Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up after a long night of trying to catch a moth....

By foreverDark - United States - Aurora

Today, I woke up after a long night of trying to catch a moth. I'd knocked down furniture and screamed up the house to do so, but I finally got it. What did I see first thing this morning? Another moth. FML

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10583

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Miscellaneous

Understandable

Triage

You tried

By elijah - United States

Today, my mom bitched me out, calling me a selfish pig and saying that the reason I don't have a girlfriend is because I'm so conceited. All of this because I started watching the latest episodes of Breaking Bad without her. FML

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24714

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By Radioo - United States

Today, my rabbit died. He died a painful death from ingesting too much carpet. I now have no rabbit and a patchy carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30745

You deserved it

6743

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By NotSoClean - United States

Today, I noticed that my very expensive facial cleanser was almost out. I had moved in with my boyfriend recently, and questioned him, telling him "You don't have to use so much to wash your face. That's a $70 bottle." To which he responded, "Oh, that nice-smelling stuff? Yeah, I use that on my junk." FML

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45497

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By Inez333

Today, I finally got to see my favorite aunt after months of her living far away with her new boyfriend. She now believes the Earth is flat, gravity is fake, the government is run by reptiles, and that vaccines are the devil themselves. She won't stop trying to convince me of her conspiracies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2383

You deserved it

146

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By jobless - United States - Groton

Today, I found out that I am allergic to grass, and not supposed to mow lawns. My job is mowing lawns. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27960

You deserved it

2386

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By crossfitter

Today, I decided to get in shape for swimsuit season, so I went to the gym. I tried to lift a barbell up and over my head, which was fine, until I dropped it. Exercise earned me a concussion and a neck brace. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25197

You deserved it

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By Amanda - United States

Today, my ex's mom got a job as our new soccer coach and recognized me from our New Year's party last year. She made me, and me alone, do 10 laps around the field in the rain for breaking her son's heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52239

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By Cereal_mistress - United States - Sonoma

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the doctor's for an ultrasound, as I'm 7 months pregnant. Then he went home and took his wife out to dinner for her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34707

You deserved it

95823

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By FullOfNick - United States

Today, I realized too late that a picture in my school Powerpoint presentation of thousands of New Zealand sheep, was actually a picture of thousands of naked men in a field. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17616

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By Anonymous

Today, I find myself in an unfortunate situation. I met my girlfriend's family and it turns out she's the baby of the family with 7 older brothers, a dad and a granddad, and 6 uncles. That’s 15 very large, very overprotective men I’m sure all want me dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1937

You deserved it

300

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By Belt issues - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I took a train for 5 hours to a remote northern community. My belt broke as I was getting off the train. I went to the only store and bought a new belt. Taking it off to go to bed, the new belt broke. I have to go visit clients today with a shoestring holding up my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12970

You deserved it

1466

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By awalc - United States

Today, I woke up with Skittles super glued to my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32658

You deserved it

6020

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By lostinspace - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I couldn't sleep due to an awful head cold, so I stayed home from work. Apparently, the local high school marching band practices in the park across the street at 9am. They're doing the Imperial March music from Star Wars. They suck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44805

You deserved it

3611

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By Ixi_the_pixie - United States

Today, my therapist told me, "I'm sorry, but I'm not qualified to handle your level of instability." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40791

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By "Auburn_flame"

Today, I've been horribly sick with a stomach virus. Six hours ago, I asked my husband to go to the store and get me a few things that would help ease my misery. He's still in bed and I'm cleaning the house in between bouts of vomiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2252

You deserved it

320

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By Rebecca - United States - Bloomfield

Today, my mom admitted that the only reason she took me out for lunch was because she felt guilty over going on a massive shopping spree for my sister while I was forced to stay home alone. I thanked her for the Wendy's meal anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28578

You deserved it

2140

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By difference between birds and mammals. - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching TV and there were penguins laying eggs. He said, "Penguins are mammals, they don't lay eggs." I replied, "Penguins are birds." We fought about it for ages until he realised that I was right, and has since stopped talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26311

You deserved it

2737

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By mycar - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was showing a new girl around at school. As we were walking through the parking lot she noticed a green jeep and commented "I heard the person who drives that is a total creep. Is he?" I said I didn't know who it was. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54740

You deserved it

6246

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By Anonymous - 18/9/2020 05:06

Uninvolved

Today, I woke up to the only home I've ever known in 32 years being burned to ash by a wildfire with everything we own inside, barely getting me and my dogs out alive. My boyfriend of 3 years promised me we would work through this together, no matter what it took, only to completely ghost me a few hours later. FML

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1355

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By Scarlet

Today, after calling my bank to see where my paycheck was, and waiting on hold for my entire lunch break, my boss told me she forgot to submit my deposit. I was relying on that money to pay for lunch today as I used all I had for bills. Looks like I eat tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13593

