Work: Today, at a staff meeting, our boss sighed and asked why I'm... - FML

By KBBL - Canada - Edmonton

Today, at a staff meeting, our boss sighed and asked why I'm always in the meetings instead of my co-worker. I reminded him that it's because I'm the department supervisor, not my co-worker. He wouldn't believe me until he saw it for himself in our personnel files. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41844

You deserved it

3865

Tweet

Share

This Charming Man

Not the golden child

The client is always right

By Anonymous

Today, my apartment was robbed. The police report said my apartment was ransacked. No it wasn't, that's how looks everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3876

You deserved it

2313

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Deerfield Beach

Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. I have no idea what happened the night before, except for the fact that I'd tucked two uncapped vodka bottles into bed beside me, and now my room reeks of a Russian sorority house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7417

You deserved it

26130

Tweet

Share

By Sammmmi - United Kingdom - Paisley

Today, I heard someone try to get into my back garden. I ran to the front door, opened it and shouted at whoever it was. I then saw a police officer appear, following the person who'd jumped my fence. I then realised I wasn't wearing any trousers. I'd shouted at the police half naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11608

You deserved it

1851

Tweet

Share

By AngryBlackMan - 3/2/2021 21:30 - United States

This is America

Today, I'm a gay, black man who moved to a racist, mainly white, homophobic town for work. I've already had the cops called on me twice, and a group of teens yelled the f-slur at me unprompted. When I asked my boss if I could swap, he threatened to fire me. This is gonna be a long 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1294

You deserved it

188

Tweet

Share

By UghCats - United States

Today, one of my cats peed all over the back of my couch, so I put her outside for a while. When I let her in, she ran straight to the couch and peed on my laptop. This has been going on ever since I accidentally stepped on her tail, several months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32707

You deserved it

12106

Tweet

Share

By shamefaced - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I dropped my handbag into a water-filled gutter. As I was hurriedly fishing out the contents of my bag, I looked up. There was my ex, with the girl he left me for walking past, timed exactly to coincide with me manically scooping up one of many rapidly absorbing tampons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28446

You deserved it

2245

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/5/2020 23:05

What a charmer

Today, after surgery on Monday, I can’t do much because of where my scars are until they heal. My husband won’t clean the house at all, dishes are all over my kitchen bar, laundry is all piled up by the washing machine. When I asked for help, he said it’s not his job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2116

You deserved it

545

Tweet

Share

By wet and sad

Completely soaking

Today, I was walking to work when it was starting to pour down sideways. I was pretty early anyway, so, I decided to duck into a bus shelter and let it pass. Suddenly, a big truck comes and drenched me with the biggest puddle. Soaking from head to toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1873

You deserved it

141

Tweet

Share

By Muralove - United States - Matawan

Today, my friends told me they will be unable to attend my birthday party on Friday because they'll be watching the Vampire Diaries finale. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30485

You deserved it

3461

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

A rock and a hard place

Today, I got back from a camping trip after being homesick for 3 weeks. I couldn't remember why I had wanted to be away from my family for so long when I signed up for it. When I got home, I remembered. Everyone in my family hates each other. I want to go back to the camping site. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1385

You deserved it

226

Tweet

Share

By Hollywoodanonymous - United States

Today, I had a relaxing night watching movies with my room-mates. Everyone but I had a girl over to lie with during the movie. The closest I got all night was the multiple times my room-mate's dog tried to mount me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32479

You deserved it

3903

Tweet

Share

By Chriso - Australia

Insurance is a racket

Today, I was finally discharged from hospital after being in there for one month, I arrive home to find a letter from a debt collection agency for my unpaid car insurance premium, and another letter from my car insurer to say that they aren't covering my accident due to non payment of premium. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30315

You deserved it

3934

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a man dancing to a Britney Spears song in his Volkswagen Beetle. I started laughing hysterically until he got out. He was huge. I was stuck in traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13644

You deserved it

35840

Tweet

Share

By SayCheese - Canada - Prince George

Today, my older brother walked in on me while I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25946

You deserved it

72132

Tweet

Share

By Wally - Canada

Today, I got to sleep in late for the first time in 3 years, as wife took our two young daughters out of town to visit with her parents. I told my mother that I was really looking forward to being able to sleep in this morning. The phone rang at 7:30. It was my mother asking me how I slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58230

