By Anonymous - 20/4/2021 00:30 - Netherlands

Take what you can get

Today, I got the most action I've had in about 3 years when my dentist pressed her boobs against the top of my head to fill my cavities. I really need to get me a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

713

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Love

Lonely

There's no helping some people

Vulture

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

By Anonymous - 14/6/2020 08:09

Saturday night fever

Today, I was arrested on my 25th birthday and thrown in jail overnight for impersonating myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1571

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153

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By Anonymous - United States - Tucson

Today, my mom blew her top when I casually mentioned that it's pretty well known that the story of Jesus is a retelling of older Persian and Egyptian stories. She then went on to yell at me that I wasted my money on college and "book learning". FML

I agree, your life sucks

36288

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By Walker Alldredge - 15/9/2020 00:02 - United States - Ogden

Out of it

Today, I was recently diagnosed with mononucleosis. This means that I'm really tired. I had been planning a trip with my sister and my cousin, but I didn’t wake up this morning at 7 because of the Mono, and they didn’t bother to wake me up. They went without me, to all my favorite places, leaving me at home with nothing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2133

You deserved it

542

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By whatashame - United States

Today, my dad was on the couch and I sat down next to him. As I was reading a text message, I saw my dad's fat stomach sticking out so I patted it. After the first two pats, I realized I was patting in the wrong place. I patted the family jewels. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22397

You deserved it

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By Gennifer - United States - Hackensack

Today, I found out my fiancé has been cheating on me for the past month. The lady he has been seeing is a choreographer that was teaching him how to dance salsa for our wedding rehearsal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35147

You deserved it

2608

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By denise - United States

Today, I was feeling a little racy and decided to send my boyfriend some naked pictures of myself. He responded, "That's OK, but does your face have to be in them?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

25771

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4924

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By frustrated - United Kingdom - Gosport

Today, everyone at work asked about the awful, twisted wound on my hand. I was too embarrassed to admit to having torn my skin apart with a pair of tweezers while trying to remove a splinter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19563

You deserved it

4799

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By alpine75 - United States

Today, I went to have a sperm analysis done at the fertility clinic. I spent an hour trying to masturbate into a cup but I was too anxious and couldn't finish. There was a knock on the door, a clinician and a lab assistant both were there, wondering if I was ok. I have to go back next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61824

You deserved it

8509

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found my missing shoe. It hit me as it fell out the tree in our front yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24125

You deserved it

4567

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By post it - Australia - South Yarra

Today, I found out that when buying my $500 dollar dress I put my address as Austria instead of Australia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28204

You deserved it

13048

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By nekkiddrunk - United States

Today, I locked myself, drunk and naked, out of my hotel room. FML

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8872

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my friend told me that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Since he's my friend, I didn't want to call him out too bad, so I joked that 90% of statistics are made up on the spot. He called me an idiot and lectured me on how I'd just made that figure up myself. I need new friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38108

You deserved it

6036

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By unluckiestperson - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my very expensive and beautiful smelling perfume attracts wasps. Whenever I go out, wherever I am, I am followed by multiple wasps. FML

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25670

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By muscalata

Today, my girlfriend sent a text asking if I think she’s pretty. I replied "Yes, of course!" She then got mad and blocked me. Turns out she'd said "petty". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3409

You deserved it

769

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By Screamslikeagirl - United States - Union City

Today, there must have been a wasp clinging to my front door because when I walked outside, it dropped between my glasses and my face and began stinging me all around my eye. I don't know if my eye is more swollen from the stings or from me repeatedly punching myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13060

You deserved it

1158

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By Rachal - United States

Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26703

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner, but couldn't eat because he had just gotten his tongue pierced. My grandpa heard this, winked at my boyfriend and said "Can't eat now, but I bet that's all you'll be doing in a few weeks..." My super protective father was sitting right next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

85768

You deserved it

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By oink oink... - United States - Mason

Today, I am 20 weeks pregnant. My fiancé has decided my new nickname will be "Oink Oink". FML

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45281

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By brokewithnocar

Today, my mom changed her mind about driving me to a job interview because she wants to attend a meeting at a church she told me she'd never go back to, full of people she hates. I can't drive because she refuses to teach me how. There's no public transportation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6809

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825

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent 6 hours unloading boxes into my new apartment. After unloading the entire truck and making trips up and down two flights of stairs, I heard a knock on the door. Apparently the landlord gave me the key to the WRONG apartment. Mine is downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30551

You deserved it

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By zawbentley - United States

Today, I called my boss to let her know that I was suffering from severe depression and that my doctor suggested I take a month's leave. Her response: "Glad you are getting help, however we can't hold your job. No need to come to the office, we'll mail your stuff to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39931

