Miscellaneous: Today, I dropped my blackberry, but thanks to the protective...

By anonymous - 28/03/2011 18:48 - United States

Today, I dropped my blackberry, but thanks to the protective gel case that I just purchased for it... it bounced and fell right into a sidewalk drainage sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 293

You deserved it 5 597

Miscellaneous

Mother of the year

The smell detective is on the case

Suspicious minds

By lauramarie - 23/07/2011 14:18 - Canada

Today, as I was hung over from a concert and refusing to get out of bed, my dad decided to hook up his top notch speaker system and play Christmas music that shook the house. It's July. Let the family weekend begin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 492

You deserved it 15 555

By Moody - 28/10/2009 19:14 - United States

Today, I opened my personal laptop at a company meeting. I forgot that the battery died while watching a porno last night. It was ten seconds of slurping, spitting and gagging. It was my first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 366

You deserved it 38 042

By Anonymous - 30/05/2019 02:00

Today, I got lost in a car park, late at night, unable to find my car. I started panicking, so I called my dad. I sat down to catch my breath. After about 2 minutes, I heard a noise. I looked up to see a guy jerking off while watching me. He smiled, so I instinctively threw my backpack at his junk and he ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 271

You deserved it 248

Don't try this at home

By Lunar-Spice - 07/11/2020 08:01

Today, I found out what it feels like to put in a contact while drunk. My eye still hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 247

You deserved it 743

By Smiley - 31/12/2015 14:33 - Aruba - Oranjestad

Today, as always, I tend to smile and giggle when I'm nervous. I couldn't stop it from happening at the funeral of my friend's grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 900

You deserved it 3 600

By Anonymous - 03/08/2013 17:59 - United States - Santa Rosa Beach

Today, my hamster had babies. I came home just in time to witness her kick the mutilated bodies of her two babies out of her house, then crawl back in and go to sleep. Now my sister refuses to touch her and calls her a "baby-eating demon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 775

You deserved it 4 279

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 18:18 - Netherlands - Den Dungen

Today, I fell asleep while taking a dump. At work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 930

You deserved it 4 800

By Anonymous - 02/08/2012 00:56 - United Kingdom - March

Today, my girlfriend tried to convince me that she never takes dumps. I told her that as long as she eats, it's a biological impossibility, but she seems to have genuinely deluded herself into thinking it's true, purely because she is a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 061

You deserved it 3 281

By annonoymus - 16/03/2010 16:00 - Australia

Today, I was having an in depth discussion with my girlfriends father about how corrupt journalists are and how our town's paper is the worst paper on the planet. After insulting basically everything about the newspaper, I asked him what he did for a living. He's the editor of the newspaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 694

You deserved it 46 970

By JustAGiftCardPlease - 16/06/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, I received the box my parents sent me for my birthday. Contents were a travel first-aid kit, and a remote control robot toy, with an age recommendation on the box of 8. I'm 29. They thought that since I'm an engineer I would like the toy. They also think I'll hurt myself with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 978

You deserved it 3 807

Food for thought

By that’s what you get - 05/08/2020 17:02

Today, I warned my husband not to eat the seafood he'd left on the counter. He insisted it was fine. He’s now been in the bathroom shitting, puking and wailing for three hours. Our place is tiny and the bathroom is attached to our bedroom. The door doesn’t keep out the noise or the rancid smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 737

You deserved it 164

Dumbass

By SpookyBiscuits - 27/12/2016 16:27

Today, my boss wants to sort people in his contact list by last name, so I showed him how to switch the sorting from first to last. He tried to correct it by writing the first name in the last name spot and vise versa. Now he wants me to go through and change them all back. All 200+ of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 806

You deserved it 497

By Anonymous - 13/02/2015 22:49 - United States

Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend asked if he could come over and hang out. He only came because he ran out of food at his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 052

You deserved it 3 572

By todaddy - 23/05/2014 19:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 139