You deserved it

1124

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By myBFsucks - Canada

Today, I went to the movies on a date. I went to pay for the tickets when I realized that I didn't have my wallet. Instead of my boyfriend paying, he laughed and paid for his own ticket. Then he went ahead and saw the movie without me. FML

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50222

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By Badday

Today, I received a call from a company attempting to steal me away. Flattered, I told them I liked my job and the answer was no. When I told my boss, he said they're thinking about laying me off and I should've taken the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4393

You deserved it

371

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was woken up by a loud noise, which I thought was an earthquake. It sounded like a car had driven right into my living room. Which was exactly what it was. FML

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61207

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By bad_day_in_hell - United States

Today, I woke up to a phone call from my boss' wife. She demanded to know how long we'd been sleeping together. When I denied her allegations, she screamed that she knew all about my "history of sleeping with married men". I'm a virgin and I have to work with him tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35897

You deserved it

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By strawberrypuff - United States

Today, I found out nobody in my family wants to come to my college graduation. I spent 4 years and $60,000 to be the first person in my family to go to college, and nobody wants to see me graduate because the 4 hour ceremony is too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks

78316

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By Anonymous - United States - Milford

Today, instead of reaching for some unhealthy food, I tried to eat some dates instead. It was all fine until I bit one in half and saw a rather large, squirming maggot inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23233

You deserved it

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By charlie043 - United States

Today, I met my fiancée's parents for the first time. Her dad was telling me how he's not rich but not poor either. I replied, "Well, as long as you're not a garbage man!" Guess what his profession is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12792

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By watersport - United States

Today, I woke up because I really had to pee. I got out of bed, went to the bathroom and went back to bed. Or so I thought. I did pee, but I only dreamed that I got out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34053

You deserved it

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By Chops - United States

Today, I was walking from my office to the place i had parked my car, a distance of approximately three blocks. As I was about to round the last corner I was forced to dive out of the way of a speeding car. As I looked up, I noticed that it was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

99596

You deserved it

4390

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By katie - France

Today, after spending a few minutes de-icing my car and leaving the heat on so it would warm up, I slipped as I was entering the car and hit my head on the door, causing it to close and lock. I'm waiting for my mom who has a spare key to come and unlock it. Class started ten minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27541

You deserved it

3853

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss stopped me mid-sentence, scowling and telling me to zip up my fly. It wouldn't have been so embarrassing if I hadn't been in the middle of giving a presentation to not only him, but his own boss and a company executive as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23354

You deserved it

3420

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By Choum - France

Today, I realized that my ex has REALLY dumped me for a video game. And he will not change his mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42134

You deserved it

6002

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out the girl I've been fooling around with for two weeks has a boyfriend, who is in jail, and is a member of the Aryan Brotherhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40645

You deserved it

7392

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By LeftOut - United States

Today, I saw my friends talking about plans for later during lunch. I walked over and asked for the plan. My best friend of 12 years gently took me aside, and said "You know that person in each group of friends that is only around to be made fun of? That's you." I just got dumped by my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

79458

You deserved it

4825

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By SadFace - Australia - Newmarket

Today, my two closest friends declared that they hated each other. They're my bridesmaids. The wedding is in three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47699

You deserved it

3844

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By Anna - United States - New York

Today, I was using a public restroom. As I lowered my pants, a man's head and arms popped out over the divider. He took a picture and immediately rushed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51226

You deserved it

3204

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By captainocd - United States

Today, my incredibly self conscious girlfriend decided to get over her fears and let me see her in her underwear. She did a short strip tease, crawled on top of me and asked what I thought. I couldn't think of anything to say besides, "Your bra and panties don't match." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11618

You deserved it

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By chloeguest97 - United Kingdom

Today, a guy who I hate commented on my Facebook profile picture that I "look like I've fallen off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down." 60 people liked this, including my boyfriend and best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41207

You deserved it

8099

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By BrokenPoke - United States - Elkhart

PokeCrash

Today, my wife screamed to stop the car in an intersection, so I slammed on the brakes. From the left, an SUV rammed full force into us. My wife is unharmed, but I now have a broken left arm and our car is totaled. On the bright side, she caught the Pokémon in the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5457

You deserved it

894

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By HighasaCloud

Today, while typing at my desk, I leaned back in my chair to stretch my arms. A spider dangling from the ceiling must have been watching me since it had perfect timing on its descent right into my open yawning mouth. FML

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Top comments

By LoganBurrito | 6

#4434877 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:33

MOTHer of god.

By mhopper | 13

#4434863 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:32

Use a hammer next time

COMMENTS

By stefaowwn | 0

#4434861 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:32

It came back with a vengence!

