Today, after lunch with my frail, disabled, 87-year-old father, I reached into my purse for lipstick. I didn't recognize the cute cylinder I pulled out, but thinking it was a flashlight, I pressed the little button, spraying my dad and myself in the face with pepper spray. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my mom bought me pepper spray in case anyone tried to "mess" with me. I put it in my purse. Later, a guy snatched my purse before I even had the chance to take out the pepper spray. FML
Today, to protect me from the 'bad people' out there, my mom bought some pepper spray. While trying to test it, I accidentally sprayed myself in the eyes. Now, every person I meet asks me what I've been crying about. FML
Today, while on the bus, I took out my breath spray. The elderly lady beside me thought it was pepper spray. She panicked and started screaming, which culminated in the man near her punching me in the jaw. FML
Today, my roommate showed me that her pepper spray had expired, so I decided to test it on myself. It worked. FML
Today, I was trying to change the batteries of my automatic room freshener. As I held it to my face to figure out where the batteries went, it started spraying on my face. FML
Today, while in a pharmacy, I walked over to the shaving cream aisle. I picked up a can to smell it and unknowingly pushed the button, spraying an old guy in front of me. He freaked out and started telling everyone that the ceiling above him was leaking. FML
Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML
Today, I got mugged. But luckily I had on my keyring the pepper spray that my husband had insisted I keep with me. Unlucky for me, my husband's co-worker, who borrowed my keys, emptied my pepper by spraying it on a brick wall one day when he was bored. FML
Today, I took my father to a hockey game. He always has to get pictures with the girls, so while in bag check, he used his breath spray. He got me in the eye, and I was temporarily blinded through most of the first period. FML
Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML
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Top comments
cmc9540 4
what do you mean you didn't recognize it. it was in YOUR purse which would mean YOU put it in there which means YOU should know what it is. I don't understand how you didn't recognize it.
lionandthelamb61 9
idiot. how would you no know that wa in there?
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Comments (119)
ballar429 0
that's just stupidity
Arsonnist 3
That flashlight kind of did the exact opposite of what it was supposed to. Not so cute anymore, is it?
OwNowBrownCow 0
How did you manage to spray you and your dad before realizing it's not a flashlight? And if it was a flashlight, why would you turn it on?
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
She turned it on to find the lipstick. -.-
perdix 31
You apply a flashlight to your lips to make them look pretty? No wonder you're stuck dating your old, crippled dad!
SarahBearXoX 0
Haha perdix, you are a legend. As an addition to your winful comment, the only reason her father stays with her is because she flashes him with her 'flashlight' whenever he trys to leave.
4evanucks 0
button for lipstick ehh?? das not cool mann...try not to aim the 'lipstick' in ur dads face next time! total FML tho..u must b bummed:(
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
No, not "button for lipstick." Button for flashlight. Did you even read the FML? -.-
FTWisRIGHT 0
At least you shared the pain. :'3 Ahh, pepper spray.
cmc9540 4
what do you mean you didn't recognize it. it was in YOUR purse which would mean YOU put it in there which means YOU should know what it is. I don't understand how you didn't recognize it.
SeedlessMe 13
exactly what I was thinkin! And in an effort to not repeat comments, I'll just agree with you here =)
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Please see #94, under #2.
tiffyxmac 0
lol did he cuss you out?
xxElle 0
so.. u reached into ur bag for lipstick.. but u found your "flashlight" and used that? I'm confused..
kybabyy 4
You deserve it. 1. Pepper spray is much thicker than lipstick, so why did you grab it? 2. Pepper spray does not look similar to flashlights. 3. Supposing the lighting was dim, why would you check your flashlight at dinner? 4. Pepper spray has a little safety lock- you have to slide the button over before pressing it down. Completely different mechanism from a flashlight. I'm sure I missed about a hundred points, but I think it's safe to say you are retarded, op.