You deserved it 4 714

By Dandruff - 24/05/2010 16:14 - France

Today, I found out I have dandruff when a chick passed by and said out loud to her friends: "That dude's hair is having an early Xmas!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 170

You deserved it 6 660

How not to raise 'em right

By cammy - 08/05/2021 05:59

Today, I learned that my 13 year-old daughter has been wearing the same pad for a week “because there’s no blood on it.” When I told her that it's still disgusting, she tried to defend herself be saying that, "no one ever told her how long she could wear it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 2 672

By KamiAzaaaaaa - 11/12/2015 16:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out my credit card was maxed out to the penny, all thanks to purchases made on an online wine store. Apparently my mother was thirsty enough to steal from her own son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 709

You deserved it 1 537

Eggs

By Anonymous - 03/01/2021 23:01

Today, while eating breakfast with my family, I asked my mother if there was any more scrambled eggs in the skillet because I really felt like having some more. She got mad at me because she thought I'd asked in a sarcastic manner. I wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 80

Travel gift

By Anonymous - 22/12/2019 18:00

Today, I decided to buy my Chinese Studies professor a gift from Taiwan. So I bought her a mini-Taiwanese passport that said "Republic of China" on it. As it turns out, it was actually a two-pack of travel condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 202

You deserved it 2 772

By Maxime - 28/02/2014 00:32 - France - Paris

Today, I called a company for a problem with our septic tank. Two workers show up, I take them into the garden to show them the manhole cover at the top of it. They open it up. We then gaze upon a sea of condoms floating on the surface. My wife and I don't use condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 113

You deserved it 4 467

By betchyo - 01/10/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, I was talking to my best friend. After admitting to me that he's gay, I gave him a hug for support and comfort, feeling his erection on my upper thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 681

You deserved it 5 470

By cookie_lover_xx - 15/10/2015 06:24 - United States - Chandler

Today, my mom ended up having a midlife crisis. She decided it was finally time to get those tight leather pants that she has always wanted, and is now planning on putting a stripper pole in her room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 493

You deserved it 2 027

By bdaygirl - 03/12/2009 07:33 - United States

Today, I turned eighteen. Thinking I was going to get a big present from my parents on this special day, I eagerly unwrapped my present. They got me a bag of M and M's. Last year I got flannel bed sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 861

You deserved it 4 701

Irrational

By Anonymous - 23/02/2016 11:10 - France - Brunoy

Today, I accidentally left my bedroom light on all day. When I got home, my mum screamed at me for wasting electricity. This is the same woman who leaves the TV on all day while she’s at work, all so our dogs have something to watch and won't be “bored”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 082

You deserved it 1 442

By bottlepoppin - 02/03/2009 02:31 - United States

Today, a customer opened with "you open bottles with them thangs?" I look around my desk for something he might confuse with an actual bottle opener. His girlfriend then informs me he is talking about my breasts. I work for a bank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 925

You deserved it 3 937

By PityKitty - 24/12/2013 16:53

Today, I pretended to cry in front of my cat because she doesn't cuddle with me anymore. Yeah, I tried to guilt-trip my cat into loving me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 099

You deserved it 12 237

By pansypup - 03/09/2015 02:30 - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I discovered that my 100-pound Rottweiler is absolutely terrified of (drumroll please) orange peels. Yup. A byproduct of my lunch will turn this hulking monolith with teeth into a whimpering puddle of pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 709

You deserved it 2 183

By Fmycar - 26/09/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, my football team played in a game against our rival school that was just a few blocks away. We hadn't lost the game in exactly 49 years, we were playing for the 50th year win. We lost 63-0, and got booed off the field by our own crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 360

You deserved it 37 997

By THOMASisMYname - 06/07/2011 17:06 - Canada

Today, I went out drinking with my friends. Being safe as we were a little intoxicated, we took a taxi back. The cab driver was also drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 784

You deserved it 4 603

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 07:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my mum has been texting my ex-boyfriend to tell him what a dick he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 631

