Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up after a long night of trying to catch a moth.... - FML

By foreverDark - 14/05/2012 12:40 - United States - Aurora

Today, I woke up after a long night of trying to catch a moth. I'd knocked down furniture and screamed up the house to do so, but I finally got it. What did I see first thing this morning? Another moth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 591

You deserved it 23 417

The smell detective is on the case

Empathy lives

Sorry…

By yayaimannoying - 09/03/2010 01:39 - United States

Today, I posted a pic of my prom dress on facebook. The dress looked amazing on me and it just felt so right. So I spent every single dollar I had and some borrowed to buy the dress. When I logged on later that night, the first comment asked "Is this a joke?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 525

You deserved it 5 075

By bottomdrawerraider - 17/11/2010 17:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother was over visiting. My three year old ran out of my room chasing the cat with his toy. He smacked the cat with it, the cat scratched him, he dropped it and ran away. I was busy with the baby so I asked my mom to take the toy away. She walked back holding my pink dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 925

You deserved it 12 135

That shirt is FIRE!

By Anonymous - 06/09/2019 04:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my shirt caught on fire when I was burning paper for my ancestors at the cemetery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 333

By Anonymous - 22/12/2012 11:15 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I had a look through my dad's girlfriend's phone she left on the table. Best part: I now know what I'm getting for christmas. Worst part: I now know my dad's favourite position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 554

You deserved it 76 622

The truth

By vmml97 - 17/08/2009 21:16 - Canada

Today, my boss called me into his office. He then fired me. Upset, I asked him, "Well, who's gonna replace me?" His answer was, "I don't know and don't care. Everyone who works here hates you. Now go away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 806

You deserved it 25 300

By E_Sauce - 24/03/2019 12:00

Today I went to the bank to get a jar of coins exchanged for cash via fancy counter machine. After 30 minutes I was handed a bag of rolling sleeves and was told to do it myself. Good news, I have a lot more money than I thought. Bad news, I have A LOT more coins than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 720

You deserved it 321

Left behind

By Anonymous - 01/10/2020 17:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, it was my best friend's birthday party. Her boyfriend and I agreed to organize a dinner date to surprise her and celebrate. They celebrated, but forgot me until they arrived at the restaurant and saw the dinner reservation under my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 131

Mean girls

By Anonymous - 30/09/2020 07:25 - United States

Today, I watched our presidential candidates face off like high school girls with the whole world watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 295

You deserved it 273

By ;_; - 19/12/2013 22:13 - Canada - Burlington

Today, I saw a guy in the street drawing caricatures, and I decided to pay him to do one of me. Being a caricature, I looked pretty monstrous in it. When I showed it to my mum later, she shuddered and said, "Yeah, looks just like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 833

You deserved it 4 325

By Anonymous - 18/12/2014 15:34 - Belgium - Antwerpen

Today, I went out to a bar with some of my friends. They're all in committed relationships, but every single one of them got hit on. I'm single, and yet again, nobody even said hi to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 364

You deserved it 3 692

Running commentary

By well crap... - 21/06/2020 14:18

Spicy

Today, I nervously went to the store to buy condoms for the first time. I felt like everything was going well, and checked out happily. As I was walking out, the cashier lady said to the woman next in line, "He thinks he's going to need condoms." They both looked at me and started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 946

You deserved it 179

By egged - 01/10/2009 06:43 - Singapore

Today, I came home from work and found my house egged, and bricks thrown through my windows. I called the police, and submitted a report. Later that night, I heard the doorbell ring. Nobody was at the house, but there was a note saying "Sorry, wrong house". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 070

You deserved it 2 248

Food poisoning

By brown and sticky - 16/01/2020 14:00 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I got food poisoning. After leaving class 4 times to poop, I sharted in the school bus on the ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 464

You deserved it 187

By ohEw - 09/11/2017 10:00 - United States - Pasadena

Today, while doing my laundry, I found a very clean but presumably used ribbed condom in my freshly washed and dried sheets. It was not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 921

You deserved it 246

By Desertdryspell - 20/12/2018 14:00

Today, I dressed up in new lingerie I had bought to surprise my partner. He said "what do you want? Just go to bed instead". So much for that new confidence. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2 451

You deserved it 209

Beggars can be choosers

By Rebecca Palermo - 14/12/2020 11:03

Today, I saw a girl asking for money on the median of an entrance to a parking lot with her dog. Later, I bought a box of dog treats for her. I drove up and handed it to her. She rolled her eyes and said, "How the hell am I supposed to carry that?" I sat there in stunned disbelief with the box she refused to take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 177

By MexyBoy - 13/08/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 8 months and I broke up. We decided to give back everything we ever bought for each other. I gave her the stuff she bought me and when I asked for my stuff she said she'd sold it and spent the money on herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 764

You deserved it 6 573

By LadyDean - 29/11/2011 08:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came home, chugged a beer, and passed out in our bed without saying hello or goodnight to me. I've been on vacation for a week and was hoping to cuddle. But no, if I try to touch him, he hits me and growls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 056

You deserved it 6 910

By Anonymous - 25/06/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 848

You deserved it 6 524

By Anonymous - 14/08/2013 09:11 - United States - Sanford

Today, I was visiting my cousin's farm. Going out for a morning stroll, I took an apple with me to munch along the way. As I was eating it, I heard a distant thumping sound and was suddenly slammed into the ground. When I looked up, a horse was eating my apple. I got mugged by a horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 144

You deserved it 6 820

Awkward...

