Miscellaneous: Today, while tuning my bass guitar, I noticed a very strange... - FML

By jooshuarr - 18/06/2010 23:09 - Spain

Today, while tuning my bass guitar, I noticed a very strange screeching sound. I leaned over to look behind the neck. The biggest string snapped off and cut the side of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 646

You deserved it 4 708

Leave us alone

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Pirate Jim

By potassiumgirl - 11/04/2012 19:53 - United States - Hollywood

Spicy

Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 005

You deserved it 38 696

By Disappointed - 10/09/2012 04:26 - United States - Angleton

Today, the girl I've secretly loved for years finally noticed me. That is, after I ran over her foot with my truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 134

You deserved it 7 379

By embarrassed - 03/07/2010 07:14 - Australia

Today, I went out with my boyfriend and thought I'd wear two bras under my singlet-top to make my chest look bigger. Upon leaving Target, one of the security guards noticed the extra straps and accused me of shoplifting. I had to spend the next 20 minutes explaining the situation to security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 288

You deserved it 47 016

By invasive species - 07/11/2016 15:08

Today, my step-mom tried to ground me. I met her just yesterday, when she moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 638

You deserved it 734

By thishasbeenaverytellingnight - 08/10/2017 16:00

Today, I was working in bed when my boyfriend stumbled in, drunk as hell. He got on top of me saying he wanted sex. After a moment, he paused and said, “Sorry, I thought you were Stephen.” I’m a girl. Stephen is my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 392

You deserved it 323

Logic

By tampon of doom - 27/05/2021 14:01

Spicy

Today, I found out from a cousin why my older aunts treated me so differently when we were growing up. Apparently, my mom told them that when I was 14, I wanted to use tampons instead of pads. According to their backward, archaic logic that meant I was sexually active. No wonder they hated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 217

You deserved it 60

By Anonymous - 28/09/2012 18:06 - Netherlands - Apeldoorn

Spicy

Today, I unintentionally moaned during my prostate exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 528

You deserved it 7 497

By Crashed - 01/01/2014 18:21 - United States - Evans

Today, I was T-boned at an intersection. My wife got pissed when I didn't immediately check on her, but rather the other driver. That other driver was my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 369

You deserved it 5 325

By KillMePlease - 11/03/2015 20:15 - United States - Hicksville

Today, I was given a new responsibility at the law firm where I work. I'm now in charge of punching holes in every single piece of paper to be found in the office, estimated to be in the hundred-thousands. The reason? I finish my daily clerical work too quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 286

You deserved it 2 551

By Anonymous - 14/04/2018 15:00

Today, I realised yesterday was my 30th birthday. What made it worse is that my parents forgot, along with my other relatives and friends. No cards, no texts, no calls, no Facebook messages. Nothing. Happy 30th to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 560

You deserved it 621

By car_FAILure - 23/02/2010 05:17 - New Zealand

Today, I went to Uni. I woke up at six and got to the station as the train was leaving. I was congratulating myself on my brilliant skill when, as we passed the carpark, I saw I had left my headlights on. It later cost more for the lead to jump start my car than it would have to drive to Uni myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 574

You deserved it 6 896

By Anonymous - 20/03/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, my boss came back from a 2 week vacation. I was the only one covering for him, and I did an excellent job. It was my chance to get a promotion. I actually improved his sales while he was gone. But the only thing he noticed was that I killed his plant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 075

You deserved it 5 127

By grossew - 26/06/2019 07:00

Today, my farm dog and I are spending the weekend in an urban area. She won't poop on concrete, so I directed her to a nice two-foot tall grassy median. As she vaulted up onto the median, two turds shot out of her ass and plopped right on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 291

By Ignorant - 07/10/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, my husband and I had a HUGE fight, but we had amazing make up sex so I figured it was over. When I woke up, I realized my mistake. I was tied to the four bed posts completely naked and a sign was taped on the ceiling. "Repairman coming in an hour. Gave him a key. Have all your clothes. Have fun." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 814

You deserved it 849

By atomwolf - 09/12/2016 17:01 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I wanted to work out the volume of my penis and did so on the first piece of paper I could find on my desk. After I finished the calculations I realized that the other side of the paper was in fact my school report. It's the only copy I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 978

You deserved it 11 947

By Stuby14 - 23/11/2015 14:31 - United States - Brookings

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were sending dirty messages to each other. We were getting really into it until she replied to one of my messages with, "Oooooh yeah." I read it in the Kool-Aid man's voice and couldn't stop laughing. Mood killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 189

