Work: Today, while at work, a customer came up to me, stuck his finger...

By Confused and Disgusted - United States - Sparta

Today, while at work, a customer came up to me, stuck his finger in my armpit, then licked his finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31173

You deserved it

2409

Favorite

Work

Night terrors

Mixed signals

Get me away from here, I'm dying

By fatgirl4 - United States

Today, I was at the gym running with intensity on the treadmill. As I was working out, I noticed a few guys behind me staring at me. I figured they were checking me out because I was losing some weight and looking better. Turns out they were betting on how much longer "Fat Ass" could last. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53957

You deserved it

6605

Favorite

By "Anti_Sora"

Today, I turned in my final worth 20% of the grade. Today was also the day my internet decided to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2119

You deserved it

275

Favorite

By therewasnocurtain - United States - Lewiston

Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35940

You deserved it

2523

Favorite

By volleyballgirl - United States

Today, at my volleyball tournament I was extremely pumped to start playing so I went to take my sweats off and everybody began to stare at me then I looked down to come to realize I had no spandex on, just a thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11909

You deserved it

32553

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Milton

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58328

You deserved it

7962

Favorite

By GrandTheftArson - Canada - Waterloo

Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21071

You deserved it

1564

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my landlord told me he is raising my rent next month. I thought he was kidding until he asked if I still wanted to live here. My landlord is also my live-in boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33045

You deserved it

3931

Favorite

By ihatemyex - 23/5/2020 14:00

Who are you?

Today, a woman I’d never met came to my door asking if my kids were ready to go. Obviously I refused to send my kids with a stranger. Apparently she’s my ex's new girlfriend and "has his permission" to come get my kids. Now he’s threatening to take me to court for violating the visitation order. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1872

You deserved it

134

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I started having chest pains and shortness of breath. I thought I was having a heart attack and I asked my husband to take me to the hospital. He told me to wait because he'd just ordered a pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34354

You deserved it

3219

Favorite

By sdfsdf - United States

Today, I went to contest a parking ticket in court. I came out 3 hours later, all charges clear, to a new parking ticket on my windshield, for the same amount I just got cleared. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11382

You deserved it

30797

Favorite

By spaceavery - United States - Gresham

Today, I was having amazing sex with my husband. When he blew his load, he also blew something else - a giant glob of snot, directly at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16077

You deserved it

1551

Favorite

By 800z - United Kingdom

Today, I biked 15 km to my girlfriend's house in really heavy rain to surprise her. Turns out she's on holiday in Spain, and hadn't bothered to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37399

You deserved it

4597

Favorite

By onthemarket - United States

Today, after being with my boyfriend for seven years, he finally proposed. To another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48485

You deserved it

4147

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/6/2020 14:01

Stalker vibes

Today, a woman who has a history of being horrible came into my work. I had to help her, so I was determined to be so nice that she couldn't possibly complain about me, like she has about several co-workers before. Apparently, I was too nice. Now she loves me and wants me to help her every time she comes in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1385

You deserved it

329

Favorite

By I think its dead - Canada - Brandon

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22894

You deserved it

41318

Favorite

By dgilbs - United States - Cheboygan

Today, I finished my shopping at Costco, and realized I had forgotten where I had parked. After scouring the parking lot for 20 minutes, I called the police and filed a report for a stolen vehicle. I then remembered I had bought a new car yesterday and parked it right next to the entrance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8991

You deserved it

37751

Favorite

By worst day of my life

Today, my friends kidnapped me as a surprise birthday prank, and threw me into my own car's trunk. As they drove the car to PF Chang's, I'm freaking out, blindfolded and hogtied. My car was low on gas, and they ran out on the highway. They left me in the car on I-275 for 9 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2697

You deserved it

178

Favorite

By Drew - United States - Harrodsburg

Today, it's my birthday. My grandma posted about it on her Facebook wall, but people got confused and thought it was her birthday instead. She got twice as many birthday wishes as I did, and that's including the ones I got outside of Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32616

You deserved it

2986

Favorite

By SteamLass765

Today, a woman drove her car onto my closed worksite. Since it is hazardous for the general public, I told her to leave. Later, the police arrived and gave me hell. Apparently, I was reported for being "snippy". FML

I agree, your life sucks

26686

You deserved it

1755

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend told me that he was having a scrabble tournament at his house with a bunch of our friends. I told my dad about the tournament and he gave me a special scrabble dictionary to bring. Hesitantly, I brought the dictionary and as I walked in everyone was playing beer pong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40335

You deserved it

12955

Favorite

By williebees - United States - Huntsville

Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28428

You deserved it

2409

Favorite

By NoorFML - United States

Today, I woke up and saw that my alarm clock had fallen on the floor. It read 9:05 am. I panicked because I was late for work. As I frantically got ready, I went to pick my alarm clock up to place it back on my nightstand when I realized it was upside down. The actual time was 5:06. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43834