By Sunny - 12/09/2018 07:30 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I went to this coffee shop in town that has a fire pit outdoors with my boyfriend. I threw out the idea of sitting by the fire together, and he responded by telling me that his father and dog died in a house fire when he was young. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 751

You deserved it 253

By Anonymous - 28/02/2017 14:00

Today, while doing a project on income, my teacher told me there are no houses in Japan. I told her I lived in Mitaka for 3 years and that I lived in a house there. She told me I was bullshitting. So much for quality education. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 763

You deserved it 368

By Noname - 13/03/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, my friends and I were drinking boba. On the side of the cup it said "Please drink carefully to avoid choking on the Boba". I started to laugh at the ridiculousness of the label, and choked on the boba in a coughing fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 579

You deserved it 68 581

By goingup? - 25/02/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it stuck mid-floor. Being supportive, I went to hug her and tell her we'll be OK. Today I also learned that my girlfriend is deathly claustrophobic and her predominant reaction is to vomit. In this case, all over me. We were stuck for 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 174

You deserved it 3 719

By icantdrive - 19/03/2009 04:22 - Canada

Today, I went to a party to see my crush. He offered me a drink and I declined telling him that I don't drink because alcohol makes people act stupid and crash their cars. He then saw me back into a car parked on the street and shatter my backlights as I reversed from the driveway to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 261

You deserved it 73 226

By jailey - 26/07/2016 02:26

Today, my friend decided that we should go clubbing together to "catch up". Her version of catching up is me standing beside her making out with some random dude in the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 572

You deserved it 1 276

My precious

By Gollumapparently - 13/01/2021 05:01

Today, my friend and I took an online quiz to find out what character from Lord of the Rings we look like. She got Arwen. I got Gollum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 200

Mean meanie

By yeah uh huh - 15/06/2021 21:00 - United States

Today, my stepmother, an uncontrolled diabetic who refuses to change her abhorrent eating habits, berated me for how "mean" I am for limiting my kids’ junk food, and making them eat a portion of vegetables with every meal. Yeah, real mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 56

By Perplexed - 19/01/2013 13:14 - United States - Sioux Falls

Today, someone broke into my car by smashing the driver's side window. I'd be less irritated if they had just used the door handle; the lock has been broken for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 136

You deserved it 3 461

By Anonymous - 15/07/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to shower, his mother slams a pair of underwear on the table and tells me that if she ever finds something like that in her son's room again, she is forbidding him from seeing me. The underwear isn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 660

You deserved it 2 608

By BetrayedGirl - 13/01/2010 12:40 - United States

Today, my friend told me men can't be trusted. I told her that wasn't true; I have my husband's password to his email but I never check it because I trust him. She bet me he was doing something bad, and to prove her wrong I looked. Turns out he has been cheating on me for 8 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 778

You deserved it 5 487

By JennieA - 26/12/2010 23:36

Today, I woke up to all 4 of my wheels stolen from my car. The thieves were kind enough to leave the car resting on wooden blocks and bricks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 995

You deserved it 2 473

Creepy

By Anonymous - 22/02/2021 01:08 - United States - Irving

Today, the power went out so my family all stayed together in a one room to keep warm. I was on the bed against the wall and reached my hand down, only to find my panties tucked in the side of my brother's bed. Not one pair, but two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 217

You deserved it 74

By Youalreadyknowmyname - 19/07/2019 14:00 - United States - Jeffersonville

Today, a guy asked me my name and I told him it's Holly. He then asked if I was "real or a Holligram?" Apparently, The Office is the best, and only place to get pick up lines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 409

You deserved it 226

There goes the neighborhood

By Anonymous - 28/08/2021 22:00

Today, our neighbors have the most beautiful garden, with hundreds of crocuses in spring. Actually, that was our former neighbors. The new owners have since dug up all the flower bulbs, thrown them out, and replaced them with some lovely decorations made of old car tires. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 100

By Anonymous - 12/05/2015 03:02 - United States - Springfield

Today, my new prescription medicine for my chronic acne did in fact work. It worked by inflaming the skin around my zits so that they blended in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 841

You deserved it 2 082

By Shirley - 15/02/2012 00:43 - United States

Today, while out for our romantic Valentine's dinner, my boyfriend of 2 and a half years told me that he believes in females being subservient, that I'm not allowed to have opinions anymore, that he is "the alpha dog" and I'm merely the "beta dog", and that I have to "get used to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 807

You deserved it 7 549

By friendly_neighbourhood_psycho - 19/08/2011 22:47 - Sweden

Today, I was helping some friends put supplies in my crush's car for our picnic. His girlfriend cracked a joke about me, so I just sarcastically laughed and slammed the door shut. Now she has three broken fingers, and I have a reputation as a psychopath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 286

You deserved it 9 347

It's Thursday!