You deserved it 5 745

By Anonymous - 24/05/2013 07:18 - United States

Today, my piano teacher complimented my song, calling it great. I was proud and thanked him, then realized he was being sarcastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 624

You deserved it 4 890

By desigymrat - 25/12/2010 05:29 - France

Today, I was working out at the gym. A very attractive girl was watching me work out, so feeling like a stud, I tried to lift a really heavy weight. I failed, got trapped, and watched helplessly as she walked away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 487

You deserved it 42 478

By clublulu - 10/04/2009 02:40 - United States

Today, I absentmindedly stuck two magnets in my mouth while talking, and accidentally swallowed them. I had to go the emergency room. The nurses at the station laughed at me. They thought it was a joke. They couldn't believe an 18 year old would swallow magnets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 760

You deserved it 76 979

By cherokeems - 20/10/2015 18:28 - United States - Harriman

Today, my 8-month-old dog decided to decorate the living room by tearing apart a rented college textbook, the reference guide that went with it, and part of a color therapy book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 941

You deserved it 3 691

By Invisible - 15/06/2017 22:00

Today, I realized how little my husband, son and I mean to my in-laws. We were somehow left off the distribution list for my sister-in-law's birthday party. I even texted her to wish her well. It wouldn't be so bad if this wasn't the fifth consecutive family event we were left out of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 755

You deserved it 310

By bummed - 04/11/2010 03:16 - United States

Today, I found out a 6-month pregnant woman is claiming my boyfriend to be the father. Even though this would have been previous to our relationship, he already has two kids from getting girls pregnant in high school. I guess he didn't learn his lesson the first two times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 074

You deserved it 16 572

By Anonymous - 30/05/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, I got into my first car accident. Extremely upset, I called my parents, because it was their car and I didn't know what to do. I told them what happened, and asked if they were on their way to where I was. My dad's response was "Hell no, we're eating dinner." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 981

You deserved it 8 890

By Sarah Ellsberry - 13/09/2017 16:00

Today, my girlfriend and I moved back in after over a month of couch hopping and $2,000 of heat and chemical treatments for a chronic bedbug issue. I just found bedbugs on my legs. We've used all our favors and have nowhere to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 038

You deserved it 263

Open-minded

By plaid_is_cool - 05/05/2020 05:00

Today, my mom called me and asked me to fix her computer, three days after saying she never wanted to see me again for dating a boy. I got lectured to on how I'm ruining my life the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 434

You deserved it 208

By Noname - 19/02/2009 21:47 - United States

Today, I went bowling with my mom and she paid for 2 games. By the 6th frame of game 1 she was bored and to get her money back for both games she told the employees I shit my pants. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 274

You deserved it 3 744

By Anonymous - 14/05/2013 11:13 - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, I woke up to my dad emptying a water bottle on my head, because I needed to "get up for school" or I'd be late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 759

You deserved it 24 878

By apparentlyawomanbeater - 20/04/2012 21:48 - Switzerland - Cadempino

Today, I was on the bus during rush hour. A fly started buzzing around my head, and I swatted at it, at the exact moment the woman beside me decided to get out of her seat and put her face straight in the path of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 927

You deserved it 3 073

Just say no

By Dan - 20/10/2021 02:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 902

By stupiddog - 15/04/2014 12:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 273

You deserved it 5 258

By chippuh - 26/04/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, my family and I drove to a mall an hour away. We split up, and I went into a store by myself. A little later, I get a call from my brother asking me where I am. They had already left to go home and didn't notice me missing from the car. They were already halfway home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 747

You deserved it 3 104

By DogDays - 31/03/2017 14:00

Today, the only member of our family who can get health insurance is our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 736

You deserved it 405

By Anonymous - 08/07/2009 21:43 - Canada

Today, my mom turned to me and said, "You know, you're the kind of person that has to change literally everything about themselves to get a guy to like you." I thought she was joking so I laughed. She then said "Like that. Your laugh... What is that? Change that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 889

You deserved it 5 532

By kvdfan - 27/08/2012 12:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 176

You deserved it 3 480

By chrisinator - 11/10/2016 04:21 - United States - Woodside

Today, I turned on my furnace when I got home from work for the first time this season. Only problem? Cats. Our kitten Norman has never heard a furnace in his life and Noel has just forgotten what a furnace sounds like. Both cats are terrified and won't stop yelping. I just want to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 615

You deserved it 1 208

I wish!