You deserved it

5719

Tweet

Share

By David3000 - Australia

Today, I finally finished my 500 page manuscript and so went out to buy some paper to print it off. I get back home and find out my dad has infected my computer with a virus and the only way to save it was to wipe the hard drive, which he did. That script took me a year and I have no backup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42767

You deserved it

27810

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27406

You deserved it

3159

Tweet

Share

By baller - Australia

Today, I was at a 21st birthday party. It got to the bit where they blow out the candles and the girl hosting blew out her candles. While she was blowing I whispered to the fella next to me, "That's not the only thing she'll be blowing tonight". The guy next to me was her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16950

You deserved it

92464

Tweet

Share

By Cracky - United States - Baltimore

Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33326

You deserved it

1979

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55606

You deserved it

11020

Tweet

Share

By Fmylife - United States

Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9241

You deserved it

120699

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was forced to spend three hours looking at a fat guy's butt crack, seated directly in front of me in an exam. I'm pretty sure it lowered my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33012

You deserved it

7753

Tweet

Share

By liquorless - Canada - Hamilton

Today, my girlfriend's mother came over for a few hours. After she left I went to grab a drink, only to find that three bottles of expensive liquor were missing from our liquor cabinet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25065

You deserved it

1920

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/7/2020 20:01

Toxic parents

Today, my mom caught me vaping weed oil and tried to ground me. I’m 33 years old, with my own wife and kids, weed is legal in this state with a medical card, and I use it to treat the seizures I’ve had since mom belted me around the head as a kid, giving me brain damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2888

You deserved it

207

Tweet

Share

By fuck you, Odin, FUCK YOU - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71129

You deserved it

9573

Tweet

Share

By kylie - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were in my backyard goofing around when he tried to pick me up. He couldn't. I jokingly tried to lift him. I did so without much effort. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33389

You deserved it

7184

Tweet

Share

By Soaked - United States

Today, my family, including my 2 year old niece, went to the zoo. We were at the lion exhibit. I was holding my niece so she could get a better view of the lions. As I was holding her, the lions started to roar. She got so scared that she peed. Her diaper wasn't very absorbent, but my shirt was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32309

You deserved it

4673

Tweet

Share

By idk - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I was getting ready to go out with my family. As I was putting my phone in my purse, my father told me I wouldn't need it because we were going to spend 'quality time' together. The entire time I was there, everyone was staring at their phone. I was the only one without one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25913

You deserved it

2774

Tweet

Share

By FMLer - United States

Today, I found out that since I stopped shaving my legs, my boyfriend and his friends have started referring to me as a Wookiee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15349

You deserved it

62760

Tweet

Share

By GetAnotherRoomAlready - United States - Singapore

Today, I woke up at 2 AM to the sounds of my roommate and his girlfriend on Skype, playing a game of, "No, I love YOU more, baby, schmoopy schmoopy schmoopy schmoo". It went on for around half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19783

You deserved it

1682

Tweet

Share

By Forgotten One - France

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years decided to start an online blog about his life. He mentioned his cars, his friends and even his staff. I was never mentioned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29819

You deserved it

4911

Tweet

Share

By Cameron

Today, I went for dinner and bowling with a woman I met online. The Mexican food was great but my bowels started feeling it during our first game. I slipped on the bowling lane and the impact of my ass hitting the ground made me shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5185

You deserved it

487

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/7/2020 23:00

Sharing is caring

Today, I found out my sister-in-law cheated on her husband. I also found out my uncle cheated on my aunt with my sister-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1650

You deserved it

103

Tweet

Share

By OuttaNowhere81 - United States

Today, I was smoking a cigarette in my backyard while my parents were out, because I'm not allowed to smoke. While smoking, my parents came home unexpectedly. In a rush, I flicked it over the fence, and it landed in my neighbor's hair. It was still lit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10558

You deserved it

73419

Tweet

Share

By helloworld92 - United States

Today, I hung out with my crush for only the second time at his apartment. He was having a party. After a few sips of my green apple smirnoff, I puked up the Chinese food I had eaten earlier all over his new couch in front of him and a bunch of people I didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25069

You deserved it

8001

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/1/2021 02:02

Hurry up!

