Love: Today, I tried a new hairstyle to impress a guy I like. I was... - FML

By RS - 17/03/2015 16:25 - United States - Delray Beach

Today, I tried a new hairstyle to impress a guy I like. I was pretty confident, until he took one look at me and said, "Uh... why's there an onion on your head?" So much for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 166

You deserved it 6 815

Walk the line

Mama's boy

Red flag

By Minabee - 04/02/2010 18:28 - United States

Today, I am meeting my boyfriend's very conservative parents for the first time, so I decided to dress appropriately and curl my hair to match. In so doing, I accidentally touched the iron to my neck, and now I have a burn there that closely resembles a hickey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 918

You deserved it 4 872

That's creepy, dude

By Anonymous - 04/10/2021 11:01

Today, I'm 20 years-old and I was propositioned by a 42 year-old man, who turned out to be my dad's friend who helped care for me when I was 2 to 7 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 53

By badsinger - 04/06/2010 09:38 - New Zealand

Today, my fiancée told me she was having a bad day while we were lying in bed. Just as she was about to fall asleep I thought it would be sweet if I sang her a song that her Mom sang to her when she was a child. Instead, I was told to shut the fuck up and that I sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 981

You deserved it 15 491

By college estudiata - 27/06/2015 00:57

Today, I realized I need to get my life together after spilling ramen while taking a bath, again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 101

You deserved it 7 378

By Anonymous - 22/05/2010 23:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 544

You deserved it 46 983

By Username - 28/02/2011 05:44

Spicy

Today, after we'd let an author rent out our cabin, we read in the book of poems he wrote while staying that he'd described how he enjoyed sitting on our table naked. The same table we often eat off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 330

You deserved it 5 148

By "jonnybones223" - 08/03/2019 04:00

Today, I was awakened by my father saying how proud he was of his little boy. I assumed he meant me, since I landed an apprenticeship in the same union he's worked in for 25 years. Turns out he was speaking about his cat, who left a dead squirrel next to my bed. I stepped on the damn thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 163

You deserved it 199

By Flutie - 27/10/2017 22:00

Today, I went to a haunted house with my fiancé. A few minutes in, I saw someone following us so I turned and screamed. She ran off and my fiancé explained that she wasn't an actor, just a lady with a pigment disorder. I can never go back there again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 329

You deserved it 740

By DogBeater - 21/06/2016 01:21 - United States

Today, I've just moved into a new apartment. It's also the day my big baby of a dog stepped on a rock and began yelping when I tried to touch his paw. He "suddenly" felt better after I carried him inside. Now everyone thinks I'm beating my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 962

You deserved it 830

Dad jokes, part #23556

By ashamed - 28/10/2019 02:00

Today, I finally let my parents meet a boyfriend of mine for the first time ever. My dad mentioned how he was happy to finally meet him, because for the past 4 years he'd thought I was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 506

You deserved it 177

By Anonymous - 04/11/2010 19:07 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch at McDonald's when an older man sat down at the table next to me and told me I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. I'm a 20 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 914

You deserved it 5 848

By Anonymous - 05/12/2014 03:29 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I woke up with a swollen lump on my throat. It's extremely painful. My dad named it Gretchen and now talks about it as if it's a person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 897

You deserved it 2 627

Fair analysis

By Avnirvana - 07/10/2020 23:01 - United States

Today, I seriously considered writing in SCP-106 for president. I hate both candidates so much, I would willingly take President Radical Larry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 720

By 2dumb2drive - 12/02/2011 04:06 - United States

Today, I thought it would be fun to drive into a stack of some empty cardboard boxes on my street. They weren't empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 108

You deserved it 57 279

Broken equipment

By Anonymous - 21/08/2020 07:08 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, my girlfriend and I had an argument about wanting kids, as I want to have kids but she doesn’t. I explained the situation to my sister. She just kicked me in the nuts and said, “There, problem solved.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 409

