Animals: Today, at work, a crazy customer forced me to promise to take...

By not crazy enough - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, at work, a crazy customer forced me to promise to take a holiday greeting picture of my cat and myself for her. She says she'll be back and expects one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31822

You deserved it

3514

Favorite

Animals

Family values

Messed up

Race against the clock

By stickyickystone

Today, I got my hand caught in a belt sander while sanding down what was supposed to become a "Caution" sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1546

You deserved it

332

Favorite

By ken - Canada

Thanks, I hate it

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is cheating on me when she was arrested for having sex in public. Not with me though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46140

You deserved it

3584

Favorite

By Eww - United States - Salem

Today, a girl puked on me. No warnings, nothing. She just threw up on me, then walked off like nothing even happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43925

You deserved it

3128

Favorite

By hugadyle - 18/4/2020 14:00

Getting some action

Today, I took a trip to the library's public computer section to get some important work done. After a bit of work, I went to stretch only to see that the man next to me was watching some adult films on his computer and discreetly touching himself. I still had 58 minutes of computer time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1480

You deserved it

146

Favorite

By oh - Denmark - Viborg

Today, my grandma commented on my Facebook profile picture: "That's a great photo! It doesn't look anything like you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

39904

You deserved it

3675

Favorite

By bleu_noir - United States

Today, someone at work put their used, bloodied tampon applicator back in its wrapper, and into the free tampon bin for some sucker to grab. That sucker was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49490

You deserved it

4457

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I got home from work, took a shower, got ready for bed, and laid down right in cat piss. Now I'm shampooing the mattress and taking another shower just to sleep on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2703

You deserved it

376

Favorite

By Skankeriffic - United States

Today, I sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic for half an hour. The entire time, a man I had gone on a date with and that had gotten very out of hand with, was sitting in the car next to me. I noticed, panicked, and tried to drive off, rear-ending the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7195

You deserved it

30585

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, this guy I have been hanging out with for a while came over and we were about to do it. He pulled off my clothes and once I was naked I reached for his zipper. He just backed up and said he was a virgin and simply wanted to see me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60892

You deserved it

12243

Favorite

By come on man - United States - Sunnyvale

It's the thought that counts

Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML

I agree, your life sucks

35271

You deserved it

7386

Favorite

By Oops - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused package while we were watching a movie. I couldn't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42792

You deserved it

7795

Favorite

By kmb04 - Canada

Today, after a great night of sexual pleasure, I ran to answer the door. The angry woman standing there introduced herself. ''Hi, I'm your neighbor. My seven year old son's bedroom is just next to yours and when you scream at night he gets scared. Do you think you could keep it down?'' FML

I agree, your life sucks

47747

You deserved it

33684

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Stroudsburg

Today, I was riding a bike when a truck accidentally hit me. The handsome driver came out and asked if I was alright. I said, "I am now" and winked. He said "Eww, no" then immediately ran away and drove his truck around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44328

You deserved it

27817

Favorite

By Real Life Sucks - United States

Today, it's been exactly 2 years since I graduated college. I make less money in my full-time job now than I did working part-time in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34100

You deserved it

3116

Favorite

By 44haley44 - United States

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23623

You deserved it

57039

Favorite

By husbands addiction - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got billed for $80 of Justin Bieber music. It wouldn't have been so bad if it were my daughter who bought it all, instead of my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45457

You deserved it

4388

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/3/2020 21:10

The Good Grandson

Today, I had to drive all the way across town to clean my grandfather's toilet for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1264

You deserved it

183

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my Mum has spent the money she's been saving for my wedding on moving house. She called saving for a wedding for me a 'pointless cause' as it's probably never going to happen now. I'm only 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29240

You deserved it

3787

Favorite

By Anon - United States

Today, I discovered that my name literally means "burden". This wouldn't be so bad if both my mother and father knew this when they named me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30061

You deserved it

3030

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house and sat around while he played video games. He turned to me and could see I was annoyed. Then he told his friends on XBox Live that he needed a 10 minute break to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43887

You deserved it

8555

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/5/2020 02:00

Live dumping

Today, I was having a mass lecture, for 3 classes combined, all microphones muted. I wanted to go to the toilet, so I connected my headphones, and I did my job massively while listening to the teacher. Suddenly, the teacher said, "Oh, close your mic for the love of god." 85 students heard me taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

867

You deserved it

1825

Favorite

By rkl2010 - United States

Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28394

You deserved it

3439

Favorite

By Lil_bit - France

Today, I backed into our new garage door. The same new garage door that we purchased because I broke our old one by backing into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7712

You deserved it

44314

Favorite

By AnxiousCucumber - United States - Los Angeles

And I oop

Today, my boyfriend's dick got stuck in the wrong hole. And by wrong hole I mean the pool filter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20220

You deserved it

2156

Favorite

By Celina - United States

Today, I have -$700 in my current account, $500 from overdraft fees because I spent money they told me I had. I don't get paid till the 15th and when I cash in my paycheck all of it will go to bringing me even. So the $9 I found in my wallet this morning will have to last me untill the 30th. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28681

You deserved it

5322

Favorite

By Alec - United States

Today, I went on a date with a great girl; we went out to dinner and saw a movie. After the movie, we went out to my car to find out that a homeless man had broken the window, climbed into it, and was eating the leftover pasta with his fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28692

You deserved it

1901

Favorite

By Des

Today, it’s been 3 weeks since I had an interview for an internship this summer. I’ve applied to over 40 internships over the past 6 months, and this was the only interview I’ve had. I banked my entire summer on this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1610