You deserved it

6355

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By Anonymous - United States - Marshall

Today, I found my daughter's fanfiction account. I need a new pair of eyes, or brain bleach, or both. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26844

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I competed in a ballet competition and made the finals, while I was on stage awaiting the results, I sneezed really loudly and snot went flying all over the stage. When I went to accept my award the woman presenting it refused to shake my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38613

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By kumcat - United States - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by canceling our relationship status on Facebook. I commented in disbelief, only for my dad to reply "#rekt", then "But seriously, about time. She's gonna give your balls back, right?" Thanks for the support. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31879

You deserved it

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By jayc80 - Bermuda

Today, my boss scheduled a staff breakfast at a swanky new restaurant for all the hard work we've been doing. The dining area is on the roof, and the building has no elevator. I've been in a wheelchair for 11 years. When I brought this to my boss's attention, he said it wasn't his problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52952

You deserved it

3288

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By XRayXLopez1 - United States - Dallas

Today, I met a friend I hadn't seen in forever. After talking for a while, he says "I knew there was a reason I stopped talking to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12386

You deserved it

1490

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By filipkm - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I heard on television that a body was found in my city's water reservoir. Word is that it was dead for over a week. I've been drinking and showering with that water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14353

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2775

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By jshum - Australia - South Yarra

Today, I bought a new phone. It's shock proof, water proof, you name it. Just not kitten proof, it seems. That's $400 down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13141

You deserved it

1921

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting in my cubicle at work, nursing a hangover, and thinking how stupid I was for getting so shit-faced last night. I then realized that I was voicing my thoughts out loud, and the whole office had gone quiet, listening to me castigate myself. FML

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12019

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, when I needed the loo. The door was ajar, so I walked into his bathroom, sat down, and started to pee. I then looked up to see the shocked face of his dad sitting naked in the bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31641

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Who's a good boy?

Today, my boyfriend's vicious dog, which he got as a security measure and growls and barks at me whenever I go near it, was caught on our security camera playing like a puppy with a burglar, while the other two burglars cleaned out all our valuables. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2277

You deserved it

184

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By Anonymous - Norway

Today, I'm travelling to England for an important meeting. I'm Norwegian, and my name is Bård. I have to introduce myself as bored the whole day, because that's how my name is pronounced. FML

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37550

You deserved it

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By hakura madada - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I mistook my dog's head for the gear shift while tearing down the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9228

You deserved it

27522

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By Anonymous - Reserved

Today, after several long years, a lot of debt, and two great degrees from a top university, I had to move back in with my parents, because no matter where I look, I can't find a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38725

You deserved it

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By JJ - United States - Irwin

Today, I was savagely beating my wife on Call of Duty, since she demanded that I play normally and not hold back. 15 minutes later, she was raging at me, calling me a bastard and saying she wished we'd never married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25443

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2021 23:01 - Germany

Clean up in aisle 3 please

Today, despite my asking her several times, my mom seems incapable of putting dog food in a bowl. She just throws it on the floor, where you step on it, slip on it, the doors get stuck on it and the tiles are now full of greasy dog food crumbs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

848

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By Lonely - United States

Today, I was so lonely that I left the TV on for company. The power went out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36570

You deserved it

5756

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, it's my wedding day, and I have uncontrollable diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67624

You deserved it

5093

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By Katie - United States

Today, I was rear-ended while at a stop sign, by my driving instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36574

You deserved it

2795

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By NowBroke - United Kingdom - Malmesbury

Today, I found out my mother drives my car. I was okay with it; I don't use it all the time and she's my mother. However, I was not okay with the multiple speeding tickets that came through in the post. "You're the registered keeper, so why should I pay?" FML

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25500

You deserved it

1822

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Top comments

By Marcella1016 | 31

#7987671 - Tuesday 20 April 2021 1:27

What an interesting way to fill cavities...

By cuz803 | 39

#7987680 - Tuesday 20 April 2021 2:56

Remember, self love is extremely healthy, easy and usually cheaper than giving interest to someone else. Not saying you shouldn't venture out but it this FML sounds depressing.

COMMENTS

By Marcella1016 | 31

#7987671 - Tuesday 20 April 2021 1:27

What an interesting way to fill cavities...

By cuz803 | 39

#7987680 - Tuesday 20 April 2021 2:56

Remember, self love is extremely healthy, easy and usually cheaper than giving interest to someone else. Not saying you shouldn't venture out but it this FML sounds depressing.

By kfchicken_fml | 31

#7987735 - Tuesday 20 April 2021 8:50

To be fair over a year of that time has been in lock down