FML Video: Guess the FML!

Today, I came back from my 3 month vacation from France. During my vacation I lost 32lbs and I was so excited to show off my new body to my boyfriend. When he walked in the door he didn't notice me, but he did notice my younger, thinner and tanner sister strutting around in her bikini. FML

Videos

And today, on Dr Phil…

There's no helping some people

The sweet smell of unsuccess

By nikkiquila_0699 - Canada

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Today, on my way to work I swerved to avoid hitting a dead animal. Too bad I ended up hitting a live one instead. FML

By Anonymous - United States

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Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

By gorillalove - United States

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Today, I met my boyfriend's entire extended family at a party. All of them, including his dad, said I looked exactly like his mum. FML

By Anonymous

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Today, I was t-boned and my truck was rendered useless. I was given a ticket even though the man who hit me ran a red light. Why? Because there was dirt on my license plate. FML

By killerxdeagles - United States - Wichita

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Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML

By ScoobieDoo - United States

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Today, I was chilling in my comfy zip-up sweatshirt when I realized I was running late for an acting class. In my mad panic, I forgot I didn't have a shirt or bra underneath. Later in class, I was performing a scene and started to unzip my sweatshirt. You can figure out the rest. FML

By AccidentalFlasher - Canada - Thornhill

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Today, whilst brushing my teeth, I fell asleep poking myself in the eye with my toothbrush. FML

By Noname - France

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Today, after having a shower, I walked back into my room butt naked. As I looked up I saw the window cleaner staring right at me. I looked. He looked. And without thinking I dropped straight to the floor to hid myself, then realized my naked butt was still staring right at him. FML

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

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Today, our family bought a new car. When we got home, I opened the trunk to get my backpack. It turns out I left it in the trunk of our trade-in. The dealership is closed now and I have a presentation due tomorrow. FML

By forgetful - United States - Los Angeles

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Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML

By Discipl - Canada - Waterloo

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Today, I was doing my jazz aerobics workout and accidentally kicked my 3 year old daughter in the face. Everyone we know, including my wife, thinks I beat her. FML

By Stan - United States

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Today, I went into hysterics and started crying when my boyfriend pulled out a Tiffany's box at dinner. Then I found out he'd used the old box to make the $15 earrings he bought seem more "special." FML

By NoRingForMe - United States - Stamford

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Today, my mum, who always wanted more kids than just me, started crying because I'm not pregnant with her first grandchild yet. I'm 16, and this all started because I got my period and I asked to borrow one of her tampons because I'd ran out of my own. FML

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Oldbury

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Today, I celebrated my 4-year anniversary with my girlfriend. We didn't have sex and we didn't even kiss. All I got to do was cuddle the stuffed Minion she got me for Christmas. FML

By no love - United States

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Today, after spotting my ex-boyfriend's truck in a desolate parking lot, I decided to "decorate" the muddy side of it with a rather large male appendage. After checking around me to make sure there were no witnesses, I got to work. I probably should have made sure he wasn't sitting in the truck. FML

By lululee53 - United States

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Today, I took a look at my boyfriend's videocamera. On it were several videos of me on the toilet. My boyfriend has been hiding the videocamera in the bathroom airvent, and taping me taking dumps for the past three months. FML

By Anonymous - United States

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Today, I went to an amusement park with my family. I was the only one who put on sunblock, and the only one who got a sunburn. FML

By Username - United States

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Today, I was at work, and I had to tell my manager I was calling someone to bring me a bra as mine had broken mid-shift. I was the only woman on shift. It took them 30 minutes to show up and I still had to serve front of house while I waited. FML

By Anonymous - 28/9/2020 19:01 - United Kingdom

Left hanging

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Today, a coworker complimented me on losing weight, and said that she wished she could drop a few pounds too. I was too embarrassed to tell her that the only reason I've lost weight is because I haven't been able to afford to eat. FML

