Today, I woke up after a long night of trying to catch a moth....

By foreverDark - 14/5/2012 12:40 - United States - Aurora

Today, I woke up after a long night of trying to catch a moth. I'd knocked down furniture and screamed up the house to do so, but I finally got it. What did I see first thing this morning? Another moth. FML

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Miscellaneous

Understandable

Deep-seated resentment

Breaking Badly

By Katt - 25/4/2016 18:04 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend on the lobby's couch. We were not paying attention to anything but each other. Apparently, someone tied our shoes together. I stood up and faceplanted into a pool table. I'm now missing two teeth. FML

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By Waiter - 4/7/2010 10:03 - France

Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 years got engaged to a woman I can't stand. I work as a waiter at a catering company, they hired the company and requested me as a server for their engagement party. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, my grandfather kept on asking me questions about my girlfriend and was obviously proud of the things he remembered about her. The only thing he couldn't remember is that we broke up. I had to talk with him about our 'great relationship' for over an hour. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2016 13:52 - Madagascar

Today, nearly six months later, my incompetent, lazy coworker still refuses to believe I didn't screw my way to the promotion both of us were competing for. FML

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By whoops - 6/4/2017 22:00

Today, I saw that the wine bottle I couldn't open last night has a big hole in the top from my struggle to open it. It was a screw off top. Must have been drunker than I thought last night. FML

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By linzl00 - 6/12/2013 12:21 - United States - Springfield

Today, the "man cold" has infected my brother. He honestly thinks he's dying. He only has the sniffles. FML

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By Nanabanana1 - 7/2/2012 01:23 - United States

Today, I was dumped. My boyfriend was too afraid to break up with me, so he sent the girl he cheated on me with. FML

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By Rehab - 11/2/2010 19:58 - United States

Today, I was looking through my computer's history to find a website I had visited. I found an online forum where my son was discussing how to inject Oxycontin. FML

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By gamergirlfriend - 20/10/2009 05:26 - United States

Today, I was texting my boyfriend. I noticed that he had added a signature onto his texts that had the date 11/10/09. At first, I blushed and thought it was the date we had become a couple. But then I realized it was just the day the new Call of Duty game comes out. Love you too. FML

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By prostitott - 4/5/2013 07:22

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

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By Pusillanimous - 19/7/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I was waiting in line with a friend, and she poked my stomach and said, "I wish I had your stomach." I asked her why. She said, "Boys wouldn't flirt with me." FML

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By - 22/2/2020 20:00

Too dry

Today, I spent the evening with my new wife at the doctor’s because she thought she had a UTI. The doctor sent the nurse to talk to us because he was too embarrassed to tell us that we just needed to use more lube. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2012 14:20 - United Kingdom - Bishops Stortford

Today, my social anxiety hit a new low. I was playing bingo and, although I won, I didn't shout "bingo" because I thought too many people would look at me. FML

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By Whytetrash - 20/6/2013 06:32 - Australia - Sydney

Today, a customer broke my nose for refusing to give him a discount because the product he was buying had a fine layer of dust on the box. FML

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By man - 30/10/2009 16:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2013 21:29 - United States - Beloit

Today, I went for a checkup after having recently been fitted with dental implants. The oral surgeon I chose was supposedly the best in the area, but it turns out that he inserted the implants at the wrong angle. Now I have to have further surgery to correct it. FML

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By anonymous - 13/8/2011 06:58 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that taking a 20 mile bike ride with my boyfriend's family the day after losing my virginity is the worst decision ever. FML

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By jsquared - 5/11/2010 23:17 - United States

Today, my twin sister sent a nude picture to her boyfriend, who then forwarded it on to everyone else. Everyone else thinks it's me. FML

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By Kyle - 3/12/2013 06:09 - United States - Seattle

Today, I set up a motion-activated sprinkler to drench the neighborhood kids who have been ding dong ditching me for years. Because they cannot get close enough to ring the doorbell, they decided to start egging me instead. FML

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By spreadburger - 21/11/2014 00:29 - United States - Tampa

Today, my co-worker threw a rubber mallet at my face, and I broke my finger in the process of saving my face. She then told me to "take it up with HR, bitch". She's the HR manager. FML

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By LexiBoBexi - 12/7/2010 05:38 - United States

Today, my family and I went to the coast. Our dog was off the leash because we were the only people around. He was delighted to find a dead seal carcass and roll around in its remains. We then had a 3 hour drive home. FML

