Love: Today, I went on blind date with a guy because both our moms...

By Starchyld - 11/11/2009 12:21 - Canada

Today, I went on blind date with a guy because both our moms thought we'd like eachother. Things were going really well until I got up to go to the bathroom and he says: "My mom was right, you do have perfect breedin' hips!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 857

You deserved it 4 120

Love

Dementia or hate? You decide

Compromises

Taking stock

By chickenflavouredlaptop - 09/04/2018 01:30

Today, I received my new laptop in the mail and put it on the kitchen counter, where my family charges all our electronics. My mom then decided to make soup and spilt chicken broth all over my new laptop before I even got the chance to turn it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 005

You deserved it 1 013

By pod - 25/06/2011 23:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend threw me into his pool. I had my phone and iPod in my pockets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 605

You deserved it 5 393

By Anonymous - 15/01/2017 10:00

Today, I accidentally uploaded a video of me pleasing myself to my Snapchat story. Five people saw it before I could take it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 967

You deserved it 14 952

By ThanksMum - 14/02/2012 11:56 - United Kingdom

Today, the only card I got for Valentine's Day was in my mother's handwriting, and she posted it through the front door herself. She still won't admit it's from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 516

You deserved it 2 775

By Utterly_Confused - 07/10/2015 22:07 - United States - Beaver

Today, my roommate confided in me that she hadn't been taking showers while at school because she was afraid of being in the shower when the fire alarm goes off. She goes home once every month, and will only shower there. I have to live with her for the rest of the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 857

You deserved it 1 681

Fight!

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 06:00

Today, I overheard my husband of 3 years talking to our boss, an attractive blonde. She was telling him that she couldn't believe he was with me. She thinks I'm fat and ugly and that he's hot. He said, "She's not that bad…" We work in the same store and she follows him around like a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 359

You deserved it 172

By apparentnerd - 31/10/2009 17:32 - United States

Today, my sister is dressing up as a nerd for Halloween. She's using my clothes for the costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 630

You deserved it 7 857

By Anonymous - 09/10/2012 05:39 - Australia - Cambridge

Today, my boyfriend had a tantrum because I didn't like Black Sabbath as much as him. Apparently our entire relationship was based on him thinking I did. I've now been labeled "The Queen of Lies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 456

You deserved it 3 242

Dr House

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 16:00

Today, I was trying to ease off a caffeine headache. I ended up getting a Brain Freeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 136

You deserved it 309

By ForgottenSarahMarshall - 22/05/2014 05:51 - United States - Aubrey

Today, I was creeping on an old coworker's Facebook and noticed they'd tagged my face in an old group photo as another girl. According to the comments, the girl they'd tagged me as thought it was her too. I worked there for two years and nobody mentioned the mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 240

You deserved it 5 619

By xXangelaXx - 21/08/2011 18:23 - United States

Today, my beloved pet chicken ran away from home. I got so distraught that my dad offered to buy me dinner. Specifically, KFC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 166

You deserved it 6 072

By Butterflyguy - 14/08/2009 17:10 - Canada

Today, I literally stopped traffic. I was crossing the street and a butterfly landed on me. Being phobic of butterflies, I had a panic attack in the middle of the road. Oh, and I am 17, captain of our football team, and in very good shape. My girlfriend laughed the hardest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 265

You deserved it 23 592

By heretoserve - 27/09/2014 04:22 - United States - Winchester

Today, I got yelled, screamed, and cursed at by a customer until I was reduced to tears. This was all because I double-checked to make sure she wanted large fries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 608

You deserved it 3 746

By Anonymous - 07/09/2012 22:59 - Australia - Redland Bay

Today, my grandpa was visiting. My neighbors started blasting out rap music, as they've done nearly 24/7 for months, telling me to fuck off when I complain. He went over and screamed he'd gut them like fish if they didn't pipe down. They did. He's 68 and still more intimidating than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 500

You deserved it 5 001

By Char - 09/09/2012 17:02 - United Kingdom - Falkirk

Today, I walked downstairs with a couple of bags full of stuff, in preparation for a sleepover at my friend's house. My nine-year-old cousin looked at me and said, "Where're you going? Fat camp?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 509

You deserved it 4 034

Merry Christmas

By Jules - 23/12/2020 11:01 - Germany

Today, I'm unemployed and just had to move. My country’s unemployment agency considers that the ideal moment to invite me for a talk about my job search activities is smack dab in the middle of Christmas vacation, while I’m still busy unpacking moving boxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 144

By ouch - 24/07/2013 18:03 - United States - Sterling

Today, I spontaneously got my ear pierced. By spontaneously, I mean my 12-year-old sister stabbed one of her earrings into my ear while I was sleeping. She claimed the freckle on my earlobe looks "exactly the same" as the hole from her ear piercing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 269