By Anonymous - 13/02/2015 16:36 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, my "best friend" stole almost $1,000 worth of electronics and video games from my roommates and me, just so he could pawn them off and buy himself a new car stereo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 583

You deserved it 3 214

By mirandatheunicorn - 17/10/2018 12:00

Today, I was having a beautiful lucid dream when a telemarketer called at 5AM, waking me up. I silenced my phone and went back to sleep, and was somehow able to resume my lucid dream. Then my phone vibrated me awake. It was the same telemarketer, this time calling at 7AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 163

You deserved it 253

By JacktheRussian - 08/04/2013 00:33 - United States

Today, I saw a very attractive young woman struggling with some boxes. The seduction attempt resulted in me carrying 60lbs of items for 30mins. When we got to her apartment, she thanked me and introduced me to her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 930

You deserved it 42 290

It's just liquid fun

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 05:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I caught my mom trying to get secretly smashed out of her brain-box on booze at 8:00 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 966

You deserved it 3 011

By 1234 - 22/06/2015 11:26 - United States - Lutz

Today, when I turned on the TV, there was a picture of a wanted murderer. The picture looked just like my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 322

You deserved it 2 748

By It burns down there - 11/12/2018 17:30

Today, I used a new fragrance-free hypoallergenic laundry detergent for my underwear, as I have sensitive skin. I got a rash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 044

You deserved it 210

By Aleial - 19/11/2011 08:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that my boyfriend's "therapy" meetings have been with my best friend, in his truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 405

You deserved it 4 038

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 11:11 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 788

You deserved it 22 935

By Anonymous - 07/11/2014 08:03 - Australia

Today, my mum was in a bad mood, so I tried to cheer her up by telling her I love her, and giving her a hug. She slapped me hard enough to leave a red, hand-shaped mark on my face, and told me to fuck off with my "sarcasm". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 634

You deserved it 3 741

Smooth sailing

By Anonymous - 24/10/2020 21:02 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, I found out the man I've been wanting to marry for a year and a half wants us to take a break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 109

By badmom - 27/03/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 years old to run to the store. She didnt want to but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 101

You deserved it 17 919

By laststand11 - 28/03/2012 22:49 - United States - Lexington

Today, I had to explain to my 15-year-old son why it wouldn't be a good idea to include a picture of the red Power Ranger in his "Weapons throughout history" project. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 638

You deserved it 3 317

By unlucky - 08/10/2012 16:39 - United States - Alpena

Today, I'm going to be helping the love of my life pick out an engagement ring for my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 273

You deserved it 4 106

Wuss

By Username - 01/12/2010 19:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I asked my boyfriend if there's a reason why he has never gone down on me. He responded, "Your back door is too close to your front door and it creeps me out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 912

You deserved it 5 101

Road rage

By Anonymous - 26/04/2021 20:00

Today, I was brake-checking a Dodge Charger who was attempting to run me off. It was an undercover police car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 1 546

Rebel without a cause.

By wowie - 21/10/2019 20:00

Today, my ex threatened to not return my things that she still has. She even went on to say she will burn them, because she hates me and I "broke her heart". Not only has it been over half a year since we broke up, but she was the one who broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 690

You deserved it 126

The customer is always an ass

By Anonymous - 06/12/2012 23:50 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was yelled at by a customer, who was upset over having waited twenty minutes for a waiter to come take her order. Maybe it would be understandable, if she was sitting in an actual restaurant, and not a serve-yourself coffee house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 303

You deserved it 1 611

By aianmoo16 - 01/05/2016 21:52 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was at a mini arcade and accidentally put a hundred dollar bill through the quarter machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 381

You deserved it 9 126

By cjay2200 - 28/08/2011 21:25 - United Kingdom

Today, my son was eating a plum. I was busy in the kitchen, and he came running in saying "Mummy my plum is wet", I told him it was fine and bit a bit off to prove it. He looked at me and said "No Mummy! Can you wash it please, I dropped it in my potty". I feel ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 112