You deserved it

7469

Favorite

By SleepyMommy - United States - Pomona

Today, my husband was going to let me sleep in for Mother's Day. That would have been great, if my brother didn't call me at 5:30 in the morning to say Happy Mother's Day. Now I'm up like any other day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11322

You deserved it

1042

Favorite

By ohdear. - United Kingdom - London

Today, while searching a woman for contraband as part of my job, she kept making sexual noises throughout. After I finished, she hugged me and went on her way. I really need a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41874

You deserved it

4725

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Northbrook

Today, after trying to convince my girlfriend to have sex for almost 16 months, she finally said yes. I couldn't get it up the second she said it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27068

You deserved it

39509

Favorite

After vacation

Today, I got back from vacation and walked in on my boyfriend and my brother in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3273

You deserved it

252

Favorite

By Z - United Kingdom

Today, my dad decided to have a little father and daughter bonding time. Unfortunately, his idea of bonding involves him sitting around at home, getting piss drunk, and falling asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31355

You deserved it

3017

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 10-year-old brother got the bright idea to urinate in my oven to cool it off. My whole house smells like burnt piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36400

You deserved it

3212

Favorite

By Sam_Licker81 - United States

Today, I was baking cookies and opened the oven door to check on them. Apparently, wearing a gold necklace means the wave of heat will burn your very fair skin. I now have a bright red ring of stars around my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25684

You deserved it

6645

Favorite

By ElixirRose - United States

Today, I killed a centipede. Now every little itch I feel, I think it's the centipede's spirit coming back to haunt me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18377

You deserved it

46545

Favorite

By pupitre - Canada

Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant with my boyfriend and his family. After the meal, we all decided to open our fortune cookies and read them out loud. On mine, it said "You will change your mind many times before settling down." I didn't realize what it meant until after I'd read it to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28372

You deserved it

4922

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, in the middle of the store, my daughter pointed at my belly and loudly announced that she was going to have a brother. I'm a man, and apparently I need to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25679

You deserved it

5911

Favorite

By So I can go now then?

Today, I got fired from a job I had already resigned from after agreeing to stay on and help them out for an extra month, despite having no contract. They fired me because a colleague refused to work with me anymore because I wouldn't date him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2587

You deserved it

233

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Elkhart

Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30732

You deserved it

2116

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 18:58 - United States - Maryville

Masterchef 2020

Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

833

You deserved it

Favorite

By Chance115

Today, my knee was dislocated. At a haunted house. By a midget. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2571

You deserved it

282

Favorite

By burn - United States

Today, my kids decided putting laxatives in my coffee would loosen me up and calm my nerves. I have a 3 hour long meeting soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34876

You deserved it

3474

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I had to pick my 22-year-old son up from the hospital, after he got blind drunk, got his hand stuck in a Pringles can, and got the bright idea of staggering to the local ER to get it cut off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27510

You deserved it

2978

Favorite

By Volunteer - United States - Elwood

Today, I got fired from my volunteer job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43889

You deserved it

10965

Favorite

By TabbiNicole - United States

Today, I had a woman accuse me of trying to steal her husband over the phone, just because I called and asked for him. I'm an interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31717

You deserved it

2785

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By MDoremis | 38

#6212177 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 9:18

That is so disgusting.

By crissalove | 22

#6212172 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 9:13

Um... what? O.o

COMMENTS

By crissalove | 22

#6212172 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 9:13

Um... what? O.o

abattior | 18

#6212212 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 9:58

A customer came up to OP and he stick up his finger to OP's armpit and he then licked it.

JMichael | 25

#6212278 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 11:45

I think she was just caught off guard sir.

tossaway2321 | 5

#6213508 - Wednesday 25 February 2015 10:10

Um... what? O.o

By codalicious | 16

#6212173 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 9:14

It's what you get for doing slow motion jumping jacks at work.

WattledParsley | 11

#6212899 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 21:59

*Ba dum tssss* *Cricket noise*

By ChrissyRaz | 9

#6212174 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 9:15

Well ewww

swanheart | 35

#6218783 - Monday 2 March 2015 9:05

Well duh!

By MDoremis | 38

#6212177 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 9:18

That is so disgusting.

By delude | 26

#6212179 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 9:19

Some people are just so weird

By missbrit818 | 20

#6212180 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 9:19

What the actual f

Ichiya | 29

#6214050 - Wednesday 25 February 2015 19:52

And the not so actual fuck too!

By emeraldisle | 30

#6212182 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 9:21

Maybe he just wanted to taste your deodorant.

saba_ajira | 29

#6212282 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 11:55

Because you know, that's normal

wildgenius | 13

#6212336 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 13:11

It's called old spice for a reason

By hedgedcats | 19

#6212185 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 9:23

I wonder if those type of people wake up and already have planned what they're going to do.

By 8Dirty1 | 24

#6212187 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 9:24

yummy in his tummy

By cheeeksss | 29

#6212189 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 9:26

I cringed so hard. What the fuck..