Animals: Today, as I woke up, the first thing I saw was a bee on my hand....

By Anonymous - Italy - Verona

Today, as I woke up, the first thing I saw was a bee on my hand. I tried not to make the slightest move, waiting for it to fly away without stinging me. The second thing I saw was my cat jumping at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4680

You deserved it

424

Favorite

Animals

Vulture

Coherence dude, do you have it?

It's love

By klm878 - United States

Today, at work, my manager fell in front of an entire lobby full of people on a wet floor. I'm the only one who burst out laughing. Turns out she has a broken arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10952

You deserved it

37666

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Port Townsend

Today, my 27 year old boyfriend chose playing with Lego over making sweet love to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28342

You deserved it

11955

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 14:01

Family man

Today, I always hated not having a boyfriend during holidays, my relatives would always ask me what was wrong with me. I'm married now and my husband always finds a way to skip holiday reunions. My relatives keep on asking me what's wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

884

You deserved it

154

Favorite

By mildlyconcussed - Italy - Somma Vesuviana

Today, I went to a gig. The drummer threw his drumsticks out at the end and I managed to catch one. With my face. Not only did I get a black eye, but the person next to me snatched the drumstick from my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25571

You deserved it

1884

Favorite

By Mary Anne - 3/9/2020 09:04 - United States - Denver

Rack go thwack

Today, while at work, I walked head first into the edge of a clothing rack. I was looking right at it. People saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

940

You deserved it

407

Favorite

By sausagefingers - United States - Nixa

Today, I overheard my boyfriend and his friends talking in the next room. I smiled when my boyfriend called me beautiful, only to hear his friend laugh and say, "C'mon, dude. She has fat ankles and smells like deli meat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29592

You deserved it

4006

Favorite

By bubblegummm13 - Canada

Today, I got an email from my University informing me that I was invited to an exclusive dinner for 25 people. As I continued to read through the email, I discovered that I wasn't lucky or special, but that the dinner was for financially unstable students. They think I'm a charity case. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33651

You deserved it

4457

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Chatswood

Today, my husband rejected sleeping with me because he wants to "save his energy" for building his custom car. Apparently, I'm a "distraction." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48024

You deserved it

6354

Favorite

By womanoski - United States - Fishers

Today, while taking a bus full of loud, rambunctious elementary children to school, the bus slowly slid off the road into a ditch. After waiting 30 minutes that felt like hours, I saw the tow truck arriving from the opposite direction also slide slowly off the roadway into the opposite ditch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22387

You deserved it

1452

Favorite

By FLIPmcCOOL - Ireland - Cork

Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. That name just happened to be "Sarah", which is both my ex-girlfriend's name and my wife's sister's name. When she asked me which one I meant, I panicked and said, "Both." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38037

You deserved it

60204

Favorite

By Christopher Tobler - United States - New York

Today, I found out that my mom paints, and that I was artistically represented in a painting, as Satan, in a painting made shortly after I told her that I was an atheist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1991

You deserved it

432

Favorite

By mkonda - India

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me via a Whatsapp group. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11902

You deserved it

798

Favorite

By dBLIZZARD - United States

Today, my fiancée thought that lowering the volume on her phone would lower the amount of data being used by her streaming songs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23675

You deserved it

2849

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in my new boyfriend's apartment for the first time. As I was flipping through his photo albums, I came across one full of disturbingly candid pictures of me. I found some as early as my trip to the state fair, three years ago. I met my boyfriend two months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

169003

You deserved it

10977

Favorite

By SMRT - Canada

Vote of confidence

Today, I finished my position paper for my social studies class and read it to my mom to get her opinion on it. After I'm done reading it, she asks me if I copied it from somewhere because it sounded very professional and smart, and it didn't sound like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29181

You deserved it

3477

Favorite

By Suicidal - Australia

Today, I had a mental breakdown after going through severe depression for several years. I told my boyfriend that everybody thinks I'm useless, to which he replied, "No you're not. You cook me good dinners." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30999

You deserved it

7685

Favorite

By Macdaddy - France

Heimlich

Today, I attended my first meeting with my bosses. For lunch we went to a restaurant. I choked on a piece of meat and couldn't breathe anymore. I had to take that piece of meat out of my throat with my fingers, and then put it back on my plate all chewed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25951

You deserved it

3441

Favorite

By ow - United States

Today, I was home alone in my apartment. I tripped over my dresser and fell and sprained my ankle. As I was laying there in agonizing pain, my downstairs neighbor shouted at me to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31928

You deserved it

4751

Favorite

By Trainspotting - United Kingdom

Today, Amazon didn't deliver the present I bought my mother for Mothering Sunday, so she called me an 'Ungrateful bastard.' And about half an hour ago, I cut my thumb whilst making her lunch. She said, 'You're doing this on purpose so I feel sorry for you. Well I don't.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

40670

You deserved it

3712

Favorite

By shugberry - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my mum on the London Underground. We were standing on the platform, when she suddenly bought up a load of phlegm in her mouth. Instead of trying to find a bin, she just full on spat out the biggest green pile on the floor next to people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1703

You deserved it

115

Favorite

By Tyler Smith - United States

Today, my girlfriend thinks my house is filled with ghosts. She can only hear them when I fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28334

You deserved it

5704

Favorite

By Imaman - United States

Today, I was working at a retirement center, when an old woman came to me and asked if I would like her old clothes. I politely said, "I'm sorry, but I'm a guy." She then said, "You could have just said no, instead of rudely lying to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39759

