Today, after lunch with my frail, disabled, 87-year-old father, I reached into my purse for lipstick. I didn't recognize the cute cylinder I pulled out, but thinking it was a flashlight, I pressed the little button, spraying my dad and myself in the face with pepper spray. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my mom bought me pepper spray in case anyone tried to "mess" with me. I put it in my purse. Later, a guy snatched my purse before I even had the chance to take out the pepper spray. FML
Today, to protect me from the 'bad people' out there, my mom bought some pepper spray. While trying to test it, I accidentally sprayed myself in the eyes. Now, every person I meet asks me what I've been crying about. FML
Today, while on the bus, I took out my breath spray. The elderly lady beside me thought it was pepper spray. She panicked and started screaming, which culminated in the man near her punching me in the jaw. FML
Today, my roommate showed me that her pepper spray had expired, so I decided to test it on myself. It worked. FML
Today, I was trying to change the batteries of my automatic room freshener. As I held it to my face to figure out where the batteries went, it started spraying on my face. FML
Today, while in a pharmacy, I walked over to the shaving cream aisle. I picked up a can to smell it and unknowingly pushed the button, spraying an old guy in front of me. He freaked out and started telling everyone that the ceiling above him was leaking. FML
Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML
Today, I got mugged. But luckily I had on my keyring the pepper spray that my husband had insisted I keep with me. Unlucky for me, my husband's co-worker, who borrowed my keys, emptied my pepper by spraying it on a brick wall one day when he was bored. FML
Today, I took my father to a hockey game. He always has to get pictures with the girls, so while in bag check, he used his breath spray. He got me in the eye, and I was temporarily blinded through most of the first period. FML
Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
cmc9540 4
what do you mean you didn't recognize it. it was in YOUR purse which would mean YOU put it in there which means YOU should know what it is. I don't understand how you didn't recognize it.
lionandthelamb61 9
idiot. how would you no know that wa in there?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (119)
hpfan777 0
ur an idiot.
skorpien 1
Assuming this is a real FML, and that is a very big assumption as I hope the human species hasn't degenerated to this level of stupidity, I would say this is more of an FML for the father for raising such a failure of a daughter. If this is the legacy he's leaving behind, FHL indeed...
Sw33t_Candiee 0
exactly wat I was thinking O.o
meintx 9
that's just stupid... I say BS
Verz21 0
u blonde?
crazimami 0
Hey moron they have a safety on the spray for a REASON!
ZachMitch1994 0
MEGA FAIL !!~~!!~~!!
yummycupcakegirl 0
wow poor u guys:(
bluekiwi_fml 0
great job op. just great.
ohSNAPyall 27
Were you indoors? If so, you also sprayed anyone else in the building.