You deserved it 3 296

Sexy catboys rule my life

By verno02 - 10/08/2010 23:58 - Canada

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He's the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 992

You deserved it 8 769

By Anonymous - 02/09/2009 17:38 - United States

Today, I decided to lay out topless in my fenced-in backyard. For about an hour, everything was going great until I sneezed and my creepy, middle-aged neighbor said "bless you". From my bushes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 104

You deserved it 17 590

By Anonymous - 21/12/2013 06:26 - United States - New York

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me during a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 063

You deserved it 4 502

By Craigslist is Evil. - 24/09/2013 18:12 - United States - Dickson

Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 153

You deserved it 5 446

By Anonymous - 23/08/2009 23:00 - United States

Today, my son hit my husband's shop-vac while pulling into the garage too fast. He was grounded for 3 days. Later, while trying to demonstrate how to park safely, I hit my husband in his happy sacks with the mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 880

You deserved it 39 522

By mala_19 - 12/06/2017 14:00 - Sweden

Today, at work, I had to help a teenager who was stuck in a toy car for kids, and no, it was not in one piece when she finally got out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 086

You deserved it 237

By Anonymous - 13/12/2011 14:00 - Malaysia

Today, as part of my job as a performer, I had to show off my skills with a switchblade in front of an audience. A kid shot a rubber band at me. I then needed stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 058

You deserved it 3 117

Take it where you can

By charapos - 26/10/2021 11:00

Today, I got called beautiful for the first time in forever. The lady who called me beautiful was herself very pretty and VERY drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 120

By oh - 06/12/2013 21:20 - Denmark - Viborg

Today, my grandma commented on my Facebook profile picture: "That's a great photo! It doesn't look anything like you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 938

You deserved it 3 679

By charlie043 - 11/09/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, I met my fiancée's parents for the first time. Her dad was telling me how he's not rich but not poor either. I replied, "Well, as long as you're not a garbage man!" Guess what his profession is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 801

You deserved it 41 952

By anonymous - 05/01/2011 04:17 - United States

Today, I was talking to a really cute guy. He leaned closer and I thought he was going to kiss me. Instead, he leaned back, laughed and said, "Wow. You're growing a mustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 725

You deserved it 7 548

By ThaBoss12 - 01/11/2014 22:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I saw what my mom handed out for trick-or-treaters last night. Toothbrushes. Yup, we're that house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 683

You deserved it 3 510

By Anonymous - 25/01/2017 02:00

Today, I was driving to work, following my girlfriend's car. I looked down to change the radio station and felt a large bump. I rear-ended my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 756

You deserved it 5 014

By Anonymous - 12/08/2013 23:58 - United States

Today, I forgot my key inside my apartment. My boyfriend suggested we ask a neighbor to open it. I explained we don't all have the same key, to which he responded, "Well how come they all have the same doorknobs?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 174

You deserved it 5 189

By Anonymous - 04/04/2012 17:45 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when his sister knocked on the door and asked if she could borrow the zombie movie we were watching after we were done with it. We weren't watching a movie; I was just moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 332

You deserved it 34 473

By Safe - 17/04/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left her phone on a bus. With no way to pick it up, I drove 40 miles through Friday night Boston traffic to get it from the bus company office. It took me four hours. Bored in traffic, I discovered the texts from her other boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 378

You deserved it 5 005

By go choke on a gonad - 08/08/2013 13:13 - United States - Dayton

Today, my fiancé asked for money to bail his brother out of jail, the same brother who happily spent a whole day recently trying to convince my fiancé that I've been cheating on him with my own cousin. So I said no. He shook his head in disgust and said that I'm "unbelievably spiteful". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 196

You deserved it 5 573

By crap - 02/07/2019 00:01

Today, I was tired from an all-nighter I'd pulled because I thought I had the next four days off work. I got called in, and went because I have bills to pay. However, the amount of energy drinks I drank to stay on top of my job duties gave me such bad diarrhea, I had to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 483

You deserved it 594

By EKG - 11/02/2009 23:33 - United States

Today, after being in the hospital for 2 days with no visitors, I got my first phone call. It was my best friend asking if he could date my ex girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 654

You deserved it 2 582

By lexigan4 - 29/10/2014 19:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 148

You deserved it 3 732

By marymark - 13/04/2012 01:02 - United States - West Long Branch

Today, I woke up to a note from my parents saying we need to talk. Assuming it was about the weed I'd left on my dresser, I quickly confessed. Turns out my dog died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 080

You deserved it 38 885

Be careful what you post on the Internet…

By Anonymous - 26/06/2019 06:13 - Canada - Vaudreuil

Today, my 10-year-old son's friend googled his name and found breastfeeding pictures that I had put on a personal website when he was 2 days old. Now he gets laughed at, and his friends all saw pictures of my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 3 625