You deserved it

316

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/2/2021 20:01

At last

Today, on the third of February, my mom finally relented and let us take the Christmas decorations down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

658

You deserved it

Favorite

By anonymous001 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to the movies with my crush, who had asked me out on a date. Assuming he'd pay, I left my money at home. When the time came to buy the tickets, he only bought one for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25878

You deserved it

68656

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, my doctor died. Last week, after a check up I'd had because I was worried about a cough, he told me not to worry because I was as healthy as he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27880

You deserved it

1955

Favorite

By mottephobe - United States

Today, I subbed for a first grade class. They were releasing butterflies. Butterflies scare me shitless. A bunch of 7 year-olds watched as I screamed hysterically when one landed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23335

You deserved it

36821

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I signed for a delivery for my mom and something inside started to vibrate. I can't leave it because if she gets home and it's still vibrating she'll know I know what it is, but if I open it to turn it off, she'll know I've opened it and know what it is. Someone help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3704

You deserved it

338

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me with the prettiest, most simple ring I have ever seen. I called my sister to tell her the good news, and her response was, "I know. He had me steal the ring from Claire's." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45746

You deserved it

4024

Favorite

By 50sStyle - United States - Hartland

Today, during lunch, I choked on my food and possibly came close to death when my boyfriend's best friend performed the Heimlich Maneuver on me, potentially saving my life. My boyfriend then started arguing with me over letting his best friend touch my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5467

You deserved it

394

Favorite

By stupidneighbor - United States

Today, I slipped on the ice in front of my apartment, spraining my ankle and cracking a rib. While I laid on the ground immediately after, my neighbor chewed me out for saying "shit" in front of her 4-year-old on my way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65007

You deserved it

3510

Favorite

By itsnotyouitsme - United States - San Francisco

Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend of 2 years, I was backing out of his driveway when he came running out yelling "STOP!" I thought he wanted to make up so I kept going, until I'd run over his dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11283

You deserved it

35103

Favorite

By kimmykins27 - United States

Today, we told my fiancé's parents that I'm pregnant. His mom's response? "I'm going to throw up. You can't raise a child." We are both 28, self-sufficient and everyone else is thrilled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37035

You deserved it

3036

Favorite

By alex - United States - Seagrove

Finger on the pulse

Today, I started a new job as a receptionist at a nursing home. When two men came in saying, "We're here for Mr. Christensen," I paged him to come to the front desk. Apparently, these men had come from the funeral home to pick up Mr. Christensen's body. I was completely unaware that anyone had died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17975

You deserved it

1627

Favorite

By letdown13 - United States - Binghamton

Today, my husband told me to look for a honeymoon resort, since we had to cancel it last year. I looked everything up and got all excited. Just when I asked him for payment information, he said "April Fools!" April Fools was two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41328

You deserved it

3448

Favorite

By Fairymyass - United Kingdom

Today, an argument broke out between me, my girlfriend, and her sister. They were trying to convince me that not only were fairies real, but there were "scientific facts" that "prove" their existence. My girlfriend's 20 and her sister teaches primary school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33830

You deserved it

4485

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By CallMeWindSock | 24

#6121288 - Monday 17 November 2014 22:44

You've cat to be kitten me

By tigerborn69 | 18

#6121294 - Monday 17 November 2014 22:46

she wants that pussy

COMMENTS

By CallMeWindSock | 24

#6121288 - Monday 17 November 2014 22:44

You've cat to be kitten me

adrian1910 | 15

#6121302 - Monday 17 November 2014 22:48

What a CATastrophe

hunteredmundson | 17

#6121329 - Monday 17 November 2014 23:15

You've cat to be kitten me right meow

Diarrhea_Volcano | 29

#6121386 - Tuesday 18 November 2014 0:11

I don't think that customer was feline well mentally.

ohSNAPyall | 26

#6121405 - Tuesday 18 November 2014 0:37

Keyword search: cat

em_the_g | 12

#6121534 - Tuesday 18 November 2014 4:14

To it's you got to be kitten me right meow

cdawg69 | 10

#6121654 - Tuesday 18 November 2014 6:36

solid..

grimpeeper | 13

#6122506 - Wednesday 19 November 2014 3:27

Cat you think of any more puns right meow? These puns are making me claw-strophobic, I'm surrounded by these cat-astrophic puns

By Despereaux | 15

#6121289 - Monday 17 November 2014 22:45

Did you know her beforehand? Or was it some random person? Either way, fyl, op.

Sakuraashita | 15

#6121918 - Tuesday 18 November 2014 15:00

They must have already known each other since she knew OP has a cat.

By ajh557 | 22

#6121292 - Monday 17 November 2014 22:46

That's catastrophic.

kaablam | 17

#6121996 - Tuesday 18 November 2014 17:19

Sounds more like opportunity for an awesome holiday card to me!

-crazy customer

By tigerborn69 | 18

#6121294 - Monday 17 November 2014 22:46

she wants that pussy

By danis_fml | 12

#6121296 - Monday 17 November 2014 22:47

You should feel flattered lol

VolcanoTheDragon | 20

#6121345 - Monday 17 November 2014 23:37

So thats how you would feel if someone you didn't know came up to you and demanded a card with a picture of your face on it?

theawkwardlife | 21

#6121478 - Tuesday 18 November 2014 2:49

They could get greeting cards of beautiful nature sceneries, famous historical landmarks or beach booty, but instead they want my face? Hell ya, wouldn't you?