Today, my wife told me not to rush her during packing for our upcoming move. She's lived in the house for 30 years and apparently needs to reminisce over every single item. FML

I agree, your life sucks

673

You deserved it

254

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Oakville

Today, while waiting in line to get my medication, a man who just got his prescription looked me up and down and said "Penis pills, right? Ya look like the type." Then he walked out as a couple of other guys in line started snickering. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23614

You deserved it

1796

Tweet

Share

By TheMichaelNixon - United States

Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8782

You deserved it

75300

Tweet

Share

By VMV - Spain - Abrera

Today, I desperately needed to pee, so I decided to confront my anxiety issues and use a public toilet. I opened the lid, only to see several huge, rancid floaters staring back at me. I had an attack, started sobbing, and pissed myself on the way home. Never again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33074

You deserved it

9357

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58169

You deserved it

4566

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By brianlarkin | 7

#5883297 - Wednesday 12 March 2014 22:45

Your boss is either disorganized, has a bad memory or is just an idiot

By lonkite101 | 14

#5883290 - Wednesday 12 March 2014 22:41

Looks like you're gonna get far with your company.

COMMENTS

By magicman13 | 9

#5883289 - Wednesday 12 March 2014 22:41

Be more likeable

Reply

J215B | 33

#5883371 - Thursday 13 March 2014 0:09

More like memorable

Reply

J3R3MYY | 14

#5883437 - Thursday 13 March 2014 1:26

Just don't be a kiss ass brown nosing employee, we don't like your kind around here.

Reply

unjustlychicken | 10

#5883473 - Thursday 13 March 2014 2:46

well we dont like your eyebrows either

Reply

FitForFun | 11

#5883481 - Thursday 13 March 2014 2:57

I don't think he should be more like able, he should ride under the radar and work his butt off to take the bosses job, cause they can't stop what they don't see coming.

Reply

NinjaDitto623 | 14

#5883562 - Thursday 13 March 2014 5:14

#33, We don't like your kind on FML.

Reply

thefastnfuryass | 14

#5883959 - Thursday 13 March 2014 19:05

More like who put this guy in charge of the company if he doesn't know who the supervisors are under him.

By lonkite101 | 14

#5883290 - Wednesday 12 March 2014 22:41

Looks like you're gonna get far with your company.

By drumguy218 | 11

#5883292 - Wednesday 12 March 2014 22:41

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

By chabelo | 10

#5883296 - Wednesday 12 March 2014 22:44

act like a boss!

Reply

Rallred32 | 20

#5884945 - Friday 14 March 2014 22:39

Yeah, and ask Sandra out!

By brianlarkin | 7

#5883297 - Wednesday 12 March 2014 22:45

Your boss is either disorganized, has a bad memory or is just an idiot

Reply

LeFrogDog | 27

#5883472 - Thursday 13 March 2014 2:46

@5, the boss might be all three.

Reply

NoMore_CoolNames | 14

#5883483 - Thursday 13 March 2014 3:00

Or OP is just really forgettable

Reply

inner_peace | 19

#5883567 - Thursday 13 March 2014 5:19

Or all of the above

By drumguy218 | 11

#5883298 - Wednesday 12 March 2014 22:45

your boss probably think your co worker is hot (is shes a woman)

Reply

Axipiter | 24

#5883311 - Wednesday 12 March 2014 22:52

Your logic is impeccable.

Reply

Lanker | 17

#5883324 - Wednesday 12 March 2014 23:08

#14 so is his grammar.

Reply

rebelwithmouseyhair | 16

#7926562 - Wednesday 29 July 2020 17:10

I was thinking the colleague is probably a penis owner and the supervisor isn't, since they're often considered essential for the task of supervision.

By ThomasBombadil | 31

#5883300 - Wednesday 12 March 2014 22:47

Bummer.

By extrasnipes | 22

#5883301 - Wednesday 12 March 2014 22:48

Buddy be honest it's a rare moment the boss knows what you do or even your name in companies

By Izabushel | 65

#5883302 - Wednesday 12 March 2014 22:48

Does your coworker have nicer legs or something?

Reply

Rallred32 | 20

#5884947 - Friday 14 March 2014 22:40

OP, is a guy, so hopefully yes, unless OPs coworker is a guy too.

By dawood_k | 27

#5883303 - Wednesday 12 March 2014 22:48

Maybe you did something... Watch your back!!!