Today, after lunch with my frail, disabled, 87-year-old father, I reached into my purse for lipstick. I didn't recognize the cute cylinder I pulled out, but thinking it was a flashlight, I pressed the little button, spraying my dad and myself in the face with pepper spray. FML
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Today, my mom bought me pepper spray in case anyone tried to "mess" with me. I put it in my purse. Later, a guy snatched my purse before I even had the chance to take out the pepper spray. FML
Today, to protect me from the 'bad people' out there, my mom bought some pepper spray. While trying to test it, I accidentally sprayed myself in the eyes. Now, every person I meet asks me what I've been crying about. FML
Today, while on the bus, I took out my breath spray. The elderly lady beside me thought it was pepper spray. She panicked and started screaming, which culminated in the man near her punching me in the jaw. FML
Today, my roommate showed me that her pepper spray had expired, so I decided to test it on myself. It worked. FML
Today, I was trying to change the batteries of my automatic room freshener. As I held it to my face to figure out where the batteries went, it started spraying on my face. FML
Today, while in a pharmacy, I walked over to the shaving cream aisle. I picked up a can to smell it and unknowingly pushed the button, spraying an old guy in front of me. He freaked out and started telling everyone that the ceiling above him was leaking. FML
Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML
Today, I got mugged. But luckily I had on my keyring the pepper spray that my husband had insisted I keep with me. Unlucky for me, my husband's co-worker, who borrowed my keys, emptied my pepper by spraying it on a brick wall one day when he was bored. FML
Today, I took my father to a hockey game. He always has to get pictures with the girls, so while in bag check, he used his breath spray. He got me in the eye, and I was temporarily blinded through most of the first period. FML
Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML
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Top comments
cmc9540 4
what do you mean you didn't recognize it. it was in YOUR purse which would mean YOU put it in there which means YOU should know what it is. I don't understand how you didn't recognize it.
lionandthelamb61 9
idiot. how would you no know that wa in there?
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Comments (119)
kaellie 0
I feel sorry for your dad.
LilaBear 2
Wait... YOU had pepper spray in YOUR handbag, yet you didn't recognise it? How would you think it's a torch? I've never seen a pepper spraycan, but I imagine it doesn't have a lightbulb or LEDs in it which a torch does.
jonnyplayzaguita 0
you must be realllyyy stupid
seximexi911 10
omg poor old man!!!
wtfcammelcheese 0
that sucks btw it's good u got sprayed now u won't use it without restraint ( if evr needed) XD
thekooliest 0
1)Why the hell do girls keep retarded shit in their purses: pepper spray..a little over protective and a thinking you'd have a flashlight in there..wtf?! 2)Why, when wanting to put on lipstick would you get distracted and decided to shine a flashlight into your 87yr old frail, disabled father??
Riemurasia 0
You are an hysteric idiot! Hysteric for carrying that around, seriously, WTH girl?! And I think the moronpart speaks for itself...
lickerassholes 0
kgbjay 1
How do you not know what a flash light looks like? Why did you try to turn said "flash light" in yours face? Why did you grab a "flash light" looking for lipstick?
Meesersuperman1 4
And I guess you think and describe cylinders as cute.