tossaway2321 | 5 #6213508 - Wednesday 25 February 2015 10:10 Um... what? O.o Send a private message 1 3 Reply
By codalicious | 16 #6212173 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 9:14 It's what you get for doing slow motion jumping jacks at work. Send a private message 7 32 Reply
Reply WattledParsley | 11 #6212899 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 21:59 *Ba dum tssss* *Cricket noise* Send a private message 4 5 Reply
By ChrissyRaz | 9 #6212174 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 9:15 Well ewww Send a private message 4 21 Reply
By MDoremis | 38 #6212177 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 9:18 That is so disgusting. Send a private message 117 3 Reply
By delude | 26 #6212179 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 9:19 Some people are just so weird Send a private message 32 1 Reply
By missbrit818 | 20 #6212180 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 9:19 What the actual f Send a private message 60 3 Reply
Reply Ichiya | 29 #6214050 - Wednesday 25 February 2015 19:52 And the not so actual fuck too! Send a private message 2 1 Reply
By emeraldisle | 30 #6212182 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 9:21 Maybe he just wanted to taste your deodorant. Send a private message 38 4 Reply
Reply saba_ajira | 29 #6212282 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 11:55 Because you know, that's normal Send a private message 42 1 Reply
Reply wildgenius | 13 #6212336 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 13:11 It's called old spice for a reason Send a private message 29 1 Reply
By hedgedcats | 19 #6212185 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 9:23 I wonder if those type of people wake up and already have planned what they're going to do. Send a private message 43 2 Reply
By 8Dirty1 | 24 #6212187 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 9:24 yummy in his tummy Send a private message 13 4 Reply
By cheeeksss | 29 #6212189 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 9:26 I cringed so hard. What the fuck.. Send a private message 22 2 Reply
Today, I finally got pulled into a threesome with the girl I've loved for years and another friend. She led the interaction with, "You only get to touch... I agree, your life sucks 133 You deserved it 27 1 Comments
Today, my boyfriend is once again mad at me because I refused to have shower sex with him. I’m too embarrassed to explain to him that ever since I could... I agree, your life sucks 391 You deserved it 98 9 Comments