You deserved it 4 768

By rolypoly - 05/03/2014 12:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I achieved a personal goal by completing a half-marathon for charity, despite being overweight and unfit before training. When I finished I cried, not because I was proud of myself, but because I ran the last 2 miles while being followed by kids on bicycles calling me a "fat cunt". FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 383

You deserved it 5 607

By Ethan - 17/10/2009 11:13 - United States

Today, I awoke to find a giant turd on my carpet, cat hair everywhere in my room, and a big hole in my window screen. I don't own a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 031

You deserved it 2 387

By Nicholas Laughton - 16/06/2017 14:00

Today, I saw the girl I've been crushing hard on. I go up to talk to her, and I'm immediately greeted by, "I like girls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 475

You deserved it 764

First Dates

By sillvy - 13/01/2012 09:32 - United States

Today, I was on a date. I noticed he kept looking at my lips. Thinking he wanted to kiss me, I leaned in closer. Disgusted, he pulled away and said, "I'm sorry, but that pimple on your chin is, like, staring at me or something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 073

You deserved it 5 531

By SpiderFather - 02/07/2013 08:01 - France

Today, my seven-year-old son put a spider in the microwave. Animal cruelty? No. The goal was to irradiate it, then get it to bite him so that he would become Spider-Man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 974

You deserved it 5 845

By southernpride93 - 18/11/2011 15:26 - United States

Today, I was involved in a car accident and hit my head on the dash. I now have huge, very sore knot on my head. My boyfriend now takes every opportunity to poke it and scream "Look! A baby unicorn!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 305

You deserved it 4 170

By paperbagofdoom - 29/05/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, while working at a certain California theme park in full costume, I was approached by a kid in line, who looked at me and exclaimed, "Hey look, its Indiana Jones!" which felt pretty amazing. His sister, who was maybe seven years old, glanced over at me and said, "No, he's way too fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 610

You deserved it 5 126

By concernedson - 12/09/2010 11:34 - Australia

Today, while my mom was out, my family agreed upon the assumption that she has a "shopping problem." I argued against it for quite a while, until she pulled up minutes later with a what seemed like a life-time supply of canned condensed milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 503

You deserved it 4 906

By Bill - 06/12/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 892

You deserved it 18 065

By Anonymous - 28/11/2011 15:45 - United States

Today, in science class, we had to make play-dough with our lab partners. We were allowed to put one thing in it to make it more bouncy or rubbery. My partner said that he wanted to put a chicken wing in ours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 220

You deserved it 3 405

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

shibainu519 0

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:24

get an iPhone

cupcake10101 0

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:14

fail xD

cupcake10101 0

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:14

fail xD

JetLifeNextLife 0

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:22

snail

maskedman 9

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:30

jail.

bigmanj28 0

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:31

mail

tona01 16

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:33

rail

Quasar55_fml 18

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:41

bail

igoteffed 0

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:49

I think you mean fail. FAIL^

calebpva 0

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:58

WIN!! ^^

max_wilder 9

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:05

bin

mrazneggroll 1

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:08

Din

Gondile 4

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:10

sin

spearhead 5

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:13

C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!!!!

bubbly456 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:13

kin

bailes_o_hay 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:18

gin

bailes_o_hay 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:18

gin

persianjr 15

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:31

sin

Somedood117 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:44

bin

mendozaale 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:44

fin

NickK49 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:45

(insert rhyme to keep annoying thread going)

EastonxStealth 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:46

cum

Somedood117 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:48

shin

IndianRapper 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:48

bum

mendozaale 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:49

sum

mendozaale 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:49

sum

NickK49 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:51

bitches drinking some cum filled rum

muhaidib 2

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 1:17

orange... rhyme that... and don't say hat, fat, bat, cat or sat

number0 8

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 1:26

red-orange

bigmanj28 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 1:34

porange

Katie_the_Great 6

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 1:59

o range. haha

Pawned71 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 3:28

carnage

testthecoal 5

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 3:46

stonehenge

cupcake10101 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 4:15

morange

Taz_the_Spaz 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 4:43

revenge?

toastyjustice 5

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 5:01

silver :P

cupcake10101 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 5:32

liver

cupcake10101 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 5:33

popcorn :)

kykyshay 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 5:58

wow 34 comments on rhyming words. waste of time...