SkoomaKi | 27

#4434906 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:39

Moths get all the shit. What about butterflies? They flutter about the fucking place thinking "oooooh look at me, so colorful and vibrant". While moths cry themselves to sleep every night wondering if they will ever get equality to their beautiful cousins.

Just a thought.

THE_A_TEEN | 27

#4434927 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:44

Huh, what you say?

I was distracted by this beautiful butterfly.

TheGITP | 0

#4435202 - Monday 14 May 2012 19:54

No it was the moths brother, soon your house will be infested with moths holding a vendetta for there fallen brethren!

nado13579 | 12

#4435591 - Monday 14 May 2012 22:08

Am I the only one who likes moths and butterflies equally? :3

ShyAnn29 | 14

#4435932 - Monday 14 May 2012 23:54

67, no you're not, I like them both also.

happle | 21

#4436060 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 0:40

Burn the house down. Then moths can't come into your house.

By mhopper | 13

#4434863 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:32

Use a hammer next time

kira_the_boss | 1

#4435204 - Monday 14 May 2012 19:55

Just crank up some Justin Bieber and it will fly into a ceiling fan and kill itself

boating_guy | 33

#4435207 - Monday 14 May 2012 19:56

I recommend Thor's hammer.

Zomg_Okay | 26

#4435224 - Monday 14 May 2012 20:03

The problem with that, 42, is that any neighbours within earshot would begin to question OP's sanity. Also, OP would probably be right behind that moth on the whole suicide thing.

kira_the_boss | 1

#4435666 - Monday 14 May 2012 22:37

That's true, I'm pretty sure Hitler used this tactic

kira_the_boss | 1

#4435668 - Monday 14 May 2012 22:37

That's true, I'm pretty sure Hitler used this tactic

wallandpiece | 16

#4435674 - Monday 14 May 2012 22:38

What a clever idea.

foreverDark | 1

#4435863 - Monday 14 May 2012 23:28

Right on the money.

SkyBirdy | 5

#4437135 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 5:45

Too bad JB wasnt alive during WWII

By lifeisaterriblem | 6

#4434865 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:32

That really sucks. Use a hammer next time. I'm sure that'll work

LaughinStock | 16

#4435180 - Monday 14 May 2012 19:48

Awww poor 3 :( you were a little late on that one.

KiddNYC1O | 20

#4435538 - Monday 14 May 2012 21:53

By seconds. Maybe next time!

By syki | 22

#4434867 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:33

That moth be infuriating.

hahauRrcool | 0

#4435318 - Monday 14 May 2012 20:39

Chivalry is dead

instnt1nfction | 17

#4435481 - Monday 14 May 2012 21:32

Lyke OMG what hapenn to him!!!!!!¡???! (Joke)

SliceOfCake | 9

#4435508 - Monday 14 May 2012 21:43

59 - if you have to write "(joke)", your joke probably wasn't that good.

domking1315 | 20

#4453018 - Friday 18 May 2012 23:14

I dont even know what 59 was talking about

By sergioyslas | 1

#4434869 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:33

HAHA ROUND 2

linkinpark98 | 23

#4435069 - Monday 14 May 2012 19:20

Fight!

SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#4435141 - Monday 14 May 2012 19:39

Hey, Moth.
GET OVER HERE!

By Canucks8506 | 0

#4434870 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:33

Nasty winged bastards.

ladyLALAA | 28

#4435789 - Monday 14 May 2012 23:10

It's like the real life moth man prophecies!

By ThatOtherMegan | 30

#4434873 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:33

I hate moths.

kickuwithmyfist | 1

#4435330 - Monday 14 May 2012 20:45

Moths hate you...

SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#4435362 - Monday 14 May 2012 20:53

Fuck you, Moths are sexy.
Scary, but sexy.

SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#4435797 - Monday 14 May 2012 23:11

True.

slushyslime | 7

#4435942 - Monday 14 May 2012 23:58

I hate moths too , I'm phobic to moths and butterflies and dragonflies , I have been since I was 3 :(

BradTheBrony | 19

#4439726 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 23:51

Secret but fun.

By LoganBurrito | 6

#4434877 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:33

MOTHer of god.

lolfood | 24

#4435399 - Monday 14 May 2012 21:04

Why is this thumbed down? I thought it was pretty good.

other121 | 2

#4436650 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 3:26

I see what you dis there! Lol

LoganBurrito | 6

#4437834 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 9:57

lolfood, thank you T~T it warms my heart to see that people still appreciate a good pun.

By Suba_fml | 8

#4434879 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:33

The revenge of the fallen.

By THE_A_TEEN | 27

#4434881 - Monday 14 May 2012 18:34

Mothra's revenge. This time with its babies.