By Anonymous - 17/09/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, my sister saw an empty bottle of squirty cream in my bedroom, and now her and my siblings keep teasing me about how I must have a really kinky sex life. Truth is, I ate the cream by myself with cake, chocolate and biscuits, because I was depressed about it actually being 2 years since I had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 186

By Anonymous - 30/10/2018 15:30

Today, I was fired from my job for sexual harassment. I was shopping after work, and I had to get my female manager to give me a package of extra-large condoms from the lockbox. I could not convince her that I was not flirting, and she took it to HR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 006

You deserved it 658

Bye bye asshat

By Sadbxtch - 09/09/2021 17:01

Today, my now-ex-fiance told me he’s leaving me for his pregnant coworker. The baby is his. The same coworker he assured me was just a "professional platonic friendship." Our wedding was set to be this Saturday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 384

You deserved it 76

By John - 19/11/2011 17:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a very long, complicated talk with my girlfriend. Apparently, since she isn't religious, she doesn't have to give anyone Christmas presents, and yet expects everyone to give her some. She then told me what I should get her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 384

You deserved it 5 101

By johnny121 - 01/01/2010 19:14 - France

Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 970

You deserved it 2 646

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Saturday 19 June 2010 9:14

Now you'll have a badass scar. :)

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Saturday 19 June 2010 9:15

lucky it didn't take your eye out

Comments

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Saturday 19 June 2010 9:14

Now you'll have a badass scar. :)

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Saturday 19 June 2010 9:20

Yeah^^ And a very badass story to tell. Or not..

allmidnighteyes 10

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Saturday 19 June 2010 9:22

"...Wanna know how I got these scars?"

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Saturday 19 June 2010 9:24

To be attacked by ones guitar IS a badass story to tell :b

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Saturday 19 June 2010 9:24

^^^ Niiice. ;)

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Saturday 19 June 2010 9:27

people will thinkk you're emo,(: lol.

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Saturday 19 June 2010 16:19

you can say you were fighting a bear and it clawed your face before you strangled it with a fallen tree.

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Saturday 19 June 2010 9:15

I smell food. mmmm yummy food sux for you op I LOVE food

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Saturday 19 June 2010 9:15

lucky it didn't take your eye out

spzb 3

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Saturday 19 June 2010 10:11

" i want a guitar for christmas." "YOU'LL SHOOT YOUR EYE OUT!"

allmidnighteyes 10

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Saturday 19 June 2010 9:16

did you name it Bon Qui Qui? "Gurrl, I will CUT you"

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Saturday 19 June 2010 9:34

lmao one of the best skits on madtv.

antyo 1

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Saturday 19 June 2010 9:19

your an idiot n if it's happened to anyone else they're also idiots

Jiplo 18

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Wednesday 17 April 2013 9:30

I'm assuming you're trying to make yourself feel better since you probably have done something much more stupid.

thebestofboth 20

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Friday 6 December 2013 4:03

It's not that hard to pop a string if you're not careful, I've popped my A string on cello a few times before I got it right, most likely his string was older and popped out of age not stupidity on his part.

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Saturday 19 June 2010 9:22

Totally deserved it.

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Saturday 19 June 2010 9:23

fyl indeed

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Saturday 19 June 2010 9:25

she's white?

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Saturday 19 June 2010 9:25

how did she deserve that?! omg, I can totally relate though. ever since I got my uke, I'm scared of that happening. thanks a lot for reaffirming my phobia. gee. xD

singer4life666 0

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Saturday 19 June 2010 9:26

You tuned a string too tight O.O.

RubberDelight 0

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Saturday 19 June 2010 9:36

really? how'd you figure that out?

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Saturday 19 June 2010 9:47

Not necessarily. Over time, bass strings can just become weak. The screeching noise OP heard was probably a few of the threads breaking, and it would take a tremendous amount of force to snap a thick-gauge bass string from tightening it alone.

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Saturday 19 June 2010 9:50

my band teacher has done it.

alexandravan5 0

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Saturday 19 June 2010 18:18

It is not only bass strings that eventually wear out... Any kind of metal string will eventually unravel and even the slightest tuning can make it snap. I've had my A string on my viola snap while I was playing... that hurt like a bitch.

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Sunday 10 July 2011 14:24

nah the string was prolly like old as shit. or he dosent actually play xD he just has one

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 15

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 22

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 68