You deserved it 9 878

By Anonymous - 31/08/2012 10:16 - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to try to serenade me by throwing rocks at my window and singing a song about how much he loves me. This would have been extremely sweet if he would have gotten my window instead of my dad's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 718

You deserved it 2 374

By Anonymous - 10/09/2014 03:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 531

You deserved it 14 034

Cheap

By SmokeWeedErdayAllDay - 18/04/2020 17:00

Today, I was in the mood for some coffee, which is right down the street. I brought ten dollars with me, not knowing how much I'd need. When I approached the counter, the barista looked at my hand holding the ten-dollar bill and said, "Oh, our cheap things are on the left side of the menu." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 486

You deserved it 235

By Anonymous - 03/07/2019 07:00 - Vietnam - Hanoi

Today, it's my birthday and I had to work. My boss wished me a happy birthday, and then told me I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 009

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 14/08/2016 06:16 - United States - Warrensburg

Spicy

Today, I shaved my vagina for the first time ever. Had sex with my husband and then asked if he liked that. He said, "You've done that before, though". I haven't. We've been married 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 179

You deserved it 1 805

By Kassiopia - 14/11/2009 12:35 - United States

Today, my Dad decided to take his medicine before eating. He passed out with his face in a plate of chocolate cake. He wasn't responsive so I called the paramedics. When he got to the hospital, the doctor asked him if he knew why he was there. He replied, "Because my stupid daughter over reacted." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 312

You deserved it 3 543

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Top comments

rhiannahoward14 19

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 0:16

Well, why WAS there an onion on your head?

Rayth 19

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 0:12

Impressing people are overrated just be yourself instead

Comments

Rayth 19

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 March 2015 0:12

Impressing people are overrated just be yourself instead

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 March 2015 0:14

Agreed. Be yourself and you'll impress people.

im_a_black_guy 10

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 2:54

Unless you're a murderer

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 March 2015 3:29

it's only a a hairdo it's not like they changed their whole personality

Countryboy1996 18

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:38

That comment needs more likes and to be on the front of a newspaper or something.

Hollywoodgirl79 18

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 0:16

The good thing is that hair grows back! You should experiment with different kinds of gels and stuff until it grows back

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 0:31

I don't think they got a haircut, maybe STYLED their hair differently?

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 3:28

I was thinking she put it up in a bun or something. You have to be crazy to cut your hair that drastically for someone that your only crushing on.

psychopolarbear 28

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 4:30

I'm guessing it was a sock bun.

rhiannahoward14 19

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 0:16

Well, why WAS there an onion on your head?

ChocolateScyther 19

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 1:36

she was going for a Jimmy Neutron look

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 2:19

She was looking for a piece of cheese and hamburger patty. Going to make a Sandwich.

hippodankamus 22

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 0:16

Don't try to be someone you're not. If someone can't accept you for who you are then don't pursue them.

cryssycakesx3 22

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 3:25

ehh, it's just a hairstyle. it's not like she just completely pretended to be someone else. you've never worn a shirt or something because someone said they liked it?

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 0:17

Next time, don't get your hair styled with a weed whacker at Home Depot.

TrippingOnAcid 29

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:05

Reminds me of an FML where the guy brutally butchered a frog with one of those :(

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 0:18

Don't change yourself for other people.

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 0:19

If only he was Shrek.

SystemofaBlink41 27

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 0:44

He would have been all ogre her.

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Wednesday 1 April 2015 5:38

Because Ogres have.. Never mind.

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 0:19

Never do something to impress someone, just be yourself.

LastResort318 14

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 23:39

Not even trick to impress someone?

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 0:21

Skip on the onion next time. At least he noticed you, right? No? Okay...

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 0:23

Silly onion head. Lol way more sexier when a woman can be herself around a guy.

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 582

You deserved it 119

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 95