You deserved it

4470

Favorite

By jkon - United States

Today, I texted my girlfriend and told her I was mowing my lawn. She responded "it's about time, it keeps getting caught in my teeth!" I was referring to the lawn outside of my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17227

You deserved it

54285

Favorite

By potatoebee - United States - Clover

Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer at church. The entire sanctuary heard me instinctively swear at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16662

You deserved it

27137

Favorite

By cali - United States

Today, I had just finished writing my rough draft essay, so I went to sit by the pond. A giant moth suddenly flew down and attacked me, causing me to drop my binder in the pond, ruining the essay. I discovered in the aftermath that the moth was actually a leaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12849

You deserved it

33248

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my fiancée bought me a luxury getaway to the Maldives, complete with a five-star hotel and first-class plane tickets. Too bad she used my credit card, with all the money I was saving for our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3191

You deserved it

309

Favorite

By Jessica - United States

Today, I got my score back for the monologue I performed. I got points taken off for "seeming nervous." My character was supposed to be nervous. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34229

You deserved it

2657

Favorite

By Painfulfaceforme - Canada

Today, I followed an acne treatment. It was only after I'd finished the treatment that I read the bottom line, stating "Do not scrub your face". I only had one pimple to start with, now it looks like I sandpapered my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8741

You deserved it

31108

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Worcester

Today, my husband had a temper tantrum because I wouldn't get him a chocolate bar at the store register. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24286

You deserved it

5893

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Stillwater

Today, I was taken to the principal's office and bitched out about the dangerous weapon I brought to school. The "weapon" was a pocket fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44804

You deserved it

3195

Favorite

By ugly - Australia

Today, I was at the hairdressers getting a trim. The lady doing my hair commented on how beautiful and luscious my hair was, which made me feel really good. I later overheard her telling her colleague that hair as nice as mine was wasted on someone with a face like mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42922

You deserved it

3356

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/1/2021 11:01 - United States - Dayton

Wanting your cake

Today, I'm in love with my best friend, while also being in love with my wife. I know he has feelings for me too. I wish my wife was poly too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

342

You deserved it

1076

Favorite

By Taylor - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wear makeup much. Expecting him to say something about my natural beauty, I replied with an honest "no." His smiled softly, gently squeezed my shoulder, and said, "Maybe you should." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28277

You deserved it

3715

Favorite

By Cheap - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend wrote 50 dollars on my gift card just to look generous, it's really only worth five. I found this out after I tried to buy an arm full of clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38049

You deserved it

3120

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I thought I would treat myself to a shave and a haircut at a proper barber, instead of just a haircut at Supercuts. After many "Oops", "Sorry", even an "Oh dear", I left with no hair cut, and blood streaming from multiple slices in my face from the shave. I think one might need stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36828

You deserved it

3237

Favorite

By fmylovelife - United States

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with roses. She surprised me by getting back together with her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44403

You deserved it

3459

Favorite

By catherineratley - United States - Carmi

Today, I shut my finger in the car door. The door locked. Then I dropped the keys on the ground and couldn't reach them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35355

You deserved it

2971

Favorite

By offrampmotel

Today, my 4-year-old son discovered that he really likes masturbating. So much in fact, that he took pictures of it with my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6240

You deserved it

695

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/8/2020 08:01 - Canada

Leave me alone

Today, my brother turned into a fanatical vegan, and while I was eating my scrambled eggs, sat across from me glaring and whispering, "fried embryo, amniotic fluid" the entire time. I have a feeling i'll be eating most of my meals in my room from now on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1552

You deserved it

141

Favorite

By Person - United States

Today, my mother found condoms in my room. She asked why and I said, "Just in case." She started laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks

82467

You deserved it

9911

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By BatmanUnderwear | 15

#7491983 - Saturday 15 July 2017 1:41

Wasp are you talking about?

By Mary Auman | 9

#7491985 - Saturday 15 July 2017 1:42

cats are dicks

COMMENTS

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7491953 - Saturday 15 July 2017 0:53

*Cue the theme from Psycho!*

By BatmanUnderwear | 15

#7491983 - Saturday 15 July 2017 1:41

Wasp are you talking about?

By Mary Auman | 9

#7491985 - Saturday 15 July 2017 1:42

cats are dicks

ladybadone | 9

#7492399 - Saturday 15 July 2017 8:34

so are you asshat

By RichardPencil | 30

#7491993 - Saturday 15 July 2017 1:49

Don’t bee a pussy!

OnlyNeko | 13

#7492008 - Saturday 15 July 2017 2:04

Them being a 'Pussy' may NOT be the iSSUE, but the FACT of them possibly being ALLERGiC to the Bee that is!!!!!

ohsnapword | 21

#7492088 - Saturday 15 July 2017 3:40

DUDE, it has a KNIFE built into its ASS. It has an ASS-KNIFE. Tell me you wouldn't be afraid of a creature with an ass-knife.

D-MacOPsquad | 15

#7492269 - Saturday 15 July 2017 6:31

i like how she totally didnt realize it was a pun lol always double check so you dont look dumb xD

By D-MacOPsquad | 15

#7492259 - Saturday 15 July 2017 6:24

The car was like "don't worry I save you!"

By uneven_lu | 3

#7492273 - Saturday 15 July 2017 6:36

good luck

By lunalane | 16

#7492357 - Saturday 15 July 2017 7:57

By ladybadone | 9

#7492396 - Saturday 15 July 2017 8:33

oh geez that sucks. is your cat OK?

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7492560 - Saturday 15 July 2017 11:42

Bumble bees are very tame, nothing you should worry about. Move your hand and it'll fly away. Take it as a compliment, your hands must smell like sweet nectar.