By shouldbehappyiguess - United States - Saint Cloud

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Today, I was told that in order to be considered for more jobs, I should remove my college degree from my resume. FML

By JoannaG25 - Netherlands

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Today, my mom was feeling down, so I decided to buy her a gift. Knowing she likes lighthouses, I bought her a tiny one that plugs in and lights up. I brought it home, plugged it in, and when she saw me with it, she said, "Wipe that smirk off your face and get that junk out of here." FML

By NoorFML - United States - Baton Rouge

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Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML

By blackntangirl - United States

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Today, I finally confessed to the guy I've liked for 2 years. I told him that I've really liked him for a long time and that I knew he had a girlfriend and I didn't expect anything from him, I just wanted him to know. His response: "Are you done? 'Cause I need to go to the bathroom." FML

By ohwell - United States

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Today, I found out that my dad recently created a Facebook account for himself. So I friended him. He refuses to accept my friend request. He did, however, accept my sister's. FML

By msmusiclover7 - United States

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Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me for months. It all started while I was in the hospital, he says, because we were supposed to go out that day, but then I "had to go and get sick". He blames my emergency surgery for his infidelity. FML

By need an appendickectomy - Finland

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Today, my family gathered at my 96 year old great-grandmother's surprise birthday party that was my idea. When she walked in, we surprised her so much that she literally had a heart attack. She is now in the hospital. FML

By Ashley J. - United States

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Today, the hooker I have been seeing regularly for almost a year texted me to say she thinks we should no longer see each other again. I just got dumped by a hooker. FML

By pst - South Africa

We need a break

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Today, all of my friends stopped messaging me. I checked their Snapchat and Instagram accounts and saw that they were all at a party. When I confronted them, they assured me I was invited and should join them. When I arrived at the address, the house was empty. They gave me the wrong address. FML

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Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML

By espylone - France

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Today, I had a panic attack. Not on a crowded train, or an airplane, or in school, or any of the expected places. It was in my yoga class, which my therapist recommended for me, while I was in a dead-body position. FML

By panickygrl - United States

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Today, I ran into my childhood crush. She was the one who made me realize I was bi, and I was enthralled by her. Too bad she was straight. She's only gotten more attractive, and now she's in my program. FML

By Anonymous - 29/9/2020 13:57 - Canada - Windsor

Unrequited

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Today, I went to my grandma's yard sale, only to find my baby pictures being sold for 25 cents each. FML

By Forge - United States - Taylor

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Today, I learned that my girlfriend gives good head. I didn't find out by getting one, I found out by my drunk best friend telling me. FML

By Anonymous - United States

TMI

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Today, I got a new phone. Only after berating the Sprint employee and Apple support desk because I could not call, text, or access the Internet did I find out that I didn't need to buy a new phone. It was just on airplane mode. FML

By JavitheWrestler - United States - Stockton

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Today, I left something in my boss's office. The door was closed which usually means she isn't in there, so I asked her coworker/friend for the key. When I opened the door, she screamed at me to get out of there. Turns out, she has just stopped breast feeding her son and was pumping her breasts. FML

By superclutz - United States

Oh, hello…

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Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML

By graham

Very mean

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Today, while eating with my kids at McDonalds, my son put his hand up and wanted me to give him a "high five." I went to give him a five, but he moved his hand at the last second and I ended up slapping him in the face. Now everyone there thinks I'm a child-beater. FML

By downlowtooslow - United States

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Today, my 3 year old son's tricycle was stolen. I looked up the street and saw a neighbour's kid riding it. I marched up, gently lifted him off it, gave him a stern lecture about stealing and brought the tricycle back home. The cops then showed up. Apparently, the kid has an identical tricycle. FML

By ollie179 - United Kingdom

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Today, my mum wants me to see a psychologist because I've been acting strange lately. If by "strange" she means "not wanting to die any more", then sure. But thanks, I could've used that psychologist 3 years ago when I asked for one. FML

By Anonymous - South Africa - Port Elizabeth

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