EKL32 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 6:53

dime trolololololol

skeezle 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 8:08

lime

xXxJaGsTeRxXx 11

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 8:23

rhyme

denvan 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 9:54

hyme

Spenerish 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 12:59

Chime

paigeorpage1 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 16:49

your mom's a wast of time

EminemTM 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 17:24

My rhyming skills got you climbing hills.

trixy81 10

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 20:39

landfills

LolaD18 1

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 21:48

fish gills ^_^

a_y_a_z_z_fml 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 30 March 2011 0:19

banana peels xD

bigmanj28 0

Send a private message

Saturday 2 April 2011 3:55

prescription pills

supertacowaffle 41

Send a private message

Saturday 2 April 2011 20:01

Toothbrushes

Creamysweeps 5

Send a private message

Sunday 12 June 2011 3:32

lame crushes

nalia18 8

Send a private message

Monday 3 October 2011 5:38

This girl is gonna attack Cause sometimes the boys just gotta step back Try rhyming with the word soup Try to stay in the game Keep this rhyme on loop

YtotsDI 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 November 2011 16:43

Poop

Justin23L 2

Send a private message

Saturday 25 February 2012 2:04

soup

kellandj2019 7

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 October 2012 6:33

Poop

born_hustla 26

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:24

let them know babe!!

peaceful505 0

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:26

wow fyl

peaceful505 0

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:26

wow fyl

sourcherri23xx 0

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:38

trail

Quasar55_fml 18

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:38

bail

wisericky 12

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:39

boobs!

shibainu519 0

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:44

mail

you_failed 15

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:51

fail

you_failed 15

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:52

Fail.

shibainu519 0

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:24

get an iPhone

outsidebox 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 1:50

or an android.

beeship321 5

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 1:58

Or a pocket to keep it in so it won't fall through your underwear.

jsx12345 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 2:41

iPhone>Andriod That's the daily math kids!

cupcake10101 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 4:16

I'm on my iPhone right now

p00phed 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 4:59

iPhones rock!

C6Racer 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 5:37

Droid X puts the iCrap to shame.

kellandj2019 7

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 October 2012 6:35

iPhones are given way too much time and thought. I mean, why do you need 5+ different kinds?

SmokinGuns 13

Send a private message

Sunday 17 November 2013 12:39

You guys must be bots sent to advertise IPhones because they fucking suck!

ryanator008 23

Send a private message

Friday 20 June 2014 15:38

Drop an I Phone and it breaks. Drop a Blackberry (even without a case), and it doesn't.

IdontWanna69 8

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:24

Hey at least it has to be somewhat protected from all that sewage now :D

max_wilder 9

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:06

what a shitty situation!

RiiOT09 9

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:08

sin

spearhead 5

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:15

^wrong comment

mendozaale 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:48

bin?

franniedottp 8

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 1:32

no, I think y'all mean WIN

justalilrandom2 4

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 2:34

No, 73. they don't. Feel free to read the replies to number 1, maybe you will understand then.

sparta98 4

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:27

Lol, that's what the cases are for, don'tcha know?

jrsgreenfire257 0

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:31

Faaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiilllllll xD

kellandj2019 7

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 October 2012 6:36

Pail

tona01 16

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:34

sail

cjgqsmooth 0

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:43

nail

fluorescentadole_fml 8

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:57

god this "fail" thng is sooo sickening! urgh

ilyfrenchiee 0

Send a private message

Monday 28 March 2011 23:38

lololol blackberry is with poop now ;D

BIGbadBRIZZLE 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 1:07

where it belongs. the blackberry storm at least

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575

You deserved it 168

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 2 733

Add a comment - Reply to : #

Top comments

Comments