By Llaurin - 24/01/2011 14:43 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband has been painting our house all weekend and plans to finish the job after work today. I decided to surprise him by completing the job myself. Painting the last window frame, I dropped the open tin of white paint, right onto our car roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 672

You deserved it 10 758

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Top comments

Raiderwrstler65 0

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Wednesday 11 November 2009 16:08

lol you must be a good selection for him to plant his seed

chloelove210 0

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Wednesday 11 November 2009 16:07

OMG thats soooo awkward! runnnnnn!!!!!!!

trappedinabox212 0

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Wednesday 11 November 2009 16:05

that sucks!!!!

inconvienentgurl 0

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Wednesday 11 November 2009 16:49

This is a compliment...not an fml would u rather be a twig that has to have a c-section just to get the baby or have hips which give you more room to push your baby out dont be mad just because he said that so not an fml!!!

YDI_King 0

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Wednesday 11 November 2009 17:18

YDI for not knowing how to take a compliment. what a b*tch

The_Pleb 0

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Wednesday 11 November 2009 19:39

FYL for being such a humorless, ignorant piece of fluff He just used humor and complimented you at the same time. Fuck your life O and this is officialy the fourth comment thankyou

suaveneanderthal 0

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Wednesday 11 November 2009 19:51

are you sure your mom isn't his mom's sister or something? who the hell says breedin hips

Books4Me 0

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Wednesday 11 November 2009 20:26

#28- I have very large hips and am still going to need a C-section because I also happen to be very short and very uh..small...in that area. A baby will probably just not fit. Me and all of my siblings were born via C-section and my mom is basically the same size as me. There's nothing wrong with it and body shape has very little to do with how a baby is born.

thatonek1d 0

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Monday 28 June 2010 0:03

freaking compliment!! !!!!!

matt5217 4

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Tuesday 4 October 2011 23:30

actually about 150 years ago larger hips was the trait to look for. it meant they could work harder and less chance of death during child birth

chloelove210 0

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Wednesday 11 November 2009 16:07

OMG thats soooo awkward! runnnnnn!!!!!!!

jakeJIGSAW 2

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Wednesday 11 November 2009 16:14

It was obvs in a joking way, as things were going well...

angryseatroll 5

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Wednesday 11 November 2009 16:08

Well, thats a little nasty

staaaacyy 0

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Monday 9 August 2010 5:56

it's a compliment!!! he's sayin u hav nice hips: well he cud hav been less crude and atleast left out the part about his mother sayin that but stil!!!!

Raiderwrstler65 0

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Wednesday 11 November 2009 16:08

lol you must be a good selection for him to plant his seed

jondivey 9

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Saturday 18 June 2011 10:56

win ;)^

tlol 0

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Wednesday 11 November 2009 16:09

is this a bad thing...

Matt2014Young 0

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Sunday 15 January 2012 8:08

No shit

OHIOxRAIN 0

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Wednesday 11 November 2009 16:10

Where I come from, thats a compliment!

MrKrypt 0

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Wednesday 11 November 2009 18:20

Alabama?

Armin_fml 0

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Wednesday 11 November 2009 18:56

My guess would be Ohio...

DunHassleDuhHoff 0

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Wednesday 11 November 2009 22:49

NO making fun Alabama for incest! I lived there for a while and they don't have incest... ...just a fuckload of rape... ...and child criminals...

music_baby224 0

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Friday 13 November 2009 8:01

but no incest right? sounds good.

Geist_fml 0

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Friday 13 November 2009 19:09

No... Try looking at the guys flag... It's Canadian. Do you guys know what a Canadian flag looks like?

vballerlover07 0

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Monday 14 June 2010 10:42

Are you guys retarded? He has a Canadian flag so he is either part/full Canadian or he was born there. His name has Ohio in it so he probably lives in Ohio now.

XoX_CUPCAKES_XoX 0

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Thursday 24 February 2011 6:46

OH- ( i as well live there)

meagaplexxx 0

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Tuesday 21 June 2011 3:16

west India?

kimmiekimmiekong 0

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 12:43

don't hate on Ohio!

monkey27 0

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Tuesday 31 January 2012 9:29

It's jus a pik dnt mean he's from Canada, jus saying

Twinklestar 0

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Wednesday 11 November 2009 16:10

If things were going really well until then he was probably joking..

Izabushel 65

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Friday 15 February 2013 13:54

You could only hope so.

ChurchofFagenism 0

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Wednesday 11 November 2009 16:13

some men look for that in woman subconsciously. this guy is just a little less....subconscious...lol

ChurchofFagenism 0

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Wednesday 11 November 2009 21:20

yeah I agree!

sparxva 12

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Wednesday 11 November 2009 16:14

Its a joke. Get over it. I read this FML to my fiance and she asked "do you think I have perfect breeding hips?" so I told her "I don't know, get naked and I'll check." ... and then we both laughed. Learn to take a joke and not get upset so easily.