By horriblefashionsense - 26/09/2013 15:20 - United States - Winter Garden

Today, I went in the diner I always pass by and ordered a sandwich. When I asked how much it was, the waitress replied, "Don't worry, honey. We give free meals to the homeless on Thursdays." I was too ashamed to deny it, so I just said thank you and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 513

You deserved it 6 239

By Anonymous - 11/05/2017 20:00

Today, I had one of my biggest dance shows ever. After months of practice I had finally gotten the lead position. When I entered the stage and raised my arms my straps fell down and I flashed an audience of 5000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 541

You deserved it 420

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Monday 14 May 2012 18:33

MOTHer of god.

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Monday 14 May 2012 18:32

Use a hammer next time

Comments

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Monday 14 May 2012 18:32

It came back with a vengence!

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Monday 14 May 2012 18:39

Moths get all the shit. What about butterflies? They flutter about the fucking place thinking "oooooh look at me, so colorful and vibrant". While moths cry themselves to sleep every night wondering if they will ever get equality to their beautiful cousins. Just a thought.

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Monday 14 May 2012 18:44

Huh, what you say? I was distracted by this beautiful butterfly.

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Monday 14 May 2012 19:54

No it was the moths brother, soon your house will be infested with moths holding a vendetta for there fallen brethren!

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Monday 14 May 2012 22:08

Am I the only one who likes moths and butterflies equally? :3

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Monday 14 May 2012 23:54

67, no you're not, I like them both also.

happle 21

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Tuesday 15 May 2012 0:40

Burn the house down. Then moths can't come into your house.

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Monday 14 May 2012 18:32

Use a hammer next time

kira_the_boss 1

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Monday 14 May 2012 19:55

Just crank up some Justin Bieber and it will fly into a ceiling fan and kill itself

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Monday 14 May 2012 19:56

I recommend Thor's hammer.

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Monday 14 May 2012 20:03

The problem with that, 42, is that any neighbours within earshot would begin to question OP's sanity. Also, OP would probably be right behind that moth on the whole suicide thing.

kira_the_boss 1

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Monday 14 May 2012 22:37

That's true, I'm pretty sure Hitler used this tactic

kira_the_boss 1

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Monday 14 May 2012 22:37

That's true, I'm pretty sure Hitler used this tactic

wallandpiece 16

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Monday 14 May 2012 22:38

What a clever idea.

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Monday 14 May 2012 23:28

Right on the money.

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Tuesday 15 May 2012 5:45

Too bad JB wasnt alive during WWII

lifeisaterriblem 6

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Monday 14 May 2012 18:32

That really sucks. Use a hammer next time. I'm sure that'll work

LaughinStock 16

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Monday 14 May 2012 19:48

Awww poor 3 :( you were a little late on that one.

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Monday 14 May 2012 21:53

By seconds. Maybe next time!

syki 22

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Monday 14 May 2012 18:33

That moth be infuriating.

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Monday 14 May 2012 20:39

Chivalry is dead

instnt1nfction 17

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Monday 14 May 2012 21:32

Lyke OMG what hapenn to him!!!!!!¡???! (Joke)

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Monday 14 May 2012 21:43

59 - if you have to write "(joke)", your joke probably wasn't that good.

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Friday 18 May 2012 23:14

I dont even know what 59 was talking about

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Monday 14 May 2012 18:33

HAHA ROUND 2

linkinpark98 23

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Monday 14 May 2012 19:20

Fight!

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Monday 14 May 2012 19:39

Hey, Moth. GET OVER HERE!

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Monday 14 May 2012 18:33

Nasty winged bastards.

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Monday 14 May 2012 23:10

It's like the real life moth man prophecies!

ThatOtherMegan 30

Monday 14 May 2012 18:33

I hate moths.

kickuwithmyfist 1

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Monday 14 May 2012 20:45

Moths hate you...

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Monday 14 May 2012 20:53

Fuck you, Moths are sexy. Scary, but sexy.

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Monday 14 May 2012 23:11

True.

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Monday 14 May 2012 23:58

I hate moths too , I'm phobic to moths and butterflies and dragonflies , I have been since I was 3 :(

BradTheBrony 19

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Tuesday 15 May 2012 23:51

Secret but fun.

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Monday 14 May 2012 18:33

MOTHer of god.

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Monday 14 May 2012 21:04

Why is this thumbed down? I thought it was pretty good.

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Tuesday 15 May 2012 3:26

I see what you dis there! Lol

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Tuesday 15 May 2012 9:57

lolfood, thank you T~T it warms my heart to see that people still appreciate a good pun.

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Monday 14 May 2012 18:33

The revenge of the fallen.

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Monday 14 May 2012 18:34

Mothra's revenge. This time with its babies.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 14

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 57

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 253