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By guessnot - 4/2/2013 02:16 - Canada - Toronto

Today, the guy that I've liked for a while but never had the courage to talk to was wearing a TARDIS shirt. I jokingly asked, "Are you the Doctor?" His response was for me to "Go away, f***ing nerd." FML

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By Familyskank - 6/5/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML

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By Out of Ice Cream - 29/9/2015 17:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He did it over Snapchat because he said he didn't want to hear me sad over the phone and wanted to save data. Three years down the drain. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/6/2013 17:16 - United States - Surprise

Today, while walking around town, some guy grabbed me from behind, clutched at my nipples, and said, "That's where I always imagined they were." FML

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By kittyfiddlernono - 23/6/2013 19:39 - Bulgaria - Pernik

Today, I went on a date with a seemingly really awesome guy. It went quite well, until dessert came and he started telling me why bestiality "isn't really so wrong, you know?" Riiiggghhttt. Looks like I'm still single. FML

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By gotta love my momma - 28/8/2014 05:08 - United States - Folsom

Today, I got married. My booze-hound mother made a toast, and told a story about how she once walked in on us having sex. My husband's family is very religious, and we told them we weren't having sex until marriage. Thanks mom. FML

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By didi - 5/1/2009 10:45 - France

Today, at the supermarket everybody was staring at me. After ten minutes, I realized that my umbrella was still open. FML

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By Birdwatcher - 18/9/2012 16:19 - United States - Woodstock

Today, I found a tiny, featherless baby bird. I knew it was impossible, but I tried to keep it alive through the day. Before I could get it to the wildlife center, it died, and when I got all choked up over it, my mom started laughing at me and saying how "weak" I was. FML

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By - 15/2/2020 01:00

Too stupid

Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2011 16:00 - United States

Today, while I was waiting in line at McDonalds, I found out I can sneeze, pee, and poop all at the same time. FML

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By MrsRockyHorror - 15/3/2010 08:11 - United States

Today, I seriously considered labelling myself as 'in a relationship' on Facebook, even though I haven't been in one since '92, so I can hide just how desperate I am. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2018 01:30

Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML

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By Emily - 3/7/2010 18:57 - Australia

Today, after spending a great evening with the guy I really like, he dropped me off outside my house. When he pulled into my driveway, his lights shone onto my drunken mum taking the garbage out in nothing but her black panties. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/3/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, while at work as a lifeguard, an older gentleman who comes in almost every morning wearing a very tight swimming suit, came up to me and said, "I don't want you having any erotic fantasies of me." After a long pause he added, "Actually, I wouldn't mind it if you do." FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2019 18:00

Quality time

Today, I'm finally visiting my long-distance boyfriend in his home country. He has a vomit-inducing migraine, and the traditional food he fed me triggered the worst kidney attack I've had in years. We're both lying on the couch writhing in pain. Yay, quality time together. FML

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By MADfml - 26/2/2009 03:12 - United States

Today, I went to my crushes Mardi Gras party. He was handing out beads to all the girls at the party that flashed him. When he came around to me he stopped and said "I will give you these beads NOT to flash me." FML

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By kbartlett86 - 24/6/2010 20:02 - Canada

Today, after sitting for hours at my desk, my legs fell asleep. When I got up to go to the bathroom on my break, I couldn't walk properly and leaned against things so I wouldn't fall over. My supervisor then came over and started lecturing me about being drunk at work. FML

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By John LegoHair - 23/5/2019 00:09

Today, a little girl asked me if I was wearing a wig. It's my real hair. FML

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By rissa5214 - 26/7/2015 18:20 - United States - Stoughton

Today, I told my boyfriend of three years that I wanted to get married and have a child within the next five years. He responded by packing up my things and showing me the door. FML

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Top comments

By LoganBurrito | 6

#4434877 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:33

MOTHer of god.

By mhopper | 13

#4434863 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:32

Use a hammer next time

COMMENTS

By stefaowwn | 0

#4434861 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:32

It came back with a vengence!

SkoomaKi | 27

#4434906 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:39

Moths get all the shit. What about butterflies? They flutter about the fucking place thinking "oooooh look at me, so colorful and vibrant". While moths cry themselves to sleep every night wondering if they will ever get equality to their beautiful cousins.

Just a thought.

THE_A_TEEN | 27

#4434927 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:44

Huh, what you say?

I was distracted by this beautiful butterfly.

TheGITP | 0

#4435202 - Monday 14 May 2012 19:54

No it was the moths brother, soon your house will be infested with moths holding a vendetta for there fallen brethren!

nado13579 | 12

#4435591 - Monday 14 May 2012 22:08

Am I the only one who likes moths and butterflies equally? :3

ShyAnn29 | 14

#4435932 - Monday 14 May 2012 23:54

67, no you're not, I like them both also.

happle | 21

#4436060 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 0:40

Burn the house down. Then moths can't come into your house.

By mhopper | 13

#4434863 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:32

Use a hammer next time

kira_the_boss | 1

#4435204 - Monday 14 May 2012 19:55

Just crank up some Justin Bieber and it will fly into a ceiling fan and kill itself

boating_guy | 33

#4435207 - Monday 14 May 2012 19:56

I recommend Thor's hammer.

Zomg_Okay | 26

#4435224 - Monday 14 May 2012 20:03

The problem with that, 42, is that any neighbours within earshot would begin to question OP's sanity. Also, OP would probably be right behind that moth on the whole suicide thing.

kira_the_boss | 1

#4435666 - Monday 14 May 2012 22:37

That's true, I'm pretty sure Hitler used this tactic

kira_the_boss | 1

#4435668 - Monday 14 May 2012 22:37

That's true, I'm pretty sure Hitler used this tactic

wallandpiece | 16

#4435674 - Monday 14 May 2012 22:38

What a clever idea.

foreverDark | 1

#4435863 - Monday 14 May 2012 23:28

Right on the money.

SkyBirdy | 5

#4437135 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 5:45

Too bad JB wasnt alive during WWII

By lifeisaterriblem | 6

#4434865 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:32

That really sucks. Use a hammer next time. I'm sure that'll work

LaughinStock | 16

#4435180 - Monday 14 May 2012 19:48

Awww poor 3 :( you were a little late on that one.

KiddNYC1O | 20

#4435538 - Monday 14 May 2012 21:53

By seconds. Maybe next time!

By syki | 22

#4434867 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:33

That moth be infuriating.

hahauRrcool | 0

#4435318 - Monday 14 May 2012 20:39

Chivalry is dead

instnt1nfction | 17

#4435481 - Monday 14 May 2012 21:32

Lyke OMG what hapenn to him!!!!!!¡???! (Joke)

SliceOfCake | 9

#4435508 - Monday 14 May 2012 21:43

59 - if you have to write "(joke)", your joke probably wasn't that good.

domking1315 | 20

#4453018 - Friday 18 May 2012 23:14

I dont even know what 59 was talking about

By sergioyslas | 1

#4434869 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:33

HAHA ROUND 2

linkinpark98 | 23

#4435069 - Monday 14 May 2012 19:20

Fight!

SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#4435141 - Monday 14 May 2012 19:39

Hey, Moth.
GET OVER HERE!

By Canucks8506 | 0

#4434870 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:33

Nasty winged bastards.

ladyLALAA | 28

#4435789 - Monday 14 May 2012 23:10

It's like the real life moth man prophecies!

By ThatOtherMegan | 30

#4434873 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:33

I hate moths.

kickuwithmyfist | 1

#4435330 - Monday 14 May 2012 20:45

Moths hate you...

SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#4435362 - Monday 14 May 2012 20:53

Fuck you, Moths are sexy.
Scary, but sexy.

SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#4435797 - Monday 14 May 2012 23:11

True.

slushyslime | 7

#4435942 - Monday 14 May 2012 23:58

I hate moths too , I'm phobic to moths and butterflies and dragonflies , I have been since I was 3 :(

BradTheBrony | 19

#4439726 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 23:51

Secret but fun.

By LoganBurrito | 6

#4434877 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:33

MOTHer of god.

lolfood | 24

#4435399 - Monday 14 May 2012 21:04

Why is this thumbed down? I thought it was pretty good.

other121 | 2

#4436650 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 3:26

I see what you dis there! Lol

LoganBurrito | 6

#4437834 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 9:57

lolfood, thank you T~T it warms my heart to see that people still appreciate a good pun.

By Suba_fml | 8

#4434879 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:33

The revenge of the fallen.

By THE_A_TEEN | 27

#4434881 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:34

Mothra